Hello, dear readers! Do you remember those feelings when your partner was not yet your husband at all? When it all started, you literally soared, inspired by love. The future spouse seemed like the living embodiment of an ideal man - you did not find a single flaw in him even under a microscope. You counted the minutes until your date, and at the sight of your loved one, millions of butterflies began to flutter in your stomach. Those were wonderful times!..
What happened next? Where did that feeling of delight from meeting your lover that overwhelmed you go? It seems that love dissipated a long time ago, or maybe it never existed at all. And now you look at your man with bewilderment - was it really he who once aroused all those tender feelings that made your head spin?
Unfortunately, love is short-lived. A year passes, two, maximum three, and not a trace remains of her. But this does not mean that you are no longer destined to experience the romantic charm that marked the beginning of your union. For those who don’t know how to fall in love with their husband again, but really want it, the advice of a psychologist will help. You will learn how to refresh your relationship and add long-forgotten emotions to it.
Why love doesn't last
Unfortunately, the hormonal storm is short-lived. How long it will last depends on the characteristics of your body, which produces happiness hormones, as well as on external circumstances. Daily stress, emotional stress, everyday problems, difficulties at work - all this gradually replaces the euphoria of falling in love. Often feelings cool down after childbirth - the woman transfers all the love and tenderness to the baby, and the husband remains out of work.
As a result, spouses often move away from each other, begin to notice each other's shortcomings, and disagreements and quarrels arise between them. Or, as an option, they continue to live peacefully side by side, but without those romantic feelings that were at the beginning of the relationship.
Many people are quite happy with a quiet existence without strong emotions. But over time, life turns into a monotonous Groundhog Day. You know in advance how you will spend the evening after work, where you will go on the weekend or on vacation, what your spouse will say and how you will behave in a given situation. And sometimes you really want romance, unexpected actions of your loved one, surprises and impressions.
Some people find it all on the side. But this is a dubious and risky pleasure. Both after yours and after his betrayal, it is very difficult to regain trust in each other. You can experience romantic adventures and experience the full range of positive emotions with your own husband. All you need to do is fall in love with him like the first time.
10 ways to fall in love with your husband again
Some people believe that it will not be possible to fall in love with your own husband a second time. After all, you already know this guy like crazy. You are familiar with all his shortcomings, you personally know every cockroach living in his head - how can you convince yourself again that this man is ideal? In fact, there are several ways to awaken sleeping tender feelings.
Start with yourself
“Now, if my husband changed one, two and three things about himself, then I could fall in love with him again,” this is how many ladies think. Do you also think that it’s all about your spouse? What if I told you that first you have to change yourself? An unexpected turn, you will agree.
The fact is that your husband has most likely changed little since you first met. You just look at it differently now. Try to look at your partner not through the usual prism of fatigue and irritation, but as if you just met yesterday. Of course, this will not be easy, and for this you will have to radically change your attitude.
If you always make a scandal when your husband stays late after work, try this time to greet him warmly, feed him dinner and ask how his day was. It may turn out that your spouse was late not because he didn’t want to see you, but because he was in a rush at work and his boss insisted that he urgently finish work on the project.
Agree, there is a difference - you yell at your husband who is tired at work, or you listen carefully and support him with warm words. Become a rule never to start a conversation with accusations or in a raised tone, always know how to listen to your spouse and understand his motives. Very soon you will see that you begin to treat your husband completely differently.
I love you
Remember a simple exercise that is often recommended to do to lift your mood? You need to smile, even if it’s forced, and walk like that for a while. And miracles - very soon the brain will perceive a fake smile as a real one and begin to produce happiness hormones.
The same principle applies here. Even if you are not currently experiencing passionate love, start talking about it. Repeat this to your husband as often as possible, tell your friends - your brain will tune in to falling in love and will trigger the synthesis of dopamine and endorphin. Yes, yes, those same hormones that make lovers dizzy.
Following your meetings
Surely your memory stores touching memories of the day you met, your first date, romantic walks and other lovely events. It's time to relive these moments again.
Take an excursion into the past - take a walk through the places where you two have been before, remember events in every detail, try to again feel those tender feelings that you once experienced. Happened? Record this state and try to evoke it every time you are near your husband.
Mister Perfect
Once upon a time, this is exactly how you saw your spouse. But over time, they managed to discern flaws in their beloved that overshadowed his positive traits. Now you need to do the same thing, but in reverse order.
Take a piece of paper and write down all the positive qualities of your husband on it. Write everything: from the global - kind, strong, brave, to the most insignificant, like a cute dimple on the chin. You will see that there are dozens of reasons to love your spouse again.
Let's talk
Of course, you are still talking to your husband. But how do you do it? If currently all your conversations come down to discussing everyday issues, try changing your strategy. Start talking about your thoughts and feelings, don't be afraid to voice your emotions. Ask your spouse what he thinks and feels at certain moments. This way you will become closer and, perhaps, get to know each other again.
Towards adventures
Strong emotions experienced together bring us closer together. And if so, arrange an adventure for two that will pull you out of the monotony of everyday life and give you new bright impressions. What it will be is up to you to decide. It is ideal if extreme moments await you - bursts of adrenaline will add sharpness and piquancy to your senses. Kayaking, skydiving, diving or off-road quad biking guarantee maximum emotions.
The main thing is not to overdo it. Not every man is a winning hero by nature. It is possible that your partner feels uncomfortable in an extreme environment and, instead of enjoying it, will count the minutes until he returns home. Naturally, in such conditions there can be no talk of any rapprochement.
But this doesn't mean you have to forget about adventure forever. Just choose less risky options. For example, arrange a short hike with an overnight campfire. Nature, a sky strewn with stars, crackling flames and quiet conversation or songs with a guitar - you must admit, it sounds very romantic.
The two of us
Remember the last time you and your spouse spent a vacation or even a weekend together? And this means not just together, but just the two of us - no friends, no relatives, no children. So long ago that you can’t even remember right away? So, it's time to arrange a romantic getaway. Rent a room in a country hotel for the weekend, turn off your phones and enjoy each other's company.
As a last resort, send the children to stay with their grandmother, and retire at home. Wine, candles, rose petals - the appropriate surroundings will fill even your usual interior with romanticism. Just don’t give in to the temptation to do some spring cleaning or re-paste the wallpaper in the absence of your offspring. This is a time just for the two of you.
Let's talk about sex
Odes of laudatory
Of course, you won’t have to sing praises, but you really need to praise your husband in a timely manner. In the bustle of everyday life, we forget about such simple things as compliments and just kind words. But they are extremely important both for your relationships and for adequate self-esteem.
Imagine that your spouse is trying very hard to do something nice for you. But you, overwhelmed by everyday life, do not pay attention to this or thank him sparingly, without focusing much attention on his action. By ignoring his attempts several times, you simply discourage him from doing anything for you. And then you accuse him of never taking the initiative and doing anything without your instructions.
Start praising your husband for the slightest attempts to do something for you. Even if at first it will be banal tea and a sandwich. And you will see with what pleasure he will try to do something else to please you. And when your spouse surrounds you with attention and care, it will be difficult not to fall in love with him, like the first time.
The earth is empty without you...
This is a radical, but very effective method. I recommend using it even in advanced cases, when it seems that feelings for a partner have completely died and nothing will ever revive them.
Remove all distractions, focus and imagine that your husband is no longer there. It doesn't matter where it went, the important thing is that it can't be brought back. How did you feel now? If you don't care at all, then your relationship is truly in critical condition. You may have to seek help from a specialist - it is very difficult to do it on your own.
Fortunately, such extreme cases are rare. Most likely, this exercise will awaken in you those feelings that have fallen asleep over the years. You will understand that your husband is still dear to you, waves of tenderness will rise in your soul, you will want to go up to your spouse, hug him and tell him how much you love him.
As you can see, falling in love with your own husband is a completely feasible task. After all, you have already done this once. And if so, since you chose this particular man from thousands of possible candidates, it means that he is worthy of your love. Of course, you will have to work hard, but you must admit that a happy relationship is worth it!
Do you want your husband to show reciprocal feelings too? Then be sure to read the book by L. Gomelskaya “ Make him fall in love" This is a collection of proven advice from a psychologist that will help you reignite your passion.
What do you think, is it possible, and most importantly, is it necessary to fall in love with your spouse a second time? Or maybe it would be more expedient to spend the effort to move on to a relationship? Write your opinion in the comments.
The Victorian era of restraint has long since sunk into oblivion, and an era has come when you can openly express your feelings. And not only is it possible, but it is necessary! You need to awaken your emotions! Surely you have already heard this idea, more than once.
Now in many psychological articles you can read about the benefits of emotional self-expression, that you cannot restrain your feelings, about the destructive power of unexpressed negative emotions, and the like. In fact, these ideas correctly reflect the truth: it is necessary to be able to accept and express both positive and negative emotions, it is harmful to always “contain everything to yourself,” and emotions such as fear, anger and shame are natural and characteristic of all living people.
And many people are starting to follow these tips - they are trying to accept and express their emotions - both positive and negative - in an environmentally friendly way. However, a person is an extremely complex being: emotions can arise not only in response to some events and people, but also to his own reaction in some situation, to himself. And these feelings, in response to one’s own emotions, are an area that is much more nebulous and yet no less relevant. Reacting to ourselves and our emotions can become a real problem if we don't like ourselves experiencing certain emotions.
Let's imagine such a situation. Woman K. read one of the articles that recommend unlocking your emotional potential and learning to freely express all your emotions. She begins to follow this advice. It turned out that it works out well for her: it is very easy for her to express her anger and dissatisfaction, and she now gets openly angry when there is a good reason for this. It would seem that she has learned to freely express her feelings; she no longer “holds” anger within herself. And yet there is one significant “but” in this whole situation: when she is openly angry, she perceives herself as someone else’s, bad and disgusting person. This means that she is not in full contact with her feelings, and, in addition, experiences additional negative emotions due to open expression of anger. Therefore, in the long term, this situation leads to significant emotional problems. And the essence of the problem lies in how a person reacts to his reaction, to his emotions and to himself in a particular situation.
There may be a number of negative, unproductive reactions to your feelings and behavior. The list of such reactions can be very long, but we have identified four main types:
Negative emotions and self-devaluation
The first type of “wrong” reaction to one’s experiences is devaluing oneself due to experiencing negative feelings.
If, when this type of reaction is dominant, a person tries to accept and express his negative emotions, this leads to devaluation. People perceive reality approximately as follows: “Everyone around is so restrained and calm. And I'm behaving like a hysteric. Yes, that’s how those around me perceive me – as an abnormal hysteric, as a yapping dog...” Or the following reaction is possible: “Look, you can’t even contain your own emotions. And life doesn’t suit you, that’s why so many negative feelings rush out. And why all? Because you are nobody, and you are not capable of anything...” In any case, internal dialogue leads a person to devalue himself as an individual due to the abundance of negative experiences. Such people, deep down in their souls, could not accept the idea that it is normal to have negative experiences, and therefore the experience of anger, fear and envy causes them to experience even more negative emotions.
In this situation, it is very important to realize that feelings are not identical to the person as a whole, and to learn to accept your negative emotions without devaluing your own personality.
The desire for self-control or denial: “without emotions”
With the second type of reaction, a person tends to deny his negative emotions or to try to control his feelings. For example, man N.’s day did not go well in the morning: the alarm clock did not ring on time, someone stepped on his foot in the subway, his boss is annoying, everything around him is annoying, anger is raging inside. But the man tries to calm himself down, to take his feelings “under control”: “Be above these petty problems! What are you getting annoyed about? Take care of your nerves and breathe deeply. You’re not that upset at all, don’t act like a hysteric.”
The problem in this situation is that there are actually negative emotions that are not accepted. And self-control or denial will not help you get rid of them, and will not turn you into a person “without emotions” - just negative experiences will be better disguised.
What to do? First, you need to recognize the fact of the existence of negative emotions, figure out why they arose and why they acquired such strength and influence on you. And secondly, learn to accept yourself even with your negative emotions: they are part of you, and in order to get rid of negativity, you need to deal with the reasons that provoked their occurrence.
Avoiding the problem and yourself
Another possible reaction is an attempt to run away from the problem and from your reaction to it. It functions by simply switching attention: “How infuriating the boss is! What a lot of work! Okay, when I go home today, I’ll definitely have to go to the store... And then help my son with his homework...” With this type of reaction, a person tries to “get around” the problem of experiencing negative feelings. Starting to experience irritation, anger and fear, he tries to switch to other things and more pleasant topics. In some situations, this strategy can be beneficial, but constant use leads to a lack of reflection of one’s feelings, loss of contact with the emotional sphere (as a consequence - the occurrence of psychosomatic diseases) and a lack of understanding of the causes of negative emotions. Problems in this situation are not resolved because the person tries not to think about the bad (which means there is no possibility of finding ways out of the problematic situation and stopping the experience of negative feelings).
What can be done in this situation? You need to stop “running” from yourself and learn to reflect on your own feelings - this will help you better understand the cause-and-effect relationships of negative emotions and outline ways to solve life’s problems.
Destruction as an expression of emotion
Does it happen: you are so irritated that only a mental picture in which you “punch the faces” of those who offend you and destroy your hated job can calm you down? This is a typical reaction of destruction in response to negative experiences. Such people tend to “burn their bridges” and remove from their lives everything that reminds them of negative experiences or provokes their occurrence. Memories are “erased” from memory, and people are thrown “overboard” from their life path. However, at their core, these people are fugitives. They run from pain, from negative emotions, from the fear of making a mistake by trusting someone.
What can help here is the emergence of relationships that do not need to be destroyed: they will either be too important for a person, or it will be impossible to escape from them. This could be a relationship with a person or with God. The main thing is that in these relationships a person learns to accept his true feelings and is not afraid to express them openly. Then trust and true freedom of emotional self-expression will appear in this person’s life.
Today there is a great demand for recommendations for building harmonious relationships between a man and a woman. This can be easily tracked by the number of books being published on this topic, the number of growing family psychologists who are trying to help couples build ideal relationships. How many women's and men's magazines are full of advice on how to awaken a partner's feelings, how to awaken passion in a man?
And there are those who advise not to bother and move on to an open relationship, giving up trying to understand how to awaken feelings in a man.
The essence of an open relationship is shown in an anecdote:
- Lieutenant, yesterday you slept with me, but today you don’t even want to say hello!
- Madam, bed is not a reason for dating.
This phenomenon (of open relationships) is shown in detail in my previous post -
In this post I would like to cover another topic - Man's love. To understand whether a man is even capable of love? How to awaken feelings in a man? Or is love only the “privilege” of the female half?
So who is capable of love?
Unfortunately, we have confusion in words and, if one person says: “Love,” another may put a completely different meaning into this concept. Some people mean mutual understanding by love, while others generally believe that love is sexual attraction. The psychology of love and sex is a separate topic, but for now... we say that people with a visual vector are capable of love. Does the visual vector occur in women - yes! Does it occur in men, oddly enough, but also – yes!
People with a visual vector are very easy to notice, because they are created to be noticeable, and besides, they do everything to attract attention to themselves, that is, to be noticed.
For a long time, the visual vector was the “prerogative” of women, and visual men, for certain reasons, were extremely rare. Now the time has come when men with a visual vector can be found very often, which is why it seems that men have begun to express themselves in a very visual way... Some people characterize this phenomenon as follows: “Men have gone crazy!”
Have men become more feminine?
The universe is evolving and developing, nothing is moving backward. Only forward! For development, for complication. Some stages have already been worked out by humanity, and we already need other ways to realize and express ourselves in society. Almost no one is engaged in hard physical labor anymore, and male strength has ceased to be an absolute value. Today, the most paid work is intellectual, and women increasingly prefer gentle and sensual men. And those who don’t get such, wonder how to wake up their husband to show his feelings.
For a very long time, the visual vector was worked out by the skin-visual woman, who to this day flashes from all screens. But she has already reached the peak of her development and the time has come when society needs a man with a developed visual vector.
The visual vector is the only vector that has not been worked out by a man.
Men with a visual vector are most often people of art: architects, artists, fashion designers, photographers, actors, as well as doctors.
What are the problems Russian men have with feelings?
Due to the Russian mentality, we value such qualities as muscle strength and handiness. Women say: “What kind of guy is this who can’t hammer a nail into a wall or fix a faucet?” And the manifestation of feelings from the male half seems completely savage. After all, our father taught us from childhood: “Why are you drooling like a girl, worse than a woman. Come on, wipe your snot. Be a man!". And we gradually “understand” what a real man should be like. And we don’t think about how to wake up a guy for love.
Unfortunately, this leads to the fact that a teenager with a visual vector, who is given the opportunity to experience love with the right upbringing, cannot fully develop, remains in fears, phobias, suffers from panic attacks and other emotional disorders.
In addition, we don’t have many circles where it would be possible to really develop the visual vector... Even in art circles and acting circles you can’t get much development. And there aren’t enough circles for everyone.
So how can a man reveal the full potential of the feelings of which he is capable? How to wake up your husband for love?
You can, of course, send him to a theater club or somewhere else, where he will develop his properties through demonstrativeness, but the best thing is realization through compassion.
How can I do that? How to wake a guy up to show his feelings?
People with a visual vector are designed in such a way that they constantly create emotional connections with others. As children, we create emotional connections with teddy bears and dolls, plants, with pets, if any, and then with people, although some viewers devote their entire lives to animals, depriving themselves of the most complete emotional experiences. So, in order to use all the resources of visual empathy, it is best to create emotional connections with people with disabilities.
For example, this could be elderly people in a nursing home. Or children who are undergoing a rehabilitation period in a hospital where the help of volunteers is needed.
Why should this be done?
By creating an emotional connection in this way, we “rule out the mistake” of going in the wrong direction in advance. From such people we will not receive anything in return, they will not please us with any gifts or successes, that is, we act only using the property of the visual vector - compassion, we put ourselves in a situation where, willy-nilly, we begin to invest in a person, without receiving anything in return. And gradually, we fully realize our visual vector, filling ourselves with love.
In this case, we get relief from excessive tearfulness, fears, hysterics, if any, and the highest realization for the visual vector. Plus, we get rid of some unfortunate manifestations of the visual vector when we try to create an emotional connection where it is not appropriate.
A person who is fully realized in the visual vector knows how to love and give his feelings to his partner like no one else.
PS Be happy and give love to each other!
Instructions
Ease of communication disappeared, relationships became strained. If you have stopped dissolving into each other, but somewhere deep down you realize that this is the very person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life, then try the following to revive your fading feelings. Try to give each other a little space, so that everyone can do what they want: cross stitch, salsa, kiteboarding, aircraft modeling. You will have new topics for discussion, new impressions and emotions. Of course, it’s good when only your partner exists for you, but such an idyll does not last long. In any case, being next to each other all the time, you will read a person like an open book, you will know all the person’s habits and shortcomings thoroughly. It will become predictable and uninteresting for you, so personal space is one of the conditions for refreshing your feelings.
No matter how long you date or live together, you need to win each other again and again. Remember how you met, how you courted each other, on. Do things that are a little stupid, crazy, or even childish. Winter - play snowballs, build a snowman, sled down the hill, summer - run barefoot in the pouring rain, rollerblade, bike ride, autumn - collect leaves for the herbarium, sit in a cozy cafe, telling each other funny stories, spring - sing serenades under the window, give flowers, write romantic notes to each other. Regardless of the time of year, try to discover something new in your relationship and cherish the old things that warm your soul and heart. Never tire of surprising and delighting each other.
Anything can happen in life: failures and problems at work, seasonal depression, internal crisis. You return home in a bad mood, but you don’t need to throw out your negativity on your chosen one. Scandals and hysterics have never helped improve relationships. Limit yourself to just telling about your poor health, explain that it’s not easy for you now, that you need help, and they will certainly help you, surround you with care and love. But don't abuse your weakness. Try to abstract yourself from external problems when you are around him/her. You must be a cheerful person because annoying crybabies are very difficult to tolerate without showing negative emotions.
Try to smile and laugh more. Smiling is also a sign of a healthy relationship. How can you not love a cheerful person? Dimples on the cheeks, eyes sparkling with a demonic light, painfully familiar facial expressions. Give each other joy and smiles.
The extreme would be short-term separation or short separation from a loved one. It is at this moment that you will understand how dear he is to you, what place he occupies in your life and how much you love him. But sometimes separation only worsens the relationship, blurring the images formed in your mind that characterize your relationship. The main advice in this case is that there should be moderation in everything. Don’t pause, because if you think about it, there are no irreplaceable people. A holy place is never empty. You need to act wisely and carefully.
Relationships are like gold jewelry that develops a patina. Your goal is to cleanse them of everyday plaque so that they shimmer and sparkle with new emotions and feelings.
Life is ENJOY from the creative process in the process of realizing your deepest desires!
When life is lived and results are achieved, a man always turns back and looks: what was his path. Therefore, it is necessary to be able to evoke pleasant emotions in people.
A man doesn’t love a specific woman, he loves HIS state next to her.
A woman is responsible for attracting men into her life. And for the choice - which man she will choose.
You need to choose in such a way as to accept him as he is and not change him; for this, values must initially be learned on dates. A woman does not take steps herself, she creates the environment to be chosen.
In order to create such a pleasant environment around yourself, you need to respond to which a man remembers the most touching moments in his life, and at this moment he experiences happiness. And he falls in love with a woman who evokes such emotions in him!
How to evoke sincere pleasant emotions in a man on your dates?
[You can watch the 10-minute video version of the article, or read the text version below the video]
First you need to remember the rule of first dates
I constantly emphasize this rule:
He talks more on a date!!! But at the same time, it is you who set the topic, listen to him with interest, and in no case criticize or ridicule him during the conversation!!! He should feel that now he is the whole Universe for you!
Believe me, men love to talk about themselves. And they really appreciate women who listen to their companion with genuine interest. And if you listen diligently, you will inspire your man to have even more honest conversations.
It’s also important to know the highlights of first dates.
They are needed so that your partner is always looking forward to meeting you. So that he looks forward to meeting you.
1. You need to leave first, alone, to your home and no continuations at anyone’s home,
2. First dates should last about 1.5 hours. You need to leave in the midst of your meeting, when both of you are feeling very good and having fun - this creates a Cinderella effect, when a man has a great desire to definitely see you again and look forward to the meeting.
3. A date is not entertainment on your part, but a serious selection for the position of your beloved husband, so before the date you need to make a list of 5-7 questions that need to be answered. Write these questions down in a notebook so you can refresh your memory later on a date. We’ll discuss what questions to ask soon.
4. The sequence of questions should be as follows: first you ask about the past - then about plans for the future - and only then move on to the present. Because people are more willing to talk about the past and the future, about what happened and about their dreams, and in order to talk about the present, you need to get a little closer.
5. For a man, the word FALL IN LOVE is equal to the word INVESTMENT... with emotions, time spent with you, money. You shouldn’t hype men up for money, it’s not environmentally friendly!
It is better to generate warm feelings and stormy emotions in him, and this is done precisely with the help of the ability to ask the right questions and thereby evoke the right feelings in a man. We discussed in detail the questions that need to be asked to a man on the first 7 dates in.
Specific examples - how to evoke pleasant emotions
Example one.
Ask your man what his most memorable moments in life are. Maybe he was involved in skiing and he has medals, certificates, notes about him in newspapers. Maybe he was named employee of the year at his job. Or something else ESPECIALLY important to him!
Look, when it comes to childhood or important achievements, any person has very warm memories, he begins to relive them again and at that moment experiences happiness.
Moreover, when a person is happy, he will associate this happiness with you, since it was you who made him experience this happiness again, even though you simply asked the right question.
Example two.
Another one of the most important questions for a man on a first date:
What is special about you that sets you apart from other men?
And here is ATTENTION!!!
Remember all the details - this is the most important thing for him in himself!!! It is these qualities of his that you, as a true woman, will now constantly admire!!!)
After all, you know that for a man, your female praise and admiration is the most important fuel in life for a man. This is one of the main
P.S. However, do not forget that you must do this with genuine sincerity and desire. Any lie will be felt subconsciously by your companion.
P.P.S. Write in the comments what the most important insight you got after reading this article. Thank you for your sincerity!