From: Den.Str
About 40 million people do THIS at night.
What it is?
(Internet)
Crawling down the hill, running up the hill.
(Snot.)
There is a woman on the floor, opening her hole.
(Stove.)
Get up, reach the sky
(Rainbow.)
There is a plaque in the teeth, longing in the eyes.
(The peasant fell into a village push.)
What can't be eaten for breakfast?
(Lunch and dinner.)
Jumping smartly and eating carrots?
(Grandma is on a diet.)
Who doesn't get their hair wet in the pouring rain?
(Bold.)
Not a rooster, but singing, not a grandfather, but a grandmother, who is this?
(Philip Kirkorov.)
One wheel thousand wings - what is it?
(Wheelbarrow with manure.)
What is it: a hard one is inserted into a soft one, and the balls dangle nearby?
(Earrings.)
Two women at the fence: one is glued, the other is sewn...
What should be done with them?
(Tear off the first, tear off the second.)
Red, long, 21?
(Tram.)
What is blue gold?
(Beloved wife got drunk.)
What is excited by Koch's wand?
(1. tuberculosis; 2. Koch's wife.)
What unites burnt bread, a drowned man and a pregnant woman?
(Didn't get it out...)
Two rings, two ends...
(Very fancy New Russian.)
A loves B, B loves C? What to do A?
(Find another B.)
(Lame behind the fence.)
How good it is for you and me, I am under you, and you are on me.
(Hedgehog carries an apple.)
What is it: flies and shines?
(A mosquito with a gold tooth.)
What is: 90/60/90?
(Speed with a traffic cop.)
(Pillar.)
Earrings for simpletons.
(Noodles.)
The arithmetic mean between a bicycle and a motorcycle?
(Moped.)
Hanging on the wall, green and beeping.
(Herring. Hanging on the wall because I hung it there, green because I painted it, and squeaks so that no one would guess.)
Gets out of the water, eight boobs, three p@#dy
(Eight sissy trip@#dec.)
Hanging between the legs, stinks and yells?
(Motorcycle.)
What's on a woman's body
in the mind of a Jew
used in hockey
and on the chessboard?
(Combination.)
What question will no one ever answer yes to?
(Sleeping to the question: "Are you sleeping?")
How can you walk while sitting? (
In the toilet - on the toilet.)
With scales - but not a fish,
with p # $ doy - but not a woman,
with wings - but not a bird.
(Scaly n#$ winged.)
When is a person in a room without a head?
(When he sticks it out of the window into the street.)
What three-letter word is now most often written on the walls of toilets in schools and universities?
(You yourself X#@! The correct answer is WWW!)
Which social group has critical days twice a year?
(Students.)
When the goat is seven years old, what will happen next?
(The eighth will go)
Around the water, and in the middle of the law. What it is?
(The prosecutor is bathing.)
Small, yellowish, poking around in the ground.
(The Vietnamese is looking for a mine.)
Small, yellowish tumbles in the sky.
(Found!!!)
Why do you go to bed when you want to sleep?
(By gender.)
What is it: gold coins fall from a branch?
(Common in the land of fools.)
The goose barked all over Russia.
(Swan.)
What is: two bellies, four ears?
(Cat wedding.)
Wrinkled Titus amuses the whole village.
(Lack of youth in the countryside.)
How many eggs can a woman hold in one hand?
(Both.)
Why is it warm for women in stockings and cold for men in jeans in winter?
(Because the men have a heater x@#vy, and the women have a [email protected] date.)
What can you throw off a naked secretary?
(The naked chief.)
What is it: walks on the wall and plays? (A fly with a player in its ears.)
When a woman lifts her leg, what do you see? Five letters, starts with P, ends with A.
(Heel.)
With claws, not a bird, flies and swears.
(Electrician.)
Either hanging, then standing, then cold, then hot.
(Shower.)
You remember it a little, it will be hard, like a potato.
(Snowball.)
What is it: sitting on the ceiling, chewing on a light bulb?
(Ceiling lamp-biter.)
Who is: six wings, seven x#ev?
(Six-winged seven...)
One hundred clothes and all without fasteners.
(Bum.)
The hunter walked past the clock tower. He took out a gun and fired. Where did he get to?
(To the police.)
(Vodka.)
What is it: a little bald one runs through the forest?
(Hedgehog. Why is he bald? Escaped from Chernobyl.)
He does not bark, does not bite, but does not let him into the house.
(The wife does not let the drunken husband in.)
Four brothers stand under one roof.
(Mafia.)
Who is this - small, lives in the earth, begins with "Sch"?
(Servyachok.)
White, not sugar. Cold, not ice.
(Corpse.)
Which word always sounds wrong?
(The word "wrong".)
Ivashka stands on one leg.
(Disabled person.)
Under which tree does the hare sit when it rains?
(Under wet.)
What do money and a coffin have in common?
(Both are first boarded up, and then lowered.)
Two ends, two rings, and carnations in the middle.
(Victim of a maniac.)
Which wheel does not spin when turning right?
(Spare.)
What is it: small, black, beating against glass?
(Baby in the oven.)
How many babies will fit in a double stroller?
(And this, depending on how to chop ...)
What is: hanging on the wall and crying?
(Climber.)
(Woodpecker.)
What is it: first white, then vzh-zh-zhik, and red?
(Poodle of a neighbor in a mixer.)
Without windows, without doors, and inside there is a Jew? What's this?
(Sarah is pregnant.)
What is it: small, green, standing on the panel?
(Prostitute from another planet.)
It dangles on a rope, it's called "Z".
(Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya.)
Who will get to the refrigerator faster - a mouse or an elephant?
(Mouse. She will arrive on a bicycle.)
How to know if there is a mouse in the refrigerator without opening it?
(There should be a bicycle by the refrigerator.)
What is: green, bald and galloping?
(Soldier at the disco.)
What is it: blue, big, with a mustache and completely stuffed with hares?
(Trolleybus.)
Small, yellowish, opens the door by itself.
(Bruce Lee)
A little shriveled, there is in every woman.
(Highlight.)
A hippo flew across the sky, and a hunter with a gun ran after him on the ground. The hunter fired, and the hippo fell on him. Who is left alive?
(Elephant, because he flew out later.)
How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
(None. It's a hardware problem, programmers don't fix it.)
There is only one in the sky, There is none in the earth, And the woman has two of them.
(Letter B.)
How do day and night end?
(Soft sign.)
What is it: hanging on the wall and smelling?
(Clock: the cuckoo died in it.)
What is it - sits on a tree, black and croaks? For the letter Sh.
(Crow. Why on Sh? Because she pretended to be a hose.)
What is it - small, white, flies and buzzes? to the letter B.
(Fly. Why on B? Because the blonde.)
Hair on hair, body on body - a dark affair begins.
(Eye closes.)
What is - 100 x%ev and one rope?
(Barge Haulers on the Volga)
How much black is required to bury a person?
(Five. Four carry the coffin, and the fifth goes in front with a tape recorder.)
How is a person different from a locomotive?
(The locomotive first whistles, then moves off, and the person first starts off, and then walks and whistles.)
Consists of three letters
Starts with "X"
When it's worth working
When he finishes, he bows.
(Chor.)
What young man
dripping from the end in the morning?
(Samovar.
Option: Water faucet.)
Hanging pear - you can not eat.
(Another pear.
Option: Aunt Grunya hanged herself.)
Two turtles (male and female) walk in love along the shore holding each other by the paws. An hour later, only the male returns. Where is the female?
(She stayed there - he forgot to turn her over.)
The two men are on opposite sides of the earth.
One walks a tightrope over a cliff while another gets a blowjob from a 70-year-old woman.
Both men have the same thought. Which?
(Do not look down.)
Creeps, crawls - the stone will eat.
Crawling again, crawling - the stone will eat.
What it is?
(Rockstone.)
Creeps, crawls - the tree will eat.
Crawling again, crawling - the tree will eat.
What it is?
(Rockstone. He eats trees.)
What is Adam in front and Eve in back?
(The letter a".)
Why do girls in Paris have red hair?
(On the ground.)
Two backs, one head, six legs. What it is?
(Man on a chair.)
How is the first floor different from the ninth?
(From the first floor you will fall: "Bukh! - Ah!"
And from the ninth "Ah! - Boom!")
Scarlet sugar itself, green velvet caftan.
(Negative on color film, depicting the "new Russian".)
A multi-colored yoke hung over the river.
(A sign of the beginning of madness.)
What is it: sitting on the window, speaking French?
(Frenchman.)
The more of them, the less weight. What's this?
(Holes.)
How is a horse different from a needle?
(First you sit on a needle, then you jump,
and first you jump on the horse, then you sit down.)
What's happened:
Black, square, hairy on the nightstand?
(TV [n $% doy covered].)
The black dog does not bark, does not bite, and does not let into the house.
(A dead black dog blocking the entrance to the house.)
Pet, starts with a "t".
(Cockroach.)
Pet, starts with a "d".
(Two cockroaches.)
Pet, starts with "s".
(Just one cockroach.)
Black - on one leg?
(One-legged negro.)
Black - on two legs?
(Two one-legged blacks.)
Black - on three legs?
(Piano.)
Black - on four legs?
(One-legged negro at the piano.)
A hedgehog runs across the lawn - dragging, laughing. Why does he want?
(Because weed tickles pussy)
A hedgehog is running across the lawn - crying. Why is she crying?
(The grass was cut)
Smelly, red, dangerous for girls.
(Motorcycle "Java")
Gets out of the water, eight boobs, three c...
(Eight sissy trip...baby)
Thunder rumbles, bushes shake, what are they doing there?
(The bear eats raspberries)
If it weren't for grandmother's shaggy little ones, grandfather's beaters would freeze.
(Mittens)
Which country is the most armed?
(Israel, everyone walks there with sawn-off shotguns)
Lies on the back - no one needs. Lean against the wall - it will come in handy.
(Ladder)
Small, gray, like an elephant.
(Baby elephant)
A small, yellowish one lies under the bed, begins with a "Z".
(Kopeck. Why on "Z"? Rolled up)
A boy and a girl in the grass were doing something on "E".
(Eat strawberries)
Between the legs dangling on the "X" is called.
(trunk or tail)
Not horseradish, not a carrot - a red head.
(Pioneer in cap)
Where is the snowman from?
(From ZIMBABwe)
There is a cow - the hole is ready, the bull came into the hole - tyk.
(Lock and key)
Stop log in case of emergency braking.
(Pillar)
What is the difference between a teacher and a pedophile?
(A pedophile really loves kids)
What is it: the eyes are afraid - the hands are doing.
(phone sex)
What is it: there is a head, there is no head, there is a head, there is no head?
(Lame behind the fence)
What are you looking at me, undress, I'm yours.
(Bed or hanger)
What is it - the color of lilac, sees back the same way as forward, and jumps higher than the bell tower?
(A white blind horse, because the lilac is white, and the bell tower does not jump at all)
What is it: the power lies, and the water runs?
(The deputy is given an enema)
Hanging pear - you can not eat. Why?
(Boxers can fill their faces)
Everyone rides, but one piz..a.
(Husband got hit by a trolley bus)
All piz..a, and one ride.
(husband on a business trip)
All piz..a, no one riding.
(Trolleybus fell off the bridge)
Does not bark, does not bite, and is also called.
(@)
What is black and white, black and white, black and white?
(The nun rolls head over heels down the mountain)
What is it: written in black and white?
(Toilet at which stood a black man)
Green, spotted, jumping.
(Paratrooper)
What woman first rubs against you, and then demands money?
(Conductor on a tram)
Which plant knows everything?
(Horseradish)
How to put a giraffe in the refrigerator?
(Open fridge, put giraffe in, close fridge)
How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
(Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put the elephant in, close the refrigerator)
The lion called all the animals to a meeting. All showed up except for one. What is this animal?
(It's an elephant. It's in the fridge, remember?)
You need to cross a wide river that is infested with crocodiles. How will you do it?
(Swim. After all, the crocodiles are all at the meeting with the lion)
What is it: small, gray in color and weighs 3 kilograms?
(A mouse that has weight problems)
What word starts with three "G"s and ends with three "I"s?
(Trigonometry)
One eye, one horn, but not a rhinoceros?
(A cow peeks around the corner)
What has a head but no brains?
(Cheese, onion, garlic)
What is black on the outside, yellow on the inside?
(Chicken Ninja)
What is it: with eyes - but does not see, with a beak - but does not peck, with wings - and does not fly?
(Dead crow)
What is it: in white lace, mooing and crawling on the ground?
(drunk bride)
What is it: a lot of heads, a long tail, eyes burning, eggs small and dirty?
(The queue for eggs for 90 kopecks of the 80s of the twentieth century)
What is one zero?
(Bold)
What is two zeros?
(Toilet)
What is three zeros?
(Bald in the toilet)
What is four zeros?
(Two bald men in the toilet)
What is five zeros?
(Olympics)
What is six zeros?
(Bald at the Olympics)
What is seven zeros?
(Olympic toilet)
If all women sit on the splits, what will happen?
(Land fiz...th will be covered)
Grain that has passed through fire, water and copper pipes.
(Moonshine)
The new name for the former American president's favorite musical instrument.
(Sexophone)
Why do women scratch their eyes in the morning?
(Because they don't have eggs)
The most harmful insect, the back is black, the abdomen is white, the paws are in manure.
(Summer resident)
What is the difference between a woman's breasts and a toy railway?
(Nothing: both are made for children, and dads play with them)
What do Formula 1 and sex have in common?
(Pit stop - tire change)
What is the last thing on the mind of a beetle flying into the windshield of a moving car?
(His ass)
You are sitting in an airplane, a horse is in front of you, a car is behind you. Where are you?
(On the carousel)
Who is this: Red heels sticking out of the garden?
(Red heel ridger)
What should you do when you see a green man?
(Cross the street)
What is it - from three letters, enters one ear and exits the other?
(Scrap)
He left his grandfather, and he left his grandmother ...
(Sex.)
Without arms, without legs on a woman lope!
(Yoke)
Above the knee, below the navel, a hole large enough to fit an arm in.
(Pocket)
Hair, hair...and a sausage in the middle.
(Corn.)
Winter, forest, everything is covered with snow. A crushed penis lies on a large icy stump. What's this?
(Winter finally came.)
We guys are daring, we climb into the gaps in the genitals.
(Cockroaches.)
In a dark room, on a white sheet - two hours of pleasure.
(Movie show.)
It's black on top, red on the inside. When you put it in, it's so beautiful.
(Galoshes.)
Quietly came up behind, put it in twice and went.
(Slippers.)
Back and forth:
You and me are happy.
(Swing.)
They buried a prostitute, they wrote on the tombstone: "Now they will always be together." Who are they?
(Legs.)
What is it - green, press the button - red?
(Frog in the mixer.)
Cross-eyed, small, in a white fur coat, in felt boots?
(Chukotka Santa Claus.)
There is a bald hedgehog - how old is he?
(18 - he is taken to the army.)
The hairy head flies deftly over the cheek.
(Toothbrush.)
Black around, red in the middle.
(Radish in the ass Negra.)
Black around, white in the middle.
(The radish is there, only bitten.)
The letter X is called, P. will see it rises.
(The trunk takes food.)
What is it - a small, white blood sucks?
(Tampon.)
Red head - works smartly.
(Woodpecker)
It nourishes in autumn, warms in winter, amuses in spring, cools in summer.
(Vodka)
Two ends, two rings? (Gay wedding)
To stroke the front, you need to lick the back. (Postage Stamp)
Mustachioed, striped. (Mattress)
What is it: enters dry, exits wet, gives warmth and joy? (tea bag)
What lengthens when it is picked up, passed between the breasts and thrust into the hole? (Safety belt)
1. There, here, back
I'm crazy happy
I want again and again
Adrenaline in the blood
I love this business
Try it if you're brave.
(swing ride)
2. They take it in two hands
They put it between his legs
Then they sweat a little
Well, in the end - baldeyut.
(bike)
3. When he gets up, he reaches the sky
(Rainbow)
4. She stands on the floor
She's got a hole on fire
(stove)
5. Every man has it: one is longer, the other is shorter. Men give it to their wives after marriage
(surname)
6. He will start, get up, finish, bow. There are 3 letters in the word, the first X, what is it?
(chorus)
7. If you pick it up, it will become longer. It is stretched near the chest and thrust into the hole.
(safety belt)
8. Two women hang on the fence: one was glued, the other was sewn on. What should be done with them?
(tear off one, tear off the other)
9. Why do women scratch their eyes when they wake up?
(they don't have eggs)
10. I am a head with hairs
I caress my teeth and tongue
I take her back and forth
Mouth full of white mass
(Toothbrush)
11. I wait for you every evening
Lie down on me soon
But before we meet
Get undressed, don't be lazy.
(bed)
12. What is it? length - 15 cm, width - 7 cm, women love it.
(100 dollar bill)
13. What is the difference between a diver and a cook?
(the diver dips his eggs in cold water, and the cook in boiling water)
14. What can be dropped from a naked secretary?
(naked boss)
15. A social group that has critical days twice a year?
(students)
16. Rattles between legs
It stinks and squeals.
(motorcycle)
17. What unites a drowned man, burnt bread and a pregnant woman?
(did not get out in time)
18. Koch's wand is the causative agent ...
(1 - tuberculosis, 2 - Koch's wives)
19. It comes in dry, comes out wet, gives warmth and pleasure.
(tea bag)
20. Snow-white sheet, dark room, two hours of pleasure.
(movie show)
21. What do female breasts and a toy railroad have in common?
(made for a child, but dad plays with it)
22. A woman and a man move to the beat
Work actively until they finish the act
And they breathe loudly, changing position again
From all these movements the blood plays in the veins
(tango)
23. The guy recently met a girl (she is 19 years old). They haven't had sex yet. He asks her, "Did you have sex with anyone before me?"
The girl replies: Yes. The first time was at seventeen. Then at eighteen. Well, for the last time...
After these words, the guy got angry and left. What did the girl say about the last time?
(the last time - somewhere at 19.30)
24. In the evening I run to the bed, lie down under it and enjoy. What is this about?
(a blanket)
25. In honey. At the institute, the teacher begins the lecture by telling one story: “A long time ago, my friend and I fell in love with a beautiful girl. Of the two of us, she eventually chose him. I was left with a nose, and he was left without ... Write a topic ... "
What was the topic of the lecture?
(syphilis and its consequences)
26. Long red thirty-sixth. What's this?
(tram)
27. Before inserting, you need to lick it, because otherwise it won’t get up and insert.
(needle with thread)
28. One man walks along a thin log, located at a great height. The second man is given a blowjob by a 79-year-old old woman. Their thoughts are the same, what are they thinking?
(do not look down)
29. A few years ago, an unusual exhibit was put up for auction in England. He was represented by a girl from Holland. This exhibit attracted attention and shocked the local authorities, and subsequently its sale was declared a criminal offense. What was sold by the young girl?
(her virginity)
30. First it lies down, then it gets up. First it's white, then it's red.
(strawberries)
31. Not a clown, but joking. Not grandfather, but sleeping with grandmother. Who is it?
(Maksim Galkin)
32. Approximately 40 million people do IT at night.
(are eating)
33. What does a man have 3 letters, and a woman has 5 letters?
(for men - forelock, for women - bangs)
34. Schwarzenegger has it long, Johnny Depa has it short, Cher doesn’t have it at all, the singer Usher has it, but he hasn’t used it for a long time.
(surname)
35. One man wanted to make love to three women in one night. But he only had 2 condoms. The man did not know if these women were healthy and if he himself was healthy. Question: How can he have sex with every woman without infecting each other, if a man has only 2 condoms?
(1 woman - puts on two condoms at once, 2 woman - the second (upper) takes off and remains in one, 3 woman - the second turns inside out and puts on the first one without taking it off)
36. This can be seen if a woman lifts her leg. A 5-letter word starts with P. What's this?
(heel)
37. Dachshund ran across the lawn and laughed. Why?
(grass tickled pussy)
38. Dachshund ran across the lawn and cried. Why did you cry?
(grass cut)
38. White, cold, but not snow. What's this?
(corpse)
39. Raspberry bushes are shaking and strange sounds are heard. Who is there and what are they doing?
(bear eats raspberries)
40. Long, red, wriggling. What's this?
(the snake got into a can of paint)
41. What is it? White cold eggs, long tail, burning eyes, many voices.
(line in the store for eggs)
42. He gives to everyone, but one left and didn’t get it.
(husband went on a business trip)
43. What is it: peeps - hides, peeps - hides?
(lame behind the fence)
44. What is: sharp, hard, should be in every man?
(male rod)
45. Two turtles (male and female) walked in the park, looked at each other lovingly and held on to their paws. Half an hour later, only the male returned. Where did the female go?
(remained in the park - the male forgot to turn it over)
46. Cheburashka, Pinocchio, an honest millionaire and a filthy cop are on the train. They play cards for money that are on the table. After the train passed through a dark tunnel, the money was gone. Who stole them?
(Dirty cop, because the rest of the trinity does not exist in nature)
47. If not for my mother's shaggy, then my father's beaters would freeze. What is this about?
(about mittens)
48. A dead man lies on a wasteland. On his shoulders is a bag, in his pockets is a piece of bread and a flask of water. There is no one around for several kilometers. Why did the man die and what is in his bag?
(He died from hitting the ground, there was an unopened parachute in the bag)
49. What can be called blue gold or blue sun?
(drunk beloved wife)
50. What three letters are now often written by modern schoolchildren on the walls of toilets and entrances?
(WWW)
vulgar riddles, vulgar riddles
Riddles have been a favorite genre of folklore since ancient times. It is difficult to say exactly when exactly they first appeared in the everyday life of Russian speech. Helping to develop such qualities as prudence, logic, thinking and ingenuity, riddles are an integral part of raising a child. They may also contain a hidden meaning or hint. This type includes vulgar riddles.
From time immemorial, riddles have been very popular in Russia. According to some reports, it was in them that mythical plots and stories were reflected, through allegorical expression. Not a single festival in Russia was complete without all sorts of riddles and charades. Weddings, name days, Maslenitsa - all Russian holidays were decorated with these wonderful funny sayings.
Vulgar riddles, of course, are far from a childish version of this genre. Such riddles are more suitable for adults. It is easy to understand whether the riddles are vulgar or not. This follows from a series of associations evoked by riddles. It is not worth remembering Freud here and saying that your associations are only a problem of your personality. To riddles, psychoanalysis cannot be applied, since the meaning embedded in them implies a specific, specific answer.
Vulgar riddles are especially popular among people of equal age, for example:
Colleagues or just good friends. The rule of bad taste will be the use of vulgar riddles in the family circle, or surrounded by little-known people. Vulgar riddles are used by young people in order to hint at certain circumstances or feelings, without speaking about it directly, to establish, so to speak, “freelance” relationships.
Between colleagues, vulgar riddles are used to get a little distraction from work and cheer up. Or, for example, if a newcomer to the team wants to show emancipation and a sense of humor in order to be accepted into a close friendly circle of colleagues. The vulgar riddles used by the boss are an attempt to establish a relationship on the same level, more friendly than with subordinates.
Young people often use vulgar riddles when communicating with girls. After one or two riddles of vulgar content, relations, naturally, in the presence of mutual sympathy, become closer and more accommodating. There is an opinion that vulgar riddles help in a more simplified way to move on to intimate relationships, especially since in case of refusal, the offer can be interpreted as a joke.
Vulgar riddles are actively spread at school.
According to some psychologists, such riddles negatively affect children's intelligence, causing a premature interest in sexuality. But mostly they are considered harmless. Moreover, in the conditions of a fragile teenage psyche, vulgar riddles are considered taboo, and are perceived repulsively, or even blocked by a subconscious unwillingness to enter into close relationships.
Vulgar riddles are not perceived by infantile natures either. The control blocks set in the subconscious of such a person do not allow not only to appreciate the “joke”, but also cause an unpleasant opinion about the carrier of this kind of riddles. Basically, people with a well-developed sense of humor and in an appropriate setting perceive vulgar riddles well, and sometimes even with pleasure.
The presence between people of the opportunity to pronounce vulgar riddles speaks of the closeness of their natures and close communication. Sometimes, vulgar riddles are also used in a circle of unfamiliar people. In this case, through riddles of this type, people can very quickly move on to the second, denser phase of communication. And sometimes, even become lovers or good friends.
By the number of so-called "likes" on the page, which mark vulgar riddles, you can determine how much and what kind of riddles a certain person likes. This is the easiest way to determine the topic of the next communication. After all, knowing what kind of vulgar riddles you like and delight, you can pick up more similar riddles and replenish your arsenal.
At present, it is becoming fashionable and a return to the old Russian traditions of our ancestors is universally welcomed. Thanks to this, vulgar riddles can be used at various celebrations, such as: weddings, birthdays, corporate parties, or name days. Vulgar riddles will help dilute the general fun and give the holiday a special, friendly flavor.
There is a rich house and a poor one. They are on fire. Which house will the police put out?
Police do not put out fires, firefighters put out fires
How can a person not sleep for 8 days?
Sleep at night
You enter a dark kitchen. It contains a candle, a kerosene lamp and a gas stove. What will you light first?
A girl is sitting, and you cannot sit in her place, even if she gets up and leaves. Where is she sitting?
She sits on your lap
You are standing in front of three switches. Behind an opaque wall are three light bulbs in the off state. You need to manipulate the switches, go into the room and determine which light bulb each switch belongs to.
First you need to turn on two switches. After a while one of them will turn off. Enter the room. One bulb will be hot from the switch on, the second - warm from the off, the third - cold, from the untouched switch
It is known that among the nine coins there is one counterfeit, which has less weight than the rest of the coins. How to determine a counterfeit coin using a weighing pan in two weighings?
1st weighing: 3 and 3 coins. The counterfeit coin is in the pile that weighs the least. If they are equal, then the fake is in the third pile. 2nd weighing: Any 2 coins from the pile with the lowest weight are compared. If they are equal, then the fake is the remaining coin.
Two people approach the river. Near the shore is a boat that can only support one. Both men crossed to the opposite bank. How?
They were on different shores
Two fathers, two sons found three oranges and divided them. Each got a whole orange. How can this be?
The dog was tied to a ten-meter rope, and walked 300 meters. How did she do it?
The rope was not tied to anything.
How can a thrown egg fly three meters and not break?
You need to throw an egg four meters, then the first three meters it will fly by
The man was driving a large truck. The lights on the car were not on. There was also no moon. The woman began to cross the road in front of the car. How did the driver manage to see her?
It was a bright sunny day
If five cats catch five mice in five minutes, how long does it take for one cat to catch one mouse?
Five minutes
Can you light a match underwater?
You can, if you pour water into some kind of container, for example, into a glass, and keep the match below the glass
The boat is rocking on the water. A ladder has been thrown out from it along the side. Before high tide, water covered only the bottom step. How long will it take for the water to cover the 3rd step from the bottom, if at high tide the water rises by 20 cm per hour, and the distance between the steps is 30 cm?
Never, as the boat rises with the water
How to divide five apples among five girls so that each girl gets an apple and at the same time one of the apples remains in the basket?
Give one girl an apple with a basket
One and a half pike perch cost one and a half rubles. How much are 13 zanders worth?
Merchants and potters. In one city, all the people were merchants or potters. Merchants have always told lies, and potters have always told the truth. When all the people gathered in the square, each of those gathered said to the others: “You are all merchants!” How many potters were there in this city?
The potter was alone, because:
- If there were no potters, then the merchants would have to tell the truth that all other merchants, and this contradicts the condition of the problem.
- If there were more than one potter, then each potter would have to lie that the rest were merchants.
There are two coins on the table, in total they give 3 rubles. One of them is not 1 ruble. What are these coins?
1 and 2 rubles
The satellite makes one revolution around the Earth in 1 hour 40 minutes, and the other in 100 minutes. How can it be?
100 minutes is 1 hour 40 minutes
As you know, all Russian female names end either in the letter “a” or in the letter “ya”: Anna, Maria, Irina, Natalya, Olga, etc. However, there is one single female name that ends in a different letter. Name it.
What has no length, depth, width, height, but can be measured?
Time, temperature
If it rains at 12 o'clock at night, can we expect that in 72 hours it will be sunny?
No, because in 72 hours it will be night
Seven brothers have a sister. How many sisters are there?
One yacht goes from Nice to San Remo, the other from San Remo to Nice. They left the harbors at the same time. The first hour of the yacht's movement went at the same speed (60 km/h), but then the first yacht increased its speed to 80 km/h. Which of the yachts will be closer to Nice at the time of their meeting?
At the time of their meeting, they will be at the same distance from Nice
A woman was walking to Moscow, and three men were walking towards her. Everyone has a bag, in each bag there is a cat. How many creatures were sent to Moscow?
Only the woman went to Moscow, the rest went the other way
There were 10 birds perched on a tree. A hunter came and shot one bird. How many birds are left on the tree?
None - the rest of the birds flew away
The train runs from east to west, and the wind blows from north to south. In which direction is the smoke coming from the chimney?
You are running a marathon and you overtook the second runner. What is your current position?
Second. If you answered that you are now first, then this is wrong: you overtook the second runner and took his place, so you are now in second position
You are running a marathon and you overtook the last runner. What is your current position?
If you answered that the penultimate one, you were mistaken again :). Think about how you can overtake the last runner? If you run after him, then he is not the last. The correct answer is it's impossible, you can't overtake the last runner
There were three cucumbers and four apples on the table. The child took one apple from the table. How many fruits are left on the table?
3 fruits and cucumbers are vegetables
The product first rose in price by 10%, and then fell in price by 10%. What is its value now relative to the original?
99%: after a rise in price, 10% was added to 100% - it turned out to be 110%; 10% of 110% = 11%; then subtract 11% from 110% and get 99%
How many times does the number 4 appear in integers from 1 to 50?
15 times: 4, 14, 24, 34, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44 - twice, 45, 46. 47, 48, 49
You drove the car two thirds of the way. At the beginning of the journey, the gas tank of the car was full, and now it is one-quarter full. Will there be enough gasoline until the end of the journey (at a similar consumption)?
No, since 1/4< 1/3
Mary's father has 5 daughters: Chacha, Cheche, Chichi, Chocho. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
A deaf and dumb man went into an office supply store to buy a pencil sharpener. He stuck a finger in his left ear and with the fist of his other hand made a rotational movement near his right ear. The seller immediately understood what he was being asked for. Then a blind man entered the same store. How did he explain to the salesperson that he wanted to buy scissors?
Just said he's blind but not dumb
A rooster flew to the border of Russia and China. He sat right on the border, absolutely in the middle. Took an egg. It fell exactly across: the border divides it in the middle. What country does the egg belong to?
Roosters don't lay eggs!
One morning, a soldier who had previously been on night guard approached the centurion and said that that night he had dreamed that the barbarians would attack the fortress that evening from the north. The centurion did not really believe in this dream, but nevertheless he took measures. That same evening, the barbarians really attacked the fortress, but thanks to the measures taken, their attack was repulsed. After the battle, the centurion thanked the soldier for the warning and then ordered him to be taken into custody. Why?
For sleeping on duty
There are ten fingers on the hands. How many fingers are on ten hands?
The plane with English tourists flew from Holland to Spain. It crashed in France. Where should the surviving (injured) tourists be buried?
The survivors do not need to be buried! :)
You drove a bus with 42 passengers from Boston to Washington. At each of the six stops, 3 people got out of it, and at every second - four. What was the name of the driver when the driver arrived in Washington 10 hours later?
How about you, because in the beginning it was said that you drove the bus
What can you find in minutes, seconds and days, but not in years, decades and centuries?
How many times can 3 be subtracted from 25?
Once, because after the first subtraction, the number "25" will change to "22"
All of Mrs. Taylor's bungalows are finished in pink with pink lamps, pink walls, pink carpets and a pink ceiling. What color are the stairs in this bungalow?
There are no stairs in the bungalow
In the ancient castle where the prison was located, there were 4 round towers in which prisoners were imprisoned. One of the prisoners decided to escape. And then one day he hid in a corner, and when the guard came in, he stunned him with a blow to the head, and he ran away, changing into other clothes. Could this be?
No, because the towers were round and there were no corners
The 12-storey building has an elevator. Only 2 people live on the ground floor, from floor to floor the number of residents doubles. Which button in the elevator of this house is pressed more often than others?
Regardless of the distribution of residents by floors - button "1"
A pair of horses ran 20 kilometers. Question: how many kilometers did each horse run individually?
20 kilometers
What can stand and walk, hang and stand, walk and lie down at the same time?
Is it possible to predict the score of a football match before it starts, and if so, how?
The score of any match before it starts is always 0:0
What in a person can increase in diameter by 7 times in a few seconds?
Pupil. When moving from bright light to dark, the diameter can change from 1.1 to 8 mm; everything else either almost does not increase, or increases in diameter by no more than 2-3 times
A seller in the market sells a hat that costs 10 rubles. A buyer comes up and wants to buy it, but he has only 25 rubles. The seller sends the boy with these 25 rubles. exchange for a neighbor. The boy comes running and gives 10 + 10 + 5 rubles. The seller gives a hat and change of 15 rubles, and 10 rubles. leaves to himself. After a while, a neighbor comes and says that 25 rubles. fake, demands to give her money. The seller returns her money. How much money was deceived by the seller?
The seller was deceived by fake 25 rubles.
How many animals did Moses take on his ark?
Animals were taken to the ark not by Moses, but by Noah
2 people walked in at the same time. One has an apartment on the 3rd floor, the other has an apartment on the 9th. How many times will the first person get there faster than the second? Note: they simultaneously pressed the buttons in 2 elevators moving at the same speed.
Usual answer: 3 times. Correct answer: 4 times. Elevators usually go from the 1st floor. The first one will pass 3-1=2 floors, and the second one 9-1=8 floors, i.e. 4 times more
This riddle is often offered to children. But sometimes adults can rack their brains for a long time to guess how to solve such a problem, so you can arrange a competition: invite everyone to try to solve the problem. Whoever guesses, regardless of age, deserves a prize. Here is the task:
6589 = 4; 5893 = 3; 1236 = 1; 1234 = 0; 0000 = 4; 5794 = 1; 1111 = 0; 4444 = 0; 7268 = 3; 1679 = 2; 3697 = 2
2793 = 1; 4895 = 3
The main thing is to look at the problem in a childish way, then you will understand that the answer is 3 (three circles in the numbers)
Two jigits competed: whose horse will come to the finish line last. However, things did not go well, both stood still. Then they turned to the sage for advice, and after that both galloped at full speed.
The sage advised the jigits to exchange horses
One student tells another: “Yesterday our college basketball team won the basketball game 76:40. At the same time, not a single basketball player scored a single ball in this match.
Women's teams played
A man enters a store, buys sausage and asks to cut it, but not across, but along. The saleswoman asks: "Are you a fireman?" - "Yes". How did she guess?
The man was in uniform
The lady did not have a driver's license with her. She did not stop at the railroad crossing even though the barrier was lowered, then, ignoring the "brick", she moved along the one-way street against the traffic and stopped only after passing three blocks. All this happened in front of the traffic police officer, who for some reason did not consider it necessary to intervene.
The lady was walking
There were three tailor shops on one Odessa street. The first tailor advertised himself like this: “The best workshop in Odessa!” The second - "The best workshop in the world!" The third "surpassed" them both.
“The best workshop on this street!”
The two brothers were drinking at a bar. Suddenly, one of them began to argue with the bartender, and then he pulled out a knife and, ignoring his brother's attempts to stop him, hit the bartender. At his trial, he was found guilty of murder. At the end of the trial, the judge said: "You are found guilty of murder, but I have no choice but to let you go." Why did the judge have to do this?
The culprit was one of the Siamese twins. A judge couldn't send a guilty person to jail without putting an innocent one in there too.
Baba Yaga, the Serpent Gorynych, the stupid ensign and the smart ensign were traveling in the same compartment. There was a bottle of beer on the table. The train entered the tunnel, it became dark. When the train left the tunnel, the bottle was empty. Who drank beer?
The stupid ensign drank the beer, since the rest of the creatures are unreal and do not occur in life!)
What is not in a women's handbag?
Answer: Order
Lagutova Sasha, Moscow
738
What happens if you cross a hare and a squirrel?
Answer: Zaebelka
on vie, Novgorod
687
When will a foal become a horse?
Answer: Never (~ when baby)
net F&O, omsk
584
What is the longest word in Russian?
Answer: A word about Igor's regiment
1870
Flying green. What's this?
Answer: green tomato
swan liza, vladivostok
510
Flying black. What's this?
Answer: green tomato shadow
swan liza, vladivostok
454
There is a bathhouse, it is guarded by two devils, you have nothing. What needs to be done so that the devils let you through?
Answer: To the first, you ask for a smoke, he yells: "Go to hell!" To the second, you ask to drink it, he yells: “Go to the bathhouse!”
Lucy, Omsk
461
What can't be done in space?
Answer: hang yourself
Katya, Prokopyevsk
442
Pet starts with a T.
Answer: cockroach
koromzina vikusya, kotlas
480
Pets start with the letter D.
Answer: Two cockroaches
Koromzina Vikusya, Kotlas
444
A pet begins with the letter Y.
Answer: One more cockroach
Koromzina Vikusya, Kotlas
447
Antoshka stands on one leg.
Answer: One-legged Antoshka
Potekhina Tatiana, Orenburg
423
Why does the hedgehog run across the clearing and laugh?
Answer: Weed testicles tickle
Potekhina Tatiana, Orenburg
566
What needs to be done to get twins?
Answer: Insert carbon paper
Potekhina Tatiana, Orenburg
309
What to do if you have a dream in a foreign language?
Answer: Take an interpreter to bed
Potekhina Tatiana, Orenburg
342
Why is the flounder flat?
Answer: Because she slept with a whale
Potekhina Tatiana, Orenburg
319
Why does a penis age earlier than a man?
Answer: Because he works in a hot shop, on the night shift, upside down and nauseating.
Potekhina Tatiana, Orenburg
392
What do milk and hedgehog have in common?
Answer: roll up
simply
358
What woman first rubs against you, and then demands money?
Answer: Conductor
Molkova Victoria, Yaroslavl
275
Three guys are sitting in a cafe. Two of them have girlfriends, and the third has calloused hands. What does it mean?
Answer: He is a workaholic
Ivanova Afrosinya, Kiev
248
I found her in the forest, I was looking for her for a long time, I brought her home because I did not find her.
Answer: Splinter
novikova nastya
292
Two went - they found three nails. Four follow - how many nails will they find?
Answer: Not one, two collected all the nails
1198
What is green, small, rustling under paper?
Answer: Small green bug
Korotkova Sonya
325
What is it: flies, rustles, and not a rustler?
Answer: Rattler's brother
Korotkova Sonya
319
Yellow is lying under the bed, it starts on z.
Answer: Rolled up
Andreeva Alexandra, P. Seryshevo
261
Who was the creator of the pedicure?
Answer: Pedik Yura
Marina, Belgorod
483
Hanging, hanging, X starts!
Answer: tail
Rayyan Garik
309
An old man was walking and farting. What was the old man doing?
Answer: There was a priest, and the old man nodded to him
anonymous
355
What needs to be done so that the gun does not shoot, the dog does not bite, the woman does not give birth?
Answer: Don't drop
Kolpashchikov Dmitry, Kirov
249
It crawls up the ceiling and chews on a light bulb. Who?
Answer: Ceiling Lamp Gnaw
mariya
331
With claws, not a bird, flies and swears.
Answer: Electrician falls off a pole
Semykina Sonya, Moscow
424
In which word does the letter Y occur 6 times?
Answer: Vylysypydysty
Serebrov Zhenya, Severouralsk
336
Three women stood at the bus stop eating ice cream. The first licked, the second sucked, and the third chewed. Which one is married?
Answer: The one with the wedding ring
anonymous
267
Yells, yells and does not let me sleep.
Answer: child
sasha kovylin, samara
Vulgar riddles are riddles with a "certain" content. However, in fact, they can be made under the motto: “Everyone thinks to the extent of his own licentiousness,” because the answers to them turn out to be quite decent. The main task of such riddles is no different from the main tasks of ordinary riddles. Therefore, discard all extraneous thoughts and “turn on” the convolutions.
Vulgar riddles with answers
Black on top and red on the inside.
And shove - so beautiful!
Answer: galoshes
Consists of three letters
When it works, it's worth it.
Starts with "X"
When he finishes, he bows
Answer: choir
And this young man is dripping from the end in the morning.
Answer: samovar or faucet
A pear hangs, but you can’t eat it.
Answer: someone else's pear
2 turtles (female and male) walked along the shore, holding each other's paws. Only the male returned 1 hour ago? Where did the female go?
Answer: the female stayed there, she turned over, and the male forgot to turn her over.
On a white sheet, in a dark room, 2 hours of pleasure.
Answer: movie show
Eve has it in the back, and Adam has it in the front.
Answer: the letter "A".
Dirty riddles with normal answers
Back and forth, we are pleased with you.
Answer: swing
What is the difference between a tomato and a tractor?
Answer: the tractor door opens outward, and the tomato is red.
He sits at the window and speaks French.
Answer: French
How is a needle different from a horse?
Answer: first you jump on a horse, and only then you sit down, and you sit on a needle, and then you jump.
Pet, begins with the letter "T".
Answer: cockroach
A pet begins with the letter "d".
Answer: two cockroaches
Pet, starts with the letter "Y"
Answer: One cockroach
Is it possible to kill a person with cotton wool?
Answer: you can, if you wrap a brick in it.
Answer: flying green tomato
What is black and crawling on the ground?
Answer: this is the shadow of a green tomato
What can't you do in space?
Answer: don't hang yourself
Vulgar funny riddles
Bald and green and jumping?
Answer: disco soldier
A grain that has passed water, fire and copper pipes?
Answer: moonshine
Riddles with a trick are vulgar
What do a cook and a diver have in common?
Answer: both have to dip their eggs into the water.
What is common between a coffin and money?
Answer: both are first nailed down, and then they are lowered
Small, black, wrinkled. Does any representative of the fair sex have one?
Answer: highlight
What has a head but no brains?
Answer: garlic, onion, cheese
What it is: 7 cm wide, 15 cm long and women like it
Answer: hundred dollar bill
Two wings, three heads, eight legs. What it is?
Answer: Vasily Ivanovich rides a horse and takes a chicken for lunch.
Vulgar riddles with non-vulgar answers
Why don't chickens have breasts?
Answer: Because roosters don't have arms.
What should you do when you see a green man?
Answer: cross the street
A girl and a boy were sitting in the grass doing something with the letter "E".
Answer: if strawberries
Riddles vulgar with funny answers.
There is a woman on the floor, she opened her hole.
Answer: stove
As soon as she gets up, she will reach the sky.
Answer: rainbow
What can't be eaten for breakfast?
Answer: dinner and lunch
Without arms and without legs, but lope on a woman!
Answer: rocker
Jumps deftly, eats carrots
Answer: Bubka is on a diet
Tell me what it is: the hard itself, but inserted into the soft. There are only balls hanging around.
Answer: earrings
Long, red, 21?
Answer: tram
What do a pregnant woman, burnt bread, and a drowned man have in common?
Answer: didn't manage to pull out...
What is the difference between a pedophile and a teacher?
Answer: The pedophile truly loves children.
Which country is the most armed?
Answer: Israel - everyone in it walks with sawn-off shotguns.
What 3-letter word is any man afraid of?
Answer: still
How good it is for you and me ... You are on me, I am under you ...
Answer: hedgehog carries an apple
The arithmetic mean between a motorcycle and a bicycle?
It stinks, yells, dangles between the legs?
Answer: motorcycle
Why are they wearing a hat?
Answer: because she does not walk herself
Yellow, small, poking around in the ground
Answer: Vietnamese looking for a wife
What needs to be done so that 4 guys stay in one boot?
Answer: remove them one at a time
If a woman lifts her leg, what can be seen that ends with A and begins with P?
Answer: heel
Stop looking at me - undress, I'm yours!
Answer: bed
May be standing, may be hanging. Both cold and hot...
Answer: shower
Just remember it a little, it will become hard like a potato
Answer: snowball
He does not bark or bite, but he does not let him into the house.
Answer: the wife who decided not to let her drunken husband go home
Why do we buy hats?
Answer: because no one will give them to us for free
The red head works smartly.
Answer: woodpecker
What is the difference between an old and a young bachelor?
Answer: a young bachelor cleans his apartment in order to invite a woman, and the old one, on the contrary, invites a woman to clean from him
The guys are daring climbing into the crevices of the genitals.
Answer: cockroaches
Hair on hair and body on body. This is where the dark stuff begins...
Answer: Close your eyes.
Any of these vulgar riddles can be made at a birthday or wedding. In between, competitions for adults can be held.
2. Around the hair, in the middle of the sausage. (Corn)
3. Black on top, red inside, as you put it in - so beautiful. (galoshes)
4. Hair on hair, body on body and the dark business begins. (Eyelids)
5. Now cold - then hot, then hanging - then standing. (Shower)
6. There - here - back, you and I are pleased. (Swing)
7. Why are you looking at me? Undress, I'm yours! (Bed)
8. The hairy head goes over the cheek deftly. (Toothbrush)
9. We are daring guys, we climb into the gaps in the genitals! (Broom)
10. Lying on his back - no one needs. Lean against the wall - it will come in handy. (Ladder)
11. In a dark room, on a white sheet, 2 hours of pleasure. (Cinema)
12. You remember it a little, it will become hard like a potato. (Snowball)
13. I will take it in my hands, squeeze it tightly - it will become elastic and hard like a turnip. (Snowball)
14. The red head climbs deftly into the hole (Woodpecker)
15. Small, black, wrinkled - every woman has. (highlight)
16. If not for grandmother's shaggy, grandfather's beaters would freeze. (Mittens)
17. Not horseradish, not a carrot - a red head. (Pioneer in cap)
18. He came up behind, put it in and went. (Slippers)
19. How good it is for you and me when you lie on your back ... (Hedgehog with an apple)
20. I take it with both hands, put it between my legs ... (bicycle).
21. What a young man is dripping from the end in the morning. (tap)
And here are modern riddles from the Murzilka magazine.
It’s also worth thinking about - tensing up before answering.
1. Which wheel does not spin when turning right? (Spare)
2. What is: hanging on the wall and crying? (novice climber)
3. Lying on his back - no one needs. Lean against the wall - it will come in handy. (Ladder)
4. A pear is hanging - you can’t eat it. Why? (Boxers can fill their faces)
5. About 40 million people do it at night. What is it (Internet)
6. Without arms, without legs for a woman lope! (Yoke)
7. Small, gray, like an elephant. (Baby elephant)
8. A little yellow one is picking in the ground. (Vietnamese is looking for a mine)
9. Little yellow tumbles in the sky. (Found!!!)
10. He left his grandfather, he left his grandmother ... (Sex)
11. Cross-eyed, small, in a white fur coat, in felt boots. (Chukotka Santa Claus)
12. There is a bald hedgehog - how old is he? (On the 18th he is taken to the army)
13. He does not bark, does not bite, but does not let him into the house. (The wife does not let the drunken husband in)
14. With claws, not a bird, flies and swears. (Electrician)
15. Now hanging, now standing, now cold, now hot (Shower)
16. One hundred clothes and all without fasteners. (Bum)
17. What is it: sitting on the window, speaking French? (Frenchman)
18. Pet begins with a "t". (Cockroach)
19. Pet starts with "d". (Two cockroaches)
20. Pet starts with "s". (Just one cockroach)
21. Grain that has passed through fire, water and copper pipes. (Moonshine)
22. What is the difference between a woman's breasts and a toy railway? (Nothing: both are made for children, and dads play with them)
23. A plant that knows everything! (Horseradish)
A small lyrical digression.
You know, for a moment it seemed to me that our riddles are very similar to the puzzle that men try to solve at the beginning of March every year, when they decide
What unites burnt bread, a drowned man and a pregnant woman?
ANSWER: We did not have time to pull out ...
What is: Two ends, two rings?
ANSWER: Gay wedding.
What young man is dripping from the end in the morning?
ANSWER: Samovar.
Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with cotton wool?
ANSWER: Yes, if you wrap an iron in it.
What is a happy ending?
ANSWER: Member after sex.
Who is this: He does not shoot himself and does not give to others?
ANSWER: Alexander Matrosov.
In a dark room, on a white sheet - two hours of pleasure.
ANSWER: Movie show.
What is Adam in front and Eve in back?
ANSWER: The letter "A".
There-here-back: It's nice for you and me.
ANSWER: Swings.
A boy and a girl in the grass were doing something on "E".
ANSWER: Eat strawberries.
About 40 million people do THIS at night. What it is?
ANSWER: Internet.
There is a woman on the floor, opening her hole.
ANSWER: Stove.
There is a plaque in the teeth, longing in the eyes.
ANSWER: A man fell into a village push.
Without arms, without legs on a woman lope!
ANSWER: Rocker.
Jumping smartly and eating carrots?
ANSWER: Bubka is on a diet.
Not a rooster, but singing, not a grandfather, but a grandmother, who is this?
ANSWER: Philip Kirkorov.
One wheel thousand wings - what is it?
ANSWER: Wheelbarrow with manure.
What is it: a hard one is inserted into a soft one, and the balls dangle nearby?
ANSWER: Earrings.
What is excited by Koch's wand?
ANSWER: 1. tuberculosis; 2. Koch's wife.
Two rings, two ends...
ANSWER: Very fancy New Russian.
What does a woman have on her body, a Jew has in mind, is used in hockey and on a chessboard?
ANSWER: Combination.
How can you walk while sitting?
ANSWER: In the toilet - on the toilet.
He left his grandfather, and he left his grandmother ...
ANSWER: Sex.
Wrinkled Titus amuses the whole village.
ANSWER: Lack of youth in the countryside.
How many eggs can a woman hold in one hand?
ANSWER: Both.
What can you throw off a naked secretary?
ANSWER: A naked boss.
I take it in two hands, put it between my legs, sweat for five minutes, and then go crazy.
ANSWER: Exercise bike.
The hairy head flies deftly over the cheek.
ANSWER: Toothbrush.
Black around, red in the middle.
Answer: Radish in the ass of the Negro.
With claws, not a bird, flies and swears.
ANSWER: Electrician.
Either hanging, then standing, then cold, then hot.
ANSWER: Shower.
Four brothers stand under one roof.
ANSWER: Mafia.
White, not sugar. Cold, not ice.
ANSWER: Corpse.
What is it: small, black, beating against glass?
ANSWER: The baby is in the oven.
How many babies will fit in a double stroller?
ANSWER: And this, depending on how to chop ...
Red head - works smartly.
ANSWER: Woodpecker.
Without windows, without doors, and inside there is a Jew? What's this?
ANSWER: Sarah is pregnant.
Hair, hair...and a sausage in the middle.
ANSWER: Corn.
A little shriveled, there is in every woman.
ANSWER: Highlight.
With onions and eggs, but not a pie?
ANSWER: Robin Hood.
Which country is the most armed?
ANSWER: Israel - there everyone walks with sawn-off shotguns.
What is it: the eyes are afraid - the hands are doing.
ANSWER: Phone sex.
A three-letter word that any man fears?
ANSWER: More!
Hanging between the legs, stinks and yells?
ANSWER: Motorcycle.
There is only one in the sky, There is none in the earth, And the woman has two of them.
ANSWER: B.
We guys are daring, we climb into the gaps in the genitals.
ANSWER: Cockroaches.
What is it - a small, white blood sucks?
ANSWER: Tampon.
Quietly came up behind, Twice put it in and went.
ANSWER: Slippers.
Hair on hair, body on body - a dark affair begins.
ANSWER: The eye is closed.
Why do you need an orgasm?
ANSWER: In order not to get fucked to death.
What is 60-90-60?
ANSWER: This is a pregnant eleven-year-old girl.
Grain that has passed through fire, water and copper pipes.
ANSWER: Moonshine
Klyauznik, writer of anonymous letters.
ANSWER: Onanist
The new name of the American president's favorite musical instrument.
ANSWER: Sexophone
What do a diver and a cook have in common?
ANSWER: Both of them have to dip their eggs into the water from time to time.
What do money and a coffin have in common?
ANSWER: Both are first nailed down, and then lowered.
Why do women scratch their eyes in the morning?
ANSWER: Because they don't have eggs
What woman first rubs against you, and then demands money?
(Conductor on a tram)
To stroke the front, you need to lick the back.
It's black on top, red on the inside, and you put it in, it's so beautiful.
hair on hair,
body to body
And the dark business begins
(eyes closed)
We guys are daring climbing into the gaps in the genitals.
No one needs it on its back, but lean it against the wall, it will come in handy.
(Ladder)
Do you remember it will become a little hard like a potato
The red head climbs deftly into the hole
I will take it in my hands, squeeze it tightly and it will become harder than a strong turnip.
If it were not for grandmother's shaggy, grandfather's beaters would freeze
(mittens)
Not horseradish, not carrot red head
(pioneer in cap)
I take 2 with my hands suyubetween the legs
(bike)
What is: 15 cm long, 7 cm wide and very popular with women?
($100 banknote)
A boy and a girl in the grass were doing something on "E".
(Eat strawberries)
About 40 million people do THIS at night. What it is?
How good it is for you and me, I am under you, and you are on me.
(Hedgehog carries an apple)
What's on a woman's body
Jew on the mind
Used in hockey
And on the chessboard?
(Combination)
Above the knee, below the navel, a hole large enough to fit an arm in. (Pocket)
There is a plaque in the teeth, longing in the eyes. (The man fell into a village push)
Get up and reach the sky. (Rainbow)
We are daring guys, we climb into the genital crevices. (Cockroaches.)
They buried a prostitute, they wrote on the tombstone: "Now they will always be together." Who are they? (Legs.)
I take it in two hands, put it between my legs, sweat for five minutes, and then go crazy. (Exercise bike.)
There is a woman on the floor, opening her hole. (Stove)
Two backs, one head, six legs. What it is? (man on chair)
What young man is dripping from the end in the morning? (Samovar or Water Faucet)
Mustachioed, striped. (Mattress)
What is it: enters dry, exits wet, gives warmth and joy? (tea bag)
What lengthens when it is picked up, passed between the breasts and thrust into the hole? (Safety belt)
Two women at the fence: one is glued, the other is sewn ... What should be done with them? (Tear off the first, tear off the second)
Red head - works smartly. (Woodpecker)
What is hard and pink when it comes in, and soft and sticky when it comes out? (gum)
What does a man do - standing, a woman - sitting, and a dog - on three legs? (gives hand)
You stick your stake in me. You tie to lift. And I get wet before you (tent)
My finger enters. You rub and tease me when you're bored. The best man gets me first. (wedding ring)
I come in different sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me out I feel good (nose)
All men have it, some have it longer than others. Mom doesn't use hers at all. A man gives this to his wife after marriage? (surname)
Which male organ has no bones, has muscles and many veins. Does it pulsate and is responsible for making love? (a heart)
Hanging between the legs, stinks and yells? (Motorcycle)
Hanging pear - you can not eat. Why?
(Boxers can fill their faces.)
(Yoke.)
Jumping smartly and eating carrots?
(Bubka is on a diet.)
Who doesn't get their hair wet in the pouring rain?
(Bold.)
Not a rooster, but singing, not a grandfather, but a grandmother, who is this?
(Philip Kirkorov.)
What is excited by Koch's wand?
(1. tuberculosis; 2. Koch's wife.)
Two rings, two ends...
(Very fancy New Russian.)
There is a dead man in the desert. Behind the shoulders is a bag, on the belt is a flask of water. For many kilometers around there is not a single living soul. What did the man die of and what was in his bag?
(The man died from hitting the ground, and in the bag is a parachute that did not open.)
What is the difference between a teacher and a pedophile?
(A pedophile truly loves children.)
Where is the snowman from?
(From ZIMBABwe.)
Which country is the most armed?
(Israel, ... everyone walks there with sawn-off shotguns.)
Stop log in case of emergency braking.
(Pillar.)
Earrings for simpletons.
(Noodles.)
The arithmetic mean between a bicycle and a motorcycle?
(Moped.)
Four brothers stand under one roof.
(Mafia.)
What three-letter word is now most often written on the walls of toilets in schools and universities?
(You yourself X#@! The correct answer is WWW!)
Which social group has critical days twice a year?
(Students.)
He does not bark, does not bite, but does not let him into the house.
(The wife does not let the drunken husband in.)
What is: two bellies, four ears?
(Cat wedding.)
How many eggs can a woman hold in one hand?
When a woman lifts her leg, what do you see? Five letters, starts with P, ends with A.
The letter X is called, P. will see it rises.
(The trunk takes food)
In a dark room, on a white sheet - two hours of pleasure.
(movie show)
What is Adam in front and Eve in back?
(The letter a")
There-here-back: It's nice for you and me.
Without arms, without legs on a woman lope!
(Yoke)
The hairy head behind the cheek tickles deftly.
(Toothbrush)
There is a woman on the floor, opening her hole.
Which young man has a drop dripping from the end?
(Samovar, crane)
To stroke the front, you need to lick the back.
(Postage Stamp)
Hanging - dangling, three letters called. In the middle "U".
Quietly came up behind, put it in twice and went.
(Slippers)
What are you looking at me, undress, I'm yours.
(Bed)
I take it in two hands, put it between my legs, sweat for five minutes, and then go crazy.
(Exercise bike)
Winter, forest, everything is covered with snow. On a large icy stump lies a crushed member. What's this?
(Winter has come at the end)
Hair on hair, body on body - a dark affair begins.
(eye closes)
A hedgehog runs across the lawn - dragging, laughing. Why does he want?
(Because weed tickles pussy)
A hedgehog is running across the lawn - crying. Why is she crying?
(The grass was cut)
What is - 100 x%ev and one rope?
(Barge Haulers on the Volga)
What is 100 ropes and one x%?
(Parachutist)
What is - 100x%ev and 100 ropes?
(barge haulers on parachutes)
What is: Two ends, two rings?
(Gay wedding)
Hair, hair, and in the middle of the sausage.
(Corn)
He left his grandfather, and he left his grandmother ...
Why is it warm for women in stockings and cold for men in jeans in winter?
(Because the men's heater is x@#vy, and the women's are p@$daty)
What can you throw off a naked secretary?
(naked boss)
What's smooth under the eggs?
(Frying pan)
Now hanging, now standing, now cold, now hot.
They buried a prostitute, they wrote on the tombstone: "Now they will always be together." Who are they?
With onions, with eggs, but not a pie?
(Robin the Hood)
What unites burnt bread, a drowned man and a pregnant woman?
(Didn't get it out...)
What is it: the eyes are afraid - the hands are doing.
(phone sex)
What is it: a hard one is inserted into a soft one, and the balls dangle nearby?
How can you walk while sitting?
(In the toilet - on the toilet)
How to say without a mat "a snowflake fell on x%"?
("It snowed at the end")
Consists of three letters
Starts with "X".
When it's worth working
When he finishes he bows!
A three-letter word that any man fears?
One hundred clothes and all without fasteners.
What is: the kindest ghost in the world with a motor?
(Zaporozhets)
A little shriveled, there is in every woman.
(highlight)
Why did Lenin wear boots and Stalin in boots?
(On the ground)
What has a head but no brains?
(Cheese, onion, garlic)
Small, yellowish, opens the door by itself.
(Bruce Lee)
With claws, not a bird, flies and swears.
(Electrician)
What is it - small, white, sucks blood?
Nourishes in autumn, warms in winter, amuses in spring, cools in summer
What is it: a little bald one runs through the forest?
(Hedgehog. Why is he bald? Escaped from Chernobyl.)
Which word always sounds wrong?
(The word "wrong")
What do money and a coffin have in common?
(Both are first boarded up, and then lowered)
What is: hanging on the wall and crying?
(Climber)
Without windows, without doors, and inside there is a Jew? What's this?
(Sarah is pregnant)
What is it: the power lies, and the water runs?
(The deputy is given an enema)
What is it: gold coins fall from a branch?
(A common occurrence in the country of fools)
Wrinkled Titus amuses the whole village.
(Lack of youth in the countryside)
There is a bald hedgehog - how old is he?
(18 - he is taken to the army)
Can an ostrich call itself a bird?
(No, he can't talk)
A small white one lies on the pillow.
(fly, white, because in a nightgown) (c)