There is nothing surprising in the fact that the happiness of a full-fledged family in our time has become the lot of a few. The science of building a family is forgotten. It's like with ancient crafts. For example, the Aztec tribes once knew how to build walls from huge stones. Now no one can lift such stones with anything, therefore no one manages to build such walls. The rules for building a family are also forgotten.

The difference between a family and ancient crafts is that a stone wall can be replaced with a concrete one. Though not so long, but it will serve. But there is nothing to replace the family. Few can be happy being alone. Other forms of the union of two people have shown that they are not suitable for a traditional family.

The family has huge advantages over all other forms of arranging love relationships: the ability of all family members to be happy, the ability to keep love indefinitely for a long time, the ability to raise children as full-fledged, harmonious personalities.

Why are we talking about the possibility - because a person is free to destroy any of his work. But at least in the family there is a chance to achieve all these benefits, the highest benefits available to a person. And in such forms of relations as “guest marriage”, “civil marriage”, homosexual “marriage”, the chances are a thousand times less.

To create a family, you need to know how to build it. This is big, serious science. In this chapter, we will consider only some of the fundamental points of the art of building a family.

The main goal of family life

If you ask young people who are not yet married what the purpose of starting a family is, most likely they will answer something like this: “Well, what is the purpose? Two people love each other and want to be together!”

Basically, the answer is good. The only problem is that there is a long distance from “want to be together” to “to be able to be together”. If you start a family with the sole purpose of "being together", a moment that is shown in many films is almost inevitable. He and she lie in the same bed, she sleeps, and he thinks. And now, looking at the sleeping body next to him, he is surprised: “What is this completely alien person doing here? Why do I live with him? And can't find answers. That moment may come after ten years of marriage, or sooner, but it will come. The question "WHY?" will rise to its full, enormous height. But it will be too late. This question should have been asked before.

Imagine you have a friend. This person is of interest to you. You invite him to go on a journey with you. If he agrees, naturally, you will set yourself the goal of the trip - among the different places where you can go, you will choose for yourself the one that, in the eyes of the two of you, is attractive.

It happens that people are so good with each other that they are ready to board any plane, ship or train that comes along. And it's wonderful in its own way. But what are the chances that this plane, steamship, or train will take you to as good a place as you can consciously map out? Maybe you will come to some bandit region, where your friend will simply be killed, and you will be left alone? After all, real life, unlike dreamy, is full of dangers.

Family life is also like traveling. How can you go into it without setting any goal? Not only should there be a goal, it must be high enough, significant, so that you can go towards this goal all your life. Otherwise, you will reach this goal after a certain number of years - and automatically your journey together will end. Whether after that you will be able to come up with a new goal and whether this person will agree to go with you on a new journey is another question.

For this reason, another common goal of family life - to give birth and raise children - cannot be the main one either. You will give birth to children, raise them, and as soon as they become adults, your marriage is over. He has fulfilled his function. It can end in divorce or continue to exist like a living corpse... A real family, thanks to the right goal, never becomes a corpse.

The purpose of the journey is absolutely necessary and for another reason. Until you determine the purpose of the trip, you will not understand what qualities your companion should have. If you are traveling, say, for the purpose of a beach holiday, a person with the same talents and skills will suit you. If on a road trip through ancient cities - with others. If you go hiking in the mountains - the third. Otherwise, you will be bored on the beach, while traveling around the cities there will be no one to drive a car, and in the mountains with an unreliable comrade you can even die.

Without knowing what the purpose of family life is, you will not be able to properly assess the prospective partner. How good is he in order to go along with him exactly the path that is planned? “Like” is an absolutely necessary, but far from sufficient quality of the chosen one. How many disappointments, broken lives because of the false belief that in a relationship of love reason is an ugly atavism! On the contrary: without using reason, you cannot save love.

So, what is the purpose of making a family real?

The ultimate goal of the family is love.

Yes, family is a school of love. In a real family, love grows from year to year. Thus, the family is an institution ideally suited for people to achieve their true, only true meaning of life - to achieve perfect love.

As we have already said, according to a number of psychologists, love begins after 10-15 years of married life. Let's not take these figures too seriously, because all people are different, and measuring love is not so easy. The meaning of these figures is that love is achieved in the family, and not immediately.

As Mikhail Prishvin said, "Real life is the life of a person in connection with his loved ones: alone, a person is a criminal, either towards the intellect, or towards the bestial instinct." Simplifying, a man alone is almost always an egoist. He only has the ability to take care of himself. Living in close contact with other people forces him to think about others, sometimes to give up his own interests for the interests of those who are nearby. And the closest communication is between spouses. We get to know a person very closely, with all his shortcomings, and despite his shortcomings, we try to continue to love him. Moreover, we strive to love him as ourselves and generally overcome the division into “I” and “you”, having learned to think from the position of “we”. To do this, we have to overcome our egoism, our shortcomings.

The ancient sage said: "One does not argue with those who deny the foundations." When spouses have one goal, it is much easier for them to agree with each other: they have a single basis. And what a base! If the measure of all our great and small deeds is whether we act out of love or not, and whether our deed leads to an increase or decrease in love, we act really beautifully and wisely.

When we begin to understand things correctly, we find that the world is whole, beautiful and harmonious: the purpose of the family is fully consistent with the purpose of human life! This means that the family was invented in order to help a person achieve his main goal. God divided people into men and women so that it would be easier for us to love each other.

A family consists of two adults

Only two adult, independent people can form a family. One of the indicators of adulthood is the overcoming of dependence on parents, separation from them.

This is not only about material dependence, but, above all, about psychological. If at least one of the spouses continues to be emotionally dependent on one of the parents, it is not possible to create a full-fledged family. Especially big problems arise for the sons and daughters of single mothers: single mothers often establish a strong, painful bond with their children and do not want to let their child go even when he has already registered his marriage.

Basic functions of the family

To love and be loved is a basic human need. And it is easiest to implement it in the family. But for the well-being of the family, it is necessary that the other needs of the spouses, the fulfillment of which relates to the functions of the family, be realized. The functions of the family, which is quite obvious, include such tasks as the birth and upbringing of children, the satisfaction of the material needs of the family (home, food, clothing), the solution of household tasks (repair, laundry, cleaning, shopping for food, cooking, etc. .), and also, less obviously, communication, emotional support for each other, leisure.

It happens that, while focusing on some of the functions of the family, the spouses lose sight of the rest of the functions. This leads to imbalance and problems. After all, even such a seemingly secondary function of the family as leisure, is of considerable importance, since it helps to replenish the "energy" balance of the family. A family in which everyone is constantly busy with the performance of material and household functions, and perform these functions excellently, but do not relax together, may encounter unexpected problems.

Many Western researchers say that the most important thing to maintain a relationship is communication- the ability of two people to talk heart to heart with each other, sincerely and with confidence to express their feelings and listen carefully to the other. “One of the indicators of a healthy relationship is the emergence of a large number of insignificant phrases that only make sense to spouses,” says Josh McDowell, author of the acclaimed book Secrets of Love. Oddly enough, the cause of adultery on the part of women is often their dissatisfaction with not the physiological side of marriage, but precisely the lack of communication with her husband, insufficient emotional closeness.

emotional support is a type of communication that performs a separate function. We all need emotional support, comfort, approval from time to time. It is generally accepted that only women need a “strong shoulder” of a man, a “stone wall”. In fact, the husband no less needs the psychological support of his wife. But the support that men and women need is somewhat different. This topic is very well and in detail disclosed in the book by John Gray "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus."

The role of sex in family life

In "easy" relationships, sex is just a physiological pleasure caused by the stimulation of erogenous zones.

Sex in a real marriage is an expression of love, a union not only of two bodies, but at some level of souls. The sex of loving people in marriage is spiritually beautiful, it is like a prayer, a prayer of gratitude to God and a prayer for each other. The pleasure of sex in an "easy" relationship is nothing compared to the pleasure of marriage.

But the mere fact of registering a marriage does not guarantee that the couple will fully receive this pleasure. If people before legal marriage “practiced” in irresponsible sex for a long time, and not always with loved ones, they have fixed certain skills, these people are used to the fact that sex is a very definite thing. Will they be able to reorganize themselves internally, discover new heights of this pleasure? The longer they cohabited outside of marriage, the less likely it is.

The unity of loving people is not only a physiological process, but also a spiritual one. Therefore, the role of physiology here is not as great as in premarital "sport". The myth that sexual compatibility is one of the fundamental points for creating a family was not born by sexologists. Experienced and honest sexologists, who are not concerned with proving the importance of their own profession, put sexual compatibility in its proper place. Here is what sexologist Vladimir Fridman says:

“We must not confuse cause with effect. Harmonious sex is a consequence of true love. Loving spouses almost always (in the absence of diseases and the availability of relevant knowledge) can and should achieve harmony in bed.

Moreover, only mutual feelings can keep satisfaction in sex for many years. Love is not a consequence, but the cause (the main condition) of intimate satisfaction. The desire to give rather than receive drives her. And vice versa, “love” born of enchanting sex, most often a short-lived chimera, is one of the main reasons for the destruction of those families where spouses have not learned to give each other real physiological satisfaction.

On the other hand, intimate harmony nourishes love, one who does not understand this can lose everything. The pursuit of orgasm outside of marriage without deep feelings gives rise to sexual dependency, when partners want only to have fun.

Giving, not receiving, is the main slogan of love!

One can argue for a long time about the magnitude of the power of sexual desire given to each. Indeed, there are people with a weak, medium and strong sexual constitution. It’s easier if the needs and opportunities in the family coincide, and if not, only love can help reach a reasonable compromise.”

Saul Gordon, psychologist and director of the Institute for the Study of Family and Education, says that, according to his research, sex ranks only ninth among the ten most important aspects of relationships, far behind such traits as caring, communication, and a sense of humor. Love takes the first place.

American psychologists also calculated that spouses spend less than 0.1% of the time in a state of sexual games. That is less than one thousandth!

Intimacy in family life is a precious expression of love, but not the only expression, and moreover, not the main one. Without a complete match of all physiological parameters, a family can be full-fledged, happy. Without love, no. Therefore, to arrange premarital checks for sexual incompatibility means to lose more for the sake of less. It is natural to desire sex with a loved one before marriage, but truly loving behavior will wait until marriage.

When does a family start?

There are different situations in life ... And yet, for most people, the family begins from the moment of its state registration.

State registration has two useful aspects. First, legal recognition of your marriage. This removes important questions about the paternity of children, jointly acquired property, and inheritance.

The second aspect is perhaps even more important. This is your official, public, oral and written consent to be husband and wife to each other.

We often underestimate the power of the words we speak. We think: "The dog barks - the wind carries." But in fact: "The word is not a sparrow, it will fly out - you won't catch it." And “What is written with a pen cannot be cut down with an axe.”

How, throughout the history of mankind, have people consolidated mutual obligations? A promise, a word, a mutual agreement. The word is a form of expression of thought. Thought, as you know, is material. Thought has power. A promise made even to oneself, especially in writing, is already showing its strength. For example, if you make a promise to yourself not to repeat a certain bad habit, it will be much easier not to repeat it. There will be a barrier before its repetition. And if we do not fulfill the promise, the feeling of guilt will be much stronger.

A solemn, public, oral and written oath of two has great power. There is nothing loud in the words spoken during registration, but if you think about it, these are very serious words.

If, for example, we were asked during registration: “Do you agree, Tatyana, to spend the night with Ivan in the same bed and enjoy it together until you get tired of it”? Then, of course, there would be nothing terrible in this obligation.

But they ask us if we agree to take each other as wives (husbands)! This is a great thing!

Imagine you came to sign up for the sports section. And there they tell you: “We have a serious sports club, we work for the result. We will accept you only if you make a written commitment to take at least third place at the World Championships or the Olympics.” Perhaps you, before signing, think about how hard and long you have to work to achieve such a result.

The obligation to be a wife (husband), and not some ideal person, but this one, alive, with flaws, means in fact that we take on even more work than that which makes people champions. But our reward will be immeasurably more pleasant than the golden round and glory ...

The modern wedding ceremony was composed a hundred years ago by the communists as a replacement for the sacrament of the wedding of the Church they were destroying. And what was in the arsenal of the communists that would correspond to love? Never mind. Therefore, this whole ceremony, its standard phrases really look miserable and sometimes funny. One of my friends was a witness at the wedding. The receptionist says, "Young people, come forward." My friend later told me: “Well, I don’t consider myself old” ... And so the three of us went forward ...

But behind all these funny, stupid or boring moments, you need to see the essence of registering a marriage, which strengthens the strength and determination of loving people to really be together all their lives and puts up barriers to the temptation to betray that may arise in the future.

These barriers are surmountable. But still, they help us to get the better of our weaknesses.

What is a wedding

Couples whose marriage has already been registered by the state are allowed to get married in the Orthodox Church. This is due to the fact that until 1917 the Church also had obligations related to the registration of births, marriages, and deaths. Since now the registration function has been transferred to the registry offices, in order to avoid confusion, in the interests of those who are getting married, the Church asks them for a marriage certificate.

The wedding has that beauty, that grandeur, which state registration is deprived of. But if you want to get married just for the sake of this external beauty, I think it's better not to do it. Perhaps, over time, you will become more aware of what a wedding is, and then you will be able to get married for real, consciously. After all, this is not an external procedure, but something that requires your mental and spiritual participation.

I can hardly reveal even a small part of the significance that a wedding has. I will only mention a few points briefly.

Unlike the state, the Church gives priority to love and marriage. Therefore, the sacrament of marriage is so solemn and majestic. This is indeed a great joy for all the members of the Church present.

Normally, those who get married are virgins. Therefore, the Church honors their feat of abstinence and, as conquerors over their passions, crowns them with royal crowns. Who lives by passions is a slave. Whoever conquers passions is the king of himself and his life. The white dress and veil emphasize the purity of the bride.

But at the same time, the Church understands what a difficult undertaking marriage is. The Church is aware of visible and, most importantly, invisible forces that will seek to destroy this marriage. No wonder the Russian proverb warns: “When going to war, pray; going to the sea, pray twice; if you want to get married, pray three times.” And possessing the power that alone can resist the forces of invisible evil, the Church in the sacrament of marriage gives those who are married God's blessing on their marriage as a force that will strengthen and protect their love. This marriage is truly made in heaven. That is why the wedding is not a rite, but a Sacrament, that is, a mystery and a miracle.

In the words of the prayers read during the wedding, the Church wishes the spouses such great blessings that even the closest relatives will not wish them at the wedding.

The Church believes that marriage is something that goes beyond death. In Paradise, people do not live a married life, but some connection, some kind of intimacy between husband and wife can remain there.

To get married, you need to be baptized, believe in God, trust the Church. And great happiness for those who are getting married if they have many believing friends who can pray for them.

What is the difference between the roles of husband and wife in marriage?

A man and a woman are by nature not the same, so it is natural that the roles of husband and wife in marriage are also different. The world we live in is not chaotic. This world is harmonious and hierarchical, and therefore the family - the most ancient of all human institutions - also lives in accordance with certain laws, a certain hierarchy.

There is a good Russian proverb: “The husband is the shepherd to the wife, the wife is the plaster to the husband.” Normally, the husband is the head of the family, the wife is his assistant. The woman feeds the family with her emotions, the husband calms the excess of emotions with his world. The husband is the front, the wife is the rear. The man is responsible for the interaction of the family with the outside world, that is, he provides the family financially, protects it, the wife supports the husband, takes care of the home. In the upbringing of children, both parents participate equally, in household issues - to the extent possible for each.

This distribution of roles is inherent in human nature. The unwillingness of spouses to play their natural roles, their desire to play the role of another makes people in the family unhappy, leads to material distress, drunkenness, domestic violence, betrayal, mental illness of children, family breakdown. As we can see, no technical progress cancels the operation of moral laws. "Ignorance of the law is not an excuse".

The main problem of the modern family is that the man is gradually losing the role of the head of the family. There are women who, for some reason, do not want to give a man his primacy. There are men who for some reason do not want to take it. If you want to be happy in family life, both parties need to make an effort on themselves so that the man is still the head of the family.

Everyone is free to have his own point of view on this issue, his own passions and can do as he sees fit. But there are facts. And they say that families in which the head is a man practically do not turn to family psychologists: they do not have serious problems. And families in which a woman dominates or fights for power turn to psychologists in huge numbers. And not only the spouses themselves apply, but also their children, who then, due to the mistakes of their parents, cannot arrange their personal lives. On our dating site znakom.realove.ru in the questionnaire of participants there is a question about who was the head of the parents' family. It is significant that the vast majority of women who cannot create a family in any way grew up in families where the mother was the commander-in-chief.

The viability of the family depends on the faithful observance of their roles by husband and wife. The vitality of society depends on the viability of the family. The famous American family psychologist James Dobson writes in his book: “The Western world stands at a great crossroads in its history. In my opinion, our very existence will depend on the presence or absence of male leadership.” Yes, the question is exactly this: to be or not to be. And we are already very close to not being. But each of us himself can determine the fate of his family, to be or not to be a real family. And if we choose to "be", we will contribute to the strengthening of our society, to the power of the country.

There are families in which a clearly strong and organized wife and a weak slob husband. The leadership of the wife is not even disputed. These are families created according to the so-called complementary principle, when people coincide with their shortcomings, like puzzles. I know relatively successful examples of such families, where people live together and, perhaps, will not part. But still, this is constant torment, hidden dissatisfaction on both sides, and considerable psychological problems in children.

I also observed an example of how you can build a healthy family, even if the natural data of the spouses do not match. The wife is a phenomenally strong, domineering, tough and talented person. Her husband is younger than her and by nature much weaker, but kind and intelligent. Both are university professors. The wife fully shows her strength in the professional field, where she has achieved great success (she is a psychologist, her name is known to almost everyone in Russia). In the family, with her husband, she is different. The palm is deliberately given to the husband. The wife "plays the retinue". Children are instilled with respect for their father. The husband's final decision is the law. And thanks to such support from his wife, the husband does not look unworthy of his role, he is the real head of the family. This is not some kind of acting, deception. Simply, being an experienced psychologist, she understands that it is so right. Perhaps this understanding was not easy for her. Her first two marriages failed. They have been together with their current husband for about 40 years, they have three children, the family feels warmth, peace and true love.

In the family, the retinue makes the king not only in outward respect, but also in the most genuine, psychological sense. A wise wife, choosing femininity and weakness, makes her husband more courageous and stronger. Even if the husband is not very worthy of respect, a wise wife tries to respect him for the sake of respect for spiritual laws, which, as she understands, she cannot change. She takes care of the house, that her husband and children feel good in it, and above all, psychologically. She tries to control her emotions. She does not humiliate, does not reproach, does not nag her husband. She consults with him. She does not “climb ahead of the father into hell”, so that both the first and the last word when discussing any issue are hers. She expresses her opinion, but leaves the final decision to her husband. And he does not bully him in cases where his decision was not the most successful.

Husband and wife are two communicating vessels. If the wife with patience and love shows her husband her sincere attitude towards him as the head of the family, he gradually becomes a real head.

Of course, it is necessary for the husband himself to take care of being the head of the family. Do everything you can to provide for the family. Do not be afraid to take decisions in serious matters, and responsibility for these decisions. A husband can also help a woman become more feminine, help her take the place that befits her in the family and in which she will feel like a woman.

The main strength of a man that conquers a woman is calmness, peace of mind. How to cultivate this peace in yourself? Like love, peace of mind grows as passions and bad habits are overcome.

The role of children in family life

Truth is always the golden mean. In relation to children, it is also important to avoid two extremes.

One extreme, especially characteristic of women: children come first, everything else, including the husband, comes next.

A family will remain a family only if the wife and husband always come first for each other. Who at the table should get the best piece? According to the saying of the Soviet time - "All the best for children"? Traditionally, the best piece has always gone to the man. Not only because the task of a man is the material support of the family, and for this he needs a lot of strength, but also as a sign of his seniority. If this is not the case, if the child is taught that he is the king of the family, an egoist grows up, not adapted to life, and to family life in particular. But, what is primary, the relationship between husband and wife suffers. If the wife loves the child more, the husband, as it were, becomes the third superfluous. He then seeks love on the side, and as a result, the family breaks up.

The other extreme: "children are a burden, as long as we can - we will live for ourselves." Children are not a burden, but such a joy that nothing can replace. I am familiar with two large families. One has six children, the other has seven. These are the happiest families I know. Yes, my parents work there. But how much love, joy, warmth!

In a normal family, parents do not "plan" and "regulate" how many children they have. First, many contraceptives work on the abortive principle. That is, they do not prevent conception, but kill an already formed embryo. Secondly, there is something above us that knows better than us how many children we need and when they will be born. Thirdly, the constant struggle for “non-conception” deprives the intimate life of the spouses of the freedom and joy that they have every right to enjoy.

Your feedback

The patience of a man and a woman manifests itself differently in family life. Therefore, we apparently need to understand this issue in order to develop this quality in ourselves.

The Vedas say that in family relationships, the main duty is to be patient with the shortcomings of loved ones. A person, in order to become successful, it turns out, does not need to learn the practices of NLP (neuro-linguistic programming), but to become humbler than a tree. What does "more patient than a tree" mean? The tree has a very patient life, there is not much choice, because a person can bring a dog and he will dig something there; can drive in a nail, hang a horizontal bar for himself; can cut out with a knife "Vasya was here." A man can scream, hit the table with his fist, because he does not understand how it can become terribly bad for a woman out of the blue. The man cannot understand. He can only admit. And having allowed this, instead of showing aggression, he just sits and endures. He makes such a choice, he can, because he is not a tree. And this is not simple stupidity, but a desire to develop such a quality in oneself, to get rid of ignorance. The Vedas say that it is mainly possible to increase patience by performing austerities, because austerity is a voluntary restriction of oneself in something. Voluntarily. That is, if a person simply endures because fate has limited him, then this is not voluntary, therefore it does not have cleansing and strengthening powers.

A woman should also be patient with her husband's shortcomings, but she has the right to be constantly worried. She can get tired at any moment and say "I'm tired and I won't do it." A woman should show her emotions, not hold them back. But this does not mean that she should not reckon with anyone, become capricious, impudent and spontaneous. The psychological stress of a woman is like the recoil from a gun. By sacrificing her energy for the well-being of the family, children, the bestowal is manifested in these three aspects of her nature: cowardice, tiredness, capriciousness. And this is normal, absolutely correct, from the point of view of her nature, female nature.

And we men are wondering - if a woman's patience is not about holding back her emotions, but she needs to allow self-control to practice in our presence, then what? That is, we imagine what it will result in. Who practiced, he imagines what becomes of women. It turns out that you need to help your wife increase the resource of patience. And what is this resource of patience? This is the chastity of a woman. A woman who does not behave coldly, but with restraint, does not provoke a man and treats her husband carefully. And in this case, austerities performed in a calm state of mind are very suitable for a woman. That is, she does not forget that she is, first of all, a wife and mother, and, realizing this, calmly fulfills her duty, remaining otherwise absolutely free.

... In family life, the main thing is patience ... Love cannot last long. (Anton Pavlovich Chekhov)

In one you are right, one hundred percent. in the final conclusion. A woman cannot feel like a full-fledged woman, if there is no one next to her, the only one. But your ten reasons against are far-fetched. They should have been named differently. Well, for example: "What I do not want in family life."

1. Wait for him to return from work, and wind up thinking: “What if he is with another ?!”;
Who wants it? And so that this does not happen, you must choose the very only one. And believe him as yourself. There will be faith, there will not be, washed: “What if he is with another?!”;
You ask how to choose? This is up to you two. As your heart tells you. The only advice, especially for girls, in this situation - Do not rush to conclusions. Before making the final choice, one must not only get to know the person, but also become related to him. You have to become one, even before marriage. Unity of views, unity of goals, commonality of thoughts brings people together and strengthens them. And until this is achieved, do not rush.
And when all these conditions are met, the thought will never arise: "What if he's with someone else?!"

2. Every day to work as Sherlock Holmes, crawling around the house in search of his dirty socks;
Firstly, if this is really the only one, he simply will not allow it to happen. He loves you! He thinks with you in unison! He respects you!
And if it doesn't, then it's not him! And in order not to be in the same team with such a person, see paragraph 1.

3. Cook tons of food to feed this little monster;
If you do not want, and even more so if you are not ready Cook tons of food , for this person, then, again, this is not him. For the beloved, the only one, and life is not a pity, not like such trifles as sweeping and washing the floor after him. Let, even, and once again. Although the only one , or rather, if you are for him the only , won't allow it.

4. Sacrifice your favorite movie for its "rare" football matches;
If you, and he, are not ready for your loved one to sacrifice such a trifle as watching the next soap opera series, or a hockey game, then what can be said about more? So it's not him! And your choice is wrong or hasty.

5. To endure the “valuable” advice of the mother-in-law, having already memorized every reproach;
Reproaches do not arise from scratch. You are entering a new family. With a way of life different from yours. Naturally, your opinion on some things will, of course, differ. But you consciously chose him, so you must put up with his habits, passions, customs. And all this equally applies to the family that raised all this in him. In this case, it is necessary not to put up, but to listen carefully. To please your loved one. Cook borsch, to which he was accustomed since childhood, that is, since his mother cooked it. And many many others. I will not list. You may argue that you do not intend to change your habits for the sake of it. Well, that means it's not him! You have not become one.

6. Waking up in the middle of the night from the "sweet serenade" of his snoring;
From "sweet serenade" beloved do not wake up in annoyance. It is sweet and cozy to sleep under it. His snoring is like an indicator of health. Loving, you catch the slightest nuances by which you recognize both his mood and his health. If you are annoyed by the snoring of a man sleeping next to you, then this is not him!

7. Suffocate with the "aromas" of tobacco smoke mixed with local herbs;
What is he? Did you start smoking right after you got married? Before that, you didn’t observe such a habit for him? Or did this smell suit you earlier and suddenly stopped? Before the wedding, they could not get used to it, but after they do not want to. So it's not him! You rushed, mistaking a fleeting attraction for passion. Random partner, for a life partner. Do not rush to conclusions. Do not rush down the aisle without becoming related to a person.

8. Guard him near the store to take away another bottle;
Again, where were your eyes before? You hurried, not considering him an alcoholic. Did he start drinking after? And you hate it! So you are not one. You did not become related, but as you were different people, they remained. You have different interests. He loves and respects the bottle and drinking buddies more than you. Do I need to say it's not him?

9. Permanent relatives who are either welcome or not welcome, they still “live”
You don't like relatives? In particular, and guests in general? Does he love them and can’t imagine life without a noisy company in his house? Does this mean a different approach to life? And why bind yourself by marriage to a man who sees things differently?
What about his relatives? This is his habitat before meeting you. You want to take it out of her. What will happen to the fish pulled ashore? With a wolf in a cage?
He won't stay the same. He will definitely change. But you loved him free!
And if it changes, it is thanks to you, first of all. So who to blame? Because he changed after the wedding.
Be careful! Men, more than women, value freedom!

10. Daily scandals with clarification of pressing issues: “Who is to blame for everything and who is the boss in the house?!”.
Lovers don't have these questions. I don't want him to be to blame. I am his fault, if it is, or I will not notice, or I will take it upon myself. Because I LOVE him! And I don't want to hurt his pride. If some mistake is made, loving people do not find out whose it is. They say "OUR". And, without wasting time and effort to sort things out, they fix it together. If not, then you are not a couple!
And HE is the owner of the house! But, you are the OWNER! And what is there to argue? He solves his problems, you solve yours. However, both of them are for the common good, for the good of the family. You must trust him in resolving his issues, and he you. And if someone made a mistake, forgive and correct together!

Relatively "10 reasons why I WANT to get married". I won't add anything. Once you have chosen this number. So let it remain so. Ten is ten. Although there are many more. However, I note that all your ten WANT heavily self-focused. And not a word about HIM, beloved. For example: "I want to get married
because I wish him happiness. “I want him to always be full, neatly dressed and have a family in which he could rest after a working day.” “I want him to have close people, among whom he would find comfort and understanding.” You don't have this.
And if it doesn't, then it's not him! And there will be no strong family with him!

Family is the most precious thing a person can have. We offer you a selection of statuses, quotes and aphorisms about the family. Here you will find beautiful and romantic expressions about married life and children, as well as cool family statuses.

A wedding is the birth of a new family. Some seek to play a magnificent and luxurious wedding, others prefer a modest ceremony. Only when getting married, couples should understand that it doesn’t matter what their wedding was like, what matters is what their life together will be like. For a family to be happy, one must not only love, but also be able to yield to each other. They say that a real family becomes when children appear in it. Such a statement is not accidental, because love must continue.

A successful marriage is a building that needs to be reconstructed every day. (A. Morua)

For a marriage to be successful, spouses must make daily efforts to keep it together.

So that the family can develop -
We need marriages
Not with the one you want to go to bed with
And with those with whom you want to get up!

A real family gives strength to live and wake up every morning in a good mood.

Family replaces everything. Therefore, before you start it, you should think about what is more important to you: everything or family. (Faina Ranevskaya)

If everything is more important, then do not rush. So it's not time yet.

Marriage is like scissors - the halves can move in opposite directions, but they will teach a lesson to anyone who tries to stand between them. (Sydney Smith)

In a happy marriage, spouses will stand as a mountain for each other.

Work - labor force. Evenings for the family. (Gina Wilkins)

Evenings are meant to be spent with family.

My family is my castle.

The more trust, the more stable the fortress.

Faithful love helps to endure all hardships.

Loyalty is the key to a long and happy family life.

Family is a priceless gift. It needs to be protected, not destroyed. (Susan King)

Whoever destroys a family has no right to be called a Man.

A wife must trust her husband. But how? In family life, the most important thing is trust. Otherwise, family life is simply unthinkable. (A. Vampilov)

And the husband, in turn, must tell the truth.

You can't replace children, you can't replace a family
Money, career, friends, yourself.
Family is where you love and believe
A picture of happiness, care, peace.
Spiritual intimacy, the secret of longevity,
The fight against all diseases, hope and light.
And even if something went wrong and doubts,
Family is a talisman for good luck, victories!

Family is the greatest wealth a person can have.

A family is strong if a moment of happiness is repeated many times. (V. Havel)

A happy family is made up of happy moments.

The family is one of the masterpieces of nature.

How many families in the world, so many masterpieces.

A family is what it is worth waking up every day for, breathing every second, and praying to God every moment to protect and protect them...

Family is what makes life worth living.

A family should have either two artists, or none. (I. Alferova)

If one artist, and the second spectator, this is no longer a family, this is a theater.

With meaning

To marry means to halve your rights and double your responsibilities. (A. Schopenhauer)

And there is also a fresh breakfast in the morning and clean ironed shirts…)

Spouses should be able to yield to each other, then their relationship can be called love.

In family life, the main thing is patience ... Love cannot last long. (A.P. Chekhov)

Over the years, love develops into a habit.

All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. (L. N. Tolstoy)

Family happiness is similar - troublesome weekdays and happy evenings, but everyone has their own misfortune.

In family life, the most important screw is love. (A.P. Chekhov)

So that the family does not fall apart, this screw must be constantly tightened.

If the family is not filled with children's cries, they are more than compensated by adults ...

In a family without children, it becomes boring and the spouses begin to find fault with each other.

FAMILY is happiness, love and luck,
FAMILY is a summer trip to the country.
FAMILY is a holiday, family dates,
Gifts, purchases, pleasant spending.
The birth of children, the first step, the first babble,
Dreams of good, excitement and awe.
FAMILY is work, caring for each other,
FAMILY is a lot of homework.
FAMILY is important! FAMILY is hard!
But it is impossible to live happily alone!
Always be together, take care of love,
Drive insults and quarrels away,
I want my friends to talk about you
THIS FAMILY IS GOOD!!!

I so want all families to be strong and one could say about each of them “What a good family this is!”

The family is not a cell of the state. The family is the state.

In it, mom is the President, dad is the Prime Minister ...)

Good spouses have the same goals.

And one desire - to be together and forever!

Family is not the place where everything is perfect, but the place where they forgive each other!

There are troubles in any family, but not everyone knows how to forgive them.

A good family is one in which husband and wife forget that they are lovers during the day, and that they are spouses at night.

Friends during the day, lovers at night - these are the ideal spouses.

Do not complain to anyone about your man, because, most likely, tomorrow you will make peace, and in the eyes of your friends he will remain a “bad person” who does not deserve respect.

It's too late to complain when the choice is made.

If you take Love and Loyalty,
to add to them a feeling of Tenderness,
multiply everything by years,
then it will turn out - FAMILY!

Love and loyalty are the main components of a family.

The only thing you have to worry about is the family, and let the rest worry by itself!

Only close people are worthy of your experiences.

About a happy family and children

Marriage cannot be happy if the spouses do not know each other's manners, habits and characters to perfection before entering into the union. (O. Balzac)

You need to get used to each other before marriage, not after it.

The key to family happiness is kindness, frankness, and responsiveness. (E. Zola)

Family happiness lies in simple things.

A happy marriage is a long conversation that always seems too short. (A. Morua)

It seems that happiness always flies by very quickly.

The family starts with children. (A.I. Herzen)

Children are the “attribute” of a real family.

A happy marriage is a marriage in which the husband understands every word that the wife did not say...

Spouses are people who understand each other without words.

A good woman, when she marries, promises happiness, a bad woman waits for it.

For a family to be happy, the wife must be wise.

The main secret of a successful marriage is to see accidents in misfortunes, and not to perceive accidents as misfortunes. (G. Nicholson)

In marriage, it is important not to focus on the little things.

The main idea and goal of family life is the upbringing of children. The main school of education is the relationship between husband and wife, father and mother. (V.A. Sukhomlinsky)

In order for children to grow up as worthy people, they must be brought up in a loving family.

In a happy family, the wife thinks the money comes from the nightstand, the husband thinks the food comes from the refrigerator, and the children think they found it in the cabbage.

You don't have to know the truth to be happy...

It is better if someone alone is in charge in the family. And it is better if this “someone” is love.

Spouses should be ruled by love.

Statuses

The best way to test a man for loyalty is to ask a sleeping husband a question in the morning: - Will you go to yours or will you stay with me?

Oh, it's scary to hear the answer ...)

That family is strong
Where the cross is on the letter "I",
Where the word "WE" rules, Where there are common dreams,
Where there is prosperity and comfort,
Where children scurry merrily
Where it always flares up again
Such passionate love!

In the family there is only "We" and there is no "I".

If you meet a faithful husband, ask him for an autograph.

And each went to ask for an autograph from her husband ...))

A woman in the family is like a translator: she understands both baby talk and drunken nonsense.

A married woman is generally a unique creature, she brings up her children and takes care of her mother-in-law's son ...

Take care of yourself - do not look at your husband's phone ... Take care of your husband too. Get yours away!

If you have nothing to hide, then you don't have to hide your phone!

The perfect family - dad works, mom is beautiful!

No, well, if so, then I want to get married and I want children ...)

To my phrase “Yes, you are my sun!” my son, a dog, a cat came up to me at once, and just in case, my husband looked out of the corridor ...

Some suns live in the house.

A man who has forgotten his family cannot be called a real man.

He is not something that is real, he cannot be called a Man either.

A family is a small country in which PAPA is the president, MAMA is the minister of finance, the minister of health, the minister of culture and emergency situations in the family. A CHILD is a people who constantly demand something, are indignant and go on strike!

As always, all important functions lie with the mother ...)

When my family is nearby - and I don’t need the Internet!

And when the family is far away, the Internet is needed only to find out how they are doing.

The principle of many wives: of course, dear, you should have your own point of view ... and now I will tell you it!

Chapter from the book by V.M. Rozina "LOVE AND SEXUALITY IN CULTURE, FAMILY AND VIEWS ON SEX EDUCATION". The book is in our "Love, family, sex and about ...".

From my point of view, the family is, first of all, love, it is kinship, support in life, understanding, sympathy, these are children, therefore, the continuation of our life in infinity. The main thing in family life is not at all joint housekeeping and not even the ability to raise children (and who knows how to raise them?) Or a culture of relationships, although there is no family without all this either. The main thing is love. Not love, not passion, but love. Love means identification with the beloved, his idealization (“He is beautiful, he is a celebration of the soul, life itself”); love is kinship (“He is the husband (wife), father (mother) of my children”). If all this is there, there is also a family, and it can cope with the difficulties of everyday life, and with everyday life, and with a low culture of human relations. When there is no love, then the family will fall apart sooner or later or, even worse, will give rise to selfishness, lack of spirituality, coldness.

Today, the responsibility of each of the family members should increase, a conscious approach to family values ​​and problems should deepen. It is necessary to give up various claims as much as possible, to submit oneself to family requirements, duty, and responsibility.

I understand that it is good to say this - it is difficult to do it: in our time, no matter what a person is, then a person; no one wants to give up anything, especially their “toys”. But modern man has no other way: either he will curb his exorbitant egoism, his claims, which we often perceive almost as spiritual wealth and development, or he will find himself face to face with an even more complex set of insoluble problems, with an even deeper crisis of personal and family life. A modern family should probably be built on understanding, creation, and cultivation of family values. Nothing strengthens it like love and conscious inner effort.

Listening to the journalist, I thought that, of course, he was right, but those skeptics who deny love the ability to "hold" a modern family are also right. And not a single person has yet refused claims.

Meanwhile, the social psychologist again asked for the floor:

I want to draw attention to the fact that our conversations are very general. What kind of love are we talking about here? About me or about that very young girl who scolded everyone so ardently? It's one thing - the views of our sixty-year-old guest. The other is forty-year-olds, the third is for those who are thirty, like me, and that young girl probably has her own ideas about all this. Without taking into account the differences in the views and interests of different generations, we are unlikely to understand anything. And please don’t take me at my word, I also understand that generation and age are not the same thing; generation is rather a socio-psychological characteristic. And yet it is very convenient to count generations from our guest. Its formation took place at the junction of two eras, in the 60s, therefore, it belongs to an independent generation. This is the generation of great scientists, and many well-known writers and figures of contemporary art. All these people still had high ideals. The next generation after them (beginning, as they say now, the era of stagnation) was largely disappointed, became more sober, more prudent, lost its ideals and civic activity. The third generation is characterized by deep civic apathy, cynicism, withdrawal into private life, sex, petty-bourgeois family, consumerism. Finally, the fourth generation is the generation of rebellion and denial, skepticism and small deeds. All these informals, drug addicts, rockers, all these polite boys who know several languages ​​and are not familiar with morality, arouse interest and fear. I remember one of the representatives of the first generation once said: "I'm scared, these young people are like from another star: they are not humanoids, I stand in front of them as if undressed."

My idea, as you understand, is the need to take into account in the discussion both different generations and metamorphoses of ideas.

I was returning from a seminar with a young woman. We exchanged impressions.

I listened attentively to everyone and tried to try on all these models, but, alas, I can’t let myself down under any of them. I believe in both cooperation and reasonable selfishness, I have a fairly sober look at family and marriage, I am not alien to calculation and sex, and nevertheless I believe in romantic love. But my friend, although she is only 25, seems to have been born in the last century: she believes exclusively in romantic love, everything else does not exist for her. Where would you like to take us?

Indeed, I thought, maybe all these models and ideals, which were so hotly discussed, are in fact only abstract schemes, and living life does not fit into them? Or, on the contrary, is it possible that in the head of a nice woman walking next to me there is a solid mess and confusion, so to speak, paradoxically incompatible things coexist? It is clear how a young man who adheres to a pure ideal, such as a romantic or American one, will behave, but what should this woman do? Is it not the misfortune of our youth, and not only youth, that this confusion in the minds, this mixture of incompatible ideals and values? And we want that, and we don’t want to give up anything. Of course, it would be nice to love like literary romantic heroes or American movie stars on the screen, but then what about family responsibilities or morality? It would be nice to become independent and free, to break with any routine, but how then to live the rest of the family members and where to get away from the notorious life? It would be nice to keep the freshness of feelings and love, but how to achieve this in an ordinary monotonous life, in gray everyday life, in the presence of problems, conflicts, low wages, etc.?

I involuntarily remembered and began to tell my companion about one of the many examinations of older students. When asked about what qualities your future wife should have, tenth-graders of two Moscow schools answered: first of all, beauty and intelligence (as if this is the main thing in family life), determination, the ability to get out of difficult situations (mind you, a purely masculine quality). Then other qualities were already named. And only one young man out of a hundred (!) Said: "Love for children." And what confusion reigns in the minds of our beautiful women. Give them princes by all means!...

Somehow I got angry and asked the employees of my department: “Who, from your point of view, is a real man at the institute?” Out of fifty people, they hardly chose one. You can't say anything, the man is charming, intelligent, smart, kind, only ... he has two families: one official, the other unofficial, and in each there are children. They also talk about love.

I laughed heartily: that's the "real man"! Then he said to the women: “What ideas do you need to have about love and marriage in order to choose only one out of fifty quite decent men (they are all research workers and most are married), and even that one turned out to be flawed? One is not smart for you, the other is a miser, the third is a womanizer, the fourth is boring, the fifth is too smart for himself, the sixth is unintelligent, the seventh is some kind of lethargic ... My God, where do you live, in what world?

The women who participated in this impromptu interview were already in their 30s. And yet they were so bad (or too good) at understanding people! What to do very young, entering into marriage at the age of 20-25 years? They not only do not understand others, but they do not know themselves. The peculiarity of our culture and way of life is such that a person can really understand himself only by the age of 30-35. I remember that my youthful ideals and ideas disappeared after the army, then a painful rethinking and search began. By the age of 30, it seemed to me that I had finally found myself and developed the right idea about love and family life. But, alas, only by the age of 35 did I find solid ground and already knew what to expect from myself, who I really like, what kind of family I want to have. Probably, at the age of 20-25, a young man cannot understand himself or his beloved.

I thought about all these problems for a long time, and even when I fell asleep, they did not leave me. I had a strange dream.

DREAM

I dreamed that I had been living in some house for a long time and I had a big family. A beautiful girl enters the room where I am. I know for sure that this is my fiancee, with whom I broke up many years ago, we did not get along with her. Suddenly I hear my voice, the words addressed to the girl: “I love you so much! You are so Beautiful! When I think about you, I just can’t breathe, I want to cry from feelings. “I'm just romantic love,” my fiancee looks at me strangely and incomprehensibly answers. She comes up to me, hugs, kisses. A long-forgotten feeling takes possession of me, it becomes hot, consciousness floats away. "What are you doing?" someone says. I turn around: my first wife is standing in the doorway and looks at me with surprise. Why is she here? I’m trying to figure it out. After all, the last time we saw her was 20 years ago, I even forgot what she looks like, and even now I just can’t make out her face. But I am ashamed that my wife found me with my beloved girl, and almost against my will I cunningly: "Meet me, I say, this is my employee." I turn to the bride, but instead of her, indeed, there is an employee. “I am glad to finally meet you,” she says for some reason not to her wife, but to me, and shakes my hand. I am already leaving". My wife follows her with her eyes, then walks around me thoughtfully. "I do not love you! she suddenly screams. I'm leaving for another. You are a weak person, you don’t believe, you never loved me, it just seemed to you, you got married by calculation, now I understand it well.

My heart sinks, for a moment I clearly see her face, I remember it clearly, I am seized by a painful feeling of the irreparability of what happened. “But I am your husband, I say almost without hope, and you are my wife.” "No, she says, not a wife, but a spouse, you've got everything mixed up." My wife is yelling something, but I can't hear what. It gets even more unbearable, and... I wake up. But strangely, for some reason I'm not at home, but somewhere in the city. I quickly walk down the street, I walk, I walk, the city ends, the field begins. Where am I? It looks like a cemetery: crosses, graves... So people are standing in a group: someone is being buried. I come up and see: my bride lies in the coffin, her eyes are open, she smiles and is surprisingly good, she looks like a witch from the movie "Viy". Among the people at the coffin is my first wife and next to her the second, both crying. I look at them and gradually begin to understand that these three women - my ex-fiancee and two wives - are actually one woman, unattainable, elusive, some kind of incomprehensible creature. It becomes frightening to me, it seems that I will never understand this creature, I will not get through to it, I will not speak to it. It's so scary that... I woke up, now for real.

Here is a strange dream. "However," I thought, "life is stranger than any other dream."

But back to family issues.

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR FAMILY BREAKUP?

This is what I began to think about, looking back at my thoughts, experiences and fantasies. Have I not made things too easy for myself and for the young people? It turned out that we had nothing to do with it, but the circumstances of life are to blame. And the connection of times was torn repeatedly, and the traditions of upbringing and family life were lost, and we were not educated, and therefore we don’t know how to educate, and we are contradictory, and selfish, and we don’t know how to love, and if we love, then not the way it should be. Where were we, what were we doing? Isn't it time to change position, according to the famous Russian philosopher and aesthetician Georgy Gachev?

“Somewhere,” he writes, discussing the problems of the family, at some stage in my life, I catch myself saying that if until now I had accounts for the arrangement of the world and people (parents, etc.): what do they tell me? something was not given, good, caused evil, then here I am - already an active self-source of evil in the world: I don’t give my poor neighbors: my wife, children, offend ... Here it is important to wake up and keep this understanding: that from now on no one will guilty, and the whole demand is from you, and that you are free to choose and do good or evil, all this is completely within your prerogative.

Through the prism of this judgment, I began to recall my former life and realized: for sure, I had scores with my first wife, and she, perhaps, with me, and even what! But only I am not alone, all of us (who are more, who are less) today are in a claim to their wives, and wives - to us. Again, I remembered G. Gachev's "Family Life Thoughts" and began to read excerpts from his diary.

"thirty. 1. 73. Poison was revived in my soul to my wife yesterday by a grandmother in the village. I went to her for milk, she asked me: how many children? Who is watching, nursing? When he said that I also do everything around the house, she: “Well, it’s clear: woman’s power!” I wondered what that means.

Well, why not woman's power? - speaks. Just a little, they're getting divorced. A peasant has no faith in anything, they don’t listen to him, I have a son, their daughter is 18 years old, and a woman leaves him. And she wrote this on him: that he was drunk, and I don’t know what else! Friends wrote it. They took this will. How did we live? A man will beat you when - you endure, and that's it. And then ... I'm afraid for my son. As if from drunkenness and longing ...

The peasant also became frail, - I say. - That's why the woman took over. Who was the first to start: a man to weaken or a woman to take power?

Everything is arranged to please Baba. And they all get sick ... They don’t give birth: they cut themselves with iron - that’s why they get sick. And then they will bury themselves all evening watching TV. It used to be like evening with us - all the women went out into the street, singing songs, red-cheeked, healthy.

But now, after all, the woman also works, brings money into the house. He does men's work - so the man has to do women's work. I wash diapers all the time.

Do you wash diapers? Does she not have time? She's not working now, yours. We have women too: “Look, my man is so good - he went to the river to rinse!” And I told her: “Not a good man, but you are a bad one.”

And I grieved about the "good old time" and the man - the peasant and the knight ... But then - a socio-patriarchal peasant. And the metaphysical is like a monk or a sage

He must do everything himself, be whole and not be ashamed to be a woman, to do women's work ... So I immediately had a genre episode: my wife entered (in violation of the order of the house and my morning), interrupted and began to say that there was a doctor - a laryngologist from our clinic and that there is nothing in the ear, why call another paid earpiece from Semashka, as my mother advises? I began to analyze why the baby's temperature flared up and how it was the last time she took him under the window to my room and opened the gap from where the dry frosty air came from ...

She flew into a rage, kicked my table, overturned the books and the glass frame on which I write. I started collecting. And then, instead of the temptation that flashed through me: to give her a kick or some other assault (and I swore to her that I would not raise my hand again), I took this picture under a glass frame, carried it to her room and slammed it to smithereens before her eyes. her gender: collect, they say ... And now it’s easy in my soul and fun and free - I don’t feel any anger at her: I instantly freed myself from the mob, and if I hadn’t done anything freeing, I would have bubbling, and how much bile would begin to accumulate, poisoning the inside! ... I am glad at the wit of my execution: there - still walks, sweeps, collects fragments. And he didn’t hit: he didn’t take a sin, for which she would hook my soul. Smiling, I continue to think about Descartes. (I am unpleasant to myself in this scene: especially complacency is disgusting here ... But it will be dishonest to edit the diary of those years. So: And reading my life with disgust, I tremble and curse, And I complain bitterly, and shed bitterly tears, But sad lines I don’t wash it off. So Pushkin teaches (“Recollection”). ¬14. V. 86).

3.30 (same day). On the radio "Orpheus" Gluck. The melody that my father played on the flute. I am alone with a baby. Asleep. St. left to read a lecture. Orpheus cries, having lost Eurydice. And I, in tears: I am touched that there is a wife, Svetlana ... What if Death took her away? And she kicked me, after all, loving the baby, out of pain: is it easy for her - a month of continuous one near the patient?

And a grandmother in the village told about her son’s misfortune: “She’s drunk, after all. Once in a lifetime. Well, with someone else. He would forgive her. She asked for forgiveness from him, lying at her feet. But he is not. And if he had forgiven, maybe they would have continued to live in harmony. We had such a conversation. And I think about the cruelty of a man, which is in me. So he would have sung along with Orpheus: “Oh, stiff-necked! Oh, cruel! ... "

How you soften your heart when you are busy with a baby!... Yes, a modern man should not sigh about the former patriarchy and lifestyle and type of man and woman; not to restore it - and it is not necessary. But it is necessary - to soften, to animate, to contain the feminine in oneself, to become more rounded - complete, whole, and not a dry abstraction of courage (duty) and spirit, which he became as a result of patriarchal civilization: he humiliated matter - maternal-feminine.

Right now I’m putting seagulls in a bottle with a pacifier, so that when I wake up, I’ll give you a drink.

Wonderfully written, truthful, honest. The whole horror is that a simple collective farmer (“a woman,” as they say), and a sophisticated philosopher, and his wife, Svetlana Semenova, by the way, is also a famous scientist, are not able to cope with themselves in the family. The first cheats, and, mind you, in a drunken state (and this is a woman who could only sip wine before), the second breaks glass, because, you see, his books were scattered and clever reasoning was interrupted, and his wife did not find a better argument than kick the table at which her husband worked. And the grandmother's son, why is he like that? After all, he loves his wife, this is obvious, but he is not able to forgive, he would rather hang himself than forgive.

What's the matter here? After all, not only that there are two different people in the family, with different ideals of love. Why are we so quick today to break, to quarrel, to reprisal? Why do we get angry at loved ones, blame each other? Indeed, what happens to us in these moments (often perceived tragicomically in hindsight)? It seems that we love, but all of a sudden everything is not so, everything irritates, everything is disgusted.

Why not try a second time to find answers from scientists, in the discussion? And here I am again at the seminar, and again they meet me halfway - my problems are discussed, the case of interest to me is sorted out: Gachev, his wife, their neighbors in the village.

Note:

1Gachev G. Family life thoughts // Literary studies.¬1986.¬#5.¬S. 66-68.

Book by V.M. Rozin "LOVE AND SEXUALITY IN CULTURE, FAMILY AND VIEWS ON SEX EDUCATION" is in our