Transforming friendships into romantic ones is not such a difficult task at first glance. A potential lover is always in your field of vision, as a “friend and ally” you enter into his life and personal space, you are best aware of the habits, interests and passions of the “object”. You even know what type of woman makes his heart beat faster, and who leaves him completely indifferent. It would seem, go and take it with your bare hands! In fact, according to psychologists, everything is not so simple. “Men are inherently conquerors, and easy prey in the face of an old friend of the opposite sex is not so interesting for them,” says the psychologist. Irina Tugarina. - On the other hand, your partner still evaluates you as a girl, this is nature! And in order for there to be attraction of a romantic nature, there must be attraction. If it is not there at least in a small proportion from the very beginning of the acquaintance, it is unlikely that it will appear out of the blue. To do this, a woman must change the style of relationships and change herself.”

How to get out of the friend zone

The easiest way is to change the status of "your boyfriend" to "lady of the heart" when the circumstances themselves favor the plan. For example, you know for sure that at the moment a friend is free, or at least in a state of quarrel with his passion. Otherwise, you will also have to fight with your opponent. You should not particularly count on success (especially instantaneous) even when a partner is immersed in something truly important to him: he opens his own business, prepares for important competitions, submits a project, etc. Do not rush things, wait until the object of your passion is disposed to romantic adventures. And wait, act!

Increase your distance

Try to distance yourself from him. If you are used to doing a lot of things together - eating out, going to a fitness club, playing computer games, preparing for lectures, if you share common interests and hobbies, reduce the time spent together by at least half. If you have always shown a sincere interest in the affairs of a partner, stop doing this, do not rush to him at the first call. When you are always within reach, your presence is taken for granted, as a matter of course. And eventually depreciates. Let a potential lover know that the status of a "fighting girlfriend" no longer suits you, you intend to take the relationship to a new level. Among other things, losing you out of sight, a friend will get worried and start to get bored. This will increase his interest in you and it is likely to make him look with different eyes.

Raise your own worth

You will be much more likely to leave the friend zone if your friend sees that you are popular with men. Therefore, in no case do not lock yourself in your companion, but make fans, flirt. Get creative. “Put on dramatizations,” says family psychologist Olga Tuntsova. - Ask, for example, a nice friend to meet you somewhere with a bouquet of flowers, give you a ride in a car, etc. The script of the "performance" depends solely on your imagination. The main thing is that the action develops in the presence of the “object”. After all, the spirit of competition in men is very strong. If, despite all the efforts, your friend remains indifferent, then he really sees you as “his boyfriend”. But only! Alas, in this case, the probability of becoming something more for him tends to zero. Think about whether it is worth continuing a relationship with a failed lover, how much joy you will have from such friendship.

Ask for help

Give your friend the opportunity to see you not as a friend of the opposite sex, but as a weak woman in need of protection, patronage and care. Turn to him more often for help, and do not rush to offer it yourself. Ask for help, even if you can do a thousand times better yourself. “It has been proven that people value the relationships they invest in more than the ones where they take care of themselves,” says Olga Tuntsova. - The more your friend will invest time, effort, money in you, the stronger will be emotionally attached to you. In turn, having received support, do not forget to thank your partner, do not skimp on compliments. Say how smart, strong, quick-witted he is, in general, the very best. And what would you do without it. There will also be physical contact. Feel free to hug, stroke, take by the hand. If you are going somewhere with your companion, act like his girlfriend, and not just "friend and comrade." Give the opportunity to look after you - open the door, move a chair, help put on a coat.

First of all, you should not imagine yourself in the role of some delightful warrior and storm the fortress, in our case, immediately confess your feelings, you can simply scare the chosen one, and he will stop communicating with you. Why do you think there are a huge number of publications on the topic of how to fall in love with a man and a decent number of films have been shot, and this is no accident, everything must be approached with caution.

Often a woman, in order to approach a man, begins to be friends with him, or as it happens sometimes, just a strong friendship develops into tender sympathy, and then into love. But today we will talk about how to attract such important attention of a man if he only considers you as a friend. On the one hand, it seems that this is easy, because you are already close to some extent, but some glorious representatives of the stronger sex are not always ready for such abrupt and unexpected changes in relationships, so they can simply “escape” from a young lady in love.

Analyze if the man gave you any hope that you are not indifferent to him, that he feels sympathy for you as a woman. If you noticed non-ambiguous hints, then this greatly facilitates the situation, but if not, you should not despair, because everything is in your hands. Don't stop being a man's friend. Share your problems with him, and let him, in turn, be open to you, spend maximum time together, and your chosen one will begin to become attached to you.

You should not impose yourself, climb with kisses and hugs, such pressure is not always appropriate. Men love, as you know, with their eyes, so try to always look great to the maximum so that he constantly has thoughts in his head about how beautiful you are. You must combine two images: both a beautiful girl and “your boyfriend”, so that a man is completely comfortable with you. They value such girls and are proud of them.

Arrange dinners together, preferably on your territory, so that you can show your culinary skills, good food cannot leave absolutely no man indifferent. If suddenly your friend starts asking you for any advice about another girl, don’t snap, don’t roll up scenes of jealousy and don’t show that you are offended, give really sincere advice, because if he is your destiny, then he will stay with you.

If you feel that you are ready to confess your feelings, you must do this very carefully, but at the same time directly, since men do not understand hints. Start a conversation from afar, for example, about how much you value your friendship and his attitude towards you, etc. Well, then you can say that you realized that you began to have completely unfriendly feelings for him. At the same time, if a man is not ready to reciprocate, do not hysteria and do not swear, but calmly accept this information, otherwise you risk losing even friendly communication.

Be smarter and wiser, approach the object of your sympathies measuredly and slowly, this is how you can win a man, because for a woman there is practically nothing impossible.

Love stories that begin with friendship are often the longest. If you have a friend that you begin to develop feelings for, it may scare and confuse you. Chances are you don't want to jeopardize a friendship, but you also don't want to miss out on something good. However, if you change your habits, openly admit your feelings, and start acting more romantically, you can turn friendship into love.

Steps

Part 1

Change your behavior ¬

Rate your feelings. Before deciding to be romantically involved with a friend, think critically and carefully about why you like them and why you want your relationship to change. Remember, as soon as you confess to a person your sympathy, your friendship will change forever.

• For example, if you only want to date him because you feel good around him, that's probably not the best reason to pursue a relationship.
• However, if your heart skips a beat when you see him, or if you get jealous when he dates other people, you may need to analyze your feelings.

1. Talk to someone you trust. Before confessing your feelings to a friend, seek advice from someone you trust, such as another friend or a parent. Most likely, these people have experienced something similar in their lives and will be able to give you good advice and valuable information on how to deal with feelings.

   • Mutual friends can be especially helpful because they know both of you and they can provide a more objective perspective.

2. Flirt a little with him. Although you may not be able to jump right into a romantic relationship, you can start setting the tone for your desires. Flirt lightly with your friend from time to time. Assess his reaction to flirting, and if he responds positively or starts flirting in return, this is a sign that he is also interested in you.

   Make subtle hints. You can start occasionally dropping hints about how to deepen your relationship. This is another way to gauge his interest in you, which will either spur him on or keep him from going too far.

   • You can say something like, “My mom asked last night if we were dating. I told her not yet." The person will be intrigued by your answer, and their reaction will help you determine how they feel.

3. Try to look good when you spend time together. Strive to look your best. Make sure you look clean and well-groomed and that you are well dressed. If you know that a person likes a certain color or smell, try to wear that shade or use that scent more often. Even though a relationship is much more than an outer shell, the initial attraction is important for sparking. If you look your best, the person is more likely to notice you and look at you in a new light.

   Compliment him more often. This is a great way to let the person know that you like them without telling them directly. Most people love to receive compliments, and your friend is most likely no exception. If one day he looks particularly attractive, let him know. If he does well on a school project or work assignment, let him know that you admire his intelligence and professional discipline.

   • However, do not overdo it with compliments. The abundance of flattering words sometimes entails a negative effect. Try to praise him once or twice daily for some time.

4. Work on your body language. Flirting and expressing affection for a person is much more than just words. We also express feelings with our bodies. Use body language to make gestures that signal your attraction.

   • Lean slightly towards the person when they are talking.
   • Gently look into his eyes when he speaks.
   • Smile widely when you see him or when he says something nice.
   • Laugh at his jokes.
   • Touch him lightly and unobtrusively. Put your hand on his shoulder when you laugh at his joke, or quickly touch his knee when you sit next to him and chat.
   • You can also hug a friend at a meeting and goodbye.

   Part 2

   State your feelings

   1. Collect your thoughts. Once you've taken the first steps to demonstrate your liking, plan your speech. Be sure to tell him that you appreciate his friendship but see the potential for something new and different. Despite the possible positive reaction, be prepared for the fact that he probably just wants to be friends, and this is also normal.

      • You may be better able to organize your thoughts if you write them down.

   2. Think before you speak. Your friendship will change forever after this moment, whether you date or not. Take some time to yourself and think critically about your decision before continuing.

   3. • Meet in a quiet place that you both like, like a park or a coffee shop.
      • If the thought of meeting scares you, you can talk on the phone. This way you both feel less pressure.
      • If you feel too tense even when talking on the phone, consider expressing your thoughts in a letter.

   4. Be honest and sincere. This is a good time to let a friend know about your true feelings. Perhaps he is experiencing the same thing as you, but was too afraid to admit it. Open your heart to him and tell him how much you love being friends with him, but that there's nothing you can do about your romantic feelings for him.

      • You can start with something like, “We've been friends for a while now and I've enjoyed every minute of this friendship. In fact, I enjoy it so much that I noticed that I often think about you and look forward to spending time together. I would like you to know that I like you for more than just a friend. And if my feelings are not mutual, this, of course, will upset me, but I will understand everything. I can't keep it to myself anymore without knowing if you feel the same way."

   5. Listen. After you have expressed your feelings to your friend in a way that is as honest and open as possible, take some time to listen to their response. Listen to him carefully, without thinking about the answer at the same time, but just try to understand it. Even though this is an exciting situation and you will probably be very nervous, try to concentrate as much as possible.

      • You might want to say something like, "Well, I've said quite a lot, and I'd like to know what you think right now. Please be honest with me."
      • Answer any questions your friend may have. He may ask when you felt something more, so take the time to think about your answer beforehand.

   6. Give the person time to think. Perhaps you will shock him with your words, or maybe he knew this would happen. Either way, this is a lot of information to take in, so be respectful of your friend and give them time to think things through. Tell him you don't expect an immediate response if he doesn't provide one on the spot.

      • If your feelings are mutual, great! If not, that's fine too, because life goes on.

   Part 3

   Inject romance into friendship

   1. Start slowly. Don't jump into a relationship right away. This tends to get in the way of building long-term and meaningful partnerships. Better take your time to get to know the person in a new, different light.

      • Now that your relationship has gone beyond friendship, things will be different. Enjoy it, but be patient. Don't rush and don't rush to love.

   2. Start spending more time alone. If you usually see each other in a company or among mutual friends, start carving out time to be alone more. Relationships often deepen and develop when nurtured apart from other interactions.

      • However, don't leave your friends for a newfound relationship. Keep in touch with them, just take the time to be alone with your new soul mate as well.
   • Just act naturally and unobtrusively, because if you suddenly change your behavior suddenly, you can scare a person. He likes you for who you are, so don't pretend to be someone else.
   • Do not show off in front of him, but rather try to ask for help with things like homework, fixing something, and more.
   • Note that most relationships start out as friendships.
   • Be yourself!
   • Compliment him often.
   • You can sometimes call him for a walk to see his reaction.
   • He may want more from you. When demonstrating your love for a person, never make him doubt your feelings.

   Warnings

   • Don't push too hard.
   • You can't force someone to experience something they don't feel.
   • Don't get obsessed.
   • Make sure he doesn't already have a partner.
   • Change your behavior subtly and in small increments.
   • Don't stare at him or make him feel uncomfortable.
   • Remember that many people are afraid of losing a good friendship, so don't rush things. If he still feels uncomfortable about the situation, don't pressure him. Maybe it's better to be friends.

Causes of hypertension

High blood pressure in 80% of older people occurs due to damage to the walls of blood vessels.

They lose their elasticity, narrow. Because of this, the human body reduces the production of renin, which is responsible for the performance of the kidneys.

Violations in the work of the kidneys lead to a decrease in the volume of excreted fluid from the body.

This is an extremely dangerous process. To normalize blood flow, the kidneys "eject" into the plasma substances that provoke pressure surges.

Hypertension in most cases appears due to an incorrect, sedentary lifestyle.

This disease does not appear immediately. Its development has been carried out over many years.

There are many causes of hypertension in older people, but the most common ones are:

1. Overweight.
2. Excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages.
3. Sleep deprivation.
4. Smoking abuse.
5. Kidney diseases.
6. Deficiency in the body of vitamin D.
7. Heart disease.
8. Eating large amounts of salt.
9. Lack of magnesium in the body.
10. Diseases of the nervous system.
11. Unbalanced diet.
12. Working with harmful substances.
13. Improper intake of hormonal drugs.
14. Stress.
15. Diseases of the endocrine system.

Also, the cause is often a hereditary factor.

If a person's relatives have problems with high blood pressure, then it is likely that this disease will also manifest itself in him.

High blood pressure in the elderly is characterized by symptoms such as:

• Noise in ears.
• Pain in the back of the head.
• Headache.
• Chills.
• Puffiness.
• Insomnia.
• Dark circles under the eyes.
• Excessive sweating.
• Nausea.
• Redness on the face.
• Cardiopalmus.
• Dyspnea.

The acceptable level of blood pressure directly depends on the age of the person.

From 60 to 69 years old, the norm ranges from 130/80 to 135/80 millimeters of mercury (abbreviated as mm Hg).

At the age of 70 to 79 years, the normal range is from 135/80 to 140/85. In the older population, this indicator should not exceed 140/90.

If the indicator is higher, then a clear sign is the occurrence of isolated systolic hypertension in the elderly (ISH).

Features of the treatment of hypertension in the elderly.

Treatment of hypertension in the elderly is fraught with certain difficulties. In old age, many have a bouquet of chronic diseases and serious metabolic disorders. When prescribing medications, the doctor takes into account the state of health of the patient at a given time.

In the early stages of development, the disease often goes unnoticed. In the absence of treatment, the disease begins to progress. Hypertension causes damage to vital organs. It can provoke conditions that lead to disability or death. A common misconception that high blood pressure does not need to be lowered when you feel good often causes serious complications in older people.

The main principle of the treatment of hypertension is to reduce high blood pressure to target norms and keep it at a safe level for a long time. For older people, there are indicators of normal blood pressure.

At the age of 60 to 69 years, the pressure level should not exceed 130/80 - 135/80 mm Hg. In people who have reached the age of 70, the normal value is 135/80 - 140/85 mm Hg. After 80 years, you can not lower blood pressure 135/85 - 140/90 mm Hg.

In a person of advanced age, a slight increase in blood pressure is considered natural. It is caused by a decrease in the elasticity of blood vessels. In order to provide blood supply to peripheral tissues in such conditions, the heart needs to increase the force of blood ejection.

However, in the presence of concomitant diseases, acceptable indicators may be revised by the attending physician. If a patient with hypertension suffers from diabetes mellitus or has impaired kidney function, it is recommended to lower blood pressure to values ​​below 130/80 mm Hg. Rates are reduced for all hypertensive patients with metabolic syndrome. Metabolic syndrome is a combination of hypertension and metabolic disorders.

Permissible blood pressure indicators are also reduced for hypertensive patients who have a very high level of cardiovascular risk. These include patients who have had a myocardial infarction or stroke.

An important condition for effective treatment is constant pressure control.

Drug treatment of hypertension in the elderly begins with a thiazide diuretic. Diuretics are called diuretics. Hypertension most often develops in older people precisely because of fluid retention in the body.

Diuretics remove excess water and salt from the body, reduce intravascular volume of fluid and reduce the sensitivity of arterial walls to hormones that narrow the lumen. The use of diuretics can reduce the load on the heart, reduce pressure and minimize the risk of complications.

The action of thiazide diuretics is based on preventing the excretion of calcium from the body. The most effective thiazide diuretics are Furosemide, Dichlothiazide and Indapamide. Hypertension medicines can cause irregular heart rhythms, bowel problems, and allergic reactions.

The doctor often prescribes thiazide diuretics in combination with potassium-sparing diuretics (Spironolactone, Veroshpiron). They help remove sodium and chloride from the body, minimizing potassium loss. Potassium-sparing diuretics have little effect. With hypertension, they are prescribed as an auxiliary drug. Drugs can cause headaches, nausea and vomiting, and disrupt bowel function. A rash may appear on the skin.

Loop diuretics (Furosemide, Bumetanide) have a stronger effect. They quickly remove salt and water from the body. The effectiveness of drugs is balanced by more pronounced side effects. The patient may have hearing loss or intracellular dehydration. Loop diuretics are prescribed in critical cases. For example, during hypertensive crises.

Hypertensive patients with metabolic syndrome are contraindicated in large doses of diuretics. They can cause an increase in cholesterol or blood sugar levels. Small doses of the drug will not have a negative effect.

For the treatment of hypertension in the elderly, half the normal dose of drugs is first prescribed. The increase in dosages is carried out as the patient adapts to the drug.

The main causes of hypertension are experiences, stress, ecology, unrest. Genetic predisposition is also a common cause of high blood pressure.

Try to avoid situations that can cause stress. This is the main reason for the exacerbation of an already existing predisposition to this disease. It is necessary to start treatment at an early stage of this disease. It is necessary to consult a specialist at the very first symptoms.

Popular folk remedies for treating hypertension in old age

Hypertension in the elderly poses a higher risk of complications compared to other age groups. The fact is that in old age the number of concomitant diseases increases. In addition, the compensatory mechanisms of the vascular system of the body are depleted, which leads to an uncontrolled increase in pressure to high values.

Elderly people suffering from a periodic increase in blood pressure are forced to take antihypertensive drugs daily in order to correct hemodynamic parameters. Dosage, method of administration and other recommendations for taking pharmacological preparations are determined strictly by the attending physician.

Treatment of hypertension with folk remedies is an alternative way to treat a hypertensive condition. Due to age characteristics, recipes should be quite simple to prepare. Let us consider in more detail the healing recipes of natural origin.

In addition to vitamins and trace elements contained in excess in this root crop, beets have a hypotensive effect. The antihypertensive effect is so pronounced that recipes based on beetroot can significantly reduce pressure even in a state of crisis.

The most useful kvass is made from beets. For the recipe, you need one kilogram of raw peeled root vegetables, grated on a fine grater. Put the mass into a container and pour two liters of cold boiled water. In the resulting mixture, add two tablespoons of vinegar and the same amount of honey. Then we insist the drink for at least 3 days. To use kvass in order to treat hypertension, you need half a glass, on an empty stomach, 2 times a day. The course of treatment is 1 month.

By mixing 300 grams of grated raw beets with a glass of honey, you get a wonderful healing mixture for your cardiovascular system. This combination has a diuretic and decongestant effect, cleans the vessels well and tones them, lowers the level of cholesterol in the blood.

Hypertension is a serious disease that negatively affects daily life and impairs the quality and duration of life. In old age, the problem only becomes more complicated due to the general deterioration of blood vessels and the heart muscle. In addition to hypertension, people over 60 often already have a whole “bouquet” of diseases that require constant treatment, which significantly increases the drug load.

Traditional methods of treating hypertension in the elderly have shown greater effectiveness than in the treatment of patients under 60 years of age. With the help of traditional medicine recipes, you can achieve a stable decrease in high blood pressure, although you will not be able to get rid of hypertension forever. Treatment of hypertension is always carried out in a complex, which should not be forgotten.

Treatment of hypertension in the elderly has some peculiarities. In this category of patients, it is impossible to rely only on dynamic observation when using a single antihypertensive drug. Due to the presence of secondary diseases and complications, hypertension therapy in the elderly is carried out in a combined way.

An American working group conducted clinical studies on the effectiveness of folk remedies for high blood pressure in patients over 60 years of age. The results are impressive. It turns out that resistance to chemicals that a person takes throughout life develops. Due to their increased metabolism by the liver, the therapeutic dose in the tissues does not have time to accumulate.

Folk remedies for high blood pressure in this category of patients are more effective. With their help, you cannot permanently get rid of hypertension, but they can reduce the dosage and duration of taking antihypertensive drugs. Against the background of many secondary diseases, it is difficult to choose the optimal remedy that will not “kill” other organs.

To reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease in patients over 60 years of age, drug therapy is mandatory. It includes combined antihypertensive agents:

• calcium blockers and diuretics;
• ACE inhibitor and beta blockers;
• Angiotensin antagonists and diuretics.

In severe forms of arterial hypertension, doctors can prescribe up to 4 drugs at the same time. They are prescribed by doctors after a thorough diagnosis of the patient's condition.

American studies have shown that an increase in pressure over 220 mm. rt. Art. requires not only the use of tablets, but also intravenous injections of drugs.

In patients of different ages, the effectiveness of the action of drugs is different, but in the elderly it is significantly reduced, since with age the vascular tone weakens. The sensitivity of receptors is also impaired, so it is necessary to increase the dose. In old age, orthostatic hypertension also appears (when changing position).

Due to this state of the body, it is rational to prescribe vasodilators - drugs to expand vascular tone.

In the elderly, antihypertensive drugs should be selected that will not disrupt carbohydrate and fat metabolism. Especially against the background of diabetes.

Folk remedies for high blood pressure in the elderly help to reduce the dose of the antihypertensive drug and eliminate the side effects of the drug on the internal organs.

One third of the world's inhabitants aged 25 years and older suffer from high blood pressure. Hypertension, or arterial hypertension, is diagnosed in more than 40 percent of adult Russians (for comparison: in the US - 15 percent).

And many of them prefer the treatment of hypertension with folk remedies. With all the richness of the choice of methods of traditional medicine - is it necessary to abandon traditional ones?

Hypertension in the elderly poses a higher risk of complications compared to other age groups.

The fact is that in old age the number of concomitant diseases increases. In addition, the compensatory mechanisms of the vascular system of the body are depleted, which leads to an uncontrolled increase in pressure to high values.

Treatment of hypertension in the elderly has its own characteristics. This disease often affects people who have reached the age of 60 years. In medicine, such patients are called geriatric (from the word "geriatrics", which means a branch of medicine dealing with diseases of the elderly and senile people). Usually, by this age period, many people have several diseases, each of which requires attention and treatment. Therefore, therapy for hypertension should take into account these features.

Among the diseases of elderly and senile people, one of the first places is occupied by hypertension, or arterial hypertension. This disease does not bypass young people, but the frequency of its manifestation in people of advanced age is much higher. Young people are the exception rather than the rule. Why does a person with age have a greater risk of developing hypertension?

In medicine, there is such a thing as symptomatic arterial hypertension. The fact is that hypertension can be of two types - primary and secondary. Symptomatic just refers to the secondary (it affects from 5 to 15% of all people diagnosed with hypertension). This is a group of diseases associated with damage to various organs, the function of which is to regulate blood pressure, and almost every person has it in old age. This means that high blood pressure can be caused by other pathologies, such as kidney disease or atherosclerosis.

Therefore, in order for the treatment of arterial hypertension in the elderly to bring the expected effect, it is necessary to take into account the fact that the therapy must be complex.

This means that it must include:

• drug treatment;
• preventive actions;
• lifestyle modification;
• sanatorium treatment (according to indications);
• treatment with traditional medicine.

The development of symptomatic hypertension depends on the course of the underlying disease. If this is due to kidney disease, then the cause of the increase in pressure in this case is renal ischemia. It can be provoked by damage to the aorta or atherosclerosis, as a result of which the volume of blood entering the kidneys is disturbed.

If the cause of the increase in pressure is the pathology of the endocrine system, then here it is also necessary to regulate the amount of hormones that the thyroid gland produces.

For people with diabetes, therapy should include blood sugar control.

In addition, provocateurs of high blood pressure can be problems associated with the work of the central nervous system or damage to the heart and blood vessels.

The treatment of hypertension in the elderly is difficult due to their age-related changes, namely:

• in elderly people, as a rule, fragility of blood vessels and loss of elasticity increase;
• damage to the endothelium due to developing atherosclerosis.

Previously, it was believed that it was impossible to cure hypertension in the elderly, because there is a risk of adverse reactions to the drugs that the doctor prescribes for such a disease. Therefore, in the recent past, physicians usually observed such patients and did not actively interfere in the work of the body.

Question to the psychologist:

Good afternoon, dear psychologists and site visitors!

My name is Natalia, I am 32 years old, I am raising two children from my first marriage alone. Divorced for 1.5 years. Working.

My story is this... Seven months ago, a man (46 years old) came to work with me for his professional interests. We struck up a conversation and exchanged contacts. From our first communication, it became clear to me that he liked me outwardly, and as a professional in my field. He, in turn, at first glance did not make a special impression on me as a man, but he was very interested as a person. My conjectures were confirmed, and he began to look for reasons to meet. At first it was working moments, but then, when we started to get to know each other better, it turned out that we have a lot in common. His personal qualities, life achievements, professionalism, intelligence, sense of humor, charisma, perseverance, tirelessness, devotion to word and deed, led and continue to delight me. Communication takes place every day on the Internet, sometimes for several hours before bedtime. We meet once, sometimes two or three times a week. Most of the meetings take place at my work, sometimes we go to lunch in a cafe. During our meetings there is chemistry. We constantly look into each other's eyes (sometimes for 15-20 seconds in silence), laugh, both are looking for reasons to touch, hug each other, kiss (on the cheek), both feel and understand each other, chat on all topics ... other than personal relationships. I feel his care, attention, concern for me. He tells me a lot of his secrets and ideas, trusts me. He receives from me

support in business, his sports passion, approval of everything he does, admiration, compliments, attention to his life. He never puts me in an awkward position, always adapts to my conversation. Despite the fact that he has a lot of life experience behind him, he is more intelligent than me, he is interesting and fun with me, calmly. Even if I sometimes say stupid things, he will translate everything into a joke. And even if we are thousands of kilometers apart (due to mine and his business trips), I feel that he is next to me. We share photos of everything that happens around, photos of each other.

He is a very busy man, working 20 hours a day, 7 days a week. This is 100% fact. Never stands still. Everything seems to be fine, and our "friendly" relationship looks like a protracted prelude to a deeper love, but! Once, at the very beginning of our acquaintance, he uttered the following phrase in a conversation: "Sometimes you need to take a break from your family!" It doesn't matter in what context it was said. After that, about the family, and most importantly about the wife, there was no talk at all. And he behaves as if he is an absolutely lonely, ascetic person. But I remember those words, and it seems to me that "there" is someone there. And how can I be in this situation? How to break it? I can't understand what he feels for me and why he doesn't take any steps. It is as if we are walking on an invisible line, crossing which is our taboo outside of the vowel. I really value this person, and I can say with 100% certainty that I love him. Sometimes I want to interrupt everything, cut the bridges completely, so as not to think about him. Because it's hard to be friends with him. I don't have the courage to admit it myself. Ask about personal - too. I understand that I need to take some steps myself. But which way? So while I'm waiting for it to show itself. But little by little my thoughts are driving me crazy. All I want is for us to be together. It doesn't matter how long. I just want to be with him as a friend, and as a woman.

The psychologist answers the question.

Hello, Natalia. It is felt from your letter that you fell deeply in love and emotionally attached to this man. You are asking for advice on what to do. I have no right to give you advice, but I can give you information as a specialist psychologist, and then you can decide for yourself how to use it.

I can tell you for sure that by remaining in the dark about your relationship with him and whether he has a family and further, you will become more and more attached to him and more and more mentally "be with him." This happens because in reality you are not doing anything to remove the unknown and clarify for yourself whether it is possible to get what you want - the development of your relationship in the direction of love. Therefore, your psyche compensates for this in such a way - inventing a fantastic reality in your head, where it creates what you want - you are almost all the time thinking about it - and therefore, as it were (!) And with it. This almost always leads to emotional exhaustion and even some kind of anger, because after a while you will really miss what you get in reality. Your fantasies will go very far, and reality will be much more separated from them. And this causes irritation and anger.

Most likely, a man will begin to feel it and start to freeze, even if you continue to keep everything in yourself. Because reality developed differently for him than it did for you. It is possible, of course, that the man, as you hope, will clarify the relationship with you. But if he hasn't done it yet, it means he's fine as it is. Are you ready to wait and then it is not known how long, until what he receives from you now is not enough for him? What if that moment never comes? Are you ready to sacrifice yourself and your developed feelings for the sake of his desires and needs? If the inner voice answers you “yes” or even “yes for now”, then you are already in a state of emotional dependence on it, and this is a state of strong psychological maladjustment and it definitely does not benefit either you or your relationship. If you do nothing, most likely, the man will soon become "stuffy" with you in a relationship and he will stop them, and you will be very hurt. In this case, I advise you to think about contacting a psychologist in order to get out of addiction and continue this relationship with a different message to a man. Fortunately, our site has a large selection of good specialists. You can also contact me - I will be glad to help you!