You can't tell a boring person that he is boring, otherwise he will start to find out why, and this is so boring.

My cat is like a Hachiko. And also zhratiko, sratiko and ssatiko, spatiko, oratiko, and it’s impossible to sleep at night.

There is an opinion that cats and training are incompatible concepts. Nothing like that, my cat trained me in a couple of days.

— Hello, my name is Slavik. - Very nice! - It's not for long.

It seems to me that in the status: “I want to understand a woman,” the word “understand” is superfluous.

I immediately realized that nothing would work out with him when in a cafe I ordered cognac for myself, and he ordered ice cream...

We only live once! And even that is not enough. And not like that... And not there... And not then...

You can’t drink tap water - it’s dirty, but fruits and vegetables need to be washed with tap water - they will be clean.

If you think about it carefully, the two main symbols of Russia, the matryoshka doll and the bottle of vodka, are essentially the same thing. You open one, and then - the second, third, fourth...

There is no enemy more terrible than an ally - stupid..b.

When they tell you: “You are the best!” — you understand that there was a comparison somewhere.

Very good - this is not when you feel very good, but when there is no one nearby who is even better.

They say it will be unlucky if a black cat crosses the road. In the meantime, it’s the other way around: tedyerep city tok yynrech ilse, tezevop en, tyarovog.

It's hard to be kind. You are constantly angry at those who are not kind.

Don't let your tongue write a check that your ass can't pay...

She came back and didn’t get laid... Oh, not like that... Aaaaaaa, I remembered: I showed up and didn’t get dusty!

At night in the refrigerator, Dobry juice hugs other products.

Do you know what really hurts? This is when you are lying on the sofa, talking on the phone, lifting your feet up on the wall, and at some point a slipper falls off your foot and right into your eye!

Announcement: Cute bounty is looking for a beautiful Snickers for a regular Twix

We all live happily, because some people receive a ridiculous salary, while others laugh and pay it.

Both before and now, people often worked for free and on weekends. This kind of work was called “for that guy.” Only earlier “that” guy died at the front, and now he’s sitting in a Mercedes.

Our life is a constant choice: who to trust with our ring finger, and who to trust with our middle finger.

Those who do not know how to steal are in prison. Those who can do it sit in offices.

Sometimes you look at a person and realize that he is an asshole. And it happens even worse: you look at a person and don’t understand that he is an asshole.

Each accident has a last name, first name, patronymic.

God, give me strength, patience, and just in case, 1 million dollars.

Don’t judge a woman by her kilograms, but don’t judge her by her centimeters!

Goats and rams are completely different people!

I'm so illogical that the stump, the table, thirty-four.

I asked the ash tree, which in itself is nothing.

I can’t find the end of the tape, I must have caught a female

While the brain is thinking, the ass has already made a decision!

I really want to cuddle up to someone... put my lips to my ear and whisper... GIVE MONEY...

The worst thing about doing nothing is that you can’t drop everything and go relax!

She would like to live DIFFERENTLY, to wear a precious outfit... But the horses keep galloping and galloping. And the huts burn and burn.

The left hand is the hand with the thumb on the right

Artificial intelligence is garbage compared to natural stupidity.

Talking to a stranger is more interesting. Your friends already know that you are an idiot.

To avoid confusion, the grandmother named one kitten Barsik, and drowned the second.

If you want to be right, don’t run to the left; if you want to be first, don’t sleep at the wheel. If you want a queen by your side, first try to become a king yourself.

The evening news always begins with the words “Good evening!”, and then the story begins - why this is not so.

A song is when words are put to music, pop is when they are put to both music and words.

They used to say: “Fuck you!”, but now: “I can’t promise 100%, but I’ll try...”

You must be 1st in everything, always have a 2nd half, never be 3rd odd, have your 4 corners so that everything in life is 5th, have a 6th sense and be in 7th heaven from happiness…

The milkmaid, drawing water into the kettle, crumples the tap out of habit.

Scientists estimate that 60% of people simulated evolution.

No matter how much bad things they say about me, I always have something to add. 9

Nothing limits your actions like the phrase “do what you want”... 13

Guys get jealous when they love you. Girls are jealous even when they don't love you. 10

Can't find an approach to me? Go around! 15 - cool statuses

Comrade, let’s go check out the cash... 8

Nothing strengthens faith in a person more than 100% prepayment. 8

If you know exactly who is to blame, don’t give yourself away. 11

I walk with my eyes closed and a smile from ear to ear, towards my future happiness, through a field of rakes... 11

From the statement: “How do I feel…” Crossed out. “How I did you all...” Crossed out. “Yes, you all should go to...” Crossed out. “Please grant me another vacation.” 10

Dear Money! I miss you very much. I promise to buy you a new wallet. If you want, you can invite your relatives from Europe or America - I won’t object. I will accept everyone! 12

I want chronic health, progressive happiness, recurring success, a hypertensive salary, and an eternally pregnant wallet without the threat of miscarriage!))) 10

The best way to test a guy’s fidelity is to ask the sleeping person in the morning the question: “Will you go to yours or will you stay with me?” 12

According to statistics, the phrase “How huge he is!” Most often heard by a spider. 11

Briefly about yourself: Year of manufacture 1991, Mileage 20, Light color, Height 162, Lights blue, Documents on hand, Tuning present, Body not damaged, not rusty, Roof in place, but no brakes. All options, I start with half a turn. 10

You can't look in the mirror when you eat - you'll eat away your happiness. And when you drink, you drink. And it’s better not to hang a mirror in the toilet at all... 12

Sex is when he wants, erotica is when she wants, porn is when both want. 10

If you don't have the money to change your wardrobe, change your job! For the new team, all your old clothes are new. 9

Flowers should be for no reason... Happiness should be unique... The house should be warm... The weather - and it doesn’t matter what the weather is! But love should be mutual. 10

All people bring happiness - some by their presence, others by their absence) 11

What would I give to a person who has everything? I would punch him in the jaw. 9

If men knew what women were thinking, they would court twenty times more boldly. 10

Only nesting dolls can live soul to soul. 13

I need to call my mom and tell her where I am. - Hello, mom? Where I am? 10

The little boy was watching porn. I didn’t understand the movie, but I was sweating a lot. 9

The main thing is that they are waiting for you at home, and not waiting for you 8

Chocolate tastes twice as good if you can’t have it) 10

The Lord protects us all. But the shelf life is different for everyone. 11

I am protected by the great ancient Egyptian god of peace and tranquility - DANUNAH. 10

Every day those around me prove to me that life without a brain is real. 10

No one will die a virgin: life will fuck us all. 11

Are you the life of the party, a cheerful person, do you like to use VKontakte, ICQ or classmates? You can also amuse your friends on social networks by posting witty, cool status, which will make the most gloomy and serious visitor to your page smile. A modern person cannot live without a sense of humor: there is so much stress, problems and difficulties around. Make people forget about them at least for a while: let them smile when they visit your page. Here you will find the latest, constantly updated collection of funny, amusing, witty, cool phrases.

What will you find with us?

Having entered this section, get ready to laugh heartily and sincerely at the jokes that are collected here. The most funny statuses will delight you with their wit and novelty. We have a wide selection of the most unique phrases:

• funny declarations of love for those who can appreciate subtle, romantic humor;
• the most new cool statuses for pages on any social networks (updated daily);
• witty statements with which you can express your own attitude towards life or even a specific person;
• funny jokes on the phone.

If you haven't found it yet sayings for status are cool and funny, you very successfully wandered into this particular section on our website: you yourself will laugh heartily and amuse your friends with a funny statement displayed in your status.

What is possible on our website?

Users of our site enjoy the most unlimited freedom and have extensive opportunities:

So being a regular user of our site is a pleasure, the opportunity to constantly update the coolest statuses on your personal pages on social networks. Smart, good jokes will always cheer up those who surround you and understand you: give them a smile - share with them cool status from our website.