Alan Pease is a unique person, a brilliant speaker, a member of the Writers' Association of Australia, a native of Melbourne. Born in 1952.

Biography of Alan Pisa

Its incredible popularity in many parts of the world is unquestioned. Books are distributed around the world in tens of millions of copies. Today Pease is the author of 15 bestsellers.

Not only entrepreneurs learn from the writer, but also prime ministers, as well as TV presenters and rock stars. There is more than one multinational corporation that owes its growth to his lessons. Seminars, speeches and consultations are held in many countries. Millions of admirers are familiar with programs, television shows with the participation of the author. He even got the nickname "Mr Body Language". Alan Pease created the bestseller “Body Language” primarily for himself to record observations of human nature. However, the novel has been reprinted numerous times since 1980 and benefits anyone who wants to change their lives.

Start

Alan began his career as a boy and at the age of 10 was recognized as the best teen salesman.

He realized early on that there are certain rules in the business world that you can follow to succeed. The young salesman learned one important rule, "you need to meet a lot of people," and strictly followed it. It won the teen sales competition. He became the best. I was able to earn much more than others, moving from one buyer to another, not wasting time on persuasion, but spending it on finding new buyers.

Pease gained experience by successfully doing direct sales, earning more than his colleagues, and was again recognized as the best. And this is at the age of 18. And sales of insurance policies brought Alan his first million. Australia has not known such a young man before, who sold insurance policies worth more than a million.

His oratorical talent was not questioned. This great man shared his experience with colleagues, conducted seminars and various trainings for them. Now the students, using his knowledge and experience, were successful. For the next thirty years, Alan organizes his seminars all over the world.

Alan and Barbara Pease

Alan met Barbara in early 1990. Three years later, this woman became his wife, a real muse and support, as well as a co-author of some of his books.

In 1994, the couple lost all their money thanks to the financial fraud of a close friend, but together they again succeeded. Alan Pease's new book, The Language of Relationships, has sold over 8 million copies in dozens of countries and topped the sales charts. As Alan Pease says: "A man, a woman are the faces of one crystal. The novel is written to help young families and couples on the verge of divorce, in order to bring a new wave of mutual understanding." The quote is taken out of context, but it completely defines the possibilities of the book.

They were not broken even by the terrible diagnosis made to Alan. In 2000, doctors discovered cancer in the writer. Three years of life, promised to Alan, did not change the life mood of this amazing person. They fought together with his wife, and the disease receded. After 4 years, there was no trace of the disease.

By this example, Alan proved to the whole world that by force of will and determination a person can influence his fate even in the most difficult and tragic situations.

Alan and Barbara Pease set up their own publishing house, Pease. And today this couple is the most successful publishing group in Australia.

Books by Alan Pease

Alan Pease is recognized worldwide as one of the greatest specialists in the psychology of communication. He has the gift of literally reading information about the interlocutor. And also helps others in mastering this art.

"Answers in questions" will teach you how to get the right answer from the interlocutor, firstly, with the help of correctly asked questions, and secondly, by correctly reading the signs of body movements.

"The Language of Writing" can become an indispensable book for those who, by the nature of their activities, are engaged in the presentation of thoughts on paper or on a computer keyboard.

The “language of conversation” will be useful and will teach you how to correctly interpret your partner’s thoughts, separate elementary politeness, understand non-verbal signals, listen carefully, which will help you become a “master of conversation”.

How to write in a way that everyone can understand! will allow you to reach heights in the art of correspondence, both business and personal. It will teach a clear presentation of thoughts so that they are understandable to those who read them.

Barbara has helped in the creation of some of the books. Among them is the #1 bestseller (authors Barbara and Alan Pease) “The Language of Relationships. Man and woman".

"Body Language"

Multibestseller Alan Pease “Body Language. How to read the minds of others by their gestures has been the most read novel for twenty years. This book is loved in different countries, it has been translated into dozens of languages, sold with a circulation of about one hundred million.

Lessons from Alan Pease

In his book Alan Pease ("Body Language") teaches to trust only gestures. And he knows what he's talking about. Body movements say a lot about a person, even what the interlocutor carefully hides. It will give out aggression, insecurity, a desire to deceive. The author's recommendations will help you understand the body language of another person, become a real master of communication. But the book will teach you to understand the language of your own body.

Body language is the new language. Having studied it, a person learns the unknown, begins to perceive people in a new way. Posture, facial expressions and gestures can tell him about the thoughts and feelings of the interlocutor. This knowledge will allow you to feel confident even in an unfamiliar environment, and among friends and relatives to understand what they really feel and think.

Knowing and understanding sign language, a person can see many nuances of his family life. It is difficult to deceive a woman who reads in the eyes, recognizing carefully kept male secrets. And she is endowed with such an ability to understand from birth.

In his book, Alan Pease talks a lot about men and women, especially about the relationship between them. It clearly indicates the nature of the relationship of the couple, only by watching how they kiss, whether they are lovers or strangers, who thus congratulate each other on the holiday.

He makes the reader think, expressing the absolutely incredible idea of ​​a smile as a symbol of threat, and that only friendly gestures give goodwill to a smile.

Later, based on this super popular book, Alan and Barbara published The New Body Language. Photos of celebrities were used here as "training aids" and all their gestures were deciphered.

This edition became a bestseller with a circulation exceeding 20 million copies worldwide.

Pease today

Today the writer and psychologist is at the pinnacle of fame and activity. He doesn't want to hear about rest. Alan and Barbara move every few months to countries where their theory requires a personal presence. The spouses were in Russia, but mostly they hold online conferences. A heat-loving Austalian writer jokes that the harsh climate of the country, where everyone is dressed in fur coats, provides little material for studying body language.

On the threshold of the third millennium, we are still in the same ignorance of the relationship of the sexes, as at the beginning of time, and therefore we continue to gain grains of knowledge on the fields of family battles. Wound licking is a long process and not always successful. Allan and Barbara Pease will help fill in the gaps in this area of ​​knowledge. They will teach you how to retreat from the battlefield, and sometimes avoid the fight itself. And those physiological and psychological differences that make us so different and unique will never again be obstacles to conflict-free communication. Practical tips that are easy to follow will help you not only establish warm and trusting relationships in the family, but also make your life more harmonious and happier.

Introduction

On a sunny morning, Bob, Sue, and their three daughters went for a Sunday walk in the car. Bob was driving, and Sue was at his side, turning every minute to join in the merry chatter of their daughters. They were all talking at the same time, and about completely different things, and Bob drove the car to an unceasing din, devoid of any meaning for him. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.

– Could you please shut up! Bob yelled.

The cabin went quiet at once.

- Why? Sue asked after a pause.

“Because I'm driving!” he said irritably.

The women exchanged puzzled looks. "Driving a car?" one of them muttered.

They could not understand how their conversation was related to driving, and Bob could not understand why the women were talking all at once, sometimes completely different things, and none of them seemed to listen to the others.

Why don't they be quiet for a while, giving him a chance to concentrate? Because of this bazaar, he had already missed the last turn on the freeway.

The bottom line is simple: men and women are different from each other. They are no worse, no better than each other - they are different. Scientists, anthropologists, and sociobiologists have known this for a long time, but they also know that if they openly proclaim such a thesis in a "politically sound world", they will immediately become pariahs. In modern society, there is a belief that the potential capabilities of men and women are the same, they are equally talented and can master any professional skill. And this conviction matured just at the time when science - what an irony! – has collected enough evidence that men and women are very different from each other.

What threatens us with such a situation? Our society, as it turns out, rests on a rather shaky foundation. Only by realizing our particularities can we strengthen our collective strength as opposed to our individual weakness. In this book, we have tried to take advantage of the tremendous recent developments in the science of human evolution to show how to apply the accumulated knowledge to the practical aspects of relationships between men and women. The conclusions we have reached may seem controversial. In some cases, they can be called alarming. At the same time, they allow a deeper understanding of the essence and explanation of the oddities that arise in the relationship between a man and a woman. It would be nice if Bob and Sue read this book before they hit the road.

Why was writing this book so difficult?

It took three years and a journey of 400,000 kilometers to create this book. Research basis: papers, interviews and workshops conducted in Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, Thailand, Hong Kong, Malaysia, England, Scotland, Ireland, Italy, Greece, Germany, Holland, Spain, Turkey, USA, South Africa, Botswana, Zimbabwe , Zambia, Namibia and Angola.

The most difficult thing was to get public and private organizations to express their opinion about the facts. For example, commercial airline pilots employ less than one percent of women. On this fact, many have declared "No comment", demanding, sometimes with threats, not to mention the name of their organization in this book. The female administrators were generally a bit more accommodating, but immediately went on the defensive, believing our study to be anti-feminist, even though they had no idea what it was about. The opinion of some authoritative people, from corporate executives to university professors, was obtained only anonymously - a half-lit room, closed doors - after numerous assurances: of course, a full guarantee, their names, the names of the relevant organizations will not be mentioned. Many had two opinions: "politically sound" and their own with a warning "no need to quote."

You will see that while reading a book, you will sometimes want to argue with the authors, and sometimes you will meet facts that are amazing, but in any case they will interest you. Although based on scientific research, with a wide range of material from ordinary everyday life, the opinions of ordinary people, and episodes that range from simply funny to purely humorous, this book will be fun to read. The goal that we set in creating this book is to help you, our reader or reader, learn more about both yourself and people of the opposite sex so that your relationships become more joyful, fulfilling and bring more satisfaction.

The book is dedicated to all the men and women who have been tearing their hair out at two in the morning, crying out to their partner, "Why don't you understand me?" Mutual understanding disappears, because men will not understand why a woman does not behave like a man, and a woman expects from her partner behavior that copies her own. This book will help you not only improve relationships with the opposite sex, but also a deeper understanding of yourself. And as a result, you will come to a happier, healthier and more harmonious life.

Barbara and Allan Pease

Chapter 1

Men and women are different from each other. They are no worse, no better than each other - they are different. Almost the only thing they have in common is that they are individuals of the same species. They live in different worlds, different values ​​are prioritized for them, they act following different rules of life. Everyone knows this, but very few, especially men, take the trouble to realize it. But the truth is just that. Take a look at the evidence for yourself. About 50% of marriages in Western countries end in divorce, and it is not uncommon for serious relationships to end prematurely. Men and women of any race, raised in any culture and environment, constantly challenge the opinions, behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs of their partners.

Something Obvious

When a man goes to the toilet, he usually does it for one single purpose. Women use the dressing room as a kind of surrogate for the living room and boudoir. A woman who walks into a closet can walk out with her best friend for life, even though she's never met her before. Anyone who hears a man say, “Hey Frank, I’m going to the bathroom, would you mind keeping me company?” will immediately suspect something was wrong.

Men usually take possession of the TV remote control and jump from channel to channel in pauses; women prefer to wait patiently for advertising.

To relieve stress, men either resort to alcohol or attack neighbors; women eat chocolate and go shopping.

Women criticize men for being insensitive, inattentive, unable to listen, not showing warmth, not loving enough, preferring to have sex in bed rather than making love, and leaving the toilet lid up.

Men criticize women for not driving well, for not being able to understand the road map and trying to read it upside down, for not having a sense of direction, for being talkative and inability to separate the main from the secondary in a story, for rarely asking for sex , and for the constantly lowered toilet lid. A man can never find his thing, but he always puts computer disks in alphabetical order. A woman will always look for lost car keys, but rarely find the shortest route to her destination. Men think that they belong to a sex that is characterized by great common sense. Women know that they are the most sensible.

How long does it take a man to change a roll of toilet paper?

Unknown as he never did.

Men admire how a woman who has just entered a room can immediately characterize each of those present in her; women simply cannot believe that a man can be as unobservant as he "pretends." Men are amazed at how a woman can fail to notice a red alarm flashing on the dashboard of a car, but instantly discovers a dirty sock lying in a dark corner 50 meters away from her. Women are shocked by the fact that a man who is able to drive a car into a narrow gap while looking in the rearview mirror cannot find the door with the M sign in the spacious lobby.

If a woman gets lost, she will stop the car and ask for directions. From the point of view of a man, this is a manifestation of unforgivable weakness. He will circle the city for hours, muttering to himself: "I'll find a new route there," or "Looks like it's around here somewhere," or "Yeah, I've already seen this gas station."

Different occupations - different evolution

The evolution of men and women proceeded differently, because the circumstances were different. The man hunted, the woman gathered. The man was protective. The woman was nursing. As a result, the evolution of both body and mind followed different paths. As the body improved to perform its tasks with the greatest efficiency, thinking also changed. Men became predominantly taller and stronger than women, with the development of the brain in accordance with the assigned functions. For millions of years, the structure of the brains of men and women has changed under the pressure of differing demands. Now we know that the processing of information in representatives of different sexes occurs in different ways. They think differently. They believe differently. They have different perceptions, priorities and behavior.

Ignoring this circumstance, you will get a headache, meet with misunderstanding, and your life will only bring you disappointment.

An argument referring to the "stereotype" of education

Since the late 1980s, research into differences between men and women, both in general and in thought, has exploded. For the first time in history, modern computer equipment made it possible to trace how the brain works “live”. Looking into it, we got answers to many questions about the nature of the differences between men and women. The research that is the subject of this book is based on a large number of scientific works in the field of medicine, psychology and sociology, each of which clearly shows that men and women are different creatures. For almost the entire twentieth century, this was explained by various social conditions, namely: we are what we are because of the attitude of our parents and teachers towards us, which, in turn, is a reflection of the attitude of society as a whole towards us. Girls are dressed in pink and given dolls, boys are dressed in blue and given tin soldiers and a soccer ball. The girls are comforted and petted, while the boys are spanked and told not to cry. Until recently, it was believed that the brain of a child at birth is pristine, like a white sheet of paper, and the teacher can write on it whatever he wants, at his choice and discretion. The biological evidence currently available, however, paints a very different picture of why we think the way we do.

These findings strongly suggest that our hormones and the organization of our brain cells are directly responsible for our behavior, preferences, and attitudes towards the world around us. This means that while raising children on a desert island apart from organized society and parents who would direct their actions, girls will still babysit, dress and educate dolls, and boys will compete with each other physically and intellectually and form groups with clearly designated hierarchy.

The organization of the activity of our brain cells, which was formed even in the prenatal state, and the influence of hormones determine the nature of our thinking and behavior.

As you can see, the organization of our brain cells and the hormones circulating in us are the two main factors that dictate how we behave and how we think, long before we were born. Instincts are simply derivatives of our genes, which determine how our body will behave in given circumstances.

Is this a male conspiracy?

Since the 1960s, organized pressure groups have been trying to influence us, forcing us to neglect our biological features. They believe that governments, religion and the educational system are nothing but a general conspiracy of men to suppress women, based on the desire to degrade women. And pregnancy is just one of the ways to dominate her.

Indeed, in a broad historical aspect, this is exactly what it looks like. But let us ask ourselves: if men and women are the same, as these groups proclaim, then how did men manage to take over the world so comprehensively? Recent research in the field of brain function now gives us the answer to many questions in this regard. We are not the same. Men and women should be given equal rights to reach their full potential, but no doubt they have different innate abilities. Whether men and women are equal is a matter of politics and morality, but the question of whether they are the same belongs to the realm of science.

The equality of men and women is a concept of politics and morality; science is concerned with the essence of the differences between them.

The actions of those who do not accept the thesis that our biological nature determines our behavior are often based on the best intentions, the desire to resist discrimination based on sex. But they tend to confuse two concepts - equality and sameness - belonging to completely different categories. We have read the research reports of leading paleontologists, ethnologists, psychologists, biologists, and brain scientists. To date, the conclusion about the differences in the structure of the brain of men and women has been approved as an indisputable thesis and does not allow any other interpretation. Assessing the differences between men and women discussed in this book, some may say, “No, this is not about me. I don't do that!" Maybe this person just doesn't do it. But we are looking at average men and women, more precisely, how men and women act in most cases in typical situations. The term medium - medium means that when you enter a room full of people, you will immediately notice that men are larger and taller than women. To be quite precise, it is 7% higher and 8% larger. The largest and tallest individual in the room may be a woman, but in general, men are taller and larger. In the Guinness Book of Records, all record-breaking and record-breaking people are men. The tallest man in the world was Robert Peshing - 2 meters 79 centimeters, and the tallest man in 1998 - Alan Channa from Pakistan - 2 meters 31 centimeters. History books are full of definitions of "Big John" and "Little Susie"! I'm not sexist. I am only presenting facts.

What is the position of the authors

It is possible that reading this book will cause some to feel smug and arrogant, or, conversely, it will make them angry. This is due to the fact that we are all, to a greater or lesser extent, victims of the idyllic philosophy that proclaims that both man and woman are one and the same. So let's immediately clarify our position on this issue.We, the authors, have created this book to help you form and improve your relationships with people of both sexes.We believe that men and women should have equal opportunities for careers in any field, elected by them that people with the same qualifications should receive equal remuneration for equal work).

Differences do not prevent equality. Equality means freedom of choice, and differences lead to the fact that men and women choose different fields of activity. Our goal is to objectively analyze the relationship between men and women, explain the history of their development, their significance and the difficulties that arise in this case. Our goal is to develop recommendations on strategies and tactics for creating a happier life that brings satisfaction to everyone. We are not going to feed you semolina speculation and political clichés. If something looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and there is sufficient evidence that it is a duck, then we will call this “something” a duck.

The evidence presented irrefutably testifies that the representatives of both sexes have an inherent inclination towards various forms of behavior. But this does not mean that a certain type of behavior is obligatory in similar circumstances.

Decisive argument: nature or nurture

Melissa gave birth to twins: a boy and a girl. She wrapped Jasmine in a pink blanket and Adam in a blue one. Relatives brought a lot of soft fluffy toys as a gift to Jasmine, a toy soccer ball and a T-shirt for Adam. Everyone cooed softly, trying to talk to Jasmine, but only the women dared to take her and cradle her in their arms. When male relatives showed up, it was Adam who received the main attention: they talked much louder, poked a finger in his tummy, shook him up and suggested that a great football future awaited him.

The picture is familiar to many. However, the question arises: where are the roots of this style of behavior: in biology or in upbringing that does not change from generation to generation? Who is responsible: nature or technique? For most of the twentieth century, the prevailing view in society was that our behavior and preferences are mainly related to the influence of society and the environment. We do know, however, that parenting is a secondary product—adopted mothers, be they women or monkeys, do an excellent job of raising children. On the other hand, scientists have challenged this view, insisting that chemistry, biology, and hormones are responsible for our behavior. Since the 1990s, there has been indisputable evidence in favor of the scientists' point of view that by the time we are born, the basic programs are already loaded into the brain. The fact that men are hunters and women are educators still dictates our style of behavior, priorities and beliefs. Fundamental research from Harvard University shows that not only do we behave differently in relation to an infant - a boy or a girl, but we even use different vocabulary. We gently say to a girl: “You are my sweetie”, “You are so cute”, “What a beautiful baby”, and to a boy in a much louder voice: “Hi, how big you are!” or “Wow, well, you are strong!”

At the same time, by presenting a girl with a Barbie and a paratrooper boy as a gift, we do not program their behavior, we strengthen what is inherent in them by nature. Accordingly, research by scientists at Harvard University has confirmed that the distinctly different behavior of adults in relation to boys and girls only emphasizes the differences that they already have. Push the duck towards the pond, it will swim. Look into the water and you will see webbed feet. If you were able to look into her brain, you would find the “swimming” subroutine already there. A pond is simply the place where the duck happened to be at a given time, and not having a pond is the reason for its behavior.

Studies show that we are not a victim of social stereotypes, but, first of all, a biologically programmed individual. We behave differently because the activity of our brain cells is organized differently. This makes us perceive the world differently, prioritize differently and build a different scale of values. We are neither better nor worse than each other, we are different.

Human Communication Guide

This book can be likened to a guide to help you understand a foreign country or culture. It gives explanations to local dialects, phrases, gestures and analyzes the reasons why the natives behave this way and not otherwise. In most cases, tourists go abroad without bothering to study local customs first, and quickly get into trouble because the locals do not speak English, do not eat hamburgers and chips. To fully enjoy a foreign culture, you must first understand its history and evolution. Then learn basic phraseology and, for the first acquaintance, adapt to someone else's lifestyle in order to better appreciate the characteristics of another culture. With these conditions fulfilled, you will not look and act like a tourist, that is, a person who would get an equal amount of pleasure from getting to know the country without leaving home, just thinking about other lands.

This book gives advice on how to enjoy and enjoy the knowledge of the characteristics of the opposite sex. But first you must have an idea of ​​the history and evolution of man and woman.

One day an American tourist who visited Windsor Castle asked: “The castle is wonderful, of course, but why was it built so close to the airport?”

In this book you will find the facts and realities of life. It is about living people, real events and real conversations. And you won't have to struggle to learn about dendrites, the corpus callosum, neuropeptides, magnetic resonance imaging, and the role of dopamine in the study of brain function. It was not easy for us, but we tried to put everything as simply as possible so that it is easy to read. We were dealing with a relatively young science called sociobiology, the subject of which is the dependence of behavior on genetic predisposition and the results of evolution.

You will find in the book a large number of concepts, techniques and strategies that have a scientific basis and seem at first glance obvious and quite consistent with common sense. We discarded all methods, practical examples and opinions that seemed to us insufficiently substantiated.

The subject of consideration here is a naked great ape - an ape that controls the world with the help of megacomputers, capable of landing on Mars, whose pedigree can be traced back to the great fish. Millions of years have gone into the development of a biological individual - a human, and at the same time we have found ourselves in a technological, “politically sound world”, which either does not want to reckon with our biology at all, or takes it into account to a very small extent.

It took us more than a hundred million years to arrive at a society advanced enough to put a man on the moon, but man himself, like his primitive ancestors, is forced to go to the toilet even on the moon. People may look quite different, being the product of different cultures, but inside, in terms of biological needs and urges, they are the same. We will show you how different characteristics of behavior are inherited and passed from generation to generation, and you will see that there are practically no cultural differences in this process.

Now let's take a look at how our brains have evolved.

1. The term is a neoplasm by analogy: “racist” is a supporter of discrimination based on belonging to a race, “sexist” is based on belonging to gender. The Russian term "misogynist" does not accurately reflect the essence, it is better to introduce a new term (approx. transl.).

2. Not an idealistic, but precisely an idyllic (approx. transl.) philosophy, proclaiming that both a man and a woman are one and the same. So let's immediately clarify our position on this issue. We, the authors, have created this book to help you form and improve your relationships with both genders. We believe that men and women should have equal career opportunities in whatever field they choose, that people with the same qualifications should receive equal pay for equal work.

How did we get on this path?

Long ago, many, many years ago, men and women lived and worked happily in perfect harmony with each other. Every day, a man bravely ventured into a dangerous, hostile world, risked his life by hunting, brought food to women and children and protected them from ferocious animals and enemies. In order for him to be able to find prey and also return home, he had to have a highly developed sense of direction, a "navigational" sense, and without an accurate eye it was impossible to hit moving prey. The description of his work requires only two words: food-getter - and that's all that is required of him.

The woman felt his high value, because he risked his life, taking care of his family. His success was measured by the ability to find prey, kill and bring home, and self-esteem, self-respect was related to how much a woman appreciated his efforts. The family depended only on him, on his function as a provider and protector - and nothing more. He didn't need to "analyze the relationship" and it never occurred to anyone that he could take out the trash or change the baby's diapers.

The role of the woman was equally clear. Nature assigned her a function - to bear children, and this determined the path of her evolution, the specialization required for the successful implementation of her role. She had to keep an eye on her immediate surroundings in order to recognize signs of impending danger in time, to develop in herself a “navigation” sense of close range in order to navigate in the immediate vicinity of the house. In addition, a necessary condition for a woman can be called the ability to notice minor changes in the behavior and appearance of children and adults. The division of functions is extremely simple: he is the earner, she is the keeper of the nest.

The whole day of the woman was devoted to caring for children, collecting fruits, vegetables and nuts, and in interaction with other women in the group. She did not have to worry about the main source of food or fight enemies, and her success was measured by the ability to maintain the normal functioning of the family in everyday life. The degree of her self-esteem depended on how highly a man appreciates her ability to treat children and maintain order in the house. Her ability to produce children was considered a magical, even sacred gift, since she alone owned the secret of life. No one expected her to go hunting, fight enemies, or change light bulbs in a cave.

Survival was difficult, but relationships were uncomplicated. And this order of things persisted for hundreds of thousands of years. At the end of each day, the hunters returned with their prey. The prey was divided equally among all, and each, together with everyone else, ate his share in the common cave. Each hunter exchanged with a woman: part of his prey for fruits and vegetables.

After eating, the men sat around the hearth, gazing into the fire, playing games, telling stories and exchanging jokes. This was the prehistoric version of TV with remote channel switching or newspaper, which a man fences off from the environment. The men, tired after the hunt, regained their strength in order to go hunting again tomorrow. Women looked after the children and at the same time made sure that the man was full and properly rested. Each appreciated the work of the other: the man was not considered lazy, and the woman did not reproach him for turning her into a servant.

This organization of life and behavior still exists in primitive communities in places like Borneo, partly in Africa and Indonesia, and among the Australian Aborigines, New Zealand Maori, Innuit (Eskimos) in Canada and Greenland. In these cultures, everyone knows and understands their role. Men appreciate women, and women appreciate men. Each sees the uniqueness of the contribution of the other, which ensures the survival and well-being of the family. But for men and women who live in civilized countries, the old order has been broken. Instead, chaos, confusion and dissatisfaction reigned.

We didn't expect it to turn out like this.

The survival of family members no longer depends on the man alone; a woman is no longer required to constantly maintain order in the house and raise children. For the first time in the history of mankind as a species, most men and women do not know exactly what their role is. You, the reader of this book, are part of the first generation of people who faced circumstances that your ancestors never had to face. For the first time in history, we look to our partners for love, empathy, and personal fulfillment as the issues of survival have lost their urgency. The modern social structure of society maintains a basic standard of living through pension funds, social programs, consumer protection laws, and various government agencies and activities. What are the new rules of life and where can you learn them? In this book, we have tried to provide some answers to the questions that have arisen.

Why can't mom and dad help

If you were born before 1960, then you grew up in a family where the basis of the behavior of parents towards each other was the ancient rules that ensured the survival of men and women. Your parents copied the behavior that they observed from their parents, borrowed in turn from their parents, and so on down to cavemen with their clear distribution of life roles.

Now the rules have completely changed and your parents don't know how to help you. The level of legally registered divorces among newlyweds has now reached 50%, and if we take into account the actual breakup of couples, including homosexuals, this figure has exceeded 70%. We need to learn a new set of rules to be happy and emotionally balanced in the twenty-first century.

We are still just one of the animal species

It is difficult for most people to think of themselves as just another member of the animal kingdom. They refuse to face the fact that 96% of their body has an analogue of elements that are also characteristic of a pig or a horse. The only thing that sets us apart from other animals is our ability to think and plan. Other animals only react to the situation in accordance with the genetic program laid down in the brain and the learned stereotypes of behavior. They can not think, they can only to react.

Most people know and agree that animals are guided by instincts, which largely determine the nature of their behavior. Instinctive behavior is easy to recognize: birds sing, frogs croak, a dog lifts its leg against the fence, a cat plays with a mouse. These are examples of non-intellectual but instinctive behavior, so it is difficult for most to draw a parallel between such behavior and their own. They ignore even direct examples of their own instinctive behavior - for example, crying and sucking instinct.

Whatever the behavioral traits we inherit from our parents, positive or negative, we are more likely to pass them on to our children. In this respect, we are no different from other animals. When you learn a new thing, you genetically pass it on to your children, just as scientists can raise a generation of clever rats and a generation of stupid rats on the basis of a group divided into two subgroups according to the ability to find their way in the fog or the ability to get lost hopelessly. When we humans recognize ourselves as animals whose impulses have been honed by millions of years of evolution, it will be easier for us to understand our basic motives, easier to come to terms with ourselves and others. And it is in this direction that the path to real happiness lies.

Chapter 2

The party was in full swing when John and Sue arrived. Sue, looking John in the face, said, trying not to move her lips: "Look at that couple that is standing at the window ...". John began to turn his head and Sue hissed, “Not now! Don't stare so openly!" She couldn't understand why John had to turn around so frankly, and John couldn't believe that Sue could see the other people in the room without looking at them.

In this chapter, we will try to understand the differences in the sensory perception of men and women and the difficulties that arise as a result of this in their relationships.

Woman as a radar detector

A woman instantly understands that the other woman is alarmed or offended; for a man to realize this, solid physical evidence is required: a stream of tears, breaking dishes or a slap in the face. Without them, he would never have guessed what was going on. This is due to the fact that a woman, like most female mammals, is armed with sensory perception with a much finer tuning than men. This ability is necessary for a woman - the keeper of children and the hearth - to capture the smallest changes in the mood and attitudes of other people. What is known as "female intuition" is actually a heightened ability to notice the smallest details and changes in the appearance and behavior of others. This ability throughout history amazed the men who were around, and they were invariably caught with it.

One of the participants in our seminar stated that his wife's vision becomes incomprehensibly sharp when he needs to hide something, but if it is necessary to drive the car into the garage in reverse, then for some reason she becomes myopic. Estimating the distance between the bumper of the car and the wall of the garage in the process of movement refers to the area of ​​spatial orientation, which is in charge of the frontal part of the right hemisphere of the brain. Spatial orientation in most women is poorly developed. We will discuss this in more detail in chapter five.

From fifty meters away, my wife can see the blonde hair on my coat, but, starting the car in the garage, she will definitely hook it on the door.

The keeper of the nest, ensuring the survival of the family, cannot be different. She should notice subtle changes in her offspring's behavior that may signal pain, hunger, injury, aggression, or depression. The male miners, on the other hand, never lingered long enough in a cave to learn wordless signaling or alternative means of interpersonal communication. Neuropsychologist Professor Reuben Gur from the University of Pennsylvania conducted research using brain scans. He found that in a resting man, electrical activity drops by at least 70%. A brain scan of a woman in the same state of rest showed only a 10 percent drop in activity, which confirms an important circumstance: a woman is constantly receiving and analyzing information from the environment. A woman knows who is friends with her child, is aware of his hopes, dreams, novels, hidden fears, guesses what he thinks, what he feels and what tricks he is plotting. The man is vaguely aware that in the house, besides him, there are some other small people.

Eyes

The eye is a continuation of the brain, located on the surface of the head. The back of the eyeball contains about 130 million rod-shaped cells each called photoreceptors. Photoreceptors provide a black and white image. There are also seven million conical color-sensing cells. The source of conical color cells is the X chromosome. A woman has two X chromosomes, which means she has more cone cells than a man. This difference is reflected in the amount of detail used in describing the color scheme. Men usually talk about the basic elements of the spectrum: red, blue, green. Women tend to use terms such as ivory, aqua, mauve, apple green.

Human eyes have prominent whites that other primates lack. The presence of proteins makes it possible to follow the movement of the eyes and the direction of gaze, which is an essential element in face-to-face communication. A woman's eye has more protein than a man's, because close, face-to-face communication is an integral part of communication between women, and a large area of ​​\u200b\u200bthe protein of the eye expands the possibilities of both sending and receiving a signal. With a larger area of ​​\u200b\u200bthe protein, it is easier to understand what the eye lingered on.

This kind of exchange of information through glances is not essential for most other primates, and therefore their protein is either hidden or only a very small area of ​​it is visible. As the main means of communication, they use involuntary gestures and facial expressions.

Does she have eyes in the back of her head?

Maybe not in the literal sense, but there is something close to it. Women not only have more cone cells in the lining of the eye, but they also have wider peripheral vision compared to men. As a nest keeper, she has a program in her brain that allows her to clearly see a sector of at least 45 degrees on each side of her head, that is, left and right, as well as up and down. The effective peripheral vision of many women reaches a full 180 degrees. The eyes of a man are larger than those of a woman, and his brain provides him with "tunnel" vision, which means the ability to see clearly and clearly straight ahead, but at a great distance, that is, his eyes can be likened to binoculars.

A man, as a hunter, needs to catch the target with his eye and not let it out of his field of vision, and at a fairly long distance. His vision had evolved to almost limited vision, as nothing was to distract him from his goal. At the same time, the woman had to have a wide field of vision in order to immediately see the snake entering the nest. This is why a modern man can easily find a remote pub located "somewhere out there", but cannot find a thing in a closet, chest of drawers or refrigerator.

In 1997, 4,132 children were killed or injured while crossing the street in the UK, of which 2,460 were boys and 1,672 were girls. In Australia, twice as many boys die on the roads as girls. Boys are more likely to take risks when crossing than girls, which, combined with their narrower field of vision, leads to increased injury among them.

Why do women's eyes see so much

Billions of photons of light, transmitting information equal to 100 megabytes of computer memory, fall every second on the shell of the human eye. The brain is not able to process such a large amount of data, and therefore it edits the information, selecting only what is needed for survival. For example, having received information about all the colors of the sky, our brain selects only one color that we need to see - blue. The brain narrows the field of view so that we can focus on a specific task. If we are looking for a needle on the carpet, the field of view narrows dramatically. A man's brains, programmed to hunt, provide a narrow field of view. The female brain deciphers information from a wider sector towards the periphery, since she had to watch the nest.

Questionable missing oil case

David: Where's the oil?
Jan: In the fridge.
David: I'm looking in the fridge right now, but there's no oil in there.
Jana: It's there - I put it there ten minutes ago.
David: No, you must have put it somewhere else. There is no oil in the refrigerator. It is clear.

After these words, Yana enters the kitchen, puts her hand in the refrigerator and, like a magician, a pack of butter appears in her hand. An inexperienced man at times feels as if he was being played a joke on, and he accuses the woman of always hiding things from him in closets and chests of drawers. Socks, shoes, underwear, jam, butter, car keys, wallets - they're all there, the man just can't see them. With a large field of view, a woman can look at most of the refrigerator space without moving her head. The man, on the other hand, moves his eyes left and right and up and down, as if scanning the space in search of a “disappeared” object.

The biological features of the vision of men and women lead to important consequences in our lives. Statistics from insurance companies show, for example, that female drivers are less likely than male drivers to be involved in side impact accidents at junctions. A sharper peripheral vision allows her to notice a car approaching from the side in time. It is much more likely that it will hit an obstacle with the car when parallel parking, because it has a poorly developed sense of space.

A woman will spend much less nerves if she understands the problems of a man related to his vision. And there will be less reason for a man to be nervous if, after the words of a woman, “This thing is in the closet!” he will believe her and keep looking.

A man and a lustful look

It is precisely because of their better peripheral vision that women are rarely caught looking at a man.

Almost every man has at one time or another been accused of "lustfully" looking at a person of the opposite sex, but women are almost never accused of this. Sexual scientists unanimously argue that women look at men just as often as men do women, and even more often, but rarely get caught on this due to excellent peripheral vision.

Seeing is believing

Most people don't believe something until they see the proof with their own eyes - but can you trust your eyes? Millions believe in UFOs despite the fact that 90% of UFO sightings occur in remote rural areas on a Saturday night around eleven o'clock just after most pubs close. There has never been a President, Prime Minister, UFO sighting, never a UFO landing near a university, a government research laboratory, or near the White House. Never in bad weather.

Wishing to demonstrate how our perception of different things in the same picture can be, the scientist Edward Boring gives the following example. Women are more likely to see an old woman tucking her chin into the fur collar of her coat, while men are more likely to see the profile of a young woman looking to her left.

What do you see?

Rice. above is another illustration showing that what you perceive is not necessarily what you see.

Looking at this picture, your brain is fooled into believing that the far side of the table is longer than the near side. A woman is usually amazed when she is told about this, and a man demands proof and grabs a ruler.

​When looking at another drawing, your brain focuses on dark fields that look like strange geometric shapes. If you take a different approach to the examination of the picture and concentrate your attention on the white fields, then the word FLY (fly) will appear in front of you. A woman is more likely to recognize a word than a man, because his brain is fascinated by geometric shapes.

Why men drive better at night

Although women can see better in the dark than men, in particular at the red end of the spectrum, men's eyes are better adapted to follow a distant object in a narrow field. This provides it with much better - and therefore safer driving - long-range night vision. In combination with the spatial eye, which is the responsibility of the right hemisphere of the brain, such a vision allows a man to distinguish and identify the movement of other cars on the road both in front and behind. Many women have some sort of night blindness: the inability to distinguish which side of the road is oncoming traffic. The vision of a man is perfectly adapted to such a task. Practical takeaway: When alternating driving on a long trip, give the woman a day and the man a night. Women see more fine details at night than men, but in a close, wide field.

On a long journey, men should drive at night, and women during the day.

Eye fatigue is much higher in men than in women, because their vision is adapted for looking into the distance and must constantly refocus on a computer screen or newspaper text. A woman's eyes are better suited for near vision, which allows her to work with fine details much longer. In addition, her brain programming provides much better coordinated motor skills in a limited close area, which means that a woman is superior when it comes to threading a needle or revealing small details on a computer screen picture.

Why do women have a "sixth sense"

For centuries, women have been burned at the stake for "supernatural abilities." These included the ability to predict the outcome of a relationship, identify a liar, talk to animals, and guess what really happened.

In 1978, we conducted an experiment for a television program to illustrate the ability of a woman to recognize information that was conveyed only by the facial expressions of a child. At the maternity hospital, we played several ten-second clips of crying babies and asked mothers to watch them with the sound turned off. Therefore, mothers received information only visually.

Mothers in most cases could quickly identify a wide range of emotions displayed on the screen, from hunger and pain to discomfort and fatigue. When the same test was given to fathers, the result was pitiful—less than 10% of fathers were able to name more than two emotions. And even in these cases, it seems to us that they were mostly blind guesses. Many fathers joyfully reported: "The child wants to go to his mother." Most of the men had little or no ability to decipher the observed differences in the baby's cry. Tests were also offered to the older generation to check whether age has an effect on the result. Most grandparents have reached a level of 50-70% compared to mothers, while many grandfathers could not even identify their own grandchildren!

Our study of identical twins showed that most grandparents were unable to tell one twin from the other, while the female part of the family was usually able to cope with this task. Movie plots about twins fooling others in pursuit of money or love can only reflect reality if the twins are women: men are easier to fool in such circumstances. In a room with fifty couples, ten minutes is enough for a woman to analyze the relationship in each couple. When a woman enters a room, her psychic abilities allow her to instantly determine which couples are in perfect harmony with each other, who is in a quarrel, who wants to get closer to whom, and where female rivals or women who are friendly to her are located. When a man enters the room, our cameras show something completely different. The man scans the room, registering entrances and exits: his atavistic thinking evaluates possible threats and escape routes. It then looks for familiar faces and those of potential enemies, and then scans the general geography of the place. At the same time, his logical mind registers what needs to be corrected or repaired, for example, broken glass or a burnt out light bulb. Meanwhile, the woman has already walked over all the faces and knows who, what and how - who is who, what is what and how everyone present feels.

Why Men Can't Lie to Women

Our study on body language - involuntary facial expressions and gestures - when communicating face to face, showed that the perception of the message is due to wordless signals by 60-80%, due to tonality - by 20-30%. The remaining 7-10% of the information is perceived from the words themselves. A woman's excellent receptivity gives her the ability to pick up and analyze information, and the ability of the brain to quickly exchange information between the hemispheres allows you to instantly compare and decipher verbal, visual and all other signals.

This is why it is very difficult for men to lie to a woman face to face. But, as most women know, it is quite easy to lie to a man while looking into his face, because he does not have enough sensitivity to recognize the discrepancy between the information contained in oral speech and in other signals. A woman, as a rule, cannot be caught in the fact that she imitates an orgasm, and does not actually experience it. For most men about to lie, it's best to do so over the phone, in a letter, or in a dark room with the covers pulled over their heads.

Our ears

In the prehistoric past, our ears looked the same as the ears of a dog or horse. The dog's ears, which are now the same shape that ours used to be, perceive sound in an ultrasonic region that is inaccessible to us. Research shows that canine ears register sound at up to 50,000 vibrations per second, and in some cases up to 100,000 vibrations per second. A child hears a sound with a frequency of up to 30,000 vibrations per second, but in a teenager (up to twenty years old) the susceptibility decreases to 20,000 vibrations per second, and by the age of sixty to 12,000 vibrations per second. Cool stereo equipment generates a signal with a frequency of up to 25,000 vibrations per second, which means that for your parents, buying a more advanced stereo will be a waste of money - they will not hear a wider range of sounds.

There are remnants of nine muscles in the human ear, and about 20% of people can move their ears with their help. Apparently, our ears lost their mobility because people turned their heads in the direction of the sound source, and the edges formed a wrinkle to eliminate sound distortion. Charles Darwin found a tubercle in the upper crease of the human ear and suggested that it was a remnant of the tip of our pointed ear. The tubercle is called "Darwin's point".

She also hears better.

Women hear better than men and are excellent at distinguishing sounds in the high frequency region. The brain of a woman is programmed for a child's cry, and a man may not hear it at night and sleep as if nothing had happened. If a kitten starts meowing in the distance, the woman will hear it. However, it is the man with his excellent orientation in space that will tell you where he is.

A measured drop from a faucet leaking in the kitchen can drive a woman crazy, and a man continues to sleep peacefully.

A week after birth, a girl can pick out the sound of her mother's voice and distinguish the baby's cry from other sounds in the room. It is not given to boys at the same age. The female brain has the ability to separate sounds, classify them into different categories and make a decision regarding each of them. As a result, a woman can carry on a face-to-face conversation without missing a word from the conversation of people standing nearby. Accordingly, it becomes clear why a man cannot follow the conversation when the TV is on or against the background of the roar of dishes in the sink. When the phone rings, the man demands to turn down the music, turn off the TV, and keep quiet while he talks on the phone. The woman is talking, ignoring the noise.

A woman can read between the lines

Women are highly sensitive to changes in tone and volume of voice, which enables them to immediately notice changes in emotions in children and adults. As a result, for every man who can sing along with the right tone, there are eight women who are not mistaken in such cases. The famous female phrase "Don't you dare speak to me in that tone!" in a dispute with men and boys is partly connected with this particular feature of women. Most male representatives have no idea what she wants to say by this.

Tests have shown that baby girls are twice as likely to respond to loud noises as boys. This feature explains why girls are easier than boys to calm down by lisping at high frequencies, and why mothers instinctively sing a lullaby to girls, and talk or play with a boy. The acute hearing of women makes a significant contribution to what is called "female intuition." Her hearing is one of the reasons why women guess the hidden meaning of the spoken phrase (read between the lines). However, men should not despair. They perfectly distinguish and recognize the sounds made by animals, which in ancient times served them as a good help in hunting. Unfortunately, in the modern world, this ability is of little use.

A man can "hear" the direction

Women are better at recognizing sounds, but men can determine where they are coming from. Combined with the ability to recognize and imitate sounds made by animals, this skill makes men excellent hunters. How does sound turn into a geographical map in the brain? Professor Konishi of the California Institute of Technology found the answer to some questions in this regard, using experiments with owls - birds that are better than humans at identifying the source of a sound. Make a sound and the owl will turn its head to face him. Konishi installed a group of cells in the hearing region of the brain that determined the exact location of the sound source. The source emitted a sound that reached each ear of the owl for a different time, differing by 200 millionths of a second. This time shift allows the owl's brain to form a three-dimensional spatial map of the source of the sound. The owl turns its head towards the sound, which gives it the opportunity to determine whether it is prey or danger. Apparently, the mechanism of a similar ability of men has the same nature.

Why don't boys listen

Boys are often scolded by teachers and parents for not listening to what they are told. But as boys grow, especially on the eve of puberty, their auditory canals undergo rapid growth, which may result in a temporary form of deafness. It was found that teachers reprimand girls and boys differently, apparently intuitively guessing the differences in the auditory perception of boys and girls.

If the girl does not want to look into the eyes of the one who scolds her, the teacher usually continues the lecture. If the boy does not want to look into her eyes, then many teachers intuitively feel that he either does not hear or does not listen to the words that are spoken to him. The teacher in such cases interrupts the notation and says: "Look into my eyes when I speak." Unfortunately, boys are better able to see than to listen. To demonstrate this to you, we ask you to sample the number of "n"s in the highlighted text.

Completion of the case is the result of many years of scientific research.

Boys count letters better than girls and speak five "n" faster. If this statement is read aloud, then the girls quickly and accurately determine the number of “n” sounds in the text.

Men don't pay attention to details.

Lin and Chris drive home after the party - he drives the car, she tells them where to go. They argue because she told him to turn left, implying that they should go right. Nine minutes of silence, and he begins to suspect that something is wrong. "Darling... everything is fine, isn't it?" Chris asks. “Yes,” Lin replies, “everything is fine!”

The emphasis on "beautiful" confirms that things are far from being beautiful. He remembers what happened at the party. "Maybe I did something wrong?" Chris asks. "I do not want to talk about this!" Lin cuts him off.

This means that she is angry and does not want to discuss what happened. In the meantime, he cannot understand in any way what he has done that is reprehensible, because of which she is so angry. “Please tell me: what have I done? he pleads. - I don't know!"

In most cases like this, the man is telling the truth: he doesn't understand what happened. “Okay,” agrees Lin, “I’ll tell you what it is, even though you’re breaking a comedy in front of me!” But this is not a pretense. He sincerely does not understand what is at stake. She takes a deep breath: “This slut stuck to you all evening, showed that she was ready for anything immediately, and you didn’t send her off - you encouraged her advances!”

Now Chris is completely at a loss: what slut? what advances? how did you show? He didn't see anything. Indeed, while this “slut” was talking to him (as women say, a man would say “sexy young woman”), he did not notice that she was standing in a special position, pushing her lower abdomen forward and putting out her leg pointing at him, fiddling with her hair and earlobe, looked at him with a long languid look, gently stroked the stem of the glass and spoke coyly, imitating a schoolgirl. He is a hunter. He can detect an antelope that has just appeared on the horizon, and immediately determine how fast it is moving. He does not have the female ability to immediately analyze visual (involuntary facial expressions and gestures) and sound signals that indicate certain intentions. Every woman at the party saw, without ever moving her head, what the "slut" was doing. The telepathic signal "the female is looking for a mate" was received by all the women gathered in the room. Most of the men didn't notice anything.

Therefore, the statement of a man that he did not suspect anything of the kind is most often pure truth. Men's brains are not designed to see or hear details.

touch magic

Touch can breathe life. Harlow and Zimmerman's long-standing research on monkeys has shown that too little touching of newborn monkeys leads to depression, illness, and premature death. Similar results were obtained when examining abandoned children. The results of examinations of children aged from ten weeks to six months make a strong impression. It was found that mothers who were taught to stroke their children regularly had babies much less likely to get colds and diarrhea, they were less likely to vomit compared to the children of those mothers who did not stroke their children. Another study showed that women who became neurotic or depressed bounced back faster in direct proportion to how many times they were comforted by hugs and the duration of those hugs. Anthropologist James Prescott, the first scholar to draw attention to the link between child rearing and violence, found that societies where children are rarely petted have significantly higher rates of adult violence. Children who are raised in affection grow into healthier and happier adults. Sexual abusers and child abusers usually have a history of loneliness, violence, lack of affection. It often happens that their childhood was spent in state educational institutions. In many cultures that do not practice direct petting, families usually have cats and dogs that allow you to touch them, allow themselves to be caressed. Animal-assisted therapy is considered an excellent remedy for depression and other neurotic-related problems. See how the English, known for their antipathy to touch, love their pets. As Jermaine Greer said of them: "Even the average Englishman pressed against his brother on the subway desperately pretends to be alone."

Women are very sensitive to touch.

The skin is the largest organ of the body, covering an area of ​​about two square meters. There are 2,800,000 pain receptors, 200,000 cold receptors, and 500,000 touch and pressure receptors unevenly distributed over this surface. From the moment of birth, girls are much more sensitive to touch, and as adults, a woman's skin is about ten times more sensitive to touch than a man's skin. One authoritative study found that the boys who took part in the trials and showed the most skin sensitivity had less sensitivity than the most insensitive girls. Women's skin is thinner than men's and is equipped with an additional layer in the form of a fatty lining. This layer serves as thermal protection in winter and provides women with greater endurance than men.

Oxytocin is a hormone that stimulates the desire to touch and revitalizes the receptors that respond to touch. It is not surprising that women, who have these receptors ten times more sensitive than men, attach so much importance to the hugs of men, girlfriends and children. Studies of involuntary facial expressions and gestures show that a European woman is six times more likely to touch her interlocutor during a conversation than a man is to touch his interlocutor. Women use a wider range of expressive touch than men, describing a successful man as having a "magical" touch, and describing others as "thick-skinned" or "thin-skinned." Women like to use expressions such as “let's touch” (a literal translation from the English expression, which in Russian corresponds to the expression “we will keep in touch”), and do not like those who are “stuck into the skin”. They talk about "feelings", are "touchy" and, wanting to upset someone, "stroke against the fur."

A woman is four to six times more likely to touch an interlocutor during small talk than a man is to touch an interlocutor in similar circumstances.

Psychiatric research shows that under stress, men avoid touching, withdrawing into themselves. On the other hand, more than half of the women in the same test sought out a man, not for sex, but for intimate touch. When a woman is emotionally disturbed or angry, she usually replies, "Don't touch me!" - a phrase that makes little sense to a man. Lesson? To score points with a woman, often use small touches, but try not to grope her. To raise mentally healthy children, hug, cuddle and cradle them more often.

Why are men so thick-skinned

Men have thicker skin than women, which explains why women have more wrinkles than men. On the back of a man, the skin is four times thicker than on the stomach - a legacy of the time when he stood on four legs and the skin provided at least some protection for the back. By the time they reach puberty, the teenager has almost completely lost sensitivity to touch: his body begins to prepare for adversity during the hunt. The man needed insensitive skin so that he could cut through the thorny bushes without stopping, fight the beast - the pain should not distract him or slow down his movement. A man absorbed in work or playing a sport that requires physical effort may not notice that he is injured.

In fact, the boy does not lose the sensitivity of the skin: it is simply concentrated in one area.

If a man is not focused on completing a task, his pain threshold is lower than that of a woman. When a man groans, “Make me some chicken broth, get me some fresh orange juice, get me a bottle of hot water, call the doctor and see if my will is in order!” This means that he has a slight headache. A man is less sensitive to other people's pain or discomfort: a woman is doubled over in pain, she has a temperature of forty degrees, she is chilled under three blankets, and he asks: “Are you okay, dear?”, while thinking: “If you don’t pay attention to attention, maybe we'll have sex, since she's in bed anyway."

However, in moments of empathy at a football match or other competition associated with aggression, a man does not lose sensitivity. Watching a boxing match on TV and seeing a boxer get a painful low blow, a woman will say, “Oh, that must have hurt,” and a man will groan, bend over as if he himself received this blow, and in fact deed will feel pain.

Taste for life ​ neither

Women's senses of smell and taste are superior to men's. We have about 10,000 taste receptors that allow us to detect at least four basic tastes: sweet and salty - receptors on the tip of the tongue; sour - receptors on the lateral surface of the tongue; and bitter on the back of the tongue. Japanese scientists are currently conducting experiments to identify the fifth taste - the taste of fatty. Men score higher on salty and bitter - that's why they love beer, and women outperform them on sweet - that's why there are so many chocolate lovers in the world. As a nest keeper and gatherer of fruit, tasting fruit before bringing it to her offspring, a woman must have developed a sense of sweet taste to determine the ripeness of the fruit. This circumstance explains why women love candied sweets and why most tasters are women.

Something smells

The sensitivity of a woman to smells is not only higher than that of a man, but it also becomes more acute every month during the period of ovulation. Her nose can detect the presence of pheromones (sex attractant) and musky odors associated with a man, and these odors cannot be consciously isolated. Her brain can decipher the state of a man's immune system and, if need be, her own. A woman may claim that a man is attractive or has a "strange magnetism". If her immune system is stronger than that of a certain man, then she will most likely find him less attractive.

A man can appear "oddly attractive" due to a robust immune system.

Brain scientists have found that a woman's brain can analyze these differences in the immune system within three seconds of an encounter. A powerful immune system inherited from parents increases the chances of survival. In addition, a by-product of all this research has been the development of a range of oils and lotions that have entered the market for men. Perhaps they contain the secret of a phenomenon known as an instantaneous "flashing" feeling that makes a woman exhausted with desire.

X-files (secret knowledge)

Evolution has armed us with the biological inclinations and feelings that we need to survive. What has often been called sorcery, supernatural power, and female intuition was examined and measured by science in the eighties and ultimately boils down to the superiority of the female sensory apparatus. Men who did not understand the biological difference between women and men called the woman a witch and sentenced her to death. And women simply better capture the nuances of involuntary facial expressions and gestures, sound semitones and other signals. The modern woman is still a victim of her abilities and often resorts to the help of astrologers, card fortune tellers and other rogues of all kinds, who offer to explain to a woman already intuitively known in exchange for money earned by hard work. The refined sensory apparatus of a woman makes a significant contribution to her earlier maturation. By the age of seventeen, most girls are already adults, while boys are still flipping flip-flops in the pool and laughing, making an obscene sound.

Why are men called insensitive?

It would be more accurate to say that the hypersensitivity of a woman in comparison with a man is due not to her original superiority, but to the fact that the sensitivity of a man was muted during evolution. In the female world of a high level of perception, she a priori believes that a man perceives her verbal, sound and facial signals, anticipates her desires, as it happens with any other woman. Evolution, as we have shown, has made it different. It seems to a woman that a man knows her desires and needs. When he does not perceive her signals, she accuses him: “You are insensitive - I made you understand!” The man mumbles back, "You think I can read your mind?" Studies show that men are not good at reading minds. However, the good news is that most of them can learn to perceive verbal and facial signals through training.

The next chapter is a unique test that will reveal to you the sexual orientation of your brain and explain why you are the way you are.

Chapter 3

These joke maps of the human brain are only funny because they are plausible. But how much? I assure you, much more so than you think. In this chapter, we will report on the striking discoveries made recently in the process of brain research.

This chapter will really open your eyes, and at the end of it we've put a simple but wonderful test that will show you why your brain functions the way it does.

Why are we smarter than the rest

Take a look at the pictures below and you will notice the striking differences between the gorilla, Neanderthal and modern man. First of all, our brain is three times the size of a gorilla's and one-third the size of our primitive ancestor's. Studies of brain tissue have shown that it has hardly changed over the past fifty thousand years. Second, we have a protruding forehead, which our primate ancestors and cousins ​​lack. The front of the brain contains the left and right frontal lobes, which are responsible for many of our unique abilities, such as the ability to think, read road maps, and speak. Thanks to these abilities, we are superior to all other animals.

The male brain and the female brain have evolved at different rates, towards different talents and abilities. The men in charge of the hunt developed the brain regions responsible for long-range navigation, the tactical prowess needed to kill prey, and the honed ability to hit the target. They did not need the art of conversation and the ability to perceive the emotional needs of others, so the areas of the brain responsible for interpersonal contacts did not receive significant development. Women, in contrast, had to adapt to navigation over short distances, master a wide peripheral sector of vision in order to monitor the environment, the ability to multi-task at the same time and effective communication skills. Due to the differences in the requirements put forward, men and women developed special areas responsible for each separate type of activity.

To use Newspeak's term, ancient society was sexist, but we'll come back to that point.

How our brain defends its territory

“Old habits die hard,” they used to say in the old days. “Genetic memory is alive and active,” modern scientists say. Genetic memory is part of our instinctive behavior. Naturally, it cannot be otherwise if you have spent thousands of years sitting in a cave facing the entrance to monitor the environment, defending your territory and solving billions of problems in order to survive. Take a look at the audience in the restaurant. Most men prefer to sit with their backs to the wall, keeping the entrance to the hall in sight. This position makes them feel safe and alert. No one can slip behind him unnoticed, although in our days nothing more terrible than a huge bill threatens him. On the other hand, women are indifferent to whether their backs are turned to open space or not, except when the woman is alone with the children. In such a situation, she will also take a place against the wall.

At home, the man also shows signs of instinctive behavior, taking the side of the bed that is closer to the door, a symbolic act associated with the need to guard the entrance to the cave. If a couple has moved into a new house or is staying in a hotel where the woman is on the side of the bed closest to the door, the man may feel restless and even have difficulty falling asleep without understanding why. A change of location - closer to the door - can often calm him down.

Men joke that they lie close to the door in the new family home after marriage so that they can escape - in fact, they show the instinct of protecting the family.

When a man is away, a woman instinctively assumes the duties of a protector and lies down on the side of the bed where her husband usually sleeps. At night, a woman, no matter how deep her sleep, can wake up immediately when she hears a high-pitched sound, like the voice of a child. Men, on the other hand, continue to snore as if nothing had happened, and this is very upsetting for women. But his brain is tuned to movement-related sounds, and he will most likely wake up instantly, ready to repel an attack, just because a twig crunched outside the window. This time, it is the woman who continues to sleep, except when the man is not around and her brain is programmed for defense, to register any sound or movement that threatens her nest.

Area of ​​the brain responsible for success

The Greek philosopher Aristotle believed that the center of thought is the heart, and the brain helps to cool the body. That is why we still associate emotions with the heart. It may sound funny to you, but back in the late nineteenth century, many scientists held this point of view.

In 1962, Roger Sperry received the Nobel Prize for deciphering the functions of the cortex of the two hemispheres of the brain, which act separately. Modern technology allows us to see how the brain works, but a really deep understanding of how it works is still a long way off. We know that the right hemisphere, which is responsible for creativity, controls the left side of the body, while the left hemisphere, which is responsible for logic, causation, and speech, controls the right side of the body. The left side of the brain, in particular in men, houses language and vocabulary, while the right side stores visual information. Left-handers operate more on the right side of the brain, which is responsible for creativity. It is because of this that there are so disproportionately left-handed people among creative geniuses, including Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, Greta Garbo, Robert de Niro and Paul McCartney.

Tests show that the degree of mental giftedness in women is 3% higher than in men.

Until the 1960s, most of the data on the human brain came from soldiers killed on the battlefield—and that material was always in abundance. The disadvantage of this material was that the overwhelming majority of it was represented by the brains of men, as a result of which the opinion peremptorily prevailed that the female brain functions in the same way as the male one.

To date, recent studies have shown that the functioning of the female brain has significant differences from the male. This is the root of the problems that arise in the relationship between the sexes. Women's brains are somewhat smaller than men's, but research suggests that this does not affect the functioning of a woman's brain. In 1997, the Danish scientist Berte Pakkenberg of the Department of Neurology at the Copenhagen Municipal Hospital showed that the male brain contained an average of four million more brain cells than the female, but overall, women were 3% more intelligent than men on tests.

Where is that in the brain?

Here is the generally accepted view of which half of the brain controls which function.

Although the amount of research and our understanding of the functioning of the human brain is increasing dramatically every day, the results are interpreted in different ways. But there are several areas in which scientists are unanimous. The use of magnetic resonance, which measures the electrical activity of the brain, makes it possible in our time to identify and measure the exact location of many specific functions in the brain. With the help of brain scanning equipment, we can see which part of the brain is doing a particular task. When a brain scan map of an individual person indicates the existence of a specific area that is in charge of a certain type of activity or function, this means that this person, as a rule, performs this type of work perfectly, enjoys this activity, that is, seeks to load this area of ​​\u200b\u200bthe brain.

For example, most men have a sense of direction in a specific area, so they easily navigate. They are happy to plan their travels and romantically remember the adventures that enabled them to use their abilities in the field of navigation and orientation. In women, a special area is responsible for speech - and they speak well, easily and quickly, often choose as a profession activities associated with the use of the advantages of good speech skills, such as medicine, advocacy, teaching. In the absence of a special area in the brain associated with a certain type of activity, a person is usually not naturally inclined towards it, does not feel pleasure from the corresponding activities. That's why you rarely meet a female navigator or learn good English from a male teacher.

Where did you start studying the brain?

The first recorded study of brain differences between men and women was conducted by Francis Gutton in 1882. He found that men were more prone to "bright" sounds - high-pitched squeals, stronger handshakes, and less sensitivity to pain. At the same time, in the US, a similar study found that men prefer red to blue, have a large vocabulary and prefer to solve technical rather than domestic problems. Women have sharper hearing, use more words in conversation, and prefer to get work done or solve personal problems.

Every study that has looked for areas responsible for specific functions has been associated with a patient who had brain damage. It turned out that men with damage to the left side of the brain almost completely lost speech and their vocabulary was noticeably impoverished, while women with the same damage did not lose speech to the same extent, which indicated the existence of more than one speech center in women. Men were three to four times more likely to lose or have difficulty speaking than women, and were much less likely to recover. If a man was injured on the left side of his head, he could remain mute. If a woman was injured in the same place, she most often continued to speak.

A man with an injury to the right side of the brain lost almost all spatial orientation and the ability to imagine an object in three dimensions and rotate it in the brain to view it from different angles. For example, the female brain sees the architectural plan of a house as flat, while the male brain sees it as three-dimensional, which means that a man can see depth. Most men have an immediate idea of ​​what the building will look like when completed. Women with an injury to the right side of the brain in the same place did not suffer from any changes in their spatial imagination.

Doreen Kimura, professor of psychology at the University of Ontario, found that speech impairment in men occurs after damage to only the left side of the brain, and speech impairment in women occurs after damage to the frontal lobe of both hemispheres together. Stuttering is a speech impediment that is predominantly male, and there are three to four boys in stuttering classes for every girl. Simply put, in relation to speech and conversation, men's abilities are limited. Most women will not be surprised by this result. History shows that the lack of a man's ability and desire to carry on a conversation made women tear their hair out for thousands of years.

How the brain is analyzed

Since the early 1990s, brain-scanning equipment has advanced to such an extent that it has become possible to see your brain in action on a television screen using positron emission tomography and magnetic resonance imaging. Markus Reichl of the Washington University School of Medicine measured specific areas of increased metabolism in the brain to determine the areas responsible for certain activities, which are shown in the figure.

At Yale University, a team of scientists led by Dr. Bennett and Sally Scheivitz conducted a study, giving tests to men and women to determine which part of the brain is engaged in rhyming. Using magnetic resonance techniques to record small changes in blood flow to different parts of the brain, they confirmed that in men, the left side of the brain, responsible for speech, is predominantly active in such cases, while women use both the right and left sides. These experiments, like many others conducted in the nineties, gave the same results: the brains of men and women function differently.

Ask a man and a woman: do their brains work differently? The man will say: I think so, I read something about this on the Internet a few days ago. The woman will answer: of course, yes - the next question?

Studies have also shown that the left side of a girl's brain develops faster than a boy's, with the result that the girl begins to speak earlier and better than her brother, begins to read earlier and masters a foreign language faster. In addition, this explains the fact that mainly boys are treated by speech pathologists. Boys, however, develop faster on the right side of the brain, which provides them with better spatial and logical thinking, as well as better perception. Boys outperform girls in math, building, solving puzzles and other problems and hone these abilities earlier than girls.

It may be fashionable now to believe that the differences between the sexes are minimal and do not play a significant role, but the facts refute this point of view. Unfortunately, we now live in a society that insists that we are the same, despite mountains of evidence that we are programmed differently and have evolved to develop completely different abilities and inclinations.

Why women have better nerve connections

The right and left sides of the brain are connected by a bundle of nerves called the corpus callosum. This cable allows one side of the brain to communicate with the other and allows the two hemispheres to exchange information.

Try to imagine that you have two computers on your shoulders connected by a cable. This cable is the corpus callosum.

UCLA neurologist Roger Gorsky confirmed that women have a thicker corpus callosum than men, and a woman has 30% more connections between the left and right sides of the brain. He also proved that men and women use different hemispheres of the brain when working on the same task. Since then, these findings have been confirmed by studies by other scientists.

Studies have shown that the female hormone estrogen promotes the formation of more connections between the two hemispheres. More connections were found to result in more fluent speech. This feature also explains the ability of a woman to conduct several unrelated cases, and is also partly responsible for female intuition. As we have already discussed, a woman has a more complete set of sensory sensors, and given the multichannel neural connections between the hemispheres, it becomes clear how a woman can make such quick and accurate judgments about people and situations at the level of intuition.

Why can men only do one thing

All available research evidence says that the male brain is specialized. Divided into departments. Its configuration encourages concentration on one particular task at a time, and most men claim they can do it. just one thing at this time. When a man stops his car to check his road map, what is the first thing he will do? Turn off the radio! Most women do not understand why he does this. She can read and at the same time listen and speak, why shouldn't he do the same. Why does he demand to turn off the TV when the phone rings? "Why doesn't he hear what I say to him when he reads a newspaper or watches a TV show?" - such a complaint was once expressed by almost every woman. The answer is that the configuration of the male brain does not allow him to do several things at once due to the small number of nerve connections between the left and right hemispheres, due to the fact that the male brain is divided into sections. Scan his brain as he reads and you will see that he is practically deaf.

The brain of a woman is programmed to manage several things at the same time. She can do several unrelated things at once, and her brain never turns off. She can talk on the phone while cooking a new recipe while looking at the TV. She can drive, put on makeup and listen to the radio all at the same time while talking on her cell phone. If you talk to a man when he is preparing a new dish according to a recipe, he will most likely get angry because he cannot both listen and follow the instructions in the recipe. When you talk to a man while shaving, he is more likely to cut himself. Most women have had to face accusations that a man missed a turn in the road because of her chatter. One woman said that, angry with her husband, she takes revenge on him, starting a conversation at the moment when he hammers a nail!

Since women use both sides of the brain, many of them confuse the right side with the left side. About 50% of women cannot instantly tell which hand is right and which is left, and they determine this by a ring or other sign. Men, in contrast, operate on either the right or left side of the brain, and it is easier for them to distinguish the right hand from the left. Therefore, all over the world, men scold women for telling them to turn right, meaning the left side.

Toothbrush Test

Test yourself with this test - with a toothbrush. Most women can brush their teeth on the go without interrupting the conversation. They can move the toothbrush up and down while scrubbing the table with the other hand in a circular motion. Most men will find such a task difficult or impossible at all. When a man brushes his teeth, his brain is focused on one task. All of them, as a rule, stand, slightly leaning over the sink, legs spaced 30 centimeters, head moving up and down in time with the movement of the brush.

Why are we the way we are

While we raise boys and girls as if they are exactly the same, science has shown that they are strikingly different from each other in the way they think. Neurologists and brain scientists everywhere have come to the conclusion that we are the way we are because of hormones.

We are what we are, thanks to hormones. We are all products of our chemical reactions.

Throughout the past twentieth century, the prevailing view has been that we are born with a pristine mind, and our parents, teachers, and environment dictate our preferences and choices. Recent studies of the brain and the features of its development have now revealed the fact that our brain is formed like a computer as early as 6-8 weeks after conception. Our basic "operating system" is already installed, and it contains several programs, so by the time of birth, our brain is already loaded, like a computer, with a set of both basic and auxiliary programs.

The scientists also showed that the underlying operating system and its configuration leave little room for change. Our environment and our teachers can only add data and upload compatible programs.

Until now, there has been virtually no "how to do it" manual. This means that by the time of birth, our future choices and sexual preferences are already determined. Nature versus nurture? Hopelessly. Nature has too much advantage. We now know that parenting is a behavior that can be learned: adoptive mothers are just as effective at raising children as parents are.

Embryo programming

Almost all of us are made up of 46 chromosomes, which are like genetic building blocks or tracing paper. Twenty-three of them came from our mother and twenty-three from our father. If our mother's twenty-third chromosome is an X chromosome (shaped like an X), and if our father's twenty-third chromosome is an X, then the child XX is a girl. If the twenty-third chromosome of the father is Y, the child is XY boy. The basic matrix of the human body and mind is feminine. We all start out as girls, which is why men have female characteristics like nipples and breasts.

Science has proven that Eve was the first

At 6 to 8 weeks after conception, the embryo is still asexual and can potentially develop both male and female reproductive organs. German scientist Dr. Günter Dorner, a leading researcher in the field of social sciences, was one of the first to put forward the theory that our sexual characteristics are formed six to eight weeks after conception. His research showed that the XY embryo, a genetic boy, develops special cells that direct large amounts of male hormones, particularly testosterone, into the body. The hormone shapes the testicles and brain configuration to match the behavior and traits of the male, such as the vigilance and spatial orientation needed to accurately throw, hunt, and chase prey.

Let us assume that a male embryo (XY) needs at least one unit of male hormones to form male reproductive organs and another three units of hormones to form the male operating system of the brain, but for reasons we will discuss later, did not receive the required amounts of the hormone. Suppose he received three units, and four is required. The first unit was used to form the sexual organs, but only two units were left to form the operating system of the brain, which means that the brain was transformed into two-thirds male and one-third remained female. As a result, a child is born who will become a man with a predominantly masculine mindset, but he will also have some of the stereotypes and abilities of a woman. If the boy embryo receives, say, only two units, then one will be used to form the sex organs, and the brain will receive only one unit instead of the required three. Now we have a child whose brain has remained predominantly female in structure and thought, but in a genetically male body. Having matured, such a boy is likely to become a homosexual. We will discuss how this happens in Chapter Eight.

When the embryo is a girl (XX), little or no male hormones are supplied to it, and the female reproductive organs are formed in the embryo, and the brain matrix remains female. Further, the brain is formed by female hormones and becomes programmed to protect the nest, including the appearance of centers for decoding both verbal and other signals. When a child is born, he will look like a girl and his behavior will be feminine, because the brain is programmed accordingly. But from time to time, usually by chance, the female embryo receives a significant dose of male hormones, as a result of which a girl is born with a more or less male mindset. How this happens we will discuss further.

It is believed that 80 to 85% of men have a predominantly masculine mindset, and 15–20% of the mind is feminized to one degree or another. Many of the representatives of the latter group acquire the wrong sexual orientation.

Between 15 and 20% of men have feminized brains. About 10% of women have a male mindset.

Any reference to female gender in this book refers to the approximately 90% of girls and women whose brains are programmed for predominantly female behavior. About 10% of women have a brain that is programmed to a greater or lesser extent for male behavior, because they received an excess proportion of male hormones in the womb at the age of six to eight weeks.

Here is a simple but very good test that will show you the extent to which your brain is wired in a masculine or feminine way. The questions were compiled from a variety of studies examining the connection between brain traits and sexuality, and the rating system was developed by British geneticist Anna Moir. There are no right or wrong answers in this test, but it will give you an idea of ​​what determines your preferences in this life and what your way of thinking is. After answering the questions, you can calculate the points according to the method given on the page following the test. Photocopy the test and share it with those you live and work with. As a result, many will open their eyes.

Test to determine the nature of thinking

The test is designed to determine the feminine or masculine in the mind of each person. There are no right or wrong answers - the result will simply show the likely level of male hormones that your brain received or did not receive six to eight weeks after conception. A reflection of this fact will be your preferences in the system of values, style of behavior, orientation and choice of the way to solve the problem.

Circle the statement that you feel is right for you in the vast majority of cases.

1. When you need to understand a simple or road map, you:

a. in difficulty and often ask for help;

b. rotate it so that it coincides with the direction of your gaze on the terrain;

in. you don't experience any difficulty.

2. You are preparing an elaborate gourmet meal for dinner, the radio is on and the phone is ringing. You:

a. continue to prepare the dish, leaving the radio on and talking with a friend / girlfriend;

b. turn off the radio, continue cooking and talk;

in. say on the phone that you will call back as soon as the dish is ready.

3. Friends come to you and ask you to tell how to get to your new home. You:

a. draw a map of the route and send it to friends or ask someone to explain how to get to you;

b. ask what notable places are known to your friends, and then try to explain how to get to you;

in. explain in words how to find your house: “On the M3 road to Newcastle, then turn around, then turn left and go to the second traffic light ...”

4. When explaining a new idea or concept, you are more likely to:

a. use pencil, paper and gestures;

b. explain in words, resorting to gestures and facial expressions;

in. explain in words clearly and precisely.

5. When you get home after watching a great movie, you tend to:

a. replay scenes from a movie in your mind;

b. talk about these scenes and what was said on the screen;

in. mostly quote the words of on-screen characters.

6. Do you prefer to sit in the cinema:

a. on the right side;

b. you don't care;

in. From the left side.

7. A friend/girlfriend broke something mechanical. You:

a. express sympathy and talk about how he/she must feel bad;

in. figure out how this thing works and try to fix it.

8. You are in an unfamiliar place and someone asks you which way is north. You:

a. admit that you don't know;

b. thinking, guess where he is;

in. immediately point to the north.

9. You found a place where you can park the car, but it is very cramped, and you need to drive back there. You:

a. try to find another place;

b. having carefully prepared, drive the car there;

in. drive the car in reverse easily and naturally.

10. You are watching TV and the phone rang. You:

a. answer without turning it off;

b. turn off the TV and then answer;

in. turn off the TV, ask those present to be silent and only then answer.

11. You just listened to a new song by your favorite artist. Usually you:

a. you can sing a verse from this song, and it will not be difficult for you;

b. be able to sing something from this song if it is simple enough;

in. it will be difficult for you to remember the motive of the song, but you will remember some of the tones.

12. You are the best at predicting the outcome:

a. intuitive;

b. having made a decision based on the available information and "internal feeling";

in. making a decision based on facts, statistics and accurate data.

13. You put the keys in the wrong place. You:

a. do some business until you remember where you put them;

b. get down to business, tensely remembering where they could have disappeared;

in. mentally replay your path until you remember where you left them.

14. You are in a hotel and heard a distant siren. You:

a. you can immediately indicate where the sound comes from;

b. you can indicate the direction if you are focused;

in. you will not be able to determine the direction in which the sound source is located.

15. You went to an appointment and were introduced to six or seven new people. The next day you:

a. can easily describe their faces;

b. remember just a few of these faces;

in. more likely to remember their names.

16. You want to go on vacation to the countryside, but your partner/sha wants to go to a resort. To convince him/her that your offer is better, you:

a. say affectionately how you feel: you love the village, and children and family always have so much fun there;

b. say: if the partner goes to the village, then you will be grateful to him / her and next time you will definitely go to the resort;

in. use the facts: the village is closer, cheaper and good for sports and recreation.

17. When planning your day, you:

a. write a list of things to do;

b. think about what needs to be done today;

in. picture in your mind the people you need to meet, the places you need to visit, and the things you will have to deal with.

18. A friend has a personal problem and he/she comes to you to discuss it. You:

a. sympathy itself, and understanding, and all;

b. say that the problems are never as serious as they seem, and explain why;

in. try to give rational advice on how to solve the problem.

19. Two friends of yours who are in different marriages have an affair and are secretly dating. How likely is it that you will understand what is happening:

a. understand pretty quickly.

b. understand what is happening after a while;

in. you will most likely never guess.

20. And what, in fact, is life, in your opinion?

a. have friends and live in harmony with others;

b. be friendly to others while maintaining personal independence;

in. achieve a worthy goal, earn the respect of others, and achieve a prestigious position.

21. Given a choice, would you rather work:

a. in a team where other people get along easily with others;

b. with others, but keeping some space for yourself;

in. separately.

22. Of these books, do you prefer:

a. novels and fiction;

b. magazines and newspapers;

in. documentary prose, biographies.

23. When you go shopping, do you tend to:

a. buy, obeying a sudden impulse, in particular, extraordinary things;

b. plan purchases in advance, but do not consider this plan mandatory;

in. look at labels and compare prices.

24. Do you prefer to go to bed, get up and eat:

a. when you want;

b. scheduled, but not mandatory;

in. at the same time every day.

25. You got a new job and met a lot of new people. One of them calls you at home. You:

26. What worries you the most when you argue with someone:

a. the silence of the interlocutor or his incomprehensible reaction to you;

b. his misunderstanding of your point of view;

in. his alarming or aggressive questions and comments.

27. At school, what was your attitude to literacy tests and essays:

a. you dealt with it easily;

b. one was given to you and the other was not;

in. neither was given.

28. In dancing you:

a. can feel the music once you have learned to move correctly;

b. some dances you can dance, but others are not given to you;

in. hardly follow the rhythm.

29. How good are you at identifying and imitating animal calls?

a. not very good;

b. in moderation;

in. very good.

30. At the end of a long day, do you prefer:

a. talk to friends or family members about the day;

b. listen to others talk about their affairs;

How to calculate the result

First, add the number of answers for rubrics "a", "b" and "c" and use the following table to calculate the points scored.

For any questions that don't accurately reflect your life or are left unanswered, reward yourself with 5 points.

See previous heading.

Analysis of results

Most men have between 0 and 180 points, and most women between 150 and 300. The predominantly male mindset usually earns less than 150 points. The closer to 0, the more masculine the mind, and the more likely high testosterone levels. Such people have strong logic, analytical skills and eloquence. The closer they are to 0, the better they predict value, the more accurate conclusions they make based on statistical data, and are almost completely free from the influence of emotions on conclusions. Points in the minus area indicate a purely masculine mindset. This means that in the early stages of embryonic development, a large amount of testosterone was supplied to the fetus.

The lower the number of points a woman has, the higher the likelihood of manifestation of lesbian inclinations. A purely female mind is gaining more than 180 points. The more, the more feminine in the program of the brain, the greater the likelihood of extraordinary creative, artistic, musical abilities. Such people make decisions based on intuition, on internal, unmotivated feelings, and are good at identifying problems when there is a minimum of data. They are good at dealing with problems that require solutions based on creativity and intuition. The more points above 180 a man has, the greater the likelihood of homosexual inclinations.

Men with scores below 0 and women with scores above 180 have brains programmed so differently that the only thing they have in common is that they live on the same planet!

transition area

The number of points in the range from 150 to 180 indicates a close mindset for both sexes, figuratively speaking, when one foot is in one camp, and the other in the opposite camp. Such people tend to be neither masculine nor feminine and tend to display a flexible mindset that can be a big advantage in any problem-solving group. They are predisposed to friendly relations with both men and women.

Final word...

Since the early 1980s, our knowledge of the brain has reached heights beyond our wildest expectations. President Bush proclaimed the 1990s the Decade of the Brain, and we are now approaching the Millennium of the Mind. In talking about the brain and its various functional areas, we tried to simplify the science of neurology so as not to drown in purely medical terms, but we tried to simplify it in moderation, since the brain is a structure of neurons, like a web. Brain cells form complex complexes that make up the areas of the brain that we talked about.

You, the reader, do not need to become a neuroscientist, you just want to understand the essence of the functioning of the brain and develop a specific strategy for communicating with people of the opposite sex based on this understanding. It is easy to point out the region of the male brain responsible for orientation in space, and develop a specific strategy for it. It is much more difficult to get a clue to the action of emotions in the brain, but even so, it is possible for you to develop an acceptable strategy to account for this action of emotions.

Chapter 4

Barbara and Allan are going to a party. Barbara has bought a new dress and wants to look her best. She is holding two pairs of shoes in her hands: blue and gold. Then she asks Allan the question that all men are so afraid of: “Honey, what shoes should I wear with this dress?”

A chill ran down Allan's spine. He realized that trouble was brewing. “Uh… hmm… which ones do you like, love,” he stutters. "Well, Allan," she says impatiently, "which looks better, blue or gold?" "Golden!" he blurts out nervously. "What's wrong with blue? she asks. You never loved them! I paid a fortune for them, and you hate them, don't you!

Allan's shoulders sag. "If you don't want to know my opinion, don't ask!" he answers. It seemed to him that they were asking him for help in order to solve the problem that had arisen, and when help was provided, he did not wait for gratitude. However, Barbara simply manifested a typically feminine feature: to speak in circumlocution. She had already decided which shoes to wear, and she didn't need anyone's opinion about it: she needed confirmation that she looked good. In this chapter, we will look at the problems that arise when men and women communicate and suggest some new ways to solve them.

Blue or gold shoes strategy

If a woman asks “blue or gold?” when choosing shoes, it is important that a man does not give an answer to this question. Instead, he should say: “And you have already chosen, dear, which pair you will wear!” With this approach, most women are lost, because the men they know, as a rule, immediately declare their preferences. “Well… I thought maybe I should wear gold ones,” she says hesitantly. "Why gold?" he will ask. “Because I have gold jewelry and my dress is trimmed with gold thread,” she explains. A knowledgeable man will joyfully exclaim: “Shine! Great choice! You look amazing! It fits well! I love!". And you can bet that at night he will receive his reward in full.

Why Men Can't Speak Correctly

We have known for thousands of years that men are not very talkative, particularly when compared to women. Girls not only begin to speak earlier than boys, but a three-year-old girl has twice the vocabulary of a three-year-old boy, and her speech is almost 100% intelligible. Speech pathologists constantly deal with parents who bring boys in with the same complaint: "He can't speak properly." If the boy has an older sister, then this is especially noticeable, since older sisters and mothers tend to be responsible for brother and son. Ask a five-year-old boy, "How are you?" and his mother or sister will immediately reply, "Thank you, he's doing well."

Mothers, daughters and older sisters often speak on behalf of the male members of their family.

Men do not have a special section of speech. Speech is controlled by the left side of the brain, and there is no separate area of ​​speech. Studies of people with brain damage have shown that in most cases, speech disorders appeared after injuries to the back of the left hemisphere in men and the front of the left hemisphere in women. When a man speaks, the magnetic resonance scan shows the activity of the entire left hemisphere. But no special section of speech was found there. As a result, men do not speak very well.

Differences in how people express themselves are most evident in sports. Watch a sports broadcast on television and pay attention to how, for example, basketball players can accurately, consistently and clearly talk about a match that has just ended. When trying to interview basketball players, not only can it be difficult to understand what they are talking about, but sometimes they can't open their mouths. Teenagers have the same picture. When we asked our teenage daughter to talk about a party she went to the day before, she gave a detailed account of everything that was there: who said what to whom, how they felt and how everyone was dressed. To the same question, our teenage son mumbled: “Everything was fine.”

On Valentine's Day, flower girls advise men: "Express your love with flowers," because they know that it is difficult for a man to do this with words.

It is not difficult for a man to buy a postcard, but what to write on it is what puzzles him.

Men often choose a postcard with verbose text on it, because in this case there is less space on it where they need to write something.

Remember, in the process of evolution, a man had to get food, not communicate. When hunting, communication is limited to a series of facial signals, and hunters often watch their prey in silence for hours. They don't talk to each other. When modern men go fishing, they can spend many hours together without speaking. They have a great time in the company of each other, but do not feel the need to put it into words. If women spend time together and do not talk to their heart's content, then this shows that something is wrong. The only case where men communicate through conversation is due to the violation of the strict specialization of the male brain under the influence of a fair amount of alcohol.

Allan Pease, Barbara Pease

Relationship language

Copyright © by Allan Pease, 1998

© M. Zvonarev, translation into Russian, 2009

© Edition in Russian, design. Eksmo Publishing LLC, 2013

Books by Allan Pease

"Charisma. The Art of Successful Communication»

In their book, Allan and Barbara Pease formulated the basic rules for effective communication. They offer specialized verbal and non-verbal negotiation techniques, as well as simple and effective communication strategies that will help you quickly connect with anyone.

"Sign Language in Love"

The authors in their new book reveal the main secrets of communication between men and women. You will learn how to be more attractive to members of the opposite sex, recognize who you like, make dates, and build strong relationships with your significant other.

Why do men want sex and women love?

The authors of the famous "Body Language" offer their help in solving the most acute communication problems that arise between loved ones. And along the way, they answer the question: why do men and women perceive love differently?

"Language of relationships"

On the threshold of the third millennium, we are still in the same ignorance of the relationship of the sexes, as at the beginning of time, and therefore we continue to gain grains of knowledge on the fields of family battles. Allan and Barbara Pease will teach you how to retreat from the battlefield, and sometimes avoid the fight itself. Practical tips that are easy to follow will help you not only establish warm and trusting relationships in the family, but also make your life more harmonious and happier.

Introduction

On a sunny morning, Bob, Sue, and their three daughters went for a Sunday walk in the car. Bob was driving, and Sue was at his side, turning every minute to join in the merry chatter of their daughters. They were all talking at the same time, and about completely different things, and Bob drove the car to an unceasing din, devoid of any meaning for him. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.

– Could you please shut up! Bob yelled.

The cabin went quiet at once.

- Why? Sue asked after a pause.

“Because I'm driving!” he said irritably.

The women exchanged puzzled looks. "Driving a car?" one of them muttered.

They could not understand how their conversation was related to driving, and Bob could not understand why the women were talking all at once, sometimes completely different things, and none of them seemed to listen to the others.

Why don't they be quiet for a while, giving him a chance to concentrate? Because of this bazaar, he had already missed the last turn on the freeway.

The bottom line is simple: men and women are different from each other. They are no worse, no better than each other - they are different. Scientists, anthropologists, and sociobiologists have known this for a long time, but they also know that if they openly proclaim such a thesis in a "politically sound world", they will immediately become pariahs. In modern society, there is a belief that the potential capabilities of men and women are the same, they are equally talented and can master any professional skill. And this conviction matured just at the time when science - what an irony! – has collected enough evidence that men and women are very different from each other.

What threatens us with such a situation? Our society, as it turns out, rests on a rather shaky foundation. Only by realizing our particularities can we strengthen our collective strength as opposed to our individual weakness. In this book, we have tried to take advantage of the tremendous recent developments in the science of human evolution to show how to apply the accumulated knowledge to the practical aspects of relationships between men and women. The conclusions we have reached may seem controversial. In some cases, they can be called alarming. At the same time, they allow a deeper understanding of the essence and explanation of the oddities that arise in the relationship between a man and a woman. It would be nice if Bob and Sue read this book before they hit the road.

Why was writing this book so difficult?

It took three years and a journey of 400,000 kilometers to create this book. Research basis: papers, interviews and workshops conducted in Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, Thailand, Hong Kong, Malaysia, England, Scotland, Ireland, Italy, Greece, Germany, Holland, Spain, Turkey, USA, South Africa, Botswana, Zimbabwe , Zambia, Namibia and Angola.

The most difficult thing was to get public and private organizations to express their opinion about the facts. For example, commercial airline pilots employ less than one percent of women. On this fact, many have declared "No comment", demanding, sometimes with threats, not to mention the name of their organization in this book. The female administrators were generally a bit more accommodating, but immediately went on the defensive, believing our study to be anti-feminist, even though they had no idea what it was about. The opinion of some authoritative people, from corporate executives to university professors, was obtained only anonymously - a half-lit room, closed doors - after numerous assurances: of course, a full guarantee, their names, the names of the relevant organizations will not be mentioned. Many had two opinions: "politically sound" and their own with a warning "no need to quote."

You will see that while reading a book, you will sometimes want to argue with the authors, and sometimes you will meet facts that are amazing, but in any case they will interest you. Although based on scientific research, with a wide range of material from ordinary everyday life, the opinions of ordinary people, and episodes that range from simply funny to purely humorous, this book will be fun to read. The goal that we set in creating this book is to help you, our reader or reader, learn more about both yourself and people of the opposite sex so that your relationships become more joyful, fulfilling and bring more satisfaction.

The book is dedicated to all the men and women who have been tearing their hair out at two in the morning, crying out to their partner, "Why don't you understand me?" Mutual understanding disappears, because men will not understand why a woman does not behave like a man, and a woman expects from her partner behavior that copies her own. This book will help you not only improve relationships with the opposite sex, but also a deeper understanding of yourself. And as a result, you will come to a happier, healthier and more harmonious life.

Barbara and Allan Pease

Same species but different worlds

The evolution of a unique creation

Men and women are different from each other. They are no worse, no better than each other - they are different. Almost the only thing they have in common is that they are individuals of the same species. They live in different worlds, different values ​​are prioritized for them, they act following different rules of life. Everyone knows this, but very few, especially men, take the trouble to realize it. But the truth is just that. Take a look at the evidence for yourself. About 50% of marriages in Western countries end in divorce, and it is not uncommon for serious relationships to end prematurely. Men and women of any race, raised in any culture and environment, constantly challenge the opinions, behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs of their partners.