Forsaken trauma

PHYSICAL DEPENDENT (Abandoned Trauma)

To leave someone also means to leave him, to leave, not to want to deal with him anymore. Many people confuse the concepts of "reject" and "leave". If one of the spouses, for example, decided to reject the other, he pushes him away, drives him away, does not want to see him next to him. If he decides to leave his partner, then he leaves him, leaves, moves away - temporarily or irrevocably.

The abandoned person experiences his trauma predominantly at the level of "have" and "do", and not at the level of "be" characteristic of the rejected. Here are some typical situations that provoke an abandoned trauma in a child.

The baby may feel abandoned:

If his mother suddenly finds herself very busy due to the appearance of a new baby. This feeling is especially acute in cases where a newborn baby is sick or requires special care. It seems to the abandoned one that his mother has completely left him and is only concerned with the newborn, that it will always be like this now, that he will no longer have his former mother.

If the parents go to work every day and stay with him for a very short time.

When he is hospitalized, not allowing his parents to be with him in the hospital. He cannot understand what is happening. He may remember that he behaved badly before this happened, and he will have a suspicion that his parents want to get rid of him, that they are tired of him; in this case, loneliness becomes especially painful. There, in the hospital, he may decide that his parents have left him forever, and even if they visit him daily, the pain of the first suffering, remaining in his memory, will dominate every time. It is this pain that prompts him to create a mask for himself that will protect him from a repetition of suffering.

When parents give him away for the duration of their vacation - even to his grandmother - for supervision.

If his mother is constantly ill and his father is absent or too busy to take care of him. The child is left to himself, whether he wants it or not.

I knew a woman who had a severe fear at the age of eighteen when her father died. The pain of loss was multiplied tenfold by the fact that for several years the mother had reminded her daughter that she would kick her out of the house when she came of age, that is, at 21. Rejected by her mother, the daughter now felt abandoned by her father. Horror gripped her. “How will I live without my dad, where will I go when they kick me out of my parents’ house and I’m left all alone?”

Many people who carry the trauma of an abandoned person testify that they suffered from a lack of communication with a parent of the opposite sex in childhood. They found him too withdrawn and accused him of giving the other parent all power. In most cases, these children believed that the parent of the opposite sex was not interested in them.

In my observation, the trauma of the abandoned is inflicted by the parent of the opposite sex.. On the other hand, I noticed that often the trauma of the abandoned in children is combined with the trauma of the rejected. The child feels rejected by the parent of the same sex and at the same time abandoned by the parent of the opposite sex - the latter, in his opinion, should have been more involved in him, the child, and not allow the second parent to reject him. A child may have an experience in which he feels abandoned by a parent of his own gender, but in reality he is experiencing the trauma of being rejected by that parent. How can it be? The fact is that a parent of the same sex with him, not paying attention to him, behaves this way because he rejects himself - and this is exactly what the child feels in the very depths of his soul. When a parent rejects himself and has a child of the same sex as him, it is quite normal and human for him to reject this child, perhaps unconsciously, because the child constantly reminds him of his old trauma. The example of a woman who lost her father at the age of eighteen illustrates well such a double trauma - rejected and abandoned.

With a deeper study of the characters, you will understand that most people have several injuries; True, the level of pain from them is not the same.

Those who carry the trauma of the abandoned are constantly experiencing emotional hunger. Lack of physical nutrition can cause the same injury - usually it occurs before the age of two. In an attempt to hide this trauma from himself, the human being creates a mask DEPENDENT. In what follows I will use the word dependent to refer to a person suffering from the trauma of being abandoned.

For a mask dependent characterized by a lack of tone in the body. A long, thin, sagging body indicates a severe injury to the abandoned. The muscular system is underdeveloped; from the side it seems that she cannot keep the body upright, that the person needs help. The body always outwardly exactly expresses what is happening inside. Dependent he is sure that he is not capable of achieving anything on his own, that he absolutely needs someone's support. And his whole body expresses this need for support. IN dependent it is easy to see a child who wants to help.

The trauma of the abandoned is also betrayed by large sad eyes; they seem to be trying to get our attention. Weak legs and long arms dangling along the body give the impression of helplessness. A person does not seem to know what to do with his hands, especially when they look at him. Another feature of the mask dependent- the location of some parts of the body below normal. Sometimes the back is bent, as if the spine were unable to keep it straight. Other parts of the body also look hanging, flabby - shoulders, breasts, buttocks, cheeks, abdomen, scrotum in men, etc.

As you can see, the most impressive sign dependent- severely reduced muscle tone and the whole body. As soon as you see a flaccid, relaxed part of the body, you can be sure that the person is wearing a mask. dependent, behind which the trauma of the abandoned creature is hidden.

Remember: the thickness of the mask determines the intensity of the injury. A person with a pronounced addiction has all of the above signs. If some of these signs are absent, then the wound is not so deep. It is important to know that a person's physical fullness and lack of tone in certain parts of the body, as well as his overweight, are signs of a different kind of injury, which will be discussed in subsequent chapters; here we are talking about the trauma of the abandoned, and it is characterized by a general low tone.

You must also learn to distinguish masks well. fugitive And dependent. Look, somewhere in your environment there are two little people - fugitive And dependent. Both can have thin wrists and ankles. The main difference is in tone. Fugitive, for all its small stature and fragility, is distinguished by good posture; dependent but looks weak, flabby, exhausted. Fugitive gives the impression that his skin is tightly stretched over the bones, but the muscular system, even if it is not developed, works reliably; at dependent more flesh, but it lacks tone.

If a person suffers from both of these injuries, you can find some signs in his body fugitive and some - dependent. The symptom that catches the eye first determines the dominant injury.

Studying others in order to identify their injuries is an excellent exercise for developing intuition. Since the body can tell us so much about the personality, more and more people are trying to change their physical appearance, using all available means for this - aesthetic surgery, weightlifting, etc. But if a person tries to hide his real body from others, then this means that he wants to hide precisely those injuries that correspond to the masked parts of the body.

Only with the help of intuition can we detect these modified parts of the body. I have often had to deal with such people. For example, during a consultation, I notice that my patient has beautiful, firm breasts, although when she came in, it seemed to me that this woman must have saggy breasts. It was like a short flash. I used to trust my intuition, so I ask: “It’s strange, I’m looking at you and I see beautiful strong breasts, but before that it seemed to me that you had them small and sagging; maybe you had an operation? The woman confirms that she really turned to aesthetic surgery, because she did not like her breasts.

Some signs, especially muscle tone - in both women and men - can be much more difficult to notice due to bras, padding on the shoulders or buttocks, and other accessories designed to mislead interested observers. Well, at least the one who looks in the mirror cannot deceive himself. Be that as it may, I recommend trusting your first impression.

I know men who have been involved in weightlifting since their youth, but despite their impressive muscles, the attentive eye will notice a lack of tone in them. We have all seen more than once how sagging, shapeless the bodies of some athletes become at the end of physical exercises: this happens only with dependent. If a person has hidden his injury by physical means, this does not mean that he has cured it. I will remind you of the analogy with the wound, which I spoke about in the first chapter: if a person hides the wound under a bandage, puts his hand in his pocket or takes it behind his back, then the wound will not heal from this.

Of five different types of injured dependent most likely to become a victim. It is very likely that one of his parents - and possibly both - were also victims. A victim is a person who always tends to create problems for himself - primarily health problems - in order to attract attention to himself. It meets the needs dependent, which constantly seems to be given too little attention. When he seems to be trying in every way to get attention, he is actually looking for opportunities to feel important enough to get support. It seems to him that if he fails to attract the attention of such and such a person, then he will not be able to count on him. This phenomenon is clearly seen in dependent when they are still very young. A dependent child wants to be sure that if he does something wrong, then someone will definitely help him out of trouble.

Such a person overdramatizes everything; the slightest incident with her assumes gigantic proportions. If, for example, a husband does not call his wife and say that he will come home late, she assumes the worst and does not understand why he did not call and make her suffer so much. Looking at a person who behaves like a victim, you sometimes wonder how he manages to create so many problems for himself. But myself dependent does not see a big trouble in these problems: they bring him the most valuable gift - the attention of other people. So he manages not to feel abandoned. After all, being abandoned for him is incomparably more painful than experiencing the problems he himself created. Only someone else can truly understand this. dependent. The more obvious the victim looks like a person, the more severe his trauma, the trauma of the abandoned.

I established another pattern: the victim very often and willingly plays the role of a savior. For example, dependent seeks to take on the duties of a father to his siblings, or looks for an opportunity to save someone he loves from trouble. These are more subtle ways to attract attention. On the other hand, if dependent does a lot of services to another person, at the same time he usually counts on compliments, wants to feel like an important person. Such a desire often becomes the cause of back diseases, since other people's duties are thrown on it.

At dependent alternating periods of ups and downs. For a while he feels happy, everything is going well, and then suddenly he becomes sad and unhappy. He even asks himself why this is happening, because changes happen for no apparent reason. With a good search, he may discover his fear and loneliness.

Support from other people is a form of help in which dependent is in dire need. Regardless of whether it is difficult or easy for him to make decisions on his own, he usually first turns to others, asking for their opinion or approval. He needs a sense of support in his decisions. Because of this, it may seem that people of this type find it difficult to decide on something specific, but in fact they doubt their decision only in cases where they do not feel supported. Their expectations of others depend on how those others can help them. In any case, for dependent real physical help is not as important as the feeling of support for his deeds and intentions from another person. When he is supported, he perceives it as help and love.

Dependent may seem lazy due to the fact that he does not like to be active or physically work alone; he needs someone's presence, if only for moral support. If he does something for others, he expects affection in return. If his expectations are justified and a pleasant relationship develops, he tries to prolong this state. When the collaboration ends, he says: "What a pity it ended". He perceives the end of something pleasant as if he had been abandoned.

A dependent personality with victim traits, especially a woman, tends to ask a lot of questions and often has a childish timbre of voice. This is evident in those situations when she asks for help; she has difficulty accepting refusal and usually insists on her request. The more she suffers, having received a refusal, the more persistently she seeks means to achieve her goal, uses manipulation, capriciousness, blackmail, etc.

Dependent often seeks advice, as he is not sure of his ability to complete the task on his own, but he rarely listens to the advice he receives. In the end, he does as he himself wanted, because, in fact, he needed not advice, but support. When he walks with other people, he lets them go ahead, as he prefers to be led. He believes that if he does his job well himself, then no one else will do it, and then isolation, loneliness will come, and he wants to avoid this at any cost.

Loneliness and really scary dependent more than anything else. He is convinced that he cannot cope with loneliness. Therefore, he clings to others and does everything in order to win their attention. He resorts to all kinds of tricks, if only he was loved, if only he was not left alone. For the sake of this, he endures the most painful situations for a long time and patiently. His fear is expressed in the following thoughts: “What am I going to do alone? What will happen to me? How can I be? He is often torn apart by internal conflicts, because, on the one hand, he requires a lot of attention, and on the other hand, he is afraid to demand it, as this can burden and annoy others, and then they will leave him. ABOUT dependent they judge by how he endures prolonged suffering, and conclude that he loves these sufferings. In fact, he does not accept them. Look at a woman who is beaten by her husband or who lives with an alcoholic. Most likely, it is easier for her to endure this nightmare than to remain alone. She lives in hope, emotional, illusory hope. She does not acknowledge her trauma: if she acknowledged it, she would be forced to re-experience the suffering that this trauma represents.

The addicted person has the most powerful ability to see no problem in their partner. She prefers to assume that everything is in order, as she is afraid of being abandoned. If a partner announces that he is leaving her, she suffers incredibly, because, not wanting to see problems, she did not expect this. If this is your case, if you see that you are clinging, fawning out of fear of being alone, give yourself support. Find some mental image, imagine something that supports you. Do not give up when moments of despair come and it seems that no one can help you. Yes, sometimes it happens that there is no way out, but there is always a way out. If you can give yourself support, the light will appear and you will find a way out.

Dependent does not like the word "leave". For example, when a person with him says to him: "I have to leave, I have to leave you", y dependent heart shrinks. The mere word "leave", even heard on the phone, raises a storm of emotions in him. In order for him not to feel abandoned, the partner must explain to him the reason for his departure, without using the words “leave” or “leave”.

When dependent he feels abandoned, he is sure that he means too little, that he is not worthy of the attention of another person. Being in the company dependent man, I have noticed many times: whenever I look at the clock to check the time (and with my busy schedule, I do this often), his face changes. I can feel how this simple gesture hurts him. Dependent automatically concludes that my affairs are more important to me than he.

It is difficult for such a person to leave a place or part with a company. Even if where he is going to go or go, he will be fine, he is still sad at the thought of separation. When dependent goes on a trip for several weeks, it is very unpleasant for him to leave his family, home, work; but, once in a new place, he will soon get used to it and will feel the same sadness when the time comes to part with this place and new acquaintances.

Sadness is the strongest of the emotions that one has to experience. dependent. He feels it in the most hidden depths of the soul, unable to understand or explain where it comes from. In order not to feel this sadness, he seeks the company of other people. But it can also go to the other extreme - to retire, to leave a person or situation that causes sadness and a feeling of loneliness in him. He does not realize that he himself is leaving someone. In moments of crisis, he can reach the thought of suicide. As a rule, he only talks about it, trying to scare others, but does not get to the point, since, in essence, he is only looking for support, sympathy. If he does attempt suicide, it is unsuccessful. But if, after several attempts, no one sympathizes with him and does not support him, he can really commit suicide.

Dependent afraid of all bosses and powerful people. People with an imperious voice or imperious manners seem to him cold and indifferent, and they do not seem to notice him, insignificant, at all. For the same reason, he is very kind and friendly with others, sometimes even excessively and forcedly. He hopes that through this behavior, others will become friendly and considerate, and not cold and arrogant.

Dependent often uses the words "one" and "absent". Talking about childhood, for example, he says that he was often left alone, that his father and mother were absent. He can admit that he suffers from loneliness, experiences severe anxiety, fear of being abandoned. It seems to him that life would be incomparably better if someone was nearby. You can feel lonely, but not suffer from it. The degree of anxiety reflects the intensity of suffering. The feeling of loneliness gives rise to a certain haste, tension in a suffering person; he is afraid that what he so longs for will not be his, or it will be taken away from him at any moment. What lies behind the feeling of loneliness? The one who suffers from it, unconsciously fences himself off from the one whom he would so like to see next to him. He does not open his soul to accept these people into it - for fear that he will not withstand contact with them. He is also afraid of the emotions that he may have in response to their attention. Such behavior is not uncommon and easy to notice: a person clearly interferes with his own happiness. As soon as the relationship becomes closer, he looks for a way to end it.

Dependent people easily give in to tears, especially when it comes to their misfortunes and problems. In their sobs, one can hear accusations against other people who abandoned them in a difficult moment. They blame themselves GOD for leaving them. They do not want to see how often they themselves leave others. They do not realize how many undertakings are abandoned halfway. Their ego constantly plays cruel jokes with them - as, indeed, with all of us.

Dependent feels the need for the presence and attention of others, but does not notice how often he refuses others what he requires for himself. He loves, for example, to sit in an armchair and read a book, but he cannot stand it when his wife (husband) does the same. He likes to go somewhere alone, to retire, but if a person close to him does the same, he feels abandoned and unhappy. He thinks, "Of course I don't such an important person to take me with you". Just as painfully, he experiences a situation when he is not invited to any meeting or meeting, where, for all reasons, they should have been invited; he experiences deep despondency - he was abandoned, no one needs him.

Dependent has a habit of physically clinging to a loved one. A child, a little girl clings to dad, a boy clings to mom. In a married couple dependent holds the hand of another, presses or often touches him. Standing on my feet dependent usually looking for support - a wall, a door frame, etc. Yes, and sitting, he strives to lean on, lean, fall apart - just do not stay straight; it seems that his back cannot withstand its own weight and leans forward.

When you see a person in a public meeting trying to get attention, look closely at his body and you can determine if he is suffering. addiction. There are always people in my seminars who are eager to find out something privately - during a break, before or after class. And every time I see a mask dependent. I usually ask them to ask their questions during class because the questions are relevant and of common interest to all participants. But a new lesson begins, and they most often neglect my request. The fact is that they are really interested only in my attention addressed to them personally. Sometimes I offer such patients private therapy in which they can get as much attention as they want; but such a path is also not strewn with flowers: their wound is not so much healed as it receives additional nourishment.

Another way to attract attention is to win a public position or position that opens access to a wide audience. Many singers, actors, circus performers and other workers of the variety and theatrical world, performing in front of a large audience, are dependent people. For them, the main thing is to be a star, and it does not matter in what role.

In private consultations dependent more inclined than anyone transfer to your therapist. In essence, he seeks from the doctor the support and sympathy that his parent or spouse has denied him. My friend, a psychologist, told me how her patient made her a scene of jealousy when she told him that she and her husband would go on vacation for the next two weeks and her colleague would conduct the sessions instead of her. It was through this scene that she discovered that the patient had transferred his feelings to her. After checking, it turned out that he is a typical dependent. I take this opportunity here to warn all those who have to provide psychological assistance to other people: be especially careful with patients experiencing the trauma of an abandoned person - you risk being the object of transference.

Dependent easily identifies himself, "merges" with others and therefore is inclined to consider himself responsible for their happiness or misfortune, just as he considers them responsible for his troubles and joys. Such a mentally unbalanced person deeply feels the emotions of other people and easily succumbs to their influx. The desire to merge gives rise to all sorts of fears and can even lead to agoraphobia. I will repeat here the description of agoraphobia from my book « Your body says: Love yourself!»

This phobia is a morbid fear of open spaces and crowded places. This is the most common of the phobias. Women suffer from it twice as often as men. Many men cover up their agoraphobia with alcohol. They prefer to become alcoholics, just not to show this strong and uncontrollable fear. Agoraphobe often complains of constant anxiety and especially anxiety, sometimes reaching panic. Anxious situation causes reactions in the agoraphobe - physiological, which can cause panic (palpitations, fainting, muscle tension or weakness, sweating, shortness of breath, nausea, urinary incontinence, etc.), cognitive (feeling of unusualness, foreignness; fear of losing control, getting off mind, survive public humiliation, lose consciousness, die, etc.) and behavioral (avoiding situations that can cause anxiety, as well as avoiding places that seem too far from a safe haven or a reliable person). Most agoraphobes suffer from hypoglycemia.

The fear and emotions of the agoraphobe are so strong that he tends to avoid situations from which it is difficult to get out. Therefore, he should always see a close person next to him who will help to be saved in difficult times; you also need a safe haven where you can always hide. There are also those agoraphobes who eventually stop leaving the house altogether. They always find the most valid reasons for this. Their terrible premonitions never come true. Most agoraphobic children were deeply dependent on their mother and felt responsible for her happiness, as well as obligated to help her in her motherly role. An agoraphobe can significantly improve his emotional state if he manages to improve relations with his mother.

Agoraphobes experience their strongest fear at the thought of death or insanity. Having seen enough of the agoraphobes that I met in almost all of my seminars for many years, I came up with interesting generalizations about agoraphobia, thanks to which I was able to help hundreds of people who suffer from it. Their fears stretch from childhood, in which they had to endure loneliness, isolation. Favorable conditions for the development of agoraphobia occur when among relatives and friends there is an increased mortality or cases of insanity. Perhaps the agoraphobe himself experienced the nearness of death in childhood, or someone's death or insanity made too much impression on the whole family.

The agoraphobe experiences the fear of death at all levels, although he is not really aware of it. He considers himself unable to endure changes in any area, since they represent for him a symbolic death. That is why the actual changes in his life cause him the most severe attacks of anxiety and increase his agoraphobia. Such changes can be transitions from childhood to adolescence and then from youth to maturity, from single life to married life, a change of job, moving, pregnancy, accident, divorce, birth and death of loved ones, etc.

For many years, his anxieties may be hidden and unconscious, but in a situation where the blocks of his mental and emotional control fail, the agoraphobe will no longer be able to contain his fears, and they will become conscious and obvious.

Agoraphobe is also characterized by unlimited and uncontrolled imagination. He imagines situations that go far beyond reality, and feels that he is unable to cope with these visions. This unconscious mental activity confuses him - he does not even dare to talk about it, for fear of being branded crazy. It is very important to understand that this is not insanity, but only excessive and poorly controlled sensitivity.

If you recognize yourself in the characteristics listed above, then know that this is not madness and that one does not die from this. It's just that as a child you opened your soul too much to the emotions of other people, you believed that you were responsible for their happiness and their failures. As a result, you have become too nervous, because you cannot constantly be on your guard and prevent all other people's misfortunes. That's why you pick up on other people's emotions and fears when you're in a crowded place. The most important thing for you is to learn to correctly understand responsibility. The kind of responsibility you have believed in up to now does not suit you. The correct concept of responsibility is included as an integral part in all training courses of the center Listen to your body.

Dependent I have identified the type of character in most of the agoraphobes I have met so far. If you refer to the above description of agoraphobia, you will find there a mention of the fear of death and insanity. When dependent someone dear to him dies, he feels abandoned. Each time, it becomes more and more difficult for him to accept anyone's death, as each death stirs up his trauma of the abandoned and increases agoraphobia. I have found that a person who is dominated by the trauma of the abandoned has a particularly strong fear of death; if the trauma of betrayal prevails, then the fear of insanity is stronger. I will talk about the trauma of betrayal in Chapter 5.

Dependent mother prone to merger, longs for love from her child and does everything so that he feels how much she thinks about him. The love of other people, especially loved ones, supports dependent helps them to stand on their feet. I have often heard from addicts: “I can’t stand it when someone doesn’t love me; I'm willing to do anything to fix the situation.". When the addict says: “This is very important, call me and let me know when you have news”, what he really wants to say is: "When you call me, I feel important". By all means, he achieves that others make him feel needed, to be reckoned with; he himself cannot believe it.

When dependent faces the problems that his own addiction creates, at such moments he wants to be independent. Considering oneself independent is a very common reaction among dependent; they love to tell others how independent they are! Meanwhile, this trauma of the abandoned one only intensifies and masks it even more, since distracting conversations do not cure it.

For example, dependent a person, man or woman, does not want to have a child, hiding behind the desire to maintain their independence. Often dependent a man in this way hides his fear that the child will take away his wife's attention from him. dependent a woman is more often afraid that she will be crushed by all the duties that the birth of a child imposes on her. On the other hand, if she wants to have children, she prefers the period when they are small and most dependent on her. It helps her feel important. In fact, dependent we need autonomy, not independence. In the last chapter, I will show you how to achieve this.

Similar behavior is typical for dependent and in sexual life. He often uses sex in order to bind the other more tightly to himself. It is especially popular with women. When dependent the person sees that the partner desires her, she feels more important. I can say that of the five types, the one who loves sex the most is the one who is afraid of being abandoned. Usually he wants sex more than a partner, and it is not uncommon to notice that it is those who complain more than others about the lack of sexual pleasures who suffer from the trauma of the abandoned and wear a mask. dependent.

If dependent a woman does not want love comforts, then she will not tell her husband about it. She will prefer to imitate pleasure, because she does not want to miss the opportunity to feel desired. I also knew women who were happy with a threesome life, when each knew that her husband was making love to the other in the next room. Dependent the man pretends not to know anything about his wife's lover. These people prefer to endure such situations so as not to be abandoned. They prefer not of their own free will - they are simply ready for anything, just not to lose their spouse.

As far as nutrition is concerned, dependent can eat a lot without gaining weight. Since he is internally tuned to the fact that he always lacks everything, his body also receives the corresponding message while eating. And react accordingly. When a person eats very little but thinks they are overeating, their body gets the message that they are overeating and reacts as if they really have eaten too much. As a result, the body gains weight.

In the previous chapter, I mentioned that fugitive prone to anorexia dependent- to bulimia. My observations allow me to conclude that when dependent a man suffers from bulimia, he "eats" his mother: he painfully misses her. When does bulimia show up? dependent women, she misses her father. If these dependent there is no replacement for the missing parent, then they commit transfer for food. By the way, they very often use the words "devour", "absorb": "This child is taking all my energy" or "All my time is devoured by the service".

Dependent prefers soft foods. As a rule, he eats a lot of bread with pleasure, which for him symbolizes the land-nurse. He loves leisurely food, especially if others participate in the meal with him, he tries to prolong this pleasant process and attention to himself. On the contrary, alone, and even more so outside the home, dependent takes food reluctantly. Being at odds with the word "leave" dependent always tries not to leave anything on the plate. All this happens outside of his consciousness.

As far as physical health is concerned, dependent differ, especially in childhood, by frequent illnesses, weakness, frail physique. The following is a list of the illnesses that most threaten individuals with abandonment trauma.

ASTHMA is a disease characterized by difficult, painful breathing. In metaphysical terms, this disease indicates that a person takes more than he should, and gives with great difficulty.

Problems with the BRONCH are also very likely, since the bronchi are metaphysically associated with the family. If dependent suffers from bronchial diseases, this indicates his family dissatisfaction: it seems to him that he receives too little from the family, which depends too much on her. He would like to believe that he has a solid place in the family, and not fuss, seeking this place.

Under the influence of their fusional subpersonality dependent attracts problems of the PANCREAS (hypoglycemia and diabetes) and ADRENAL. His whole digestive system is unstable, because he considers his nutrition to be inadequate, even if physically it is quite normal. Despite the fact that deficiency exists only on an emotional level, his physical body receives messages about the lack of food and reacts accordingly - reflecting the mental state.

myopia dependent is also very common. It represents the inability to see far, and this is associated with fear of the future and especially with the unwillingness to face the future alone.

Dependent, who cherishes his sacrificial subpersonality too much, can bring himself to HYSTERY. Psychologists say that a hysterical personality is like a child who is afraid that his pacifier will be taken away from him and left alone. Therefore, such a person tends to noisily demonstrate his emotions.

Many dependent DEPRESSION develops when their trauma causes them great suffering and they feel helpless - not getting the love they so crave. This is also a way to get attention.

Dependent suffers from MIGRAINES, because it prevents himself from being himself, blocks his “I am”. He fusses too much, resorts to all sorts of tricks, just to be what others want him to be, or he lives almost completely in the shadow of the people who love him.

I also noticed that dependent very often they attract RARE DISEASES that require special attention, or the so-called INCURED DISEASES. Let me remind you that when medicine announces a certain disease incurable, then, in fact, she reports that science has not yet found reliable remedies for this disease.

The illnesses and ailments listed above can occur in people with other types of trauma, but they are most common in those who experience the trauma of an abandoned person.

If you see the trauma of being abandoned, then I must remind you that this wound was activated by your parent of the opposite sex and that every person of the opposite sex continues to stir it up. And a completely natural and human reaction is your anger at your parent and other persons of the opposite sex. I will repeat here what is written in many of my other books:

As long as we continue to be angry with a parent (even unconsciously), our relationships with people of the same gender as that parent will continue to be difficult.

I suggest that you check and see for yourself that this parent experienced the same trauma with their parent of the opposite sex (i.e. the same sex as you). All these injuries are repeated from generation to generation (which explains the phenomenon of heredity), and so it will continue until the wheel of karma is stopped; and for this it is necessary that all our relationships be built and developed in true love.

Do you remember that the main cause of trauma lies in the inability of a person to forgive himself for the evil he has done to himself or to someone else. It is difficult for him to forgive himself because he usually does not even realize that he is accumulating anger at himself. The heavier your wound of being abandoned, the more authentic it means that you have left yourself (i.e., surrendered) or that you have left other people, situations, projects. We blame others for everything we do ourselves, but we do not want to notice. For this reason, we attract people who show us how we behave with others and with ourselves.

Another means of realizing that we have abandoned ourselves or another person is shame. Indeed, we experience a sense of shame when we want to hide or hide our behavior. It is normal to find shameful behavior for which we condemn others. And I especially don’t want them to catch us in such behavior.

So it is extremely important to settle our relationship with our parents as soon as possible - only in this way can we stop repeating the same pattern of the situation. Even medical and psychological scientists have identified and explained the repetition from generation to generation of certain forms of behavior and destructive diseases. They established that there are dynasties of diabetics, heart patients, asthmatics, as well as families of hereditary rapists, incest, alcoholics, etc.

If you find traits in yourself dependent, but you don’t think that you were deprived of the attention of a parent of the opposite sex - rather, on the contrary, this attention was excessive - then this is probably what happened. The attention you were given was not the sort you wanted. It almost suffocated you.

I can give an example with my eldest son; he is already an adult, but his body betrays the trauma of the abandoned. But of my three children, it was he who received the maximum attention from me in childhood, because at that time I did not have work outside the home and I was with him all the time. On the other hand, I was too hard and harsh with him in situations that, in his opinion, did not justify it. I didn't let him down, I watched his every move because I wanted to make a perfect human being out of him - in accordance with my notions of perfection. Today I understand that it was not at all the attention he craved. He survived the trauma of being abandoned, and I consider it normal for him to be angry at me in those years. I now know that this experience was part of the plan for his life and that we were to understand certain things together. He needed a mother like me to go through the process of forgiving someone who left him, and I needed a son like him to help me complete a similar situation with my father. We will return to this topic in the chapter on betrayal.

Spiritual laws say that if a person experiences a certain experience not in love, then he will have to return to Earth again and experience the same experience again. He returns with the same soul, but plays different roles. And all this only in order to get the opportunity to solve problems that were not solved by him in previous lives.

Don't forget that the characteristics and behaviors described in this chapter only come about when the survivor of the trauma of abandonment decides to wear the mask of an addict, hoping thereby to escape the suffering that has befallen him. Depending on the severity of the injury and the intensity of the pain, the mask may be worn infrequently or very frequently. .

Typical for dependent forms of behavior are dictated by the fear of the possibility of a new experience of the trauma of the abandoned. However, it may also happen that you will find some, but not all, of the characteristics that I have described above. The coincidence of all these characteristics in one person is almost unbelievable. Each of the five traumas has its own forms of behavior and internal attitudes. The ways of thinking, feeling, conversational and business manners that are characteristic of each trauma determine how a person reacts to everything that happens in his life. A person in a state of reaction is not focused, not balanced, not abiding in his heart and can neither be good nor happy. Therefore, it is very important to be aware of those moments when you are yourself, and when you are in a state of reaction. When you achieve this awareness, you have the opportunity to become the master of your life, and not give control of it to your fears.

The purpose of this chapter was to help you recognize your abandonment trauma. If you recognize yourself in a mask dependent, then in the last chapter you will find all the information you need to heal this trauma, become yourself and not think that your whole life is filled with the torment of the abandoned. If you do not find this trauma in yourself, then I advise you to contact those who know you well and make sure that they agree with you. As I have already mentioned, the trauma of the abandoned may be minor; in this case, you can notice only certain characteristic features in yourself. Let me remind you that, first of all, you should trust the physical description, since the physical body never lies, unlike us - we can very easily deceive ourselves.

If you see this injury in someone from your environment, do not try to remake this person. Instead, use everything you learn in this book to cultivate more empathy for him, to better understand his reactive behavior. Do not paraphrase this book in your own words; let those who are interested in this field read it for themselves.

Characteristics of the injury of the ABANDONED

Awakening Trauma: Between one and three years with a parent of the opposite sex. Lack of emotional nourishment or certain type of nourishment.

Mask: Dependent.

Body: Elongated, thin, devoid of tone, sagging; the legs are weak, the back is twisted, the arms seem excessively long and hang down along the body, certain parts of the body look flabby, sagging.

Eyes: Big, sad. Attractive look.

Dictionary:"absent" "one" "can't stand" "eat" "do not leave".

Character: Victim. Tends to merge with someone or something. Needs presence, attention, support, reinforcement. Experiencing difficulties when you have to do something or decide alone. Asks for advice, but does not always follow it. Children's voice. Accepts rejection painfully. Sadness. Cries easily. Causes pity. Either happy or sad. Physically clings to others. Nervous. Stage star. Strives for independence. Loves sex.

Most afraid of: Loneliness.

Nutrition: A good appetite. Bulimia. Likes soft food. Eats slowly.

Typical diseases: Back pain asthma bronchitis migraines hypoglycemia agoraphobia diabetes adrenal disease myopia hysteria depression rare diseases (requiring long-term attention) incurable diseases.

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Current page: 1 (total book has 13 pages)

Liz Burbo

Five traumas that prevent you from being yourself

Thanks

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone with whom I have worked over the years and without whom my research on trauma and masks would not have been possible.

My greatest gratitude is to those who participated in the seminars "Effective Techniques of Mutual Aid". Thanks to their capacity for complete self-disclosure, the material for this book has been greatly enriched. I am especially grateful to the members of the group. "Listen to Your Body" who participated in my research and provided me with information that is very important for this book. Thanks to all of you, I do not lose my passionate interest in research and new generalizations.

Finally, I would like to thank those who were directly involved in writing books. First of all, this is my husband Jacques, who by his very presence brightened and lightened the hours spent on its pages; Monica Bourbeau-Shields, Odette Pelletier, Micheline Saint-Jacques, Nathalie Raymond, and Michel Derruder did a brilliant job of proofreading the manuscript, while Claudie Ogier and Elise Palazzo provided the artwork for the book.

Foreword

I was able to write this book thanks to the perseverance and perseverance of many researchers, who, like me, were not forced by the objections and skepticism of critics to refuse to publish the results of their searches and reflections. Needless to say, researchers know that attacks on them and their work are inevitable, and usually prepare for it. They are inspired by those who positively perceive new discoveries, and also by the hope of helping people in their evolution. The first among the researchers to whom I must express my gratitude was the Austrian psychiatrist SIGMUND FREUD: it is to him that the grandiose discovery of the unconscious in man belongs; it was he who dared to declare that the physical nature of a human being is inseparable from his emotional and mental structure.

I am also grateful to one of his students, WILHELM REICH, who, in my opinion, became the great forerunner of metaphysics. He was the first to establish an indisputable connection between psychology and physiology, showing that neuroses affect not only the mental, but also the physical body.

Later, psychiatrists John PIERRACOS and Alexander LOWEN (both students of Wilhelm Reich) discovered bioenergy and showed that the patient's will to heal is equally important for his physical body, and for emotions, and for intellect.

Thanks primarily to the work of John Pierrakos and her colleague Eva Brook, I was able to complete everything that you will discover here. Beginning with a very interesting workshop in 1992 with Barry WALKER, a student of John Pierrakos, I have carefully observed and explored the material now presented in this book as a synthesis of my efforts, the five traumas and their accompanying masks. In addition, all the ideas presented here have been repeatedly tested since 1992 on the experience of many thousands of people who have attended my seminars, as well as on examples from my personal life.

There is no scientific evidence for what is first said in this book, but I invite you to test my findings before dismissing them, and most importantly, to see if they help improve the quality of your life.

As you can see, in this book, as in the previous ones, I address you in You. If you are reading one of my books for the first time and are unfamiliar with the teachings "LISTEN TO YOUR BODY" , some expressions may confuse you. For example, I make a clear distinction between feeling and emotion, between intelligence and intelligence, between self-mastery and control. The meaning of these concepts and the differences between them is explained quite well in my other books, as well as in the classroom.

Everything that I write applies equally to the male and female halves of the human race (otherwise I make reservations). I still use the word GOD. Let me remind you that when I talk about GODE, I mean your HIGHER SELF, your true being, the very Self that knows your real needs, focused on a life of love, happiness, harmony, peace, health, abundance and joy.

I wish you the same pleasure in reading the book that I experienced when I shared with you my discoveries on its pages.

With love,

The emergence of injuries and masks

Already at birth, a child knows in the very depths of his being that the meaning of his incarnation is to work through all the many lessons that life will present him. In addition, his soul, with a very specific purpose, has already chosen a specific family and environment in which he is born. All of us who come to this planet have the same mission: to experience experiences, and experience them in such a way as to accept them and love ourselves through them.

Since sometimes experience is experienced in rejection, i.e. in condemnation, guilt, fear, regret and other forms of denial, then a person constantly attracts to himself circumstances and personalities that again and again lead him to the need to experience the same experience. And some not only experience the same experience many times during their lives, but also have to repeatedly, and sometimes several times, incarnate again in order to achieve its full acceptance.

Acceptance of experience does not mean that we prefer it or agree with him. It's more about giving ourselves the right to experiment and learn through what we experience. We must, first of all, learn to recognize what is favorable for us and what is not. The only way to this state is to be aware of the consequences of the experience. Everything we choose to do or not to do everything we do or don't do, say or don't say, and even everything we think or feel, has consequences.

Man wants to live more and more consciously and intelligently. Having become convinced that some experience entails detrimental consequences, he, instead of getting angry at himself or someone else, should learn to simply accept own choice (even unconscious) - to accept in order to be convinced of the unreasonableness of such an experience. It will be remembered later. This is the acceptance of the experience. Let me remind you that otherwise, even if you resolutely say to yourself: “I don’t want to experience this anymore,” everything will happen again. You have to give yourself permission to repeat the same mistake or bad experience over and over again before you have the courage and determination to change yourself. Why don't we understand first time? Yes, because we have ego protected by our beliefs.

Each of us has many beliefs that prevent us from being ourselves. The more trouble they bring us, the more we try to hide them, obscure them. We even manage to believe that we no longer have beliefs. To deal with them, we must incarnate several times. And only when our bodies - mental, emotional and physical - begin to listen to the inner GOD our soul will experience complete happiness.

Everything that is experienced in rejection accumulates in the soul. And the soul, being immortal, constantly returns to Earth - in various human forms and with the baggage accumulated in its memory. Before we are born, we make a decision about what task we will have to solve in the upcoming incarnation.. This decision, like everything that was previously accumulated in the memory of the soul, is not recorded in our conscious memory (memory of the intellect). Only throughout life do we gradually become aware of our life plan and what we have to deal with.

When I mention or talk about something "unresolved", I always mean some experience of not accepting myself. Take, for example, a young girl who was rejected by a father who was expecting a son. In this case, accepting the experience means giving your father the right to desire a son and reject his own daughter. For this girl, accepting herself means giving herself the right to be angry with her father and forgiving herself for being angry with him. There should be no condemnation of the father or oneself - only sympathy and understanding of the subpersonality that suffers in each of them.

She will know that this experience is fully completed and settled when, having rejected someone in turn, she will not blame herself, but will experience great sympathy and understanding for herself. She has another chance to make sure that this kind of situation is truly settled and experienced in acceptance: the person she rejected will not become angry with her for it, but will also feel sympathy, knowing that every person at some point in life has to reject another.

Don't be fooled by your ego, which often uses all means to convince us that we have settled this or that situation. How often do we say to ourselves: “Yes, I understand that the other would do the same as me”, - just to get rid of the need to realize yourself and forgive yourself! In this way, our ego tries to stealthily remove an unpleasant situation out of sight. It happens that we accept a situation or a person, but at the same time we do not forgive ourselves, we do not give ourselves the right to be angry with her - in the past or present. It is called "take only experience". Again, there is a significant difference between accepting experience and accepting yourself. The latter is more difficult to implement: our ego does not want to admit that we go through all our most difficult experiences only to make sure that we ourselves behave with others in exactly the same way.

Have you noticed that When you accuse someone of something, does the same person accuse you of the same?

That is why it is so important to learn to understand and accept yourself as fully as possible. Only in this way can we gradually ensure that we experience situations without undue suffering. It is up to you to decide whether to take control of your life or let your ego control it. It will take all your courage to face this dilemma, because in this case you will inevitably open up old wounds. And this is very painful, especially if you have been wearing them for several lives. The more you suffer in a certain situation or with a certain person, the more ancient your problem is.

In search of a way out, you can count on your inner GOD omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent. His power is always in you and constantly working. It works in such a way as to direct you to the people and situations that are necessary for your growth and evolution in accordance with the life plan that was drawn up before you were born.

Even before birth, your inner GOD draws your soul to that environment and to that family that you will need in the future life. This magnetic attraction, as well as its goals, are predetermined, on the one hand, by the fact that in previous lives you did not learn to live in love and acceptance, and on the other hand, by the fact that your future parents have their own problem that they must solve. through the child, that is, through you. This explains the fact that usually both parents and children have to deal with the same traumas.

When you are born, you are no longer aware all your past because he is focused on the needs of his soul; and your soul wants You accepted yourself along with all your acquired experience, mistakes, strengths and weaknesses, desires, subpersonalities, etc.

We all experience this need. However, soon after birth, we begin to notice that our desire to be ourselves causes discontent among adults and others. And we conclude that being natural is not good, wrong. This discovery is not pleasant, and often it causes outbreaks child's anger. Such outbursts become so frequent that everyone treats them as something normal. They are called "baby crisis" or "teenage crisis". Perhaps they have become the norm for human beings, but they cannot be called natural in any way. If the child is allowed to be himself, he will behave naturally, balanced and will never arrange "crises". Unfortunately, there are almost no such children. Instead, in my experience, most children go through the following four stages:

1st stage - knowledge of the joy of existence, being oneself;

Stage 2 - suffering from being yourself it is forbidden;

3rd stage - a period of crisis, rebellion;

Stage 4 - in order to avoid suffering, the child gives in and eventually builds a new personality out of himself, corresponding to what adults want from him.

Some people get stuck in the third stage and are constantly in a state of opposition, anger, or crisis all their lives.

During the third and fourth stages, we create new personalities in ourselves, masks - a few masks that serve to protect us from the pain experienced in the second stage. There are only five of these masks, and they correspond to the five main mental traumas that a human being has to endure. Many years of observation allowed me to state that all human suffering can be reduced to these five injuries. Here they are in chronological order, that is, in the order of their appearance in a person’s life:

REJECTED

LEFT

humiliated

BETRAYED

Were UNFAIR

By placing these words in a different order, you can read the word "betrayal" by their first letters; the acrostic highlights the fact that by experiencing or inflicting any of these traumas on someone, we are participating in an act of betrayal of a human being. Betrayed, lost trust in the inner GOD, to the needs of our being, and we let our ego, along with its beliefs and fears, rule our lives. The creation of masks is a consequence of our desire to hide from ourselves or from other people our unresolved problem. Hiding is nothing but a form of betrayal.

What are these masks? Here is their list along with the injuries they are trying to cover up.

INJURIES................. MASKS

REJECTED.......... Fugitive

ABANDONED............ DEPENDENT

HUMILATED............ MASOCHIST

BETRAYAL ....... TO CONTROL

INJUSTICE... RIGID

These injuries and their corresponding masks will be discussed in detail in later chapters. The importance of the mask is determined by the depth of the injury. The mask represents the personality type corresponding to it, since numerous beliefs develop in a person, which determine both his internal state and his behavior as normal for the accepted mask. The deeper your wound, the more you suffer from it and the more you have to wear your mask.

We only wear a mask when we want to protect ourselves. For example, if a person feels the injustice shown by him under some circumstances, or judges himself for being unfair, or is afraid that he will be judged for injustice, he puts on a mask rigid, that is, begins to behave like a hard, rigid person.

To better understand how trauma and the corresponding mask are related, I offer you an analogy: internal trauma can be compared to a physical wound that you have long been used to, do not pay attention to it and do not care about it. And in order not to see the wound, you just wrapped it with a bandage. This bandage is the equivalent of a mask. You decided that this would be the best thing, as if you were not injured. And you seriously think that this is the solution to the problem? Of course not. We all know this well, but not ours. ego. It doesn't know. This is his way of fooling us.

Let's go back to the wound on the hand. Let's say that you experience intense pain every time someone touches the bandage. If someone in a fit of love grabs your sore hand, imagine his surprise when you yell: “A-ah-ah! You're hurting me!" Did he want to hurt you? No. And if it hurts every time someone touches your hand, it's because you yourself decided not to deal with the wound. Other people are not to blame for your pain!

It's the same with all your injuries. There are countless cases when we are sure that we have been rejected, abandoned, betrayed, humiliated, treated unfairly. In fact, every time we feel pain, it's just our ego convinces us that someone else should be blamed for this.

It would be nice to find the culprit. Sometimes it seems to us that we ourselves are this guilty person, but in reality this is no more fair than blaming someone else. You know, there are no guilty people in life; there are only those who suffer. Now I already know that the more you blame (on yourself or someone), the more persistently the same experience is repeated. Blaming brings only one result: it makes people unhappy. But if we try to look at the suffering part of a person with sympathy, then situations, events and people will begin to change.

Masks, created for the purpose of self-defense, are manifested in the physique and appearance of a person. I am often asked if it is possible to detect mental trauma in young children. Personally, I watch with great interest my seven grandchildren (at the time of this writing, they are between the ages of seven months and nine years old), and in most of them I already find mental trauma imprinted in their physical appearance. The more clearly visible internal trauma at this age, the more serious it is. On the other hand, in the physique of my two adult children, I notice other injuries - not the ones that I observed in them in childhood and adolescence.

Our body is so conscious that it always finds a way to communicate What we're not okay not settled. In fact, this is our inner GOD uses body for messages.

In the following chapters, you will read about how to recognize your masks and those of other people. In the last chapter, I will discuss new principles of behavior that need to be learned in order to heal long-standing traumas and get rid of suffering. The healing process is accompanied by a natural transformation of the masks covering these injuries.

In addition, one should not particularly trust the words used to denote injuries or masks. A person can be rejected, and suffer from injustice; another was betrayed, but he lives as a rejected one; someone else is abandoned, but feels humiliated, and so on.

When you read the descriptions of all injuries and their inherent symptoms, all this will become clearer to you.

The five characters described in this book may resemble other classifications used in the study of characters. Any research has its own characteristics, and the present work does not aim to refute or replace studies performed in the past. One such study, conducted by psychologist Gerard Heymans about a hundred years ago, is still popular today. In it we find eight characterological types: passionate, choleric, nervous, sentimental, sanguine, phlegmatic, apathetic and amorphous. Word passionate, used by the author to describe the human type, does not exclude the possibility that other types can experience passion in their lives. Every word used to describe a type refers only to a dominant personality trait. So I repeat: do not rely too much on the literal meaning of the words.

It is quite possible that by reading the descriptions of individual injuries, as well as the behavior of the corresponding masks, you will recognize yourself in each of them - the physical body does not deceive. I want to emphasize that it is very important to memorize the description of the physical body well, because the body very accurately reflects what is happening inside the personality. It is much more difficult to know yourself emotionally and mentally. Remember that our ego does not want to discover all our beliefs - because they are its food, it lives by them. In this book, I will no longer dwell on the description of the ego, since enough pages are devoted to it in my books. "LISTEN TO YOUR BODY, your best friend on Earth" And "LISTEN TO YOUR BODY again and again!".

You may feel resistance and a desire to object when you read that persons suffering from a certain trauma are in conflict with one of their parents. Before coming to these conclusions, I tested thousands of people and found that this was the case. I repeat here what I say in every lesson or seminar: more unresolved problems remain with the parent with whom the child or teenager seemed to have more mutual understanding. Well, this is quite normal - it is difficult for a person to believe in his anger at the parent whom he loved more. The first reaction to such a statement is usually denial, followed by anger, and only then is one able to face reality.

This is the beginning of recovery.

You may find it unpleasant to describe the behavior and other characteristics of a person associated with various injuries. As a result, when you recognize one of your injuries, you may begin to deny the description of the corresponding mask that you created for yourself to protect yourself from suffering. This is quite normal, human resistance. Give yourself time. Remember: if you behave as your mask dictates, then you are not yourself. The same applies to everyone around you. Doesn't it make you feel better to think that when someone's behavior displeases you or annoys you, it's a sign that that person put on his mask in an attempt to avoid suffering? Do not forget about this, and you will become more tolerant and it will be easier for you to look at others with love.

Take as an example a teenager who acts like "cool". When you discover that he behaves this way because he is trying to hide his vulnerability and his fear, your attitude towards him changes, you already know that he is not cool or dangerous. You remain calm and even able to see his good qualities, and not just mistakes and rudeness.

It is reassuring to know that even if you were already born with traumas that you have to heal and that are constantly manifested in your reactions to the people and circumstances around you, the masks that you create for self-defense do not remain permanent. By practicing the healing methods suggested in the last chapter, you will see how your masks gradually melt and how your body is transformed as a result.

And yet, more than one year will pass before the results can be ascertained at the level of the physical body: the body always changes more slowly due to the nature of the tangible matter from which it is built. Our finer bodies (emotional and mental) are transformed in a shorter period of time after a certain decision is made - with love - in the depths of our being. For example, it is very easy for us to wish (emotionally) and imagine (mentally) how we travel abroad. The decision to make such a trip can be made in a few minutes. The concretization of this project in the physical world (drawing up a plan, agreeing, raising money, etc.) will require more time.

There is a good way to check your physical changes: take a photo every year. Take close-up pictures of all parts of the body so that details are clearly visible. Yes, some people change faster, some slower, just like some people get ready to travel faster than others. The main thing is not to stop the work of inner transformation, because this is what fills life with happiness.

I recommend that you write down everything you take personally as you read the next five chapters, and then re-read the chapters that give you the most appropriate descriptions of your behavior and, most importantly, your physical appearance.

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Business Book Description:

In this book, Liz BURBO talks about the personal responsibility of each person - responsibility not to someone, but to himself, to his soul, to his own health.

Any mental trauma inflicted on anyone, you will inevitably inflict on yourself. For a long time. So that suffering is passed on from generation to generation; they are not even realized, because they are considered commonplace. From childhood traumas, from habitual sufferings, mass, general sufferings grow, they take the form of social, state, world crises.

The quiet voice of Liz BURBO is heard by many. Her teachings, her books are a huge success. Because they concern everyone personally. Betrayal, injustice, humiliation, the torments of a rejected, abandoned soul - these, as Bourbo shows, are deeply personal traumas; but are they not the basis, if not the essence, of all human suffering?

It turns out that there is no need to complain about someone or something, there is no need to catch and punish the villains, since the inveterate villain - he is a martyr - sits in each of us. Is it possible, and in what way, to free him from both suffering and villainy?

Find the answer in this book and use it!

Copyright holders!

This book is supposedly in the "public domain" status. If you think that this is not the case and the posting of the material violates your or someone else's rights, please let us know.

Once I came across a book by Liz Burbo "5 traumas that prevent you from being yourself." I've heard before that all problems come from childhood, but this book really helped me understand myself. Every person has a trauma due to their parents or other people who raised them. And this trauma leaves a deep imprint on the personality, forcing you to put on a mask and behave in a certain way. What kind of trauma does the writer talk about?

Rejected

This person feels that he does not deserve the right to live. Often this is either an unwanted child, or a baby rejected by a parent of the same sex in infancy. The mask of such a person is "The Fugitive". He wants to disappear in order to take up as little space as possible, which makes him look very exhausted. The fugitive is not confident in himself, avoids crowds and seeks to be alone with himself as soon as possible. Perfectionism is inherent in him - in this way he tries to fulfill himself. The rejected often has skin problems and suffers from vomiting and diarrhea. Often alcohol helps him to forget.

Abandoned

This man was traumatized by a parent of the opposite sex who did not care for his child at all. This is why the abandoned constantly craves for emotion and tries to hook up with someone to fill that lust. His mask is "Dependent". He needs support, praise and recommendations all the time. Often has a thin long torso with underdeveloped muscles. The addict's mood changes every five minutes. He is extremely suspicious, prone to exaggeration. He is terribly afraid of being alone, because then there will be no one to get support from. This person has a childish voice, asks a lot of questions and is terribly worried when he is refused. Often suffers from migraine pains, asthma, myopia and depression.

Humiliated

This child is abused from infancy, mostly between 1 and 3 years of age. The kid, constantly hearing accusations against him from his mother, feels humiliated. His mask is "Masochist". Such a person, as if on purpose, finds problems for himself and suffers, because he believes that he does not deserve better. The masochist often has a corpulent physique. He seeks to help people, solve their problems, give advice. It seems that he does all this out of the kindness of his heart, but in reality he is simply afraid of shame and is ready to do anything, just to finally be praised. This person is offended over trifles, but he usually does not even notice when he hurts someone. The masochist, as a rule, suffers from diseases of the back, respiratory tract and thyroid gland.

Betrayal

Here the culprit is the parent of the opposite sex. A toddler feels betrayed whenever a parent cheats or favors someone else. Mask - "Controlling". Such a person has a strong physique, radiates power and confidence. He wants to be the first in everything, seeks to control everything and everyone. Has high demands, likes when everything is done quickly. Can show aggression if he feels that the situation is getting out of his control. He wants to foresee everything so that he is not betrayed again. He does not listen to advice, he always acts in his own way, however, he requires a clear implementation of his recommendations. These people usually suffer from agoraphobia, diseases of the digestive system, joints.

Injustice

This injury to the baby is inflicted by the parent of the same sex. Mask - "Rigidity". Such a person wants to be fair and perfect, but often it turns out the other way around. His physique has perfect proportions. Rigid is hardworking, but prone to conflict, as he is an ardent fighter for justice. He is very afraid of making a mistake, often refuses life's blessings and pleasures. This struggle brings him constipation, insomnia, vision problems and nervous exhaustion.

In order to heal from these five traumas, you need to realize, accept them, and only then begin to work with them. Don't put all the blame on the parents, because the book says that we already knew in advance what we needed to experience in order to work off our karma, and chose parents who were able to create the appropriate environment. We ourselves are responsible for our lives, and people and situations simply help us to experience certain lessons.

You can read more about this in Liz Burbo's book. I believe that you will definitely be able to heal yourself and improve your life.