5 she suffers from A student syndrome. "Syndrome of an excellent student (excellent student)": pros and cons. How to get rid of the syndrome

Ilya Bazenkov

Some parents believe that children
like vessels you can fill with your own
unfulfilled dreams and aspirations.
Michael Nichols (psychologist)

The syndrome of an excellent student or the complex of an excellent student is noticed, as a rule, in adults, and not in children. Sometimes it is also called the excellent student complex, because. it is more common in women. The explanation is simple. A child with an excellent student complex is convenient for adults, because tries with all his might to meet their requirements, to be always good. But in adulthood, the complex of an excellent student can seriously complicate life.

The essence of the syndrome (complex) of an excellent student is not to always do everything perfectly, but that the main need is to get good marks from others.

One of the frequently encountered requests to psychologists: how to get rid of the excellent student complex?

How to stop wanting to be good for everyone in order to get a good assessment of yourself?

Let's first understand why it occurs. How parents and other adults create an excellent student syndrome in a child.

A necessary condition for getting rid of the excellent student syndrome is the awareness of its causes.

So how do adults contribute to the formation of this syndrome?

The child came from school.

How are things at school?
- I got a four in history today.
- How? Why four and not five? You upset me. But Petya only gets fives.

The child put things in order in his room.

Why didn't you put this book on the shelf? I'm dissatisfied with you.

The teenager washed the dishes, but the trouble is that there is a stain on one plate.

Badly! All dishes should shine! You made me very sad.

And there is something else.
Day after day, adults instill in the child that he must always be good for everyone, always go towards others in order to get a good assessment of himself.

So parents and other adults contribute to the formation of the syndrome (complex) of an excellent student in children. And with the best of intentions. After all, they want the child to grow up successful, cope well with his duties, do everything well and be no worse, or even better than others.

Studies show that the predisposition to the syndrome of an excellent student can also be congenital, associated with the type of temperament, individual psychophysiological characteristics of a person.

But it arises in childhood as a result of communication between adults (primarily parents) and children. And if in childhood and adolescence the syndrome of an excellent student is often not noticed and even welcomed by the adults surrounding the child, then in the future it brings significant disharmony to a person’s life.

MAIN SIGNS OF A SYNDROME

Hypersensitivity to criticism, even if it is minor;
- constant fear of failure, often leading to the abandonment of any activity due to fear of not coping;
- the tendency to often compare oneself with others, to be jealous when they praise not him, but another;
- unstable self-esteem, highly dependent on the opinions of others;
- the very first failure can cause a depressive mood and a refusal to continue trying to continue doing something;
- stuck on the experiences of their failures, even minor ones;
- Constant need to justify the expectations of others.

Of course, the severity of the syndrome of an excellent student is different. In extreme pathological cases, it is not so common. But even moderately expressed, it still complicates life, leads to a limitation of one's own capabilities and difficulties in relationships.

TYPICAL PREREQUISITES FOR THE FORMATION OF THE SYNDROME OF THE EXCELLENT STUDENT

1. The often repeated attitude that love must be earned by good deeds. And the more “correct” you are, the more you will be loved.

2. One or even several close adult pathological perfectionists who seek to raise a child in their own image and likeness.

3. Frequent and strong censure of the child for mistakes and failures. Pushing him to excessive self-criticism, to a style of thinking according to the principle - “if he had done the right thing, then everything would have been fine”, “if he had tried, then everything would have worked out”, “if he had thought carefully, everything would have turned out differently” .

4. Too high demands on the child. Parents expect "perfection" from him.

The formation of an excellent student complex occurs in childhood, and most often begins to manifest itself in early adolescence.

Sometimes the syndrome of an excellent student is confused with moderate perfectionism - the desire for an ideal result. Indeed, extreme perfectionism and the A student syndrome coexist.
But perfectionism, naturally, not expressed in a pathological form, can be quite normal - a person tries to do everything well, to achieve the best result.

And the “excellent student” is not concerned about the result itself, but about the grade that he will receive, he always needs a five in his life. And as a result, there is a shift in the goal from the result to the assessment of this result by others.

People suffering from an excellent student complex often turn into a twitchy neurotic who is very uncomfortable living. He constantly worries about failures, both imaginary and real. The meaning of his life is to be an excellent student, to get fives at any cost, to fight for them. And if there is a risk of getting a different assessment, then he may not undertake to do something, refuse to implement his plans, ideas and even career aspirations due to fear of failure.

Yes, and those around him are not easy. How to live and communicate with a person who reacts painfully to any criticism, up to depression? And praise of other people makes him jealous.

Alas, the pursuit of results in studies, expressed not in knowledge, but in grades; vanity of parents; the perseverance of teachers in the struggle for academic performance all this creates fertile ground for the cultivation of the syndrome of an excellent student. Of course, not all children and adolescents acquire this syndrome, even if the environment contributes to this. Much depends on the innate properties of the individual.

A child with a strong type of higher nervous activity is more stable, a teenager can resist through typical teenage reactions, so much so that the surrounding adults "do not seem a little."
But there are many people who suffer from an excellent student complex. Even in a mild form, it brings disharmony into the life of both the person himself and those around him.

There is a persistent myth in society that school grades are an indicator of a person's intelligence and his further professional success. BUT THIS IS NOT SO!

These facts are confirmed by hundreds of studies conducted in different countries:

1. School performance is not an indicator of a person's further success.

2.School performance is not an indicator of intelligence.

Recent studies at the Higher School of Economics have shown that the professional success of graduates does not depend on their grades during their studies. See the article on our website

It was said above that the predisposition to the syndrome (complex) of an excellent student can be congenital. But often parents who themselves suffer from an excellent student complex pass it on to their children through upbringing, projecting their own fears of receiving a negative assessment for their child. In this case, the parent's complex of an excellent student manifests itself in fears of not looking like an "ideal parent" in the eyes of others, primarily teachers.

There is a continuous struggle for academic performance, where the main importance is attached to grades, and not to the child's own knowledge and interests. Often this applies not only to school grades, but also to other aspects of life. The main thing is to look appropriate in the eyes of others.

And it’s hard to deal with the acquired complex of an excellent student, so people live under this burden - increased sensitivity to critical remarks, touchiness, dependence on the opinions of others, who are always afraid not to get an “A” (and because of this often refuse some of their intentions and desires).

So is it worth it, dear parents, to demand from the child that he always receive only five? Always lived up to the expectations of others? But sometimes it happens when close adults, because of some, in their opinion, the failure of the child, begin to "blackmail" him with their health. “Ah, because of your marks, my heart is breaking,” says a loving mother or grandmother, not even suspecting what she forms in a child with these words.

And, in the end, what is more important to you? The health and mental well-being of the child, harmony in relations with him or the number of fives in the diary, especially since they do not determine the success of a person.

Often parents like the A student syndrome, although they are unaware of its existence. Really, what else do you need? The child is obedient, studies well, sincerely worries if something does not work out for him. Dream, not a child! And adults are unaware that the most important thing for a child is not the result of his activity, but the desire to be good and “approved”. And he has a feeling that they love him only for the “five”, and not himself. Make a mistake - lose love.

There is a fear of making a mistake, making the wrong choice. And this fear is often fixed for life, along with self-doubt and fears of “looking wrong”, “doing wrong” and even “thinking wrong”. In extreme cases, the fear of making mistakes can turn into a real phobia.

In his life, a person with an excellent student complex experiences a feeling of insecurity, it is difficult for him to build open relationships with other people, it often seems to him that he may turn out to be worse than the expectations of others.

A person who was told in childhood that he is loved only for good grades, for obedience, for some successes and achievements, in later life it will seem that someone needs him only because he meets the expectations of others. Hence the low or unstable self-esteem, the feeling that he is not loved and appreciated, not recognized.

There is an unwillingness to fail, fear of difficulties and self-doubt.

How to get rid of the excellent student complex in a child?

1. Praise your child not for grades, but for the result.

"I'm glad you got an A."
"I'm glad you did well on the test."
Feel the difference?

2. Be interested not in grades at school, but in the process of learning, what new things you learned, what was interesting or uninteresting, difficult or easy.

3. Never associate the assessment of learning outcomes (and not only learning) with personality assessment.

4. Do not compare your child with other children, do not set them as an example to him.

5. Do not condemn the child for any failures, support him better.

6. If the child is painfully worried about the mark received at school, or because of something else that did not work out for him, then you can try to devalue the failure, show the child that it does not matter much and, moreover, not influences how you feel about it. For example: "Think of a triple in math, so what?" Just do not devalue the child's efforts to achieve a result, here, on the contrary, it is important for him to show that he is well done, even if he did not complete everything with 5+.

After all, you love your child not because of his grades or because he is obedient, neat, polite, studies well, etc.?

How to get rid of the complex of an excellent student in adulthood?

1. Realize. that some of your feelings, emotions and actions are not caused by a real situation, but by fears of not being liked by others, not meeting their expectations. The A-student complex seems to take you back to childhood, and you are afraid of not meeting the requirements of your parents or teachers.

2. Find out if the people around you really expect you to always act "excellent"? By the way, we often tend to attribute to others what they don't really think.

3. Allow yourself the right to make mistakes and not always be the perfect person in everything and always.

4. Recognize when you are controlled by the excellent student syndrome, and when your actions and emotions do not depend on it. In other words. put your complex of an excellent student under the control of consciousness.

5. Stop expecting the constant approval of the people around you, comparing yourself with others. In fact, it’s not you, but the very child who has formed the feeling that he is loved only when he does everything perfectly, should be the best.

6. Wanting the A student complex to stop controlling you. Start fighting with him, take action.

The hardest thing about getting rid of the A student complex is allowing yourself to not always live up to the expectations of others.
By the way, we often invent these expectations ourselves. A person with an excellent student syndrome ascribes to others something that they supposedly expect from him. He believes that if you always do good to others, then they will respond to him in the same way.
But in real life this is not always the case. And why should other people live up to your expectations? Where do these beliefs come from? Isn't it from our childhood, when we were taught that we must always be good, and for everyone?

A person with the A student syndrome is often unable to start doing something new or finish what he started. The reason is simple. He needs a five, i.e. you have to strive for the ideal. And the ideal is far and not always achievable, at least in his imagination. And next to it are people who, from the point of view of an "excellent student", are hacking, but at the same time they feel confident and achieve success. What is the feeling of an "excellent student"? That's right, most often resentment and a sense of injustice.

And life is far from always fair, especially from the point of view of "excellent students".

Decide what is more important to you: always achieve results even to the detriment of yourself or your own interests.

Learn to prioritize where your personal interests come first.

Add more selfishness to your actions. Without a moderate amount of it, life is not very attractive, and neither is food without salt.
It is impossible to please everyone, and why?

Think about how you can use your A student syndrome so that it not only interferes with your life, but sometimes helps you achieve your goals. It is their own, and not strangers! He can help do something better than others. But only this must be done for oneself, for the realization of one's goals, and not to earn the approval of others, who most likely will not appreciate it. By the way, many people are annoyed by excessive perfectionism. especially when it is imposed, demonstrated. A person with an excellent student syndrome can often annoy others, because. makes high demands on others. And who likes it?

If the syndrome of an excellent student is controlled, then it is quite capable of not only spoiling life, but also helping in some way. But he cannot be given complete freedom.

- a complex of psychological characteristics of a person, characterized by the desire to achieve high goals and receive praise, approval from others. In children, it manifests itself in studies, sports, creative activities; for adults - in a professional career, family life, everyday life. Common features: setting deliberately complex tasks, making maximum efforts to solve them, the need for an external positive assessment, insufficient focus on one's own interests and desires. Diagnosis of the syndrome is carried out by the method of clinical conversation, psychodiagnostics. For the purpose of correction, individual, family and group psychotherapy is used.

General information

The name of the syndrome is explained by the age of the debut - the symptoms begin to appear in the first school years, when study becomes the main activity for self-realization, self-expression of children seeking approval and praise from adults. The syndrome of an excellent student is more common among girls - they are more characterized by an orientation towards external evaluation, combined with accuracy, perseverance, obedience, and emotional attachment to their parents. Distinct symptoms are determined in elementary school students, less pronounced may persist throughout life. People with excellent student syndrome are mistakenly called perfectionists, the main difference is that for "excellent students" the assessment of others is significant, and not the ideal performance of the task.

Causes

The desire to be better than others, the constant need to receive recognition, reinforce positive self-esteem are formed as a result of previous social experience - interaction with parents, kindergarten teachers, peers. In most cases, the cause of the excellent student syndrome is the peculiarities of relationships within the family, in particular:

Compensation for parental failures. The success of children can be an extension of the ambitions of adults. Parents orient the child to achieve goals, the significance of which is recognized by society, neglecting his interests, desires, and state of health. Through the success of the student in educational activities, sports competitions, creative competitions, they increase their own social status, receive recognition from relatives, teachers, and colleagues.
High requirements. In families where social recognition is valued, formally recorded achievements (school grades, diplomas, medals, titles, positions), people strive to be successful. Internal attitudes, behavior patterns of parents are unconsciously transferred to children.
Lack of attention. Parents' praise for an excellent school grade is seen by the child as a manifestation of love. Encouragement is reinforced by the permission to watch TV longer, the purchase of toys, beautiful clothes. The success of the child becomes a condition of parental attention, receiving material benefits.
Low self-esteem. With good studies, sports achievements, the child tries to compensate for self-doubt, complexes regarding appearance, the social status of the family, and the lack of friends. The official recognition of success, abilities, positive qualities temporarily increases self-esteem.

Pathogenesis

The syndrome of an excellent student has a psychogenic nature, it is based on personality traits, needs, complexes, values and attitudes. The leading trend is to achieve the set goal in order to obtain a positive assessment of the society. Acceptance, approval, praise, recognition of strengths become necessary conditions for compensating for insecurity, feelings of loneliness, and insignificance. Orientation of a person to formal, external attributes is often formed to the detriment of meaningful ones - a child or an adult performs an activity without getting pleasure and satisfaction in the process, the focus shifts to the result. Affective tension, discontent, depression, disappointment gradually accumulate. Emotional problems are aggravated by failures, depression often develops, self-esteem decreases, fears form.

Symptoms of the Achievement Syndrome

Children and adults with an honors complex have unstable self-esteem, depending on the successes, failures and attitudes of others. They are sensitive to criticism and praise, they worry for a long time because of the mistakes they have made, they refuse a new business, seized by the fear of defeat. The fear of not achieving the goal makes you make every effort, spend all available resources. The desire for "victory" is so strong that all possible means are used, including lies, manipulation, blackmail. Children write off solutions to tasks from their comrades, hide bad marks from their parents, adults eliminate competitors, and use their official position for personal interests.

The "excellent students" do not have time and energy for their favorite activities, entertainment, recreation. Fatigue accumulates, emotional instability increases, dissatisfaction with activities and life in general. Failures, criticism, insufficient praise provoke an affective outburst - crying, hysteria, swearing. Lack of experience in overcoming difficulties, productive analysis of mistakes is manifested by depression, apathy, depression. “Excellent students” experience failure for a long time and painfully, are reluctant to take on similar tasks in the future, recognize “defeat” at the first mistakes, and refuse to continue working. There is a dichotomy in thinking: the task must be completed perfectly or not completed at all.

Complications

Complications of the excellent student syndrome develop on the basis of emotional instability, tension and exhaustion. At primary school age, tics, obsessive-compulsive disorder, psychosomatic reactions are often formed. Involuntary muscle twitches, obsessive actions (washing hands, shifting books), frequent colds, dizziness, and pain are found. In adolescence, social fears are manifested - fear of public speaking, creative tasks, communication with peers. In the absence of psychological correction, the syndrome does not weaken in adulthood, neuroses and psychosomatic diseases become complications: depression, conversion disorder, arterial hypertension, asthma, and others.

Diagnostics

In itself, the desire of a child to get fives, to win at olympiads and competitions does not cause concern for parents. Appeal to doctors and psychologists occurs at the stage of development of complications, when the syndrome of an excellent student is defined as an etiological factor of a psychosomatic or neurotic disorder. There is a problem of distinguishing it from perfectionism, the desire for self-realization. There are no reliable standardized research methods, differential diagnosis is performed on the basis of clinical data: "excellent students" focus on the external side of the activity - recognition of the result (grades, awards), victory over competitors; Perfectionists focus on the quality of the task and their own abilities, competencies, and deficits. In a comprehensive diagnostic examination, the following methods are used:

Conversation. The survey is conducted by a psychiatrist, a psychologist. The anamnesis, disturbing symptoms (frequency, severity, duration) are being clarified. When describing their emotional state, patients talk about tension, fear of failure, anxiety when completing tasks, depression after making mistakes and negative assessments of others, euphoria after achieving a goal and receiving a reward.
Questionnaires. Methods are used to study the personal sphere and its individual components: self-esteem, perfectionism, child-parent relationships. The set of tests is determined by the psychologist individually, taking into account the age of the patient. The pathocharacterological diagnostic questionnaire of A. E. Lichko, the Standardized multifactorial method for studying personality L. N. Sobchik, the Dembo-Rubinstein self-esteem scale, the Hewitt-Flett multidimensional perfectionism scale are used.
Projective methods. The results of the interpretation of given situations, the elements of the drawings reveal unconscious features rejected by the patient, hidden problems of interpersonal relationships in the family, school, at work. The study reveals destructive parenting styles, increased parental demands, expectations, and the patient's need for a positive social assessment. Approximate set of methods: Drawing of a family, Drawing of a Person, Thematic apperceptive test.

Treatment of the excellent student syndrome

The therapy is aimed at changing the system of values and personal attitudes, the formation of personal independence, self-worth. At the first stage, individual meetings are held, focused on understanding the existing problem, analyzing its causes, and discussing possible solutions. This is followed by practical group work. Common methods of psychotherapy are:

Cognitive Behavioral. In the course of therapeutic conversations, there is an awareness and open discussion of problems: the presence of low (unstable) self-esteem, the inability to prioritize, lose, learn from mistakes, build friendships. At the stage of behavior correction, new patterns are gradually introduced into everyday life: time for rest and entertainment is allocated in the daily routine, relaxation and productive concentration are tested in stressful situations (when there is not enough time, making mistakes, receiving criticism).
Family. Relationships with a spouse or parents often become a source of the syndrome and the main area for receiving reinforcements - praise, recognition, love. To overcome the negative effects, it is necessary to change not only the patient's personality, but also the expectations and behavior of loved ones. At psychotherapeutic sessions, productive ways of interaction are discussed, shifting the focus from assessing the result to personality traits. Family members are encouraged to praise and encourage diligence, determination, intelligence, creativity, not to compare the achievements of the child (adult) with the successes of other people, to support in case of failure, to help analyze mistakes with a focus on future success.
Group trainings. Teamwork is an important part of mastering the practical skills necessary for personal change. In games, the patient tries to take different positions, take on roles - leader, follower, winner, loser, "reserve player", "director" (invisible player). Learns to change motivation from the external, formal side of the activity to the content, to appreciate the process, focusing on pleasure, friendships, interest in the task. After the game, the therapist leads a discussion of the difficulties, mistakes, successes and related experiences of the patient.

Forecast and prevention

With complex psychotherapeutic assistance, the prognosis of the syndrome of an excellent student is favorable: all manifestations are gradually reduced, personal attitudes change. Prevention should be done from early childhood. Parents are advised to analyze and adjust the features of education: if necessary, reduce the requirements for the child, appreciate his qualities (not achievements), show unconditional love and acceptance, do not scold or punish for failures, do not compare with other children. In terms of the day, it is important to allocate time for activities that do not have an end goal, but are interesting and enjoyable - walking, playing, playing sports without competitions and standards.

Good day, dear readers. Today we will talk about what constitutes an excellent student complex. You will know why it occurs and how to counter it. You will learn what consequences can be expected in a neglected condition in childhood.

What is

The excellent student syndrome is the desire to be the best, with the obligatory presence of praise. Most often observed in females who studied well at school, participated in contests or competitions. As for men, such a syndrome most often develops on a subconscious level, and is dictated by the opinion that he will be worthy of love and praise only when he can cope with everything perfectly.

Main manifestations

Such a person will be very upset if he does not have time to cope with an elementary task.
Excessive responsibility. Such people grab onto several tasks at the same time, for example, cooking, housekeeping, constant monitoring of the child.
In order not to feel oppressed, they need to do everything as well as possible.
Dependence on the opinions of people around. The need for their approval of their actions.
The inability to perceive yourself as you are and appreciate for it.
Lack of ability to lose with honor. Acute response to such situations.
Inability to laugh at oneself, to enjoy life.
Criticism is perceived very sharply, instantly lowers self-esteem, cases of depression are not uncommon.
Fear of taking risks. It is much easier to live according to his usual order, fear of changing jobs, starting something new.

Possible reasons

Before thinking about how to get rid of the syndrome, you need to know what factors influenced its formation. It is important to understand that most of them appear as a consequence of experiences in childhood. Let's look at the most common causes.

Wrong education due to ignorance of child psychology.
Praise unnecessarily.
Parents can cite a neighbor's child as an example, pointing out to their child his shortcomings and lagging behind in comparison with him. This will make you want to get better.
Adults do not praise for achievements, they only scold for failures. Peers tease, begin to gloat.
Parents themselves decide with whom it is better to be friends, select a social circle consisting only of successful children.

Consequences in adulthood

The syndrome of an excellent student in adults, which appeared in childhood, can cause serious problems already in adulthood. Let's look at what exactly can happen.

At work. It will be very difficult for such a person to see more successful people next to him. He will go out of his way to earn the approval of his superior. For the sake of this, he will stop sleeping, resting - all for the sake of a “red word”. And when this happens and they begin to exalt him above the employees, then his colleagues will react sharply, they will discuss behind his back and, to put it mildly, hate him. Such people are most often able to perform monotonous work according to a given algorithm, rather than creative and creative tasks.
In the personal field. In this issue, the syndrome is especially acute in women. The girl will try to become perfect, she will want to learn how to cook better than the boyfriend’s mother, she will wash the apartment several times a day so that her beloved can see what kind of hostess she is. But when a young man takes all this for granted, does not praise the girl, then a scandal is inevitable. After all, she tried so hard, all so that he expressed his admiration. Naturally, not every guy will tolerate such an attitude towards his person, and most often he will simply break off a tense relationship, and the girl will be left alone with her syndrome.
Toddler upbringing. Such parents are extremely demanding of their offspring. They want their child to be perfect, the smartest, strongest and most beautiful. A father or mother with a syndrome enrolls a child in several circles at once, in language classes, in sports sections, because the baby must succeed in everything. Parents react extremely sharply to the poor academic performance of their offspring, and do not at all listen to the opinion of the child if he does not want to attend one or another circle. Because of their total control and constant employment in work, because they need to be the best there, they absolutely do not devote time to communicating with the baby, are not interested in his experiences and fears, and do not provide support. Children with a strong psyche, when they grow older, organize serious protests, begin to do everything in defiance, which sometimes leads to the most terrible consequences and serious manifestations. Children with a weak psyche will simply begin to imitate the will of their parents, and over time they themselves will acquire this syndrome.
Relationships in society. It is extremely difficult for them to create a social circle, to find friends. After all, their essence is to constantly compete with the strong, trying to surpass them, and criticize the weak, showing their superiority. Therefore, friends with such people do not linger. And new acquaintances are considered successful mainly in cases where a really weak person who fully agrees with this definition becomes a friend.

When meeting an "excellent student", you will hear many flattering words about yourself, indicating his success. And, if you decide to make a remark or say that the achievements are not significant and are worthless, you will see a painful reaction and strong resentment.

Ways to get rid

In this matter, psychology, professional consultation with a specialist, or you can try to cope on your own can come to the rescue. The following methods may be effective.

You need to separate things according to their importance. First of all, do what needs to be done urgently. If you do not have time, for example, to wash the floor in the kitchen, this will not be the end of the world.
It is very important to take time to rest. Adequate sleep and nutrition are of great importance.
Try to stand in front of a mirror and praise yourself for your virtues. But not for the victories that came with hard work.
Introduce family rules that require daily hugs and praise without regard to any achievements. It is very important to convey to a person with this syndrome that he is already the best, he is greatly loved.
You can try to give free rein to the extreme. Go to the rides or rope park.
Need to do something new. Decide on a hobby. Be prepared for some setbacks. After all, we are all human and this cannot be avoided. It is important to wait out this moment and understand that there is nothing wrong with making mistakes and not being superior to other people.
Pay attention to creative self-development. This is especially true for drawing. Thanks to creativity, you can relax, begin to show your emotions with a brush.
Do not be afraid to make mistakes, try to go against the rules.
If you see that the "excellent student" begins to worry, is very worried, then at such moments it is necessary to support him.
Try to completely change outwardly. It can be changes in the hairstyle, in the hair color of women, in fashionable clothes.
Communication with a psychologist. The specialist will explain what is more important, how to plan your day, prioritize. He will tell you how much a person with a syndrome aggravates his life, complicating it. The doctor will teach you how to get rid of the fear of communicating with others. Sessions can be attended individually or with family.

Now you know that no one is immune to getting the syndrome of an excellent student or an excellent student. You must understand that adulthood was preceded by similar behavior in childhood. If you yourself have a small child, do everything to prevent the development of such a complex.

When a beloved and long-awaited child is born in a family, the parents do not have a soul in him and try to arrange his life in the best possible way. The kid grows up, he is sent to the best school or lyceum with an in-depth study of a particular subject, they enroll in many different circles, from needlework to sports. At the same time, the child may not like the hobby that was chosen for him.

Causes of the syndrome

Parents want to see a successful personality in their child and do not notice that this can lead to the syndrome of an excellent student in a child. The child, seeing the admiring glances of adults, does not want to upset them and tries to do everything perfectly, in all areas of his life. Stepping over themselves and their true interests, children continue to attend circles they hate, which in the future can lead to the development of an excellent student syndrome in adults.

Most often, the fair sex suffers from an excellent student complex in adults.. Girls want to be perfect in everything, from studies to their own figure; they strive to raise the bar very high in any of their achievements. And if the desire to be the best in everything does not stop, it flows into a psychological form that is difficult for a woman, which is sometimes called a perfectionist.

To understand where the roots of this psychological disorder grow, you need to look into childhood and analyze it.

The complex of excellent students in adults can arise due to many reasons. One of the main ones are:

In childhood, parents overestimate the requirements for the child.
The emergence of an increased sense of responsibility to parents.
Inferiority complex and fear of punishment from imperfectly performed work.
Praise and encouragement for good academic results.
In the internal state, there is no boundary along which you can properly prioritize.
As an exception - inborn perfectionism or a hidden opportunity to increase too low self-esteem.
The inability to admit failure and lose in all areas of life.
Comparing your child to another child of his age in the hope of making him feel competitive and self-improving.
Indication of parents or peers to the failures of the child, increased criticism and gloating.
Being in a company that does not match the personal qualities of the child.

Very often, family members instill wrong attitudes that will interfere with a person in the future. Parents often say things like, "you need to try harder, you don't want to upset mom and dad." This makes a person feel a sense of duty to his family and people close to him. It is not only the family that makes such a mistake: very often such behavior can be found among teachers.

From professional practice: psychologists say that excessive demands on oneself and the world can manifest themselves when one of the members of the family or social circle of interests is a perfectionist. The environment unconsciously affects a person, and he himself cannot notice changes in his behavior. That is why a loved one needs to carefully point out this problem.

The main reason for the appearance of this syndrome is too high self-criticism.. A person is constantly in internal conflict, finds fault with himself over trifles, analyzes failures and tortures himself for wrong actions or actions. In the future, this leads to the desire to do everything perfectly in the hope of seeing enthusiastic looks and recognition from both relatives and strangers.

Symptoms of a psychological disorder

It is not difficult to determine the existing problem: its main feature, regardless of whether it is an adult or a child, is constant attempts to please others and dependence on public opinion.

If you notice something similar in your loved one or friend, you should talk to him one on one, explain the problem and how it is expressed. If a person realizes and understands everything, he is lucky, and it is quite possible to change what is happening.

If a person denies everything and does not agree with the observations, then it is worth contacting a psychologist, since this is no longer an external, but deeply hidden problem, in which lies the denial of one's inner self.

Differences in manifestation at different ages

At the heart of every day they live, such people have the desire to do something right in their opinion and see approval in the eyes of others. The list of symptoms can be huge, but the main ones under the supervision of psychologists are the following.

In childhood:

Toys are not scattered around the house, but lie neatly in their place under the ruler.
The desire to have good grades in any situation, there are only fives in the diary, and if something does not go according to plan, the child gets upset and falls into apathy.
If there is no admiration and praise from the parents, the child can make scandals and tantrums.
Unjustified jealousy and envy - hardly tolerates the praise of other children.
Fear of making a mistake that cannot be corrected.
Poor relationships with peers, inability to rejoice in the achievements of other children.
If there is a younger child in the family, the older one can observe dislike, envy and disgust for him.
A sense of one's own infallibility and, as a result, a lack of a sense of responsibility for one's actions.

In adulthood:

A student syndrome in adults

How to get rid of this psychological disorder, psychologists with extensive experience in the treatment of such patients know. There are times when a person himself can overcome this problem, but it will not work to get rid of it forever, since the roots grow from childhood itself.

The main task is to minimize the desire to be perfect in everything, so that a person can live normally, communicate with people, without expecting their approval and compliments addressed to him.

The benefits of treatment include the fact that you do not need to go to the clinic, you just need to find a psychologist that suits you and start therapy.

Most often, sessions are held two or three times a week, for this you do not need to buy or take anything, your mood and positive thinking will be enough.

If you are a very busy person and do not have time to visit a psychologist's office, this is not a problem in the modern world.

Find a suitable specialist via the Internet, contact him and in a format convenient for you (Skype, text messages, other programs, etc.) carry out the treatment.

Regardless of whether you were treated yourself or with the help of a specialist doctor, after the end of the sessions, in order to consolidate the effect and avoid relapses, you must follow some recommendations. They will help you enjoy life, stop the eternal rivalry within yourself and overcome dependence on the opinions of others.

Try to be positive about any situation in life. Do not scold yourself if you did not have time to do something in the right lines, accept the difficulties that have come with a smile on your face, draw reasonable conclusions about what is happening.
Do not try to be perfect in everything, know that you are a person and have the right to make mistakes.
Do not be afraid of new beginnings, discard the fear of failure in a new business. Try to do something crazy - skydive, go in for an extreme sport.
Stop waiting for approval from others, do something unusual for you. For example, change your style or ask an experienced professional for advice.
Live for your pleasure. And remember that there is no such person who would be liked by absolutely everyone.
Do not live only work, clearly share life priorities. Pay attention to your inner health. For a change, do some sports at least occasionally.
Spend more time with people close to you, do not be afraid to share your experiences with them, because who, if not a close person, will understand you. Do not forget to discuss your mistakes, the stages of your treatment, because during this period you cannot do without support.

The most important thing for you is to be able to prioritize correctly.. The desire to be successful is quite normal, but when it develops into all areas of life, it becomes a problem that must not only be fought, but also prevented from starting.

Do not forget that the syndrome of an excellent student is very close in its characteristics to perfectionism, which has a devastating effect on human life, because it turns into a constant achievement of an ideal result. And a person ceases to perceive daily small joys, because the result is at the head and nothing but it.

To prevent this, learn to respect yourself and love. Then all your life positions will get the right direction, and you will be able to live for your own pleasure and without an eternal obstacle course.

Treatment of the disease in children

If you have noticed this complex in your child, you are in luck. At an early age, it is easier to change the inner qualities of your child and his worldview. After all, it is like plasticine - it is very soft and plastic, what you mold from it will be. And like a sponge - with the speed of the wind it absorbs the qualities instilled by you.

The main thing is to explain to the baby that you don’t need to strive to be perfect in everything, because he is loved not for good grades and successes, but only for what a wonderful person he is. Explain that you don't have to earn love through good deeds.

To get rid of this syndrome, hug and kiss your baby more often, provide support and develop self-esteem in him. Do not scold too harshly for toys scattered around the house or a careless appearance, because if you focus too much on this, you can cause not only perfectionism in him, but also develop a feeling of hatred and misunderstanding towards you.

Do not try to impose this or that interest on the child, let the kid choose a hobby that he will be happy to do. This will bring up independence, he will not depend on the opinions of others in the future. Watch more funny films or videos together, walk more often, develop yourself, go to museums, etc. An instilled sense of humor will help you easily overcome life's difficulties.

In no case do not compare your child with other children, this will have a bad effect on his psyche. There is no need to set sky-high goals for him, if he fails to cope with them, he will feel empty. Always count on his abilities, do not forget that this is not an adult, so be a little more lenient towards him.

Most parents want their child to be the best in everything, including academics. To achieve this, they impose strict requirements on children, and as a confirmation of the success of children, they want to see good grades in their diaries.

If a child is drawn to knowledge, shows obedience, does not shy away from lessons and brings home excellent grades, this is good. Among these children, one can often find those who are prone to the “excellent student syndrome”. This is perceived by parents as a gift, not as a problem.

What is the syndrome of an excellent student and its signs

Children who are prone to the syndrome of an excellent student strive to always and in everything be the best. They do not give themselves the right to make mistakes and make too high demands on themselves. They try to do everything "right", but they do not know how to make independent decisions and distinguish the main from the secondary.

Signs of the excellent student syndrome in a child:

the child painfully perceives any criticism and comments;
the child shows jealousy when others receive excellent grades or praise;
the child easily sacrifices entertainment, hobbies or communication with friends for the sake of academic success;
in case of failure in studies, the child develops apathy. He may become withdrawn and depressed;
The child has unstable self-esteem. It is worth praising him, as it is overestimated, it is worth criticizing - it decreases;
if the child is forgotten to be praised, he becomes very upset and may cry;
for the sake of getting an excellent grade, the child can deceive or cheat;
the main motive in studying for a child is to get an excellent grade at any cost, to arouse the approval and admiration of others.

Problems that A student syndrome can lead to

For children with an excellent student complex, studying is the meaning of life, and grades are an indicator of “correctness”. They strive not for a specific result, but for doing everything in accordance with a certain standard, since they are sure that they will be good only if everything is done flawlessly. This gives rise to an inability to concentrate on the main thing. For example, when performing any work, the main energy and time are spent not on completing the assigned task, but on the correct execution of minor details.

High achievers have problems communicating with their peers, they rarely have close friends. This is due to the fact that such children make high demands not only on themselves, but also on others. Lack of friends may be due to being busy or having too much self-esteem. All this will affect adult life. Lack of communication in childhood can cause problems with communication skills and relationships with the opposite sex.

The syndrome of an excellent student in adults can manifest itself as a constant dissatisfaction with one's achievements, life, work and others. Such people are sensitive to criticism and their own failures, after which they give up and fall into a deep depression.

What Causes Achievement Syndrome in Children?

The syndrome of an excellent student can be both congenital and acquired. It is formed and manifested in childhood, when the child begins to learn.

The syndrome of an excellent student in a child may appear due to:

low self-esteem or inferiority complex. Children who think that they are flawed in some way try to compensate for this with excellent studies;
natural need for recognition and approval. These are innate character traits that need to be smoothed out;
desire to earn the love of parents;
fear of being punished. Such children are characterized by shyness and increased discipline, they are afraid to disappoint their parents or teachers.

How to deal with A student syndrome

Some parents overemphasize grades, perceiving them as something valuable, and pass this attitude on to their children. The child lives with the feeling that everything depends on his mark. This leads to constant tension, fear of not coping with the task, fear of disappointing parents. The main task of the parents of such children is to understand and convey to the child the idea that a high grade is not the main life goal.
There is no need to demand from the child what he cannot handle. The abilities of children may not always meet the requirements of adults. Pay attention to what the child shows the greatest ability and help him develop in this direction.
No need to convince the child of his uniqueness. Not for all children, these words are support, it can cause harm.
Make it clear to your child that you will love him forever, and this will not be affected by grades.
If the child is completely immersed in learning, you need to teach him to rest and relax. Let him go for walks more often or invite children to your house. Spend more time with him, you can go to the forest, take a walk in the park, visit the children's entertainment center.
Seeing that the child is trying, do not forget to encourage and praise him, even if he does not succeed. Let him know that his desire to learn and effort are important to you, not the result. If he sets himself the goal of becoming an A student in order to earn praise, it will not lead to anything good.