Every woman knows an example from the life of a friend when a happy marriage suddenly collapsed before her eyes. And I really want my own marriage to be long-lasting.

• Always treat your spouse with respect, no matter how angry you are with him.
• Avoid being categorical. Strive for compromises and learn to find them.
• Create family traditions that cannot be broken even during periods of quarrels and disagreements. This will strengthen your family and create some protection from the outside world. Such traditions could be: wishing “good night” before going to bed, celebrating the New Year with your family, attaching cute notes to the refrigerator. In fact, it can be anything as long as it brings pleasure to both of you and sets you apart from other families. It was something personal.

• Try to always have dinner and breakfast together. Lunch usually takes place at work. It is advisable to elevate dinner and breakfast at the same table to the rank of a family tradition. This way the husband will feel that he is needed, that he is always welcome at home.
• Don't notice your spouse's shortcomings, much less point them out. Treat your loved one's mistakes with good humor.
• Respect the tastes of your loved one. Don't criticize what he chooses. After all, you are also his choice.
• If you feel like you've done something wrong, don't hesitate to ask for forgiveness.

Marriage is in jeopardy

• Find the reason

If your marriage is at risk, the first thing you need to do is understand the reasons for what is happening. And try to eliminate them. Perhaps the reason will be a normative crisis of marriage. Such crises arise in the 1st, 3rd, 7th years of marriage. And during the period when adult children leave the family.

• Don't quarrel in public

Never make scandals in public. Any disagreement is a matter of only two people. Do not insult your husband in front of other people, relatives, friends, especially in front of children.

• Don't hurt your partner's pride

How sometimes you want, when you feel offended, to hurt your partner more painfully. Only the heat of the quarrel will recede, but the resentment will remain. Don’t try to hurt your husband’s pride; this is the most painful point for men. Especially there should be no statements about what kind of lover he is.

• Accept each other with all their flaws

There is no need to try to re-educate your partner. Your spouse is an established, integral personality with a certain set of character traits, habits, interests, and worldview. Accept and love him for who he is.

• Respect your spouse's relatives and friends

Don't scold your husband's friends and relatives. Moreover, do not try to quarrel with them. Respect his surroundings.

You shouldn’t put everything on the altar of your family. And demand the same from your partner. Each spouse must have a private area. This includes: friends, work, interests, hobbies, hobbies, sports, goals, self-development. You cannot devote yourself entirely to your family. Otherwise, you will cease to be interesting, including to your own husband.

• A change of scenery

When tension arises, you feel that the marriage is under threat, but there is no open conflict - then you just need to change the situation. Arrange, for example, another honeymoon. It should be something that you both like. At the same time, it’s better to go somewhere you’ve never been. Or, on the contrary, to a place that you and your spouse associate with romantic memories. By seeing each other in a new light, it will be easier for you to return to your previous relationship and refresh your feelings for each other.

• Leave the past in the past

Don't bring up past mistakes. If you have once forgiven your partner for some sins, it means that they have been annulled and worked out. You cannot reproach your partner with these actions at every quarrel.

• Don't scare your partner with divorce

Even if the marriage is under threat, you should not mention the terrible word “divorce”. In the heat of a quarrel, it often asks to come out. If you want to save your family, do not use such expressions: “if you don’t like it, look for someone else,” “leave,” “let’s get a divorce,” “I’ll file for divorce.” Such words can play a cruel joke, because all thoughts are material, especially if they are expressed to the spouse. An interesting article on the topic of when a man can leave and how to keep him

What should a wife do to save her marriage?

The most important thing is to love your husband and accept him for who he is. You need to be patient with your loved one. Be attentive and gentle. And don't forget about sex life in marriage.

It's no secret that women generally need a family more than men. Often a wife tolerates her husband who is partying and drinking, just to maintain the appearance of marriage. However, divorces are not that uncommon. And often the women themselves are to blame for the current situation, who at one time did not show themselves in a critical situation or systematically made small, accumulating mistakes. Happily married wives give advice on how to create a strong family and maintain a relationship with your loved one.

Respect your husband. Often women say that they would be ready to respect their spouse if he deserved it. In fact, the second part of the statement is superfluous here. It is important for any man to be respected. And the first person from whom he expects such an attitude is his wife. The idea that such respect must first be earned is a kind of trap. Any wife dreams that her chosen one makes only the right decisions, which will become the basis of respect. But once you face the truth, the man is an ordinary person who, like everyone else, makes mistakes. It was this person that you chose at one time to be with him all your life. You entrusted him with the management of your family, and for this alone he deserves respect. We must understand that the manifestation of such an attitude towards a man, even if he does not deserve it yet, will motivate him to create moral capital. Don't pretend that he always makes the right choice if he really doesn't. It is worth discussing all disagreements, specifying your claims. But this must be done without blaming, but by discussing and respecting your partner.

Save your heart. The expression “it’s good where we are not” does not always work. A slim figure, a high salary, a cool car and a big house will not guarantee a woman’s happiness. There are many people and things in the world that will constantly trumpet that there are better options for women. But this does not correspond to reality. In the lives of each of us there is always an internal struggle; we want the house to be larger and the car to be more expensive. But relationships are not measured in squares and dollars. We need to protect ourselves from people and things that claim that a husband is not the best option, and that life with another person could be better. There will always be someone stronger, brighter, richer. But we will never be satisfied with even more if we do not learn to appreciate what is already here and now.

The correct order is God, husband, children. This kind of emphasis is not welcomed by women, and mothers of children are especially against it. But faith has always come first for many people; God plays a decisive role in life for them. And you should put your husband before your children, despite all your beliefs. And it’s worth maintaining such an emphasis until this person asks you to put his interests above children’s interests. Before takeoff, the flight attendant on the plane gives safety instructions. Among other things, it is said that first you need to put an oxygen mask on the mother, and then on the child. Does this mean that children are not that important? Not really! How can a mother help her child if she can’t breathe herself? A similar situation arises in marriage with raising children. If your relationship with your husband breaks down, then you won’t be able to successfully raise a child, so don’t try. In due time, the grown-up children will leave their father's house to fulfill their already dream. And if during all this time it was not possible to achieve mutual understanding with her husband, then the woman will be left virtually alone.

Forgive him. Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect. If you do not cultivate the habit of forgiving your husband for all his minor mistakes, then irritation will only accumulate inside the woman. When it spills out, this energy will be used to destroy relationships.

Communicate more. Many people are embarrassed to talk about their feelings. It seems to the woman that the man should already understand the reasons for her rage. But it doesn't work. It’s just that men are completely different, they don’t understand and don’t feel how a woman lives. Don’t be shy to talk about it, even if words are difficult. Reminding yourself of your feelings and being open will benefit your relationship.

Feel around him like you're on a date. Men, like women, are impossible to comprehend. So why not dedicate yourself to this deep pursuit? Don't stop studying your husband. And if it is not possible to do this in a romantic setting, in a movie or in a restaurant by candlelight, then at least just spend time alone with him. This is important for family relationships. At such moments, you should not talk about spending money, about plans for tomorrow, about everyday problems or about children. The best topic is the future, why not plan your dream vacation together? The couple gets the opportunity to get emotionally closer and learn something new about each other, this happens even after several years of marriage.

Don't threaten him with divorce or leaving. Those who are planning to use such weapons against their husbands should think again. First of all, threatening to break up is highly unfair. Those women who destroyed their marriages with this technique eventually realized that they had nothing to be proud of. But it taught me that blows “below the belt” in building relationships are clearly not the best help.

Learn his love language. Every person has their own love language. And the way love is perceived by a woman may look completely different to a man. Some people like verbal recognition, while others prefer small gifts. But whatever a man’s love language is, it should definitely be learned and used.

Don't talk bad about him. This advice only seems simple, but it’s not easy to follow. A couple who is going through hard times and is waiting for more effective advice needs to visit a psychologist. Often a woman has no shortage of advisers from among her relatives, but how objective are they? They will be guided by one-sided facts, wanting to take the wife's side and generating negative feelings towards the husband. And such advice will not stop until the family falls apart. It is worth protecting his image in the eyes of others, and for advice turn to those who are truly objective. And the worst thing for a woman is that in such critical situations the closest person, the mother, will be the worst adviser.

Always choose love. There inevitably comes a moment in family life when one morning you realize that you are no longer in love. And you still have to choose love. Yes, one day your husband will not look as attractive as he once did. And you still have to choose your love for him. After all, marriage is first and foremost a commitment. At the wedding, we promise to be with each other in sorrow and in joy, in health and in sickness. These sacred words come from the heart. And we don’t say “if suddenly there is sadness,” but we say “in sadness and joy.” There will certainly be sad moments in life, there is no escape from it. And love is worth choosing from everything else and material things, because it’s worth it.

There are 7 factors to consider before ending a relationship. And one of them is love?

If you still love your wife, then you need to read tips on how to save your marriage and get your old relationship back.

Look at relationships from above

Sometimes you need to look at a situation from a neutral perspective. Give up hatred and passion in your heart. This will give a clear understanding of the situation. And only then can you find a solution that suits both of you. No human being has the right to judge. Therefore, try to hear the voice of your conscience.

Respect each other

Respect is the key factor in a relationship, you should not lose respect for each other even if the relationship has gone bad. No matter how sick you are of everything, and how infuriated you are, do not insult each other, especially in front of the children. No matter what happens between you, your wife remains the same person you took as your wife and vowed to love.

Learn to communicate

Good mutual understanding preserves any marriage. And indeed it is. So try to talk to your wife, even if you don't feel like it. Share with her what you think about your relationship. Don't lie to yourself. If you still love her, then be open with her. And most importantly, listen to what she is trying to tell you.

Compromise

If you want to save your marriage, then you need to learn to come to a compromise. Remember, we are all different, which means that a wife may have opposing thoughts, opinions and feelings. So you can't let this ruin your marriage. A good compromise is that you meet each other halfway. And not when one gets everything, and the other has to sit quietly and accept what he doesn’t like.

Solve your problems immediately

If you are arguing with your wife, then make sure that the problem is resolved as soon as possible. If you delay, the dispute may escalate into a quarrel or even a fight. So get into the habit of finding at least some solution immediately and on the spot.

Strengthen your connection

They say that the best marriage is one that is built on friendship. Although this is not the absolute truth. But it will be easier for people to make peace if they are friends. And to build friendship, you need to have common interests and have fun together.

Ask friends for help

If the wife refuses all attempts to make peace. Perhaps she will listen to someone else. To do this, you can ask a mutual friend to have a short conversation with you. His view and opinion can be of significant help in maintaining your relationship.

Accept your mistakes

If each of you is tolerant of others’ mistakes, then the relationship will be quite strong. And if each of you learns to accept your mistakes, then such relationships will not be easy to break. So, if you want to save your relationship, you will have to accept your own mistakes and try to eliminate them. Forgiveness allows you to move forward and overcome misunderstandings.

Apologies

As mentioned above, in order to strengthen relationships, you need to accept your own and other people's mistakes. But how to accept mistakes, if not with apologies. Remember that women can be very stubborn and illogical. Even if they are wrong, they will not be the first to reconcile. So, be ready to be the first to ask for forgiveness even for something you didn’t do.

Be decisive

If you really want to save your marriage, then be prepared to put in a lot of emotional effort to get the “love clock” to start working again. To do this, you will have to solve a number of difficult issues, but know that at the end a priceless prize will await you. Men always have to make decisions for the whole family, and only he decides what kind of life the whole family will live.

We hope these tips help you find the right approach to your marriage. And your wife will appreciate your efforts in trying to save the family. Don’t be shy and ask questions, they will definitely help you.

Such questions often come up - both at trainings, and at webinars, and in the mail.

My answer is standard. Of course you can.

In principle, preserving love for more than three years and a lasting, happy marriage for life are possible. You just need to know some features of human behavior, and take these features into account.

Today I will tell you about simple prevention of some family tragedies (divorces, scandals, quarrels). This method is quite accessible to the vast majority of people.

Let's start with the fact that the presence of a loved one next to us is pleasant. Actually, he is close because we are pleased to have him nearby. Or - you can also say this - he is pleasant because he is close.

At the same time, the presence of another person necessarily imposes some additional tasks on us. Namely, his interests must be taken into account.

A simple example. The man has worked hard all week, and on Saturday he wants to sleep until the evening. And the wife wants them to go together to her parents to help around the dacha.

And the puzzle begins. Should she give in? To him? Who will change their desire, and who will realize theirs? Each time everything is decided very individually. As they say, “every hut has its own rattles.”

Friends, it is very important to understand: life in a couple (and even more so in a family) is always accompanied by linking your desires with the desires of your loved ones. Otherwise, as soon as a person stops being involved, the relationship immediately ends and family tragedies follow.

And if you always have to reconcile your interests and the interests of your loved ones, it means that you always have to strain your brains and think a lot. We have to restrain certain impulses. We have to look for ways to express these impulses that are more or less safe for others.

What's the result? Fatigue.

Sometimes this condition is called “everyday life is stuck.” It's not about everyday life. The fact is that at some point a person gets tired of constantly sorting out and tying things down. At some point, a sharp, tooth-aching desire appears to manage your time independently, without regard to others.

Sometimes such a desire turns into an obsession and a person can no longer stay in the family and hacks with a saber left and right, burning bridges and crops behind him. I'm tired of everything, they say, I want a free life! Give it!!…

Then, however, sobering comes, but it’s already too late.

Why does such a desire appear? This is a manifestation of a deep (possibly basic) human phenomenon - the key condition for a person’s happiness is control over his own life.

In a situation where you constantly have to shake things up and tie things down, such control is greatly reduced, as you understand.

How to be? How not to lead to a tragedy, to a divorce, to something irreparable

The answer on the surface is to engage in prevention. Namely, give yourself “two days of silence.”

About silence - this is just a catchphrase, but two days is a completely clear deadline. Let me explain.

An hour or two spent in solitude, one might say alone, is rarely enough for a person to recover. He usually needs more. And not at home while everyone else is sleeping, but somewhere in a completely different place. At the dacha, for example. In a sanatorium. At the resort. On a tour in another city.

That is, literally - once every six months it makes sense to pack your travel suitcase and go two days away from your family.

Why two days? So that your spouse does not worry about cheating. The first two or three days (and sometimes four), a person simply “dries up.” Lying on the beach, undergoing procedures, sleeping until he's crazy, hanging out on the streets and gawking at the sights.

The main thing is that you don’t need to link anything with anyone, the time is yours and only yours. Control over it is completely yours. Finally!

Interest in romantic adventures awakens (if it awakens) only on the fifth or sixth days of vacation alone.

It turns out that two days are more or less enough for rest, but not for betrayal. Prevention remains beneficial for marriage and at the same time safe.

When does it make sense to start such prevention? The general recommendation is three years after the wedding. In each case, of course, the timing may change, but in general - in three years.

Anyone who has children should definitely start a year after birth. Moreover, for people with “children” the intervals and duration are calculated separately.

Well, the last question - is such prevention a panacea? No, of course not. But if you don’t do it, then maintaining love is much, much, much more difficult.

Take preventive measures for your health!

My husband Alex is a night owl, and I always fall asleep early. So every night, after I brush my teeth, Alex comes into our bedroom, lies down next to me on the bed, and we chat. Usually we remember the past day, tell interesting stories, share rumors, whisper all sorts of endearments to each other. Or we talk about children, discuss important life decisions, our anxieties and fears.

There is something deeply tender and intimate about lying together like this in the evenings - it’s much more comfortable than waving to each other and saying “good night” as you leave the living room.

2. Let go

In a family, we see each other at different moments - when we are happy and shining and when we are sick and stressed. When spinach gets stuck in our teeth, when we are depressed, our eyes are swollen from crying or our head is pounding from fatigue after a sleepless night with a newborn and we no longer have the strength to cope. So, of course, there are times when we grumble and snap.

Don't skimp on apologies and kisses, do it five minutes after the disagreement

If your partner is going through such a time right now and gets irritated on random occasions, ignore it. Don't escalate the situation. Don't take things to heart. Understand to yourself what the reason is and remain calm. On the other hand, if you expressed your irritation, do not skimp on an apology and a kiss, do it five minutes after the disagreement.

3. Be polite to each other

Say "please" and "thank you." Give compliments (“you smell amazing,” “you were so cool at the party,” “I’m proud of you”). Smile when your partner enters the room. Laugh at each other's jokes, even if they are corny. Focus on the best qualities of your spouse.

Overall, try to be a partner you enjoy going through life with. It sounds like a truism, but we are strangely easy to forget about it when we are stressed or distracted. It's amazing how much warmer we are with each other when we remember this.

4. Try something new together

The biggest discoveries happen in our family when we try something new together. Every now and then we shake up the old routine and try a new restaurant in the neighborhood, or stop to check out an art exhibition, or kayak down the Hudson. Even just playing a board game at home one evening can be enough to feel new in the relationship and learn something interesting about your partner.

5. Don't forget to be alone

When my husband and I first moved in together, we spent all our free time together until the day when - oh horror! - He told me that he would like to spend the day alone. An extrovert by nature, I always believed that the more time we spend together, the more fun, so I decided that, apparently, I had angered my husband in some way.

It is allowed to be irritated by each other's habits - this does not make love weaker

That evening, of course, he explained to me that he was not wired like me - he needed time alone with himself to recharge his batteries. Now we both enjoy sometimes spending time apart from each other and value this independence of ours. (Even on vacation!) This may not be a revelation to some, but for me it was an important lesson in marriage.

6. Say “I love you” in the middle of an argument.

Over the years, I have learned several important things about marriage (and am still learning, of course). Always present a united front when raising children. It is allowed to be irritated by each other's habits - this does not make love weaker. Kiss each other in the kitchen. But my husband (he is older and wiser than me) taught me a truly amazing lesson. If we argue, he says “I love you” in the middle of a verbal spat. This is incredible.

Here's what he told me this morning: “The foundation of a long and happy marriage is not that nothing bad will ever happen, but that if something bad does happen, you know how to get through it together. It is very important during an argument not to escalate the situation, but to be able to defuse it. For example, say in the middle of a quarrel “I love you. You are the most important person in the world to me." Say it, even if at this moment such words are difficult to get through your throat, because you are furious.

They keep you both from losing sight of the big picture, your life as a whole. Words of love will not immediately improve the situation, but they will help to slow down and moderate the ardor. And then, half an hour later, when you come to your senses after the confrontation, you are not tormented by questions. You know everything is still good."