The geography teacher asked Bora if he knew anything about the Panama Canal.
- No, - the student answers, - there is no such channel on our TV.
A radio was brought into the house of one grandmother. In the morning at six o'clock, it spoke for the first time:
- Good morning!
Grandma jumped out of bed:
- Good health! Where are you so early?
- Well, son, show the diary. What did you bring from school today?
- Yes, there is nothing to show, there is only one deuce.
- Just one?
- Don't worry, dad, I'll bring more tomorrow!
- Hello, is this 333-33-33?
- Yes.
- Please dial an ambulance, otherwise my finger is stuck in the phone.
The Chukchi is walking along the road, and they ask him:
-Chukchi, where are you going?
-The injection, however
- To the clinic?
-No in the ass, however
Somehow I bought a new Russian designer<Лего> and boasts to his friend:
- Hey, Vovan, you look, what is written on this garbage:<От 2-х до 4-х лет>... So I collected it in two months.
Little girl talking to her father:
- Dad, today I dreamed that you gave me a little chocolate bar.
- If you will obey, you will dream that you gave a big one.
- Mom, can I go for a walk?
- With dirty ears?
- No, with comrades.
Chemistry lesson:
-Tell me, Little Johnny, what substances do not dissolve in water?
Little Johnny without hesitation:
-Fish!
Cannibals caught a tourist. They made a fire, put a vat of water and asked:
- What is your name?
- And what difference does it make to you, eat it anyway!
- How is it, but for the menu ?!
Cheburashka somehow approaches Gena and says:
- Gena, Shapoklyak gave us 10 oranges on February 23, 8 each.
- How is it 8, if there are 10?
- I don't know, but I already ate my 8!
A little girl asks her grandfather:
- Grandpa, what kind of berries are they?
- It's black currant.
- Why is it red?
- Because it's still green.
- Piglet, do you know your pedigree?
- Yeah. My grandfather (sighs) was a chop. Father was (proudly) kebab ...
- What do you dream of becoming?
- And I (looks into the sky and is so sad ...) an astronaut.
- Why is it so sad?
- Yes, I'm afraid I won't fit into a tube ...
The uncle came to the doctor and said:
- Doctor, in my ears the bells are ringing.
- And you do not answer them, do not pick up the phone!
Teacher:
- Guys, tell me, what is the number of the word "bryuki": singular or plural?
Pupil:
- Above - singular, and lower - plural.
One student decided to play a trick on another. Painted the chair.
The second one comes in and says right from the doorway:
- Kolyan, I ...
First to him:
- Yes, you sit down first, - and points to a chair.
And this one again:
- Kolyan, I wanted to tell you ...
First:
- Yes, you sit down, do not be shy.
The second sat down. The first chuckles:
- Now tell me.
- Kolyan, I just wanted to say that I put on your jeans.
Grandpa sleeps in a chair, whistling loudly through his nose. The little granddaughter twirls a button on his jacket.
- What are you doing? - asks the grandmother.
- I want to catch another program!
A plane has landed at the airport. Passengers get off the gangplank.
One man's pants fall off, he pulls them up and says:
-Here is Aeroflot: first fasten the belt, then unfasten ...
- Why does a gorilla have such big nostrils?
- Because she has thick fingers.
A five-year-old boy answered the phone.
-Yes.
-Call your dad or mom.
-They're not home.
- Is there anyone else?
-Yes, my sister.
-Call her, please.
After a while, the boy answered the phone again:
- It's too heavy. I can't get her out of the stroller!
The five year old son asks:
-Dad, do you know how long one tube of paste is enough?
-No.
-All the hallway, living room and half of the loggia ...
Two flies come out of the bar.
One says: "Well, let's go on foot or wait for the dog?"
Once a hedgehog fell into the hole, he cannot get out and thinks: "If I don't get out in 5 minutes, I'll go home for the stairs."
Gene, be careful here hemp-hemp steps.
-Thanks Cherim-burum-burashka.
The wallpaper that is washed is, of course, a good thing. But how difficult
was to rip them off to stuff them into the washing machine.
The woman asks for a glass of sparkling water:
- Glass of water.
- With syrup?
- No.
- Without cherry or without apple?
The guy and the girl walk around the city and pass the restaurant. The girl says:
- Oh, how delicious it smells!
- Did you like it? Do you want us to go one more time?
A girl walks into a dairy store. It means that he puts the can on the scales:
-Me, sour cream.
Vendor, splash sour cream into her can.
- Here's a girl, you have sour cream. Where's the money?
-In a can
- Boy, how old are you?
- Five.
- And you are not higher than my umbrella ...
- How old is your umbrella?
After dinner, the mother goes to the kitchen, and the daughter shouts after her:
- No, mom, I don't want you to wash the dishes on your birthday. Leave her for tomorrow.
A boy watches on TV a film about a boy everyone loved and says:
- If you wash me, I will be the same!
Mom tells her son
- Is that how they read a book, son? You skip a few pages.
- And this book is about spies. I want to catch them soon.
At the rental boat station, the boss shouts into the megaphone:
- Boat number 99! Return to the shore - your time is up!
After five minutes:
- Boat number 99, come back now!
After five minutes:
- Boat number 99! If you do not return, we will fine you!
An assistant approaches the boss:
- Ivan Ivanovich! We have only 73 boats, where did the 99th come from?
The chief freezes for a moment, and then rushes to the shore:
- Boat number 66! Are you in trouble ?!
Gave Heels to Winnie the Pooh for his birthday a cell phone
-That's Blame you a cell phone gift!
- Well, thank you buddy!
The next day Winnie the Pooh meets Heel
-What did you give me yesterday for my birthday ???
-Co-cell phone ...
-I was picking for 3 hours yesterday, the weight of the phone broke, there is no honeycomb or honey
Mom says to the girl:
“If you don’t eat semolina, I’ll call Baba Yaga.
- Mom, do you really think that she will eat it?
- Doctor, you forbade me to eat at night, so I caught a cold!
- What is the connection?
- Well, of course - I stood all night at the refrigerator, looked at the chicken, so I blew!
Granddaughter and grandfather are sitting by the window ... the granddaughter is babbling. Grandpa look !!!
a crow, two crows, three crows ... a whole Voronezh !!!.
Two Chukchi are sitting, breaking a bomb. A man walks by.
"Hey, what are you doing, she's going to explode!" - "However, nothing, we have one more!"
The Georgian is drowning in the sea and has forgotten in Russian the word "save", shouts:
- I’m swimming for the last time!
Winnie says to Piglet.
- Hey, Vinnie, but I know what will happen to you when you grow up!
- Why, have you read my horoscope? - Nope, the book "About tasty and healthy food"!
Host - to the guest: - Shall I light you on the steps? - No, thanks, I'm already lying downstairs.
In the middle of the lesson, Little Johnny enters the class with a bandaged head.
Annoyed teacher: - Well, what happened this time? - Fell from the fifth floor.
- And what, flew two whole lessons?
Seller: - This wall clock runs for two weeks without a factory.
- Yes you?! And if you start them?
*** Very funny jokes for kids and kindergarten ***
Kindergarten. There is a teacher, around her in a crowd of children. Educator: - So, kids! Now let's, together, loudly, in chorus, once again repeat those bad words that can never be pronounced anywhere!
*** Jokes about children and teachers to tears ***
Announcement in the university: “Male teachers! Do not smoke on the floor where most of the students are girls, expectant mothers. " Below is a handwritten note: "Perhaps your children."
*** The newest jokes about children and the programmer ***
The son asks the programmer's dad: - Dad, where do children come from? - Leave me alone, son, I'm busy, ask Yandex!
*** Jokes about school and children (6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 years old) ***
The tired father of the family returned home after a night shift. There are a lot of children at home who want to play with them. - Okay, let's play in the mausoleum, where I will be Lenin, and you will be sentries.
*** Fresh jokes for children about parts of the world ***
Petya, tell me, how many parts of the world are there? - Five, Vasily Petrovich. - List them, please. - One, two, three, four, five.
*** Jokes about Little Johnny and drawing for children ***
MaryIvanna at a drawing lesson: - Today Masha will draw a rose, Petenka - a bunny, Olenka - a pussy, and Little Johnny will again have domes, crosses and six diamonds. - MaryVanna, why do I always draw the same thing? - Understand, baby, you will need it more in your future life. So, children, they took the brushes, and you, Little Johnny, take a needle with ink and draw.
*** Anecdotes about Cheburashka and Gena for children ***
Crocodile Gena and Cheburashka wanted to steal a string bag from the window. Cheburashka climbed, and the crocodile waits below. A policeman approaches: - What are you doing here? - We hang gifts for the new year! - What, crocodile, did you survive? - Excuse me? Hmm. Okay. Hey Cheburashka! Take off the presents!
*** Jokes for the New Year about children and a snowman ***
Kids, brother and sister, make a snowman. The boy says:
- All right, almost ready. I'll run to the kitchen and take a carrot.
Sister:
- Take two, we will make his nose too.
*** Children's jokes about children and parents ***
Mom is asleep - she is tired ... I got her! I will not be discouraged ... I'll go get my dad!
*** Jokes for children and adults ***
I suggest introducing sex education lessons at school. - What for? - Well, we must somehow lure the children to school!
*** Jokes about children and school without mats ***
For children who do well at school, the parents simply remember the school curriculum well.
*** Jokes about animals and children ***
In a zoology lesson at school: - Children, what is the name of the female tiger? - Tigress. - Right. Little Johnny, what is the name of the female leopard? - Borsetka, Maria Ivanovna.
*** Jokes for young children ***
Grandmother asks her grandson: - Did you throw the colander in the garbage? - I threw it away! - What for? - So he is covered in holes!
*** Free jokes about children and poetry ***
Children, now Little Johnny will read to us Mayakovsky's poem "A Cloud in Pants"! - What nah?
*** New Year's jokes about children and a gift ***
Santa Claus, thank you for the gift you brought me.
- A trifle, not worth gratitude.
- I think so too, but my mother told me to say so.
*** School jokes about children and anthem ***
The singing teacher, entering the class: - Where is my chair? The class is silent. - Then all get up. We will learn the national anthem for the whole lesson.
*** Hilarious jokes about children and the yard ***
Children in the yard are discussing how they were born: - And the stork brought me in its beak. - And my mother bought me in the store. - And they found me in the cabbage. Girl with jumpers: - You'd think nobody fucks in our yard!
*** Funny jokes about children and adoption ***
Son, it's time to tell you where you came from. - Dad, I know where children come from! The guys in the yard said. - You don't know shit! Here is the adoption certificate, here is the address of your real parents!
*** Jokes and Jokes for Kids ***
Children, aunt leaves. What should I say goodbye to her? - Thank God!
*** Jokes about children and a rooster ***
There are ten minutes left until the New Year. A drunken uncle runs along the road and drags an empty sled behind him. The uncle runs and shouts without turning around:
- Never mind son, we will soon be home!
Latest news
Laughter is the best emotion that can be presented to a child at any age. Children's jokes will become pleasant entertainment for parents and children. Some of them are able to teach the child important life things and teach a lesson.
- What are children's jokes for? Children, like adults, are personalities and therefore they also need their own ways to entertain and cheer up.
- Funny and interesting anecdotes can not only diversify leisure, but also become the beginning of cognitive activity.
- A child who has fallen in love with funny anecdotes quickly strive to learn to read in order to be able to make themselves laugh.
- In addition, many jokes for children have a special meaning. Some teach kids to behave correctly, to respect parents, elders, teachers and educators.
- Others introduce them to the peculiarities of the world around them, with animals and birds, plants and toys.
- Introducing a child to anecdotes is not at all bad, because a children's anecdote differs significantly from an adult and does not have any harmful words, phrases, obscenities, and uncomfortable situations.
- Children's anecdotes are composed by professionals in their field: parents, teachers, writers and simply those who love children.
Jokes for children aged six to eight:
- Parents Hire New Nanny... Mom is interested in:
- What was the reason you were fired last time?
- I forgot to bathe the child.
- Mom, take her! (voice from the nursery) - Mom asks her son:
- Sasha, yesterday there were two pieces of cake left on the table. Now there is only one, why?
“It's just that in the dark I didn't notice the second piece,” Sasha replied. - Little grandson asks his grandfather:
- Grandpa, tell me, is it true that you were born in the forest?
- Of course not. Why do you think so? (grandpa asks)
- Yes, just every time you come daddy says: "The old stump has come again!" - Sonny asks his father:
- Daddy, but if you imagine, you could sign on paper with your eyes closed?
Dad thought about it and asked:
- I can, only for what?
“Just close your eyes and try to sign my diary. (son answered) - Little Johnny asks his dad:
- Daddy, do you know which train is late the most in the world?
Dad thought about it and asks Little Johnny:
- No, son. I guess I don't know that. Do you know?
- Of course I know, Daddy! The one that you promised to give me for my last birthday! (Little Johnny answered) - Little Masha asks at my mom:
- Mom, do you by any chance know how much toothpaste is in the tube?
- No, daughter, I cannot know.
- And I know: there is exactly as much of it as from the bathroom, to the kitchen itself and around the table! (Mashenka answered) - Children in the kindergarten brag their merits:
Mashenka: And I have my mother's eyes!
Stasik: And I have my father's character!
Kirill: And I have a grandfather's nose!
Natasha: And I have a grandmother's smile!
Little Johnny: And I have my brother's tights! - What an adult elephant saidwhen did you accidentally step on a kolobok? - Pancake! (correct answer)
- Two friends are sitting in the garden on the bench and talking. One chews a bun, and the second asks him:
- Dimka, give me a bite to bite!
- It's not a bun, it's a pie!
- Well, then let me bite the pie!
- It's not a pie, it's a cheesecake!
- Well, then let me bite the cheesecake!
- You yourself do not know what you want, decide first! - Mom comes home tired from work... She has three children and she asks everyone:
- Sasha, what did you do useful for the house today?
- I washed the dishes, mommy! - answered the boy.
- Well done, son, here's a chocolate candy. (mom encourages son)
- Mashenka, what did you do useful for the house today?
- And I wiped the dishes. - answered the girl.
- Well done, daughter, here's a chocolate candy for you! (mom encourages daughter)
- Igorek, what did you do useful? - Mom asks the youngest.
- And I, mommy, collected all the fragments from the floor and took out the trash. - answered Igorek.
Funny jokes about children for any age
As a rule, what makes children happy and laugh is life situations that can happen to them. It is for this reason that jokes about children are the most popular among kids of all ages. They giggle with pleasure at stupid, and sometimes even very serious situations in which boys and girls find themselves.
You should choose such anecdotes for your child based on the age category of your child, so that he understands exactly what the joke is about.
jokes about children - the most popular children's reading at any age Jokes about children and for children:
- Boy on a walk with dad in the park I saw two twins in a stroller. He looked at them for a long time with an intelligent expression on his face and finally asked his dad:
- Daddy, where is my second one? - Dad bought his son children's crosswords... He began to solve and, of course, asked dad every question. When there were few questions left in the crossword puzzle, the turn of the most difficult ones came. The boy read it carefully and asked his father:
- Dad, tell me: without what it is simply impossible to cook pancakes?
- What letter does the word begin with? (dad asked)
- The letter "M". - answered the boy.
- "Mum". - suggested the dad. - Sasha got into a fight on the alley with my friend. Dad began an educational conversation with him:
- Sasha, tell me, are you constantly fighting?
- Yes! - answered the boy.
- And even in kindergarten!
- Yes! - answered Sasha.
- And who wins?
- Our teacher always wins. - the kid answered sadly. - Petya came from school... Mom asks her son:
- Petya, are you doing well at school?
- Yes! - the kid answered proudly.
- Well then tell me, Petya, how much will it be if 2 multiplied by 2?
- Four! The boy answered confidently.
- Well done, Petya! Here are four chocolates! - encourages his mother.
- Eh ... (the boy sighs) If I knew, I would answer - ten! - The boy came to the circus and buys a ticket at the box office. The cashier tells him:
- Boy, this is the third time you buy a ticket from me! What's the matter?
- It's not my fault, auntie, that at the entrance to the circus some uncle just tears them up! - answered the boy. - Marinka notices mom's several snow-white hair on the head and asks:
- Mommy, what is it?
- It's gray hair. - Mom answers.
- Why did you have them?
- It's because you are not listening to me. - answered mom.
The girl thought about it and said with a grin:
- So that's why grandmother has a full gray head! - Ira's mom got sick, she decided to help her and went to her neighbor:
- Aunt, Zina, please tell me you have jam with raspberries! My mom has a cold.
- There is a little, Ira. Where should you pour it?
- No need to pour. I'll eat it right here! - answered the girl. - The boy was walking in the yard with his mother... Suddenly he saw a big dog and ran up to him. Fearing nothing, he began to gently stroke his tail. The frightened mother ran to her son, took him away from the dog and said:
- Never do that! The dog can bite you!
- No way, mommy! On this side, it does not bite! - noticed the kid.
Anecdotes about Cheburashka and Gena, funny jokes for children
Jokes about cartoon characters - Cheburashka and Crocodile Gena - are especially popular among children. These are positive characters who evoke only pleasant emotions in a child of any age. There are a lot of jokes with them, the main thing is to choose the one that will be understandable to your baby.
jokes about Cheburashka and crocodile Gena are favorite and popular among children Anecdotes about Gena and Cheburashka:
- Cheburashka wanted to watch a movie... He came to the cinema, chose the movie he liked and asks the cashier:
- Tell me, how much is the ticket for that movie?
- Ten rubles. - answered the cashier.
“But I only have five. (Cheburashka sighed) Can I see it with one eye for five rubles? - Carlson and Cheburashka flew over the rooftops... Finally, they sat down on the cornice to rest. Five minutes later, Carlson says:
- Well, Cheburashka, flew again ?!
- Wait, Carlson. - said Cheburashka. - My ears have not rested yet ... - The postman brought a parcel for Gena and Cheburashka... Cheburashka after a while brings Gena a box and says:
- Gena, I want to please you, we have a parcel with oranges!
- Excellent, Cheburashka! And how many oranges are there? - asked Gena.
- Ten! - Cheburashka answered happily and added. - Eight things for you and eight things for me!
- Listen, Cheburashka. You are probably wrong, if you divide ten by two, you get five!
- I don’t know Gena, I’ve already sat down with my eight oranges! - Cheburashka found a coin... It was one penny. Since Cheburashka does not understand money, he began to pester the gene with questions:
- Gena, is that a lot of a penny? Gena, what can you buy for a penny? Gena, how many cakes can you buy for a penny? Gena, is this a lot?
- Lots of! - in the end, Gena answered angrily, so that Cheburashka would not bother him.
Cheburashka, without hesitation, ran to the store. There he got himself sweets, cakes, toys. I went to the seller and gave him a penny. The seller goggled, and Cheburashka replies:
- What you are watching? Come on change! - Cheburashka ran into the pharmacy and asks the seller:
- Hello, do you have oranges?
- No, there are no oranges. - the seller answered confidently.
Cheburashka left and comes running in an hour:
- Do you have oranges?
- No, there were no oranges and no.
Cheburashka ran away, an hour later he comes running again:
- Hello, and there are no oranges?
- No, we have no oranges! - answered the seller.
Cheburashka ran away again, and the seller hung a sign “No Oranges” on the door so that Cheburashka would not reach him. An hour later, Cheburashka comes running again and says to the seller:
- Yeah, so there were oranges after all ?!
Children's anecdotes about Vovochka, funny jokes for children
Little Johnny is a well-known children's character who is often found in anecdotes. Children love him for the fact that he embodies the image of a curious boy who strives to know everything and knows the answers to all questions. Little Johnny goes to kindergarten or school, does homework, walks in the yard and talks to friends. All his actions are necessarily associated with exciting questions and witty answers.
anecdotes about Vovochka - a bright inquisitive character Jokes for children about Vovochka:
- Walking with Mom Little Johnny makes her an unusual remark:
- Mom, you have such long nails!
- Thank you, Little Johnny. This is called a manicure.
- Oh, I would have to dig such a manicure in the ground! - At school, a nature teacher asks children a question:
“Children, who knows why gorillas have such big nostrils?
- I know! - Little Johnny pulls his hand.
- Answer, Little Johnny. - suggests the teacher.
- They are big because gorillas have big fingers too! So it's more convenient to pick your nose! - Teacher in physical education class at school asks Little Johnny:
- Little Johnny, how long can you run a hundred meters?
Little Johnny scratched the back of his head and answered:
- Well, rubles for 100 I can ... - The class teacher asks the children:
- Children, do you know what kind of bird does not build nests?
Little Johnny pulls out his hand. The teacher invites him to answer:
- Cuckoo! - Little Johnny answers.
- Right! Do you know why? - the teacher asks.
- Yes! Because she sits in the clock! - On the way home little Vovochka asks his mom:
- Mom, tell me why everyone at school calls me a "liar"?
- Little Johnny, but you don't even go to cola !! - Mom answers. - At school Little Johnny named the teacher no misters". The teacher, without hesitation, asked him his homework: Write down the phrase “you must address the teacher to you” a hundred times in a notebook. The next day, the teacher checks the notebook and notices that the given sentence has been spelled out not a hundred, but two hundred times:
- Little Johnny, why did you write the sentence two hundred times?
- This, Marya Ivanovna, to make it more pleasant for you!
Jokes about kindergarten about children and for children
Kindergarten is what every child has experienced in his life. This topic is interesting and relevant for kids of any age. That is why anecdotes with stories about kindergarten are especially funny and interesting.
jokes about kindergarten are interesting for children Jokes for children about kindergarten:
- When playing ball indoors the children broke the window. The teacher finds out:
- I ask, who broke the window?
(In response, silence)
- I ask again, who broke the window ??
(Children are silent)
- For the third time I ask: who broke the window with the ball ???
One boy hesitated and said:
- Come on, Svetlana Anatolyevna, ask the fourth time! - Mom collects Sasha to kindergarten, and he drives her:
- Mom, come on quickly collect me! Mom, come on, put your shoes on!
- Sasha, where are you in such a hurry! - Mom is surprised.
- To kindergarten, mommy!
- And what is there that you cannot wait?
- We're fighting there, Mommy! - Little Masha complains to mom after kindergarten:
- Imagine mom, I was given only half an apple for afternoon tea!
- Did the other kids get a whole apple? - Mom is surprised.
- No, the other children also received half each.
- So, Mashenka, that's the way it should be. - Mom soothes her daughter.
- But, after all, I can eat a whole one! - the girl answers indignantly. - Igorek invites dad for a school matinee:
- Dad, come tomorrow to my kindergarten for the matinee!
- Okay, Igorek. And what will you portray at the matinee?
- I, daddy, have a very important role in the performance!
- And what is your role, Igorechek?
- I'll be the second part of the horse! The boy said proudly. - The teacher tells the children about what animals exist in the world. She asks the group:
- And what animal can be called a domestic one? This four-legged faithful friend lives with many of you at home.
- I know the answer! - Sasha shouted.
- Answer me, Sasha.
- This animal is called - a bed!
Anecdotes for children 9 - 12 years old, funny and interesting anecdotes
The age of children from nine to twelve years old is distinguished by special intelligence. They understand jokes deeper, possess certain knowledge and skills. It is easier for them to understand funny situations, which are discussed in jokes and jokes. They read independently in children's magazines, books and on special sites. This is a great pastime and entertainment that will expand their knowledge, help establish contact with other children and become the center of attention of peers.
jokes for children from 9 years old contain childish and simple humor Jokes for children from nine years old:
- Mom walking with her son I met a familiar aunt, she was delighted with the child and gave him candy. The boy quickly grabbed it, turned it around and ate it in silence. To such a reaction, his mother tells him:
- Dima, what should you say to your aunt?
- Give me one more! The boy replied boldly. - Grandmother went with her granddaughter to the park, there was a violinist's concert in the summer theater. Without hesitating to introduce her granddaughter to the art of music, she sat her down on the bench and they began to listen. The girl clearly did not like the musician. She fidgeted on the bench for a long time and finally asked:
- Granny, when uncle finally saws his box, shall we go home? - Dad watched the Olympics on TV... At that moment when Svetochka approached him, the runners took part in the competition. The girl was interested in what was shown and she asked:
- Dad, tell me, why are these uncles running so fast?
- This is a competition. The one who comes running first will receive a prize!
- Dad, why are everyone else running? - Mom brought a neurologist to the appointment to his son's hospital. He began to ask him questions:
- Boy, tell me please, how many paws are there?
- Four. - The boy answered in surprise.
- Boy, how many ears does the cat have?
- Two. - The boy answered in surprise.
- Boy, tell me, how many tails does the cat have?
The boy frowned, turned to his mother and asked:
- Mom, has this stupid uncle never seen cats in his life? - At recess at school, the homeroom teacher talking to Kirill:
- Kiryusha, how did you celebrate your birthday?
- Okay, Marina Alexandrovna.
- Did the guests come to you?
- Many guests came, Marina Alexandrovna.
- Did you give gifts?
- They gave it, Marina Alexandrovna.
- Who gave the best gift?
- Dad!
- And what did he give you?
- As many as three slingshots!
- Stop joking, Kirill, it's not beautiful! - The teacher noticed.
- I am not kidding. He's the only glazier in the region, he said if there is a lot of work, he will also buy me a railway with a steam locomotive!
Funny children's anecdotes to tears that can quickly cheer you up
A funny anecdote will be a great way to quickly raise your mood. He will be able to remove sadness and give a few minutes of joy even to the saddest kid. Laughter is a pleasant feeling that not only saves you from boredom, but also gives you positive emotions.
funny children's jokes and jokes - a way to have fun Funny anecdotes that can bring "to tears":
- At a computer specialist ask at work:
- Tell me, do you have children?
- Yes, I have two whole sons! - He quickly answered.
- And how old are they?
The geek thought:
- Well, one is already playing on the computer, and the second one does not even reach the keyboard. - Dad asks his son after class:
- Danil, how did it happen that your violin broke?
“I don’t know, dad. It all happened very quickly. I learned the composition so carefully and attentively ... learned it and learned it and then once ... and the violin fell out of the window! - Dad and daughter eat together for lunch cabbage salad. Dad tells his daughter his remark:
- Do you see, Ksyusha, we are like two goats eating cabbage?
“I don’t know, dad. There is only one goat here, but personally I am a hare. - Three puppies met in the yard- the mongrels and began to communicate with each other:
- Tyav! - said one.
Another answered him:
- Woof! - said the second.
- Meow-oo-oo ... - said the third.
Two puppies hatched their eyes and stared at the third.
- What, are you out of your mind, furry?
- No, guys, I'm just learning a foreign language. - The boy asked his parents for a long time aquarium. In the end, they gave him a fish tank for his birthday. After a while, dad noticed that the fish in the aquarium surfaced with their bellies to the top:
- Son, why didn't you take care of the fish and change the water for them?
- Dad, why should they change? They haven't drunk this yet!
School jokes about school, students and teachers
School jokes are a special topic. School is the world for a child, where the most interesting, the most unexpected and the most impressionable things happen. Situations that happen to characters in class, breaks and in the director's office will be incredibly funny for children. Jokes about school will make your child feel easier about the learning process and not have negative emotions every morning on the way to class.
school jokes - loved and popular among children School jokes:
- The girl runs home after school... Full of vivid impressions, she shares her emotions with her mother:
- Mom, today in our lesson Maria Ivanovna read a fairy tale about a red cap.
- It's a good story. Do you like her? Have you made any conclusions for yourself?
- Yes, Mom! We need to remember well what our grandmother looks like! - Math teacher explains children new material:
- Class, listen carefully! Now I will prove to you the Pythagorean theorem.
One boy answers the teacher from the spot:
“Don’t, Natalya Ivanovna, we believe you anyway. - Math teacher sets Vovochka's question:
- Little Johnny, answer my question very quickly: how much is seven plus four?
- Twenty one! - Little Johnny answered quickly.
- Wrong. It will be eleven!
- But you asked to answer quickly, and not correctly! - Before the test the teacher says:
- Children, today we will have a test on the last topic!
One student from the seat asks:
- Anna Sergeevna, can you use the calculator?
The teacher thought about it, but answered:
- Can!
- A protractor and compasses? - he did not calm down.
- Can! Write down the topic: "History of Russia ..."
Funny jokes about animals for children of any age
Jokes about animals will be clear to all children and will cause a storm of pleasant emotions.
jokes about animals are understandable and funny for children Jokes about animals for children:
- Girl complains to his girlfriend:
- Imagine, Svetka, my cat got a mole!
- What, not even fleas?
- No, mole!
- Rejoice, Natasha!
- Why?
- Since the moth started up, it means that the wool is natural, not a synthetic fake! - Ad in the paper... A heading about animals: "I will sell a good, healthy and adult green chameleon ... no, blue ... no, purple ... no, raspberry ... no, so cool - I won't!"
- Two neighbors are talking:
- This is such a nightmare! Just imagine: your dog ate our chicken!
- It's just wonderful!
- And why is that?
- So you don't need to feed the dog! - The thief got into the apartment and started to rob... Suddenly he hears a voice:
The thief realizes that it is a parrot, covers it with a rag and continues the robbery. The parrot continues:
- Kesha sees you! Kesha sees you!
- You do not see anything! The thief shouts nervously.
- Kesha is not me, Kesha is a shepherd. - the parrot answers.
Short anecdotes for children of any age
- Who is a gingerbread man? Kolobok is a smiley for our grandparents!
- What is your favorite fruit? - Ice cream!
- Vova, have you hung up the laundry? - No, Mom, I decided to have mercy on him!
- If you open the refrigerator several times in a row, you will notice how fewer and fewer cakes are made every time!
- The most magical word in which children immediately run to the store, take out the trash and wash the dishes is "turn off the Internet!"
- Delinquent children are put in the corner where Wi-Fi reception is worst
- Children are flowers of life. That is why it constantly pulls to the ground and dirt ...
Video: "The best children's jokes"
Jokes for children are short funny stories. Usually do not have an author, belong to the folklore genre.
Children love jokes as much as adults. Children's jokes about school allow you to joke about things that make you sad. School jokes make fun of lazy students, angry teachers, indifferent parents, etc.
Anecdotes can have a wide variety of topics, covering all aspects of life. Sometimes funny phrases said by children become anecdotes.
Laughter when reading or listening to an anecdote causes an unexpected outcome, a play on words, the replacement of the usual meaning of concepts with a new one. Humor, wit are very useful qualities that require development no less than logic or creativity. This genre also has negative sides: the presence of profanity in some anecdotes, vulgarity, etc.
Do you need funny stories
Laughter improves the mood of children and, according to scientists, prolongs the life of adults. So that the child does not need to listen to vulgar street jokes, tell him good ones. Let him have magazines or books with different anecdotes that he can read. A sense of humor is valued in a children's environment, a witty storyteller becomes the soul of the company.
If the child can joke about their shortcomings, they will be less stressed. The main thing in anecdotes is the possibility of freedom of expression, humor ridiculing shortcomings and vices, a different view of problems.
Jokes can be confusing. The reason for this is differences in nationality, age or other personal characteristics. Therefore, children's jokes are different from adults. What can make a kid laugh is not clear to an adult and vice versa.
About school
In a mathematics lesson, the teacher asks the student who is telling the Pythagorean Theorem at the blackboard to prove it. To which he offendedly declares: "What evidence, you do not believe me?"
September 1, 1, 6 million first graders sat down at their desks on charges of illiteracy for at least 9 years.
In a geography lesson in grade 7, a teacher tries to explain to a student how to determine the cardinal directions using a compass. "Here, look, when the arrow is looking up, this is north, then there will be west to your left, and east to your right, tell me what is behind you?" A student, blushing: "A hole in your pants?"
About children
At the reception at the clinic, a child psychologist asks the child questions:
- Tell me, how many legs does a cat have?
- Four.
- How many ears?
- How many eyes?
The kid turns to his mother and asks: "Mom, uncle, what cats have you never seen?"
About kindergarten
A little girl comes home from kindergarten and says that the teacher read them a fairy tale "About Little Red Riding Hood." "What did you understand from this tale?" Mom asks. “I have to better remember my grandmother's face so as not to confuse her with a wolf,” the girl replies.
At a meeting in the nursery group of the kindergarten, the young teacher conducts pedagogical work with the parents:
- Dear parents, your children have learned to speak this year, if they start telling you something bad about the kindergarten, do not believe them. We, in turn, promise not to believe the horrors they tell about you.
A tired father comes to the kindergarten for his son. The teacher sees him for the first time, and therefore asks:
- Which child should I give you?
- What difference does it make if you bring again tomorrow morning!
The unlucky parent answers.
The head of the kindergarten complains to the head of the military unit that after the repairs carried out by the soldiers, the children learned many words from profanity. The chief calls the soldiers to his place and asks to explain what the matter is. A soldier Sidorov with a bandaged head explains:
- Petrov stood on a stepladder, laying eight bricks in the hole in the ceiling. The solution was weak and all the bricks fell on my head. I told Petrov: "What a bad person you are, Petrov, you don't respect your comrade!"
About animals
Two fish are talking in the pond. One carp says: "How tired I am of living in this cramped, dirty pond!" Another carp answers him: "And you grab the hook and soon you will get into sour cream!"
Computer anecdotes
The cactus, which has been standing near the computer monitor for 6 years, has learned to reinstall Windows.
Short jokes
Minibus inscriptions:
"Stop" here "on a different route";
“If no one gives way to the old woman, I, your driver, will do it”;
"If you want to live long, don't distract the driver!"
About Buratino
Buratino's pedigree was rooted in the ground.
About Vovochka
Little Johnny says to his father at dinner:
- Dad, they call you back to school, I broke the window.
- Yes, you have not a school, but some kind of greenhouse.
Fabulous anecdotes
The kid climbed on Carlson, and they fly over the city, making ten circles. After landing on the roof, Carlson wipes his neck and says: "Huh, I'm sweating with you!" “It’s me with you,” the baby answers.
A casual passer-by saw a hut on chicken legs in the forest and said:
- Hut, hut, turn the forest to me, and in front of the rear!
- You put me in a difficult position with your philological delights of new idioms.
- That's about what I wanted to say.
Cheburashka, standing in the wind, was brutally beaten with his ears.
Gena and Cheburashka went on vacation. Crocodile Gena drags 6 suitcases from the station, drenched in sweat. Cheburashka runs next and shouts:
- Gena, and Gena, let me take the suitcases!
- And you take me!
About adults and children
Auntie asks her six-year-old niece:
- Anya, do you help your mom around the house?
- Of course, I help, I count the silver spoons after you leave.
A little boy asks his father:
- Dad, I want a real gun!
- You already have a toy.
- Dad, I want a real one!
- Quiet, I said! Who is the head in this house?
- You are a daddy, but if I had a gun ...
Mom shouts from the balcony to her son playing in the yard with friends:
- Vanya, go home!
7-year-old Vanechka asks:
- Mom, am I cold?
- No, it's time for you to eat!
About pets
The mouse runs away from the cat and hides in a burrow, having lost the stolen cheese along the way. Sits quietly, and suddenly hears a dog barking. "So the cat ran away, you can take the cheese," the mouse thinks. As soon as she sticks out of the burrow, the cat grabs her. "How good is it to be able to speak a foreign language!" the cat thinks.
Other topics
Announcement on the fence of the city zoo:
- Dear visitors, due to insufficient funding from the city budget for this year, the animals have nothing to eat! We invite you to the open day, which will take place from 9 o'clock, 6, 8 and 9 of this month! You will receive an unforgettable experience and incredible sensations!
According to statistics, the most understandable language on the planet is Chinese. Every 6th person speaks it.
From a conversation between two friends:
- Have you read that scientists have made a discovery - nine seconds of laughter prolongs life by 10 minutes, which means that if you laugh all the time, you will never die?
- Yes, only everyone will consider you insane.