Relationship with an ex-boyfriend. How to stop your husband from communicating with your ex once and for all What to say to an ex-girlfriend

"People meet, people fall in love, get married." Unfortunately, the line from the song of the group "Merry Fellows" is not complete: the phrase "people disperse" is missing. Because of this, there are a lot of uncomfortable moments. For example, guys do not know how to communicate with a girl after a breakup, so as not to cause her and themselves heartache. Let's look into this issue.

How to communicate with a girl after breaking up correctly

Have you broken up! It doesn't matter who initiated it, what matters is how to behave properly when meeting. It depends on whether you want to renew the relationship or not.

Be that as it may, there are four patterns of behavior with a girl after breaking up:

Attention: the information below is not a guide to action. Think before you do anything.

Friendship.

"Let's be friends" - these words are just a way to soften the parting. The one who does this is too emotionally dependent on the partner and secretly wants to someday renew the relationship.

We are not saying that friendship between a man and a woman is impossible, but it is practically not real between former partners. Rarely, such relationships can be built if the decision to part was mutual and a lot of time has passed since that moment.

If you think that you can be friends with her after everything that happened between you, then please. However, do you fully understand what friendship with a woman is? You will have to talk about personal problems, listen to laudatory reviews about the new boyfriend, sincerely rejoice at her imminent marriage. So-so perspective.

If you want nothing but friendship, then here are a few rules:

Do not bring up past situations from your relationship in the conversation. Extra memories are useless, regardless of whether they are positive or negative. Emotions will hurt either you or her.
Don't go beyond friendship. No need to fly to her aid at the first call. If this is not a matter of life and death, then give priority to personal interests. Do not give her flowers, even if a spiritual impulse has covered her. They give a bouquet to friends only for an anniversary.
Do not call yourself and do not receive night calls from her, also ignore SMS messages.
Forget petty nicknames. All this is the prerogative of the couple. Agree, calling your best friend "bunny" or "fish" is at least strange. After parting, clearly outline further relationships: what is possible, what is impossible, what kind of pause in communication needs to be done in order to move away from the break. This is important if you really want to remain friends.

Fallback option.

Its essence is that after parting with a girl, keep her next to him as a fallback. Moreover, this can be done even if the initiator of the gap was the former. From a moral point of view, this is not the best option, but, oddly enough, it is used all the time.

So here's what to do:

Recall good memories.

Call the girl an affectionate nickname, start conversations about the past, say with enthusiasm how good it was for you together. All this will put into the girl's head the idea that you were not so bad together.

Let's hope.

During communication, occasionally mention the conditions under which your past relationship would have worked out better. For example: "If I had been more attentive, perhaps we would still be together."

Given your over-attentive behavior, this will give rise to hope for a renewed relationship.

Remind yourself constantly.

Call, write, invite to cafes and cinemas. It is desirable that the location for meetings be significant: a place of acquaintance or a first date. The main thing is not to go too far and not be too intrusive.

Spending time with you supposedly as a friend, the girl will sooner or later think about whether the decision to part was the right one.

Get sentimental.

It's time to mark your common significant dates on the calendar. Everything will fit: the anniversary of the acquaintance, the first kiss, the joint meeting of the New Year. Congratulate the girl even on the day you first held hands. Let this be an opportunity to meet. Sounds silly, but this strategy works.

Don't hide new relationships.

If a new girlfriend has appeared, you should not hide this fact from the former. On the contrary, tell me how wonderful she is. However, do not forget to add that she cannot be compared with the former passion.

Only sex.

If a new relationship is not included in the immediate plans, and regular sex is necessary, there is a way to turn an ex-girlfriend into a lover. However, such relationships, as a rule, do not last long, because at one fine moment the girl will begin to claim something more, even if all the nuances were agreed in advance.

If you notice that the former is hinting at feelings or some kind of obligation, the best way out is to retire as soon as possible.

Implementing this strategy is painfully simple:

Invite an ex to a party. Warm company, wine and a lot of compliments will do their job.
Before “rushing into battle”, in a personal conversation, tell me how wonderful sex was with her, but, alas, this is the only thing that united you. By the reaction, you can understand whether she is ready for such a relationship or not.

Important: if you want sex meetings to continue, you should not talk about the appearance of a new girl in your life. At best, you will lose your mistress, at worst, you will be left alone.

Forever and irrevocably.

Perhaps the most reasonable and pure, from a moral point of view, strategy. If you decide that the relationship with the girl has finally become obsolete, break it off forever. No friendship, no sex, no dating. The task is to disappear irrevocably from her life.

Here's what to do:

Immediately after the breakup, make it clear that you are serious. At the same time, try to gently explain the reason for your decision.
Do not answer phone calls and SMS messages (especially at night).
Refuse to meet without a serious excuse.

To get you back, a girl can use "heavy artillery" - an offer of farewell sex or an invitation to a glass of wine at her place, which, in principle, is the same. No matter how persistent she may be, be adamant and do not succumb to provocations.

How to behave with a girl after a breakup is not worth it

We talked about possible options for how to behave with a girl after breaking up. Now let's discuss what absolutely should not be done so as not to drive yourself into an emotional hole:

Don't look for excuses to meet.

Seeing a loved one who has abandoned you is a lot of stress. Even if the meeting does not result in a scandal, despondency and sadness are provided.

If you need to return some things to the girl, do not do it personally. Ask a friend for a favor or use a courier service. In addition, avoid parties in a common company, do not invite her to a birthday party, do not rush to the rescue with every petty problem.

Don't have the illusion that you are kindred spirits.

After breaking up, you will also understand your ex-girlfriend well, especially if you have met for several years before. This can give rise to the illusion that you are made for each other and there are no alternatives and cannot be.

In addition, a devastating thought appears: what if this was the last love in life? What kind of love can we talk about if the girl chose to leave you?! The answer is obvious, so drop this nonsense.

Believe me, this is self-deception, which will not let you build a new relationship. Don't live in the past. Better think about the future.

Don't chase.

Some guys act weird after a breakup. They need to know where and, most importantly, with whom their ex-girlfriend goes. They pursue her in cafes, cinemas, as if by chance they collide in public places. This obsession haunts people because of the desire for control, which in this case is only an illusion.

This also includes constantly checking the girl's account on social networks. Who she likes, who she subscribes to, who she communicates with - all this suddenly became important, although a month ago it didn’t matter.

Don't hurt yourself and take it easy. You are not on your way.

You don't have to keep reporting all the news.

If you do not want to remain captive to memories and dreams of a wonderful past, do not write a message to the former. No, you can send a text message, but only on business. However, it is not necessary to talk about every change in life.

Usually everything starts with a question about how things are going, then any news is used, starting with a new job and ending with a quarrel with a sales assistant in a store. Sometimes it comes to the point of absurdity: the girl no longer answers, and the guy continues to write.

Don't try to get the girl back.

If she left you, then there is very little chance of becoming a couple again. Therefore, think three times: do you need it? The girl made it clear that she does not need you, did not accept you as a person. In this case, how do you imagine living together with her?

In most cases, phrases like “I can’t live without her” or “Only she needs one” are self-deception that is provoked by emotions. Believe me, this is a waste of time, which you will regret later.

The issues of love and relationships seem difficult, but only if decisions are made based on emotions. If you look at the situation without the so-called rose-colored glasses, then everything becomes clear. Unfortunately, it comes with experience and no one learns from the mistakes of others.

When choosing a strategy for communicating with an ex-girlfriend, be guided by exceptionally good intentions, because, no matter how the past relationship developed, she is not a stranger to you. Good luck and be prudent!

So, you broke up with your ex-girlfriend, now you are faced with the question of how to communicate with her and whether it is worth communicating at all. It all depends on how you broke up, whether you want to continue communicating with your ex-girlfriend. If you left the girl and do not intend to return to her, then there can be no talk of communication. If you part not as enemies and reserve the right to turn to each other in difficult situations, this is the most correct parting option, but communication should be necessary and not be permanent.

The situation may be radically different, you broke up with a girl, and it seems to you that you made a big mistake when you lost her. You want to reconnect and get the girl back. But there is one important rule that you must know and follow. You can return the girl if you do not get in touch with her, she should not have thoughts that you are in dire need of her and cannot imagine your life without her. When guys try to get girls back, they tend to communicate, write and call as often as possible, they believe that a successful result depends on the frequency of communication, but the opposite is true. Do not think that if you constantly flicker in front of a girl and put pressure on her, you will be able to prevent her from meeting and meeting someone else. Stop constantly fantasizing and drawing pictures in your imagination, like she is with another. This is the last thing you need to think about right now.

No matter how badly you parted with a girl, there is always a chance to get her back. You assume that without communication, the girl will forget about you, but your calls, attempts to sort things out, to talk frankly will lead the girl to try to forget you as soon as possible. It is best for you to communicate now with friends and with other girls. Take a time out that will do you good, calm your nerves. Rest, relax and have fun, but relaxing with alcohol is not the best way that can lead to new problems in your life. If you ask an alcoholic and a bum how he got to such a life, then in most cases you will hear from him an unfortunate love story about a woman because of whom he started drinking.

Any girl, after parting, is waiting for you to seek her, to give gifts, to pray for her return. Do not think that the girl needs you at the same time, she only needs to amuse her pride. Even if a girl does not appreciate her ex-boyfriend, does not respect him, she is flattered by his attention and humiliation. It is common for girls to sometimes approach guys whom they once abandoned and who have become regular fans. They do this for several reasons, firstly, this is how they try to annoy the new guy, and secondly, the former can always be a convenient fallback option, but only a temporary option that girls use only until a new candidate appears. Many guys accept the role of a friend when breaking up, but a friend will never become a guy again, this is important to understand. A girl's interest in herself can only be aroused by ignoring. The more you ignore her, the more interest, remove the girl from social networks. She will find loopholes and try to see your news, she will inquire about you from mutual friends. You learned how not to behave, and what to do, the choice is yours, you can become a loser and a weakling, or you can be a worthy and self-respecting guy.

If you are determined to get your girlfriend back, I recommend reading the book by Sergey Sadkovsky and Oleg Ideal on how to get your ex girlfriend back. There are a lot of positive reviews. You can download it from the link below:

Every man had the experience of parting with his beloved, some still regret what happened, some forget and continue their life path further.

And some manage to reconcile and renew the relationship. We are talking about the world.

It is important in such a situation who abandoned whom. If you are, and at the same time with a scandal, betrayal, insult and humiliation, then your task is complicated a thousand times.

But if she, for the simple reason that you spend too much time not with her, or do not want to legitimize the relationship, or for some other reason, then your chances of reconciliation increase significantly.

In order to regain trust and respect (if you “lost” it in her eyes, of course), you need to prove by your actions that you have changed.

For example, stop drinking or smoking, and seriously and forever. Not everyone is capable of this, but if you are sure that you cannot live without an ex-girlfriend, and even without alcohol or cigarettes, then go ahead and as quickly as possible.

If you broke up for the reason that you were afraid of a serious relationship, then take the first step towards creating a family.

If she really loved you, then she will wait for these actions from you, the main thing is not to delay and not let her despair.

A constructive and serious heart-to-heart conversation will help you better understand each other. And restraint and sobriety of the look will make it possible to analyze the situation and draw conclusions.

And if you agree and agree to a truce, then you will have a difficult path to start relations from the beginning.

But do not rush things and impose. Even if your ex-girlfriend isn't sure how she feels, give her time to think.

No need to constantly follow her, control and call on the phone. This will not achieve a positive result, just like an excessive amount of gifts, flowers and compliments.

Give her a little freedom, and then she will come to you.

Don't start an affair right after a breakup, or start dating another girl just to drown out your feelings, or post photos of her naked on social media.

All these actions (especially extreme ones) will not contribute to your reconciliation with your ex-girlfriend. On the contrary, show patience and loyalty to all her whims and requirements.

Even if she decides to return all the gifts to you and take the sweater she gave you, do not resist.

She will get a little excited, calm down and come back to you. So patience and calm are the main components of peace between the "former".

It is advisable to clearly define for yourself in what capacity you want to renew the relationship will communicate - friends or more. However, do not immediately determine the status of your relationship and try to voice it out loud, give her time.

Relations with an ex-girlfriend can be improved - you just have to really want to.

Why does a guy communicate with an ex-girlfriend

In order to start a new relationship, you need to let go of the old ones. But there are guys who don't want to let go of an old relationship. For them, this is normal. But how can a girl understand such a guy’s attitude and how to react? That's what we'll talk about.

If people communicate often, they develop attachment to each other. What to say about such feelings as love. After love, a guy and a girl have a strong attachment.

When there is a break in relations, it is the habit of a loved one that does not allow you to painlessly go through this stage. Such attachment depends on the willpower and the seriousness of the former relationship. Some guys confidently and irrevocably go through such difficulties, while others pull to the last and do not want to end the relationship.

If a guy started a new relationship, but did not let go of the old ones, then this is a gross mistake. He deceives himself and you.

Let's look at the reasons for this guy's behavior:

1. Hope. The guy wants to get back to his ex-girlfriend, but does not know how to do it. Therefore, he maintains communication with her. Well, the last girl may like to spoil your relationship. That's why she's talking to a guy.

2. Strong affection. The guy does not like the ex-girlfriend, but he is very used to her. He is used to communicating with her and it is hard for him to come to terms with the fact that he needs to put an end to the relationship. This behavior is developed in weak guys.

3. Like being jealous. Guys can manipulate too. But the question is in whom does he want to develop a feeling of jealousy? In you or in an ex-girlfriend? Maybe the guy started dating you just to make his past girlfriend jealous. It's mean, of course, but it's possible. Or he likes to be jealous of you.

4. For an open relationship. He considers it normal when his girlfriend communicates with whomever she wants and, accordingly, he too. Therefore, he simply may not understand your indignation. In that case, this is not your type of guy. Because you are unlikely to ever come to terms with it.

5. Naively believes in friendship. Perhaps when the guy and the girl broke off the relationship, they decided to remain friends. This often happens. Do you think it is possible to be friends with the person you used to love (a)? I think no.

Now let's talk about how you can reasonably act in such a situation. First you need to calm down and hang everything. Then, when talking with a guy, bring up this topic. And calmly explain your position to him. Tell him that you are categorically against such communication. And with further such behavior, you will react accordingly. Yes, he is dear to you. But you don't have to lose your head in love. After all, why in the future be deceived or put up with such actions of his all his life. I think it's better to talk and explain to him intelligibly. Well, if you are dear to him, then I think he will refuse to communicate with his ex-girlfriend.

In fact, after a breakup, you need to draw conclusions. Then end the relationship. After all, when you start dating again, it’s not very nice in relation to a new loved one, to maintain an old relationship.

Relationship with an ex-girlfriend

With the exception of a few "lucky ones" who manage to find a girl the first time and fall into the trap of her charm, every man has ladies of the days that have already passed us. And we, of course, are talking about ex-girlfriends with whom the relationship ended due to some serious or trifling problems. And although the relationship with them has already passed, many men still want to mess around a bit and play with their past. And it is not for us to judge such male desires.

In this article, we will look at the issues of relationships with ex-girlfriends, when you just need to defeat the desire to take revenge on this girl, and also consider the situation when you still want to return the relationship with her. Unlike other sources, we will not taboo such topics.

How to forget an ex-girlfriend

Unfortunately or fortunately, but the human memory is arranged in such a way that after a certain period of time we all begin to forget the bad, and only warm and positive memories remain in our memory. Surprisingly, even prisoners from the toughest places end up with only warm nostalgic memories of places not so remote.

Naturally, if people manage to change their attitude towards such horror, then changing their attitude towards an ex-girlfriend will also not be difficult. The question is only two key things: time and replacement.

Time. Any parting of a couple requires a certain time to restore the spiritual and physical strength of each of the participants. As a rule, at first, men feel happier and stronger, but later they are overtaken by experiences, and real depression sets in after about 3-4 weeks. For girls, everything happens the other way around, they can worry a lot for the first 2-3 weeks, and then it becomes easier and freer for them every day.

A man needs about 2-3 months to heal his heart, and warm memories of an ex-girlfriend appear no earlier than six months.

Replacement. Losing a girl is a big hole in any man's heart, and she will whine until the man finds something to fill her with. As a rule, either another girl, or some kind of work or hobby becomes such fillers. And only when this replacement appears in a man, he begins to relate to the loss of an ex-girlfriend more easily and freely.

How to deal with an ex girlfriend

Once all the worries associated with the ex-girlfriend are gone, you again get the opportunity to enjoy every day. And then you can already choose a policy for your ex. There can be many such options, but almost all guys choose one of three:

Ignoring. When one life ends, another begins. And if so, then there is no more room in the heart for the past. So thinks the majority of guys who broke up with a girl for a reason related to some of her shortcomings: treason, alcohol, betrayal, lack of feelings, and so on. Guys just stop noticing this girl, and all communication comes down to the absence of this communication. In the future, there is another girl, and the guy again enjoys his life.

Friendly fleeting communication. This is communication when a guy and a girl sometimes see each other (for example, at work or on the street) and just chat with each other a little on free topics without any aggression. Such behavior is possible several years after the “ignoring”, or when the reasons for the separation were mutual.

The use of a girl. If the breakup was more of a guy’s initiative, or after the breakup, the girl went through a series of unsuccessful relationships, then she may have a desire to somehow restore her connection with you. Therefore, she herself can make contact and bring some kind of romantic base, and a guy can easily get sex from a girl. Moreover, sex does not imply a relationship, it is subsumed under the base of "remembering the past", without any obligation on your part. It's comfortable!

Beware, you are my friend! There is also this behavior with a girl, when a girl sits on top of her ex and squeezes the favor out of him, without any return on her part. All these girls are called friendship, and assignments are called a small request. If you are faced with such a situation, then switch your behavior to ignoring or fleeting communication. You won’t have sex anyway, but you won’t waste your energy on a girl you don’t need.

How to get back in touch with an ex

It should be borne in mind that an ex-girlfriend is a girl who met with you at least six months ago. Those. if you want to get back in touch with a girl who recently broke up with you, our other article will suit you.

Resuming a relationship has a strict procedure to follow:

Solution to the problem. If you broke up with this girl because of some problem, then it would be foolish to try to restore the relationship, leaving this problem in limbo. There is a huge chance that she will again interfere with the two of you. Therefore, we first solve the problem that caused the separation in the past. If the problem is cheating on a girl, then the problem cannot be solved, which means that you do not need to return the relationship!

Resumption of communication. Next, you will need to gradually begin your communication with your ex-girlfriend. Now the easiest way to do this is through social networks, or through small evening walks (trips). At this stage, you are simply interested in her life and find out her fate after breaking up with you. If a girl started her communication with you, then this is already an indicator that everything is not going as smoothly and well as she would like. A happy girl would have sent you a long time ago and that's it.

Gradual advance. At the next stage, you start inviting the girl to more "status" places, such as sushi bars, cafes or bars, where you are interested in her plans and talk about your successes. Those. you gradually introduce into her the idea that you are a successful, stable and strong man.

Intimacy and reconnection. If the girl swallowed your bait, then you yourself will begin to see how an insidious plan will appear in her eyes to drag you into bed and make you hers again. Therefore, you just need to play the role of a restrained gentleman, and then "surrender" into the hands of such an insidious girl.

Renewal of relationship. And at the final stage, you have to prove yourself as a strong man, whose behavior has not changed from such an “unexpected move” on the part of the girl. You should not rush to her and cry for joy that she has returned. You also need to behave steadily, thereby allowing the girl to be weak. Everything is simple!

Should you date your ex girlfriend?

We have indeed seen cases where relationships with ex-girlfriends led to happy families and happy men. Therefore, although these relationships have an extremely low chance of success, you can still try.

People meet, fall in love, but sometimes a romantic relationship between a guy and a girl comes to an end. So they decided that they did not suit each other. You can say a lot of nasty things, but you can disperse amicably. Many guys are wondering: how then to behave with an ex-girlfriend? After a breakup, there are several options for the development of your relationship. This article is for guys, men who don't know how to deal with an ex-girlfriend.

You can be friends with your ex

"Let's be friends!" - you can often hear from the lips of a guy or girl who has come to leave. Your relationship has come to naught, but the former love managed to become a loved one whom you don’t want to lose. She knows you well, and you are used to sharing secrets with her or asking her for advice. Isn't this a relationship of friends? Many people think so. But this is just the most peaceful parting option, usually they are asked to remain friends out of courtesy so as not to offend the other person. It will most likely not be friendship, you will remain ordinary acquaintances. Although even after the most violent parting with screams and quarrels, you will still remain familiar, whatever one may say.

So it's important to understand two things here. First, what is friendship between a man and a woman? Second - what do you need it for? It is worth answering these questions honestly.

Friendship between a man and a woman means that you will continue to share secrets, joys, ask and give advice with each other. It seems to be a good alignment, but only at first glance. Also, if the ex-girlfriend marries, you will have to be happy for her. Are you ready for this? It is worth thinking carefully, weighing all the pros and cons of such a friendship. After all, there are some tricks here.

Why You Shouldn't Stay Friends With Your Ex-Girlfriend

A man and a woman who have been in a relationship should not remain friends, if only because they simply may not succeed. After all, people very rarely disperse without hatred, claims against each other, or without a desire to start their joint romance anew. Probably, someone will want to return the relationship. But is it worth it? Is it true? Probably no. Usually such a desire arises only in the first time after parting. Months, weeks or even a few days will pass, and it will fade away, especially if a replacement for the former appears.

Also, you should not remain friends, because your new half may very much not like the fact that you and your ex-girlfriend are still communicating. If the new crush is jealous, she may think that you are still having an affair. In general, if you still decide to maintain friendship, then it is better to be honest in a new relationship and immediately tell that you communicate well with an old friend. It’s not worth mentioning the details of the relationship, but to say that she already has a new young man will be good. So the new girl will be calm for the safety of your relationship and will not become jealous of the former. Perhaps it won't. But in any case, she would be better off finding out from you than from someone else who just thinks that you are dating two girls at the same time.

What not to do in friendship with an ex-girlfriend?

1. The first main rule - never call your ex-girlfriend a pet name or cute nicknames like "bunny", "pussy", "sunshine" and so on. Your former love will perceive such treatment from you as something more than just friendship. Also, do not write or call her too often, once a week will be enough to maintain friendly relations.

2. The second main rule - never drink with an ex-girlfriend together. Stick to this point at least for the first time, when your feelings have not completely faded away. You know what alcohol does.

3. Don't have goodbye sex with your ex. Before the start of friendship, it will be inappropriate. This means that you are not yet ready to break off relations with this person as a woman, therefore, there can be no question of any friendship.

4. Do not say such expressions: “I don’t deserve you”, “You are good”, “Find yourself another, you will be better with him.” Never say such a thing. But then how to be? With an ex-girlfriend, you need to talk differently. Otherwise, she will just think that you are shifting all the responsibility for ending your relationship on her. And you can't do that with friends.

How to stay friends with an ex-girlfriend?

If the breakup was your initiative, then find out from your current girlfriend (if you, of course, have not yet broken up with her) how she feels about friendship between a man and a woman after breaking up their relationship, in which cases she considers it acceptable. You don't need to ask about it directly. Ask her questions indirectly. What does it mean?

You can find a movie in which the characters broke up, but kept friendly relations. Take, for example, The Big Bang Theory. Watch a movie with a girl, and then casually ask her how she feels about this outcome of events. There is another option. Tell us about your friends (you can talk about fictitious acquaintances), that they broke up some time later, but continue to be friends. Test the waters and you will see how to proceed and how to deal with an ex-girlfriend.

There is another option that both partners want to end the relationship, but they just can’t decide to tell each other about it. This is, of course, the ideal arrangement. With him, the chances are very high that you will remain friends immediately after parting, as soon as you clarify all the nuances. But you still need to be able to feel this moment and tactfully express your feelings.

Ex-girlfriend as an alternate airfield

This option is not suitable for honest men, because you have to deceive your ex-girlfriend. What is the meaning of this strategy, probably no one needs to explain. Relationships are maintained in order not to be lonely, until someone better on the horizon meets the role of a beloved wife. The former woman, as it were, should be on a short leash, even if she already has a new man. Cruel, isn't it? This strategy really works, no special tricks are needed here, everything is extremely simple, although it seems doubtful.

How to keep a girl as a fallback?

For any girl, not only the former, to become a staging post, you need to do everything exactly the opposite with respect to the first strategy. So she will think that you still have any feelings for her.

1. Remind your ex-girlfriend about yourself more often. Not only by calls or messages, but also go somewhere together, for example, to go for a walk or to the cinema. A direct hit will be if you invite her to go to a place that is special to you. For example, it could be the nightclub where you first met. At the same time, do not forget to call the girl affectionate nicknames. Even if she was the initiator of the break in relations, she will still think about the correctness of her decision. Especially if you dedicate poems to an ex-girlfriend. It doesn't matter if you write them yourself or copy them from the Internet, she will appreciate it.

2. From time to time meet with an ex-girlfriend on your territory. You can invite her to your house to watch a movie alone or to a party with friends and drinks. We all know what alcohol leads to - to sex. And that's what it takes to maintain a relationship. Intimate connection does not allow women to forget the time when you were together. After several such meetings, the time will come when the ex-girlfriend will be the first to remind you of herself. If an ex-girlfriend suddenly calls you, do not hesitate to pick up the phone, maybe she has an interesting offer for you, you no longer need to fill your price here.

3. Congratulate your ex-girlfriend on your memorable dates. Of course, you may not remember them, but in a conversation you can get any information. As if casually nostalgic: “Do you remember, once we were with you ...”, and she will most likely say exactly when it was. Usually girls remember dates. Then you can save a reminder of this wonderful event to your phone, and then offer to mark it somewhere. The result will be, as they say, obvious.

4. Say that you could make a great couple. Remember your disagreements, because of what you quarreled. On occasion, tell your ex-girlfriend that if it were not for them, you would be fine. This technique with the “would” particle gives hope that it is still possible to correct the mistakes of the past and start the relationship anew.

What not to do if the ex-girlfriend is an alternate airfield?

1. Don't lie about not having someone if you're already dating a new woman. Otherwise, it will backfire on you. For example, you are walking with your new lover, and suddenly you met an ex-girlfriend. Awkward situation, right? At best, you will only lose your ex-girlfriend. At worst, you will not have a relationship with any of them if the ex-girlfriend tells your new one about your adventures. And some girls are like that, yes.

On the contrary, if you are honest and do not hide the appearance of a new girlfriend, you will only benefit from it. First, the ex-girlfriend will be jealous. Especially if you tell me what a good new lover you have. Secondly, you can hint to your ex-girlfriend that your relationship was great. Let the ex be aware of your new relationship, tell how you two spend time, but say that everything was wrong with you and you miss the times when you were together.

2. Never introduce an ex to a new girlfriend. The consequences can be very different. Your ex-girlfriend might think you're just friends since you introduce her to her. Sometimes there are comic situations. The girls will talk and unite against you, and you will be left with nothing.

Only intimate relationship with an ex-girlfriend

“Why not offer to meet for sex?” - you think. This option has the right to life, unless, of course, the ex-girlfriend needs nothing more from you. Many men dream of such a relationship. But they won't last very long.

Only sex with an ex-girlfriend: why not an option?

No matter what the girl says, but sooner or later she will not have enough sex with you, she will begin to claim the role of your girlfriend or even wife. And it doesn’t matter here whether you discussed this moment with her or not. Such relationships will eventually end, it's just a matter of time. It may be a few weeks, or it may be a few years. Nobody will give any guarantees.

How to achieve only sex with an ex-girlfriend?

You can directly offer one sex, but there is little chance that the ex-girlfriend will give a positive answer. How to be? Be smart with your ex. Invite her to parties from time to time, the alcohol will do the trick and you will most likely end up in the same bed. After that, tell her that you had great sex, but otherwise you are not suitable for each other. Her reaction will tell you how to proceed.

What not to do if only sex with an ex-girlfriend?

Do not talk about your new passion, even if the ex-girlfriend is aware that you are dating someone. The ex-girlfriend, most likely, already doubts about your relationship, and you will only increase her hesitation about this in this way, and she will decide to end this relationship. Or she may become very jealous and will do everything to eliminate her rival. And she will certainly find words for your new woman, how and what to write. The ex-girlfriend will be offended that she is not suitable for the role of your life partner.

It is up to you to decide how to deal with an ex-girlfriend: be friends with her, have only sex or not communicate at all.

As a rule, many people have a bad relationship experience behind them, which seriously affects their self-esteem. Many lack the patience and mental strength to start over and start a new relationship after breaking up. What can we say about those who have experienced two or three breakups and finally lost confidence in themselves?

How to start a new relationship

Learn to trust your loved one, no matter how difficult it is for you now. Believe him just once, and the stone will fall from your soul. The first step is always the hardest. Find the strength in yourself and do it. Only your inner faith in him and in yourself will help restore old or build new relationships.

We need to communicate more with each other. Strong alliances are built on frank communication between partners. Your kindness, honesty, decency and courage will surely be rewarded. The partner will appreciate these advantages and respond in kind. Only in a frank conversation can a solution to previously insurmountable problems be found.

Words without actions are useless. Remember this proven truth. If you say that you love, then be able to prove your feelings with deeds. Caring for your chosen one, devotion and sincerity in relationships. If necessary, be ready to stand up for your love, because you got it so hard.

Don't hesitate to defend your opinion. It is a rare art, but it must be learned. It is important for each person to say “no” to the partner in time, but at the same time to make concessions in time. If you, in gratitude for the fact that your beloved chose you, will dutifully agree with him in everything, then you will quickly get bored with him. Many people tend to quickly lose interest in the positions they have won and the frontiers they have taken.

Don't blame him for something he didn't do. Suspicion and distrust can alienate even the most sincere and devoted person who did not even think about treason. Be patient and, if there is no good reason, take his word for it. Be tolerant, and try to show jealousy in a playful way.

Don't pretend and don't cheat. Be yourself - this is the most reliable way for those who do not yet know exactly how to build a new relationship. Omissions and petty lies will snowball and eventually destroy the relationship you fought so hard for.

How to start a new relationship after a breakup

All of us have lost loved ones at some point. We left, and they left us. The hardest thing is when the breakup comes from only one person and the second is left with feelings of resentment, misunderstanding and loses trust.

But do not despair and put an end to subsequent relationships. I like the expression that says, "Perhaps God wants us to meet the wrong people before we meet the only person so that when that happens we'll be grateful."

The expression of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, like nothing else, says that you need to start a new relationship and not worry about past failures, and what does not kill us makes us stronger.

But how to build a new relationship after a breakup so as not to repeat the mistakes of the past?

I would like to share certain rules:

In no case should you immediately start a new relationship after a breakup. Give it time for everything to calm down in your soul. Think about the mistakes you made in past relationships. Write down these mistakes on a piece of paper, and write down what was the right thing to do in that situation;

Try to understand and forgive your ex. Only after asking you will be able to start a new normal relationship;

Think about who you were and who you want to be now. Take more time for yourself and allow yourself to do what you could not do in past relationships. Visit spa treatments or massages where you can relax both mentally and physically;

If you understand that you cannot forgive a person, and you feel that you are too depressed, contact a psychologist or a person who could help you understand the situation and let it go;

When you decide to start a new relationship, think in advance what you expect from a new relationship. Perhaps you do not need anything serious at the moment, and you would just like to have a good time with someone;

If you've started a new relationship, don't let the fears of the past ruin your new life. Do not compare your new partner with the past, let your life be a blank slate on which you write a new love story;

You don't have to go into all the details of your new partner's past breakup. He is not your girlfriend for you to discuss such things. And basically the person with whom you are building a new relationship, such information can be quite unpleasant.

What can get in the way of a new relationship?

More often than not, new relationships fail when people can't stop thinking, and worse, talking about their former partners. They seem to carry the load of the old into the new relationship, so that in the relationship there are not two, but three - four.

Stop "grinding" the affairs of the past days and the "terrible" character traits of the former. Those relationships are no longer there, what's the point of talking about it?

Having experienced a breakup, a person may be overcome by a desire to drop everything and go somewhere where you can start all over again. Are you tired and need a break? Go, but do not drag a load of old problems to a new place with new acquaintances - just do not tell any details about them, that's all.

At the same time, more trust should be shown in new relationships, this brings them closer. You can have small secrets, but never cheat on the big one. If trust is lost, it is almost impossible to restore it.

Be patient with his shortcomings. You are also imperfect. Always speak calmly, even if the conversation is uncomfortable for you. For a person who wants to maintain a relationship for a long time, it will not be difficult to do this.

Ex-girlfriend - how to communicate with her.

As real friends, we will not climb into your soul and find out which of you really abandoned whom. It is not important. The important thing is that you are finally breaking up, which means that these tips will come in handy.

The most common, and therefore the main model of relationships. Not everyone succeeds in becoming friends, but many try. The reasons for these efforts are clear. On the one hand, waking up every morning in the same bed is already unbearable, on the other hand, no one but her knows you so well, which means that only with her can you share small but important joys and only ask her for advice on any topic. whether it's work or a relationship with a new girlfriend. In a word, you have already come to terms that this is not your woman, but you don’t want to lose her as a person in any way. Not only that, you suddenly began to believe in inter-gender friendship. It is friendship - without options after some time to try everything again. And even without drunken sex. And not only drunk - no sex with this woman at all. After all, you are friends!

The expert dubbed this model the most honest (although in fact it is not - if a man who broke up with a woman, especially if she left him, believes that there is now friendship between them - he is deceiving himself), because the calculation of friendship implies, perhaps, the most civilized separation as possible. “However, I am wary of the very wording “let's part as friends”, because in many cases it only means that the partners have no complaints against each other, the expert says. But this is not friendship, but something like "let's get to know each other." And after parting, you are a priori acquaintances, even if during the last quarrel you pull out each other's hair. So, before you take any action, honestly answer yourself two questions.

First: do you understand what friendship is with a woman, not necessarily with an ex?

Second: why do you need this friendship? The answer to the first question is partially disclosed above: you, almost like before, share secrets and secrets, ask each other for advice or borrow money. By the way, you will also have to rejoice that she is happy with a new boyfriend much more than in your best time. Consider the second question without our prompting. Weigh all the pros and cons and decide if you really need it. Maybe it's better to be just acquaintances?

Why is the model friends dangerous?

“The main danger is that you will never succeed in being friends in the full sense of the word: it is extremely rare for people to part without a shadow of hatred, desires to restore relations and claims to each other,” says Yana Laputina. However, this danger is terrible not by the presence of mutual claims, but by the fact that you can’t do anything about it, with this danger: you need to take it for granted and just take a chance.

This period needs to be experienced, and the simple joys of life will help you with this. For example, find a new girlfriend. If you are not yet familiar with the beliefs of pick-up artists and think that sleeping with a new girl you know, just to survive a breakup, is too mean even for you, rent women for money.

“Be honest. Say that you want to leave, and try to put into words how you feel: "I'm tired", "I don't even miss you anymore, and it's not your fault" and so on. If a worthy person is next to you, he will appreciate your directness. If the person turned out to be inadequate, it remains only to sympathize that you spent part of your life with him. Cut to the quick and better forget about the idea of being friends," the expert admonishes.

“If your goal is to transfer relations into friendships, and as soon as possible, the ideal scenario for parting is when both partners are ready for this,” says Yana Laputina. By and large, you both feel that your union does not have long left and the only question is who will be the first to dare to talk about it. In this situation, there is even a chance that you will become friends as soon as you finally sort things out. “It remains to wait for the moment when the girl is ready for this kind of separation. It is artificially impossible to push a woman to such readiness.”

“Take a time out and keep your communication to a minimum,” admonishes the expert. Remind yourself only once or twice a week, and in a purely friendly way. In a friendly way, it's "Hi! How are you?” rather than “Hi, bunny! How are you?". "How many friends do you call bunnies?" Yana Laputina asks reasonably. End the habit of calling this girl diminutively - caressing words, even if this is not a kind of animal, but her name. “Such little things will constantly hint that, in addition to friendly feelings, you still have something more for each other,” the expert comments.

“Of course, this is a personal matter, but I would not advise having farewell sex,” says Yana Laputina. It will mean that you are not yet ready to part with this person exactly as a woman, which means that there can be no talk of a full-fledged friendship.

Never say phrases like “You are very good, but. ”, “I don’t deserve you”, “With another you will be truly happy”, etc. “Any attempts to provoke a partner to leave you decided he is a desire to shift responsibility for his decision to another, and friends don't do that. You must be responsible for your own decisions, especially if these decisions concern, if so far only potential, but still friends, our consultant advises.

“If you don’t just decide to leave, but go to another, with whom you met long before breaking up with your previous girlfriend, think carefully before talking about it,” the expert advises. Confession, even if you're honest, will make you look like a scoundrel. “And meanness and friendship are incompatible,” says Yana Laputina.

“The first time do not drink together. This is an axiom,” says the expert.

Vika is not the worst thing that happened to you in this life. What is there! At some point, you even loved her and were almost ready to spend the rest of your life with her, until you figured that there was still quite a lot left. Perhaps you will really marry her if you don’t find someone better in the next five years. “Your task is to keep a woman on a short leash, not to let her completely leave you,” the expert sums up the essence of the model. For everyone who decided to leave the girl in reserve, we have great news: despite prejudice, no tricks on your part are needed. Everything is extremely simple!

“This is the most deceitful behavior,” says Yana Laputina. Therefore, we warn you: if you are one of those men who are used to behaving honestly with women, it’s better not to look at this paragraph, but instead re-read about friendship. If you have a lot of nerves, and you choose this model as your strategy for the coming months, here's a bonus for you: the advice works, even if the girl has another man during this time and they will be fine together.

Nothing. No wonder she is the smartest.

“By and large, you need to do what the first behavior forbids. Call your ex by an affectionate nickname she likes, and start and maintain conversations about fond memories from your shared past. Remind yourself more often, and not only by calls and SMS: from time to time go to the cinema together and to a cafe that is significant for you - for example, to the one where you met. Such outings will constantly remind a woman of the time when you were together. And even if she was the initiator of your breakup, after several such gatherings, she will begin to be overcome by doubt: was this step really the right one? After all, apart from your dish-breaking brawls and weekly parties with friends, whiskey and poker, you were a good couple.

Finally, set reminders of your memorable dates on your phone. As before, congratulate on “this wonderful event” and offer to celebrate it somewhere.

There is no need to hide the appearance of a new girl. It is enough to tell your ex more often about how you spend your time and, again putting pressure on sentimentality, say that everything was different for you and you miss that time. Do not forget to mention the virtues of a new girlfriend - the trick will make the former jealous.

Don't introduce her to a new girl. At first glance, acquaintance will help increase the feeling of jealousy. However, this move is more likely to make the former clearly understand that she has been transferred to the rank of your girlfriends or even acquaintances.

A girl who doesn't mind having someone else and only demands sex is no less of a fetish than a stripper personal secretary or a '67 Chevrolet Impala. And the main charm of this fetish is that it is an order of magnitude more real than the other two! The model is similar to a fairy tale about Cinderella, especially if you watched its dirty version: although the idea can be realized, it can only continue with a single woman for a strictly limited time - details below.

“If you don’t stop in time, sooner or later the girl will begin to claim the status of more than just a lover. Even if you agreed in advance that there can be nothing between you but sex, the expert assures. On the contrary, the mention of this agreement will lead to an even greater conflict. The only way to avoid scandals from the “leave her, marry me” series is to feel in time that a woman is no longer interested in sex alone, and immediately retire. Sorry, but we won’t be able to give the go-ahead that the limit on sex without obligations has been exhausted: such relationships can last from a week to several years, so you will need your own observation to make a timely maneuver.

Periodically invite her to parties: it is easier to become a lover and mistress if you have sex drunk for the first time. And if a woman was not at all initially ready for such a relationship, she will certainly find an excuse in alcohol.

“Here, almost everything is the same as during the first dates. A woman loves with her ears, and therefore it is worth telling her beautifully how wonderful sex you had. At the same time, do not forget to mention that in everything else you, as it turned out, are completely incompatible. By seeing the woman's reaction, you can determine how determined she is to play by the rules of model 3.

Even if your ex knows you have a girlfriend, don't get carried away talking about her. This is dangerous for several reasons. For example, an ex-passion already doubts whether she needs your new relationship, and talking about your new hobby will only increase these doubts. Exodus: you will have only one girl left. Another option: jealousy will wake up in an old friend and she will try her best to return you. But the worst thing will happen if the mistress comes to the conclusion that you have decided to get unacceptably well, and wants to leave you with your nose. In other words, the ex will do everything to make the new woman find out that you have someone else, make a scandal and leave.

You have decided that it is better for you not to see each other again, and you are ready to take all measures for this. However, what is there to hide, with this woman you spent, if not the best time in your life, then certainly not the most uninteresting for sure. And therefore, she did not deserve any scandals, or the role of a fallback, or a place for sex - a doll. In a word, despite the fact that you are breaking up, you want to remain a great guy for her, with whom, for some reason, it simply did not work out.

Even if you go to the other side of the world, the plan to never see this girl again can fail. Especially if you haven't changed your mind about being a gentleman. “Anyway, you will never be strangers, and therefore, when dispersing, you should always leave each other the opportunity to ask for help,” says Yana Laputina. You should no longer help with repairs, but if a very difficult situation on the verge of life and death happens in this person’s life, then he should know that he can rely on you. “You may want to return, says our consultant. As a rule, men break down from insistent nightly SMS or offers to have sex for the last time, come to her place in the middle of the night, have a drink together, and so on. To stay with your decision, you need to be well done and hold on to the last. Do not respond to such messages and calls, no matter what it costs you.

“Your intentions about further relationships need to be identified already at parting,” says Yana. To make it clear that you are serious, try to explain the reason for your decision.

Try to avoid goodbye sex. It is highly likely that it will be the beginning of the collapse of your plan, and the girl will decide what will happen between you next.

A more realistic variation of the previous model. “Do not be afraid of scandals, there is nothing wrong with them. They will help blow off steam and relieve tension for both of you,” says the expert. We think you know how to run into a scandal: just talk about your claims against a woman or remember the moments when you lied to her. By the way, no quarrel cancels the unspoken right of a woman to count on you in case of serious problems.

How to start a new relationship with an ex-girlfriend

How to start dating a girl- this is not so much a matter of tactics as your understanding of the girl herself, her personality and desires, the development of your charisma and ability to arouse sympathy. Of course, you will have to stock up on confidence and courage to make a move towards your dream, waiting is the path to loneliness. If you showed resourcefulness, took the risk of getting to know each other, and got your coveted nickname or numbers - throw out the uncertain nonsense of doubts from your head, and call (preferably every other day) to discuss your next meeting.

How a guy and a girl begin to meet can look different, you should not limit yourself to the examples of acquaintances in creating your own story. Yes, you need to get acquainted, yes you need to meet, but the further course of events and the details of the meetings should be updated in your imagination, taking into account the initial level of interaction and the temperament of the participants in the future novel. If a guy has known a girl for a long time, how to start dating? It's a matter of time spent, and the ability to get out of the old socio-role, while for others, the ability to make an inspiring first impression will be paramount in order to speed up the subsequent acquaintance.

How to start dating a girl?

Before asking a girl out on a date, find out more about her. You can evaluate her profile on social networks, which will give you a significant amount of information about preferences, both in terms of music, hobbies, and her position in life (carefully read her comments in discussions, look at which groups she subscribes to, what she posts on the wall). Ask mutual friends to tell about her, try to unobtrusively find out what she likes in people and whether she is free at the moment.

Having received awareness of her preferences, do not delay and invite her on a date. You should not set yourself the goal of starting a relationship after the first meeting, because the purpose of this date is to get to know each other better. But you should not be limited only to dates, it is better to become a part of the usual and daily life of a girl. Start visiting the same places as she, sign up for the same sections, and you will have many moments for organic and casual contact. And it's always less stressful and more relaxed than a formal date. Let your communication be filled with flirting, play with your eyes, hold it on her, you can casually touch the chosen girl.

Establish contacts with her in various ways - exchange phone numbers, make friends on social networks, give each other your home and email addresses - the more ways you have to communicate, the easier it is to make new contacts. After all, how do a guy start dating a girl? They begin to communicate more, they have joint activities, interests and desire to spend more time together.

You should not count on the beginning of a relationship if, after a date, the girl does not respond to you with sympathy and refuses the second one (she can take care of your self-esteem and motivate the refusal with sudden employment or weakness that does not go away). And if you see that from time to time she supports your proposals for a meeting, she begins to take the initiative herself, and friends are whispering behind your backs, then you have already made a couple. Many consider the first kiss to be the first kiss. This is a very exciting moment, but it may turn out that, according to all other signs, the guy started dating the girl, what should he do then? Kiss yourself, the first, because despite the modernity of society and the increasing percentage of ladies who take the initiative, the majority prefer to remain modest and not betray their interest in any way.

How to start dating a girl if you are friends?

It happens that you have been friends with a girl for many years, and then suddenly you catch yourself with an amazing feeling of falling in love with her, and you want to develop relationships in a male-female context, while not losing her as a friend in case of failure. Or if not a friend, but just familiar with a girl for a long time, how to start dating?

This situation has certain advantages, but also disadvantages for you, as a participant. Your strengths are that you know her well enough, her character, habits and aspirations. The most severe minus is that a girl may not perceive you as a man. And to take only the place of a friend, so any hints will be considered as a manifestation of friendly attention, while the same actions from a gentleman who has just appeared in her life can lead to the birth of a novel.

So the first thing to do is stop thinking and start acting. It is necessary to shake out the habitual perception of your person from its information system. For this, all means are good - a change in image, disappearance for a while, a change in behavior, hobbies, daily routine. The more you intrigue the girl at this stage, the better, but do not do anything outrageous so as not to alienate her completely.

Then when you resume communication with her in a new way, you can invite her somewhere. Do it casually, in passing - you are friends, but let the pastime itself be romantic. As you gradually approach her in terms of spending time together, remember that the main difference between friendship and intimate relationships is touch, so gradually reduce the physical distance between you (guide her by the waist as you make your way to your seats in the cinema, put a hand on your shoulder if you are sitting nearby - a lot of innocent gestures will help you get closer).

Do not forget to tell the girl about your feelings, believe me, she can be very confused by your new behavior, thinking that you are still friends. Just like when you decide to become a couple, behave accordingly, get rid of all friendship habits.

If you started dating a girl, what to do in the first place is not clear if there are serious friendships between you, including nightly gatherings, wiping snot after unsuccessful romances and tough humorous jokes. It's silly when you start dating to talk about your favorite music or hobbies, but you can be interested in more intimate things, like your favorite perfume smell or your breakfast preferences. If earlier you raced up a rock on a hike, now take care of your companion by putting weights in your backpack, lending a hand, and not rushing forward, taking advantage of the moment, or maybe succumb in competitions. You will have to remove the discussion of the former from conversations, so if a friend can support you, then becoming your girlfriend, you risk getting a scandal instead of support.

How to start dating a girl if she doesn't love you? Starting a relationship from the position of a friend will be longer and harder than from any other position, so be patient and persistent, because it is friendship, and not love at first sneeze, that is the key to a strong and good relationship. Or it may turn out that nothing will come of your venture. You can understand this at a certain stage yourself or hear from a girl in a frank conversation. Do not be upset, because an attempt is better than the torment of uncertainty. You can take a break in communication if the rejection has severely traumatized you, but perhaps you should not renounce forever a long-term friendship. Perhaps, in a couple of decades, you will remember this story together with laughter, being happy each with your family.

How to start dating an ex-girlfriend?

Before rebuilding a broken relationship, it's a good idea to take a look at the mental mechanisms of parting. A person's memory, under the influence of the protective mechanisms of the psyche, over time displaces most of the negative experiences, while leaving good ones (remember your grandmothers in the story about the "heavenly childhood", in which there was war and famine). The time when parting during the first months does not work for you, and the relief that arose in the first weeks is replaced by melancholy and depression, when a feeling of emptiness and loneliness comes. The stronger the passions were at parting, the greater the likelihood of a warm feeling over time, when the emotions subside. We add to this the memory that has already corrected the true picture of the past and we get that your ex was an angel, life without which is now unthinkable.

First, try to fill the void in your soul and time that formed after the breakup, and you will notice how the desire to start dating the same girl will decrease. Well, if you have analyzed everything, remember the shortcomings, and the longing for the girl does not go away, no matter how much you work, with whom you do not communicate, then you can gently try to start dating again.

Prepare the ground by remembering the reason for your breakup and removing it. Returning to the same person, the likelihood of repeating the same events is excessively high, if you do not look closely towards past mistakes. Resume communication in small doses, to help this, social networks are at your disposal, where you can unobtrusively take an interest in her life, perhaps invite you to meet. If a girl answers you, then this is a very good sign - it means that she is still interested in you, and in her personal life, not everything is as she would like. Those who are happy do not communicate with the former, unless this is an insidious plan of revenge on you for spoiled liters of blood.

Gradually making your communication habitual, invite her not just for walks, but to places that would play into your hands (an expensive restaurant will show your wealth, a visit to a unique exhibition - your horizons, a VIP invitation - your authority and connections). You must present yourself to your ex not only in a good way, but to show that during your breakup you did not slip into alcoholics, but, on the contrary, succeeded as a promising young man.

By making the girl as interested as possible, you will achieve interest and, most likely, she will try to take the initiative herself. Be vigilant and do not run towards, joyfully flapping your ears, show restraint, but rather pretend that you are just maintaining friendly communication. Then, increasing her pressure, the lady will clearly demonstrate her attitude to you. And you can turn the situation around as if it was you who changed your plans to please her feelings.

When this whole adventure is successful, continue to avoid sharp corners and carefully follow the moments that gave rise to the breakup. If you just get your ex and former relationship back, then you will have the same outcome as before. Strive to start things differently, but with the same person.

Love relationships, as you know, sometimes collapse, and therefore we have compiled instructions on the psychology of relationships: how to deal with a girl after you break up. Choose one of the desired options and proceed according to the described scheme.
As real friends, we will not climb into your soul and find out which of you really abandoned whom. It is not important. The important thing is that you are finally breaking up, which means that these tips will come in handy.

First, get sober and decide what you would like from this woman now. Having discarded the criminally punishable options, we have identified the four most common models for the further development of your relationship. You know that you will either become friends, or you will meet for sex, or after some time you will try to start over, or you will part forever. From now on, you don’t have to guess what will happen next: you can choose any of the models for the development of relationships yourself. Recommendations for communicating with an ex-girlfriend, which we compiled with the help of a psychologist, a specialist in interpersonal relations and TV presenter Yana Laputina, will help you!

Model One - Friends
The most common, and therefore the main model of relationships. Not everyone succeeds in becoming friends, but many try. The reasons for these efforts are clear. On the one hand, waking up every morning in the same bed is already unbearable, on the other hand, no one but her knows you so well, which means that only with her can you share small but important joys and only ask her for advice on any topic. whether it's work or a relationship with a new girlfriend. In a word, you have already come to terms that this is not your woman, but you don’t want to lose her as a person in any way. Not only that, you suddenly began to believe in inter-gender friendship. It is friendship - without options after a while to try everything again. And even without drunken sex. And not only drunk - no sex with this woman at all. After all, you are friends!

Model Features
The expert dubbed this model the most honest (although in fact it is not - if a man who broke up with a woman, especially if she left him, believes that there is now friendship between them - he is deceiving himself), because the calculation of friendship implies, perhaps, the most civilized separation as possible. “However, I am wary of the very wording “let's part as friends”, because in many cases it only means that the partners have no complaints against each other, the expert says. But this is not friendship, but something like "let's get to know each other." And after parting, you are a priori acquaintances, even if during the last quarrel you pull out each other's hair. So, before you take any action, honestly answer yourself two questions.
First: do you understand what friendship is with a woman, not necessarily with an ex?
Second: why do you need this friendship? The answer to the first question is partially disclosed above: you, almost like before, share secrets and secrets, ask each other for advice or borrow money. By the way, you will also have to rejoice that she is happy with a new boyfriend much more than in your best time. Consider the second question without our prompting. Weigh all the pros and cons and decide if you really need it. Maybe it's better to be just acquaintances?

Why is the model friends dangerous?
“The main danger is that you will never succeed in being friends in the full sense of the word: it is extremely rare for people to part without a shadow of hatred, desires to restore relations and claims to each other,” says Yana Laputina. However, this danger is terrible not by the presence of mutual claims, but by the fact that you can’t do anything about it, with this danger: you need to take it for granted and just take a chance.

It is possible that one of you will want to return the relationship. If you become that someone, think carefully and, if you really need it, go to option B, that is, to model 2, and act on a new strategy. Since your emotional stability is now lame, we consider it our duty to remind you that a passionate desire to return everything usually arises in the first months after a breakup, which is absolutely natural if there is no replacement for an ex-girlfriend.
This period needs to be experienced, and the simple joys of life will help you with this. For example, find a new girlfriend. If you are not yet familiar with the beliefs of pick-up artists and think that sleeping with a new girl you know, just to survive a breakup, is too mean even for you, rent women for money.

Other options for distraction: throw yourself into a new project at work, go on vacation, find a new hobby, sign up for a foreign language course. “If your ex wants to try everything first, but you don’t, then it’s better to just talk to her and explain that you are not ready for a repeat. At the same time, make an appointment in a completely new place for both of you and stop any attempts by the girl to start a conversation about the time when you were together, our consultant advises. With the help of nostalgia, a woman is trying to check if you are ready to try again. The support of such memories on your part is something like the answer "rather located than not." Your new girlfriend may not understand your friendship and may even think that you are still, sorry, in love with each other. To prevent suspicions, resentment and scandals, from the very first days of your acquaintance, do not hide from your new girlfriend that you communicate well with the old one. At the same time, do not remember how you were together. Also, mention that she has a new boyfriend, even if he doesn't really exist.

What to do next
“Be honest. Say that you want to leave, and try to put into words how you feel: "I'm tired", "I don't even miss you anymore, and it's not your fault" and so on. If a worthy person is next to you, he will appreciate your directness. If the person turned out to be inadequate, it remains only to sympathize that you spent part of your life with him. Cut to the quick and better forget about the idea of being friends," the expert admonishes.
“If your goal is to transfer relations into friendships, and as soon as possible, the ideal scenario for parting is when both partners are ready for this,” says Yana Laputina. By and large, you both feel that your union does not have long left and the only question is who will be the first to dare to talk about it. In this situation, there is even a chance that you will become friends as soon as you finally sort things out. “It remains to wait for the moment when the girl is ready for this kind of separation. It is artificially impossible to push a woman to such readiness.”

Let's say the idea to break up is yours. Moreover, you are such a pragmatic initiator that you began to think about your initiative in advance. Having guessed the case, find out how the girl relates to friendship after parting and under what circumstances she considers it possible or impossible. “Since finding out such things directly is an inevitable path to unnecessary questions, probe her position through abstract things. For example, through a discussion of parting partners in the cinema or a conversation about your mutual friends Pasha and Masha, who broke up two years ago, but despite this, they are inseparable friends,” our consultant recommends.
“Take a time out and keep your communication to a minimum,” admonishes the expert. Remind yourself only once or twice a week, and in a purely friendly way. In a friendly way, it's "Hello! How are you?” rather than “Hi, bunny! How are you?". "How many friends do you call bunnies?" Yana Laputina asks reasonably. Put an end to the habit of calling this girl diminutive - affectionate words, even if this is not a kind of animal, but her name. “Such little things will constantly hint that, in addition to friendly feelings, you still have something more for each other,” the expert comments.

What not to do
“Of course, this is a personal matter, but I would not advise having farewell sex,” says Yana Laputina. It will mean that you are not yet ready to part with this person exactly as a woman, which means that there can be no talk of a full-fledged friendship.
Never say phrases like “You are very good, but ...”, “I don’t deserve you”, “You will be truly happy with another”, etc. “Any attempts to provoke a partner to leave you decided he, this desire to shift responsibility for his decision to another, and this is not done with friends. You must be responsible for your own decisions, especially if these decisions concern, if so far only potential, but still friends, our consultant advises.

During the showdown, do not try to negotiate friendship with her. “It's like asking a woman during childbirth about whether you will have another child,” draws an analogy Yana Laputina. She may be ready for friendship, but in order to find out, you chose the most unfortunate moment of all possible.
“If you don’t just decide to leave, but go to another, with whom you met long before breaking up with your previous girlfriend, think carefully before talking about it,” the expert advises. Confession, even if you're honest, will make you look like a scoundrel. “And meanness and friendship are incompatible,” says Yana Laputina.
“The first time do not drink together. This is an axiom,” says the expert.

Model two - fallback
Vika is not the worst thing that happened to you in this life. What is there! At some point, you even loved her and were almost ready to spend the rest of your life with her, until you figured that there was still quite a lot left. Perhaps you will really marry her if you don’t find someone better in the next five years. “Your task is to keep a woman on a short leash, not to let her completely leave you,” the expert sums up the essence of the model. For everyone who decided to leave the girl in reserve, we have great news: despite prejudice, no tricks on your part are needed. Everything is extremely simple!

Model Features
“This is the most deceitful behavior,” says Yana Laputina. Therefore, we warn you: if you are one of those men who are used to behaving honestly with women, it’s better not to look at this paragraph, but instead re-read about friendship. If you have a lot of nerves, and you choose this model as your strategy for the coming months, here's a bonus for you: the advice works, even if the girl has another man during this time and they will be fine together.

Why is the model dangerous?
Nothing. No wonder she is the smartest.

What to do
“By and large, you need to do what the first behavior forbids. Call your ex by an affectionate nickname she likes, and start and maintain conversations about fond memories from your shared past. Remind yourself more often, and not only by calls and SMS: from time to time go to the cinema together and to a cafe that is significant for you - for example, to the one where you met. Such outings will constantly remind a woman of the time when you were together. And even if she was the initiator of your breakup, after several such gatherings, she will begin to be overcome by doubt: was this step really the right one? After all, apart from your dish-breaking brawls and weekly parties with friends, whiskey and poker, you were a good couple.

Do not miss the opportunity to invite her to your place. For example, to those same parties with whiskey and poker. Drunk sex is what you need to fully prevent a woman from forgetting the time when you were together. And “don't let a woman forget your wonderful past” is the main thesis of the whole strategy! Thank the girls for their phenomenal sentimentality.
Finally, set reminders of your memorable dates on your phone. As before, congratulate on “this wonderful event” and offer to celebrate it somewhere.

"Would" is not just a particle, but your ally, support and friend. Think of some inconsistencies in your relationship and insert those inconsistencies into a template: "If not for X and Y, our past would have been even more beautiful." “By” gives hope, as if by chance hinting that if you correct some details from the past, you will make an excellent couple, and the union will become much stronger than before.

What not to do
There is no need to hide the appearance of a new girl. It is enough to tell your ex more often about how you spend your time and, again putting pressure on sentimentality, say that everything was different for you and you miss that time. Do not forget to mention the virtues of a new girlfriend - the trick will make the former jealous.
Don't introduce her to a new girl. At first glance, acquaintance will help increase the feeling of jealousy. However, this move is more likely to make the former clearly understand that she has been transferred to the rank of your girlfriends or even acquaintances.

Model number three - Only sex
A girl who doesn't mind having someone else and only wants sex is no less of a fetish than a stripper personal secretary or a '67 Chevrolet Impala. And the main charm of this fetish is that it is an order of magnitude more real than the other two! The model is similar to a fairy tale about Cinderella, especially if you watched its dirty version: although the idea can be realized, it can only continue with a single woman for a strictly limited time - details are below.

Why is the model dangerous?
“If you don’t stop in time, sooner or later the girl will begin to claim the status of more than just a lover. Even if you agreed in advance that there can be nothing between you but sex, the expert assures. On the contrary, the mention of this agreement will lead to an even greater conflict. The only way to avoid scandals from the “leave her, marry me” series is to feel in time that a woman is no longer interested in sex alone, and immediately retire. Sorry, but we won’t be able to give the go-ahead that the limit on sex without obligations has been exhausted: such relationships can last from a week to several years, so you will need your own observation to make a timely maneuver.

What to do
Periodically invite her to parties: it is easier to become a lover and mistress if you have sex drunk for the first time. And if a woman was not at all initially ready for such a relationship, she will certainly find an excuse in alcohol.
“Here, almost everything is the same as during the first dates. A woman loves with her ears, and therefore it is worth telling her beautifully how wonderful sex you had. At the same time, do not forget to mention that in everything else you, as it turned out, are completely incompatible. By seeing the woman's reaction, you can determine how determined she is to play by the rules of model 3.

What not to do
Even if your ex knows you have a girlfriend, don't get carried away talking about her. This is dangerous for several reasons. For example, an ex-passion already doubts whether she needs your new relationship, and talking about your new hobby will only strengthen these doubts. Exodus: you will have only one girl left. Another option: jealousy will wake up in an old friend and she will try her best to return you. But the worst thing will happen if the mistress comes to the conclusion that you have decided to get unacceptably well, and wants to leave you with your nose. In other words, the ex will do everything to make the new woman find out that you have someone else, make a scandal and leave.

Model 4.1 Gentlemanly and forever
You have decided that it is better for you not to see each other again, and you are ready to take all measures for this. However, what is there to hide, with this woman you spent, if not the best time in your life, then certainly not the most uninteresting for sure. And therefore, she did not deserve any scandals, or the role of a fallback, or the place of a sex doll. In a word, despite the fact that you are breaking up, you want to remain a great guy for her, with whom, for some reason, it simply did not work out.

Model Features
Even if you go to the other side of the world, the plan to never see this girl again can fail. Especially if you haven't changed your mind about being a gentleman. “Anyway, you will never be strangers, and therefore, when dispersing, you should always leave each other the opportunity to ask for help,” says Yana Laputina. You should no longer help with repairs, but if a very difficult situation on the verge of life and death happens in this person’s life, then he should know that he can rely on you. “You may want to return, says our consultant. As a rule, men break down from insistent nightly SMS or offers to have sex for the last time, come to her place in the middle of the night, have a drink together, and so on. To stay with your decision, you need to be well done and hold on to the last. Do not respond to such messages and calls, no matter what it costs you.

What to do
“Your intentions about further relationships need to be identified already at parting,” says Yana. To make it clear that you are serious, try to explain the reason for your decision.

What not to do
Try to avoid goodbye sex. It is highly likely that it will be the beginning of the collapse of your plan, and the girl will decide what will happen between you next.

Model 4.2 - With scandal and forever
A more realistic variation of the previous model. “Do not be afraid of scandals, there is nothing wrong with them. They will help blow off steam and relieve tension for both of you,” says the expert. We think you know how to run into a scandal: just talk about your claims against a woman or remember the moments when you lied to her. By the way, no quarrel cancels the unspoken right of a woman to count on you in case of serious problems.

Related information

10 chose

According to the films, the words "let's be friends"- one of the most common phrases when parting. If reality is to be believed, this perhaps the most dishonest words. Arguing with them can only be sacramental "It's not about you, it's about me..." Practice shows that former lovers rarely remain friends. More often they keep a good face on a bad game. Let's see why this happens, in which cases friendship between former lovers is impossible, and in which it is worth trying.

Why is it needed?

If during the relationship a man has become a dear and close person for you, the desire to continue communication is understandable, not to lose from a friend. If, on the contrary, the hobby was easy and short-lived, and at the end you realized that you were not very interested in each other, it is not clear why you should continue to communicate in a new form.

There are situations when girls, breaking off relationships, leave the former lover "with you." The young man, continuing to cherish the hope of restoring relations, is always there, will help, if necessary, support, congratulate on the holiday and will not let you feel lonely. On the one hand, it is convenient: there is always someone who will reinstall Windows, pick them up from the airport, and give compliments. On the other hand, it's not fair to a former lover. The situation can be reversed, when a man leaves his ex-girlfriend "with him". It’s not good to put a person in such a situation; to fall into it yourself is definitely not worth it. So, offering a young man to "remain friends" honestly answer yourself the question of why you need this.And is it necessary at all?

Peace is impossible

Often friendship after a relationship is impossible due to the fact that one person initiated the breakup, while the other continues to love and suffer. Or if mutual insults overpower all good feelings for each other. Usually at the exit from such a relationship, partners are more likely to be in a state of fierce war than friendship. Everyone hurts, and because of this, he tries to make his ex-lover even more painful.

"If there were betrayals or betrayals in a relationship, then most likely no friendship will come of it, resentment, revenge, anger will still not give you the opportunity to completely forgive your partner", - considers psychologist Maria Pugacheva.

There is a chance!

The couple has the greatest chance of parting as friends, feelings in which slowly and evenly faded away, but respect for each other remained. Or people who calmly and peacefully realized that they now have different goals, so they cannot go further together.

The problem is that such things are very difficult to understand calmly.- partners usually put pressure on each other, try to win over to their side, and the case often ends in scandals, swearing and unpleasant scenes. And from such a situation to go to friendship is very difficult.

"former" and "current"

Even if the relationship after the breakup was great, problems may arisewhen one of the "former" has someone "current": jealousy and a sense of ownership has not been canceled. Moreover, against the background of a happy personal life of a former lover, you feel your own loneliness more acutely.

One of my friends noticed that in such a situation, the "happier" one should be softer with his former partner: talk less about your relationship, pay attention to it, emphasize its importance. In that case, of course, if he wants to maintain friendly relations.

Of course, it is better to communicate when the former lovers have both already established their personal lives. But even here there can be a place for jealousy. If the relationship was serious and important, "being friends with families" most likely will not work in the near future.

Danger of relapse

From this follows the conclusion that it is best to communicate with the former, who so far have nothing going on in their personal lives, or, more precisely, they simply do not have it. On the one hand, in this case, you are not threatened with jealousy. With another - there is a risk of relapse. When the soul is lonely, the former lover begins to seem perfect. A Returning to an old relationship is psychologically often much easier than starting a new one.

If it's worth it, then for God's sake. But for some reason you broke up, right? And if these were irresolvable contradictions, they most likely will not go anywhere. This means that you will only lose time during which you could find your true "half".

We share friends, or boys to the left, girls to the right

As I said, in some situations peace is obviously impossible. There is a lot of unpleasantness in difficult and painful breakups. One of the bonus difficulties is chatting with mutual friends.. Friends are animated beings, it will not be possible to share them as property, they themselves will choose with whom to be friends. It is important here to behave in a civilized manner, not to pull friends over to your side and not be offended if they continue to communicate with your "former".

According to my observations, if both a young man and a girl are equally important to friends, they find the opportunity to continue communication with both of them. But if one of the former partners was less close to the company, he leaves it very quickly.

"If a couple broke up hard, with scandals, betrayals and betrayals, it is often impossible to keep mutual friends, and, as a rule, the scheme remains the most painless: girls continue to be friends with girls, and boys with boys,"- says Maria Pugacheva.

Theory and practice

I propose to move from theory to practice - in front of you A small survey of my friends who found themselves in similar situations.

Alice, student "Of course, you can be friends with" former ". For example, in the evening I go to a cafe with my ex-young man, we have a very good relationship and we meet at least once every two weeks. communicate while the emotions are too strong and the memories are too alive. Otherwise, you can quarrel for life, because one will demand the attention of the other, be offended if you don’t get it. But over time, you can return to frequent communication. "

Sergey, designer: "It depends on the reasons for the breakup. I'm friends with some former girls, while others still don't want to see me, although a lot of time has passed."

Lisa, lawyer "Be friends with the former? Surely you can. But I didn’t succeed. My former young people don’t want to talk to me for some reason. Maybe because I usually initiated the break."

Dmitry, yoga teacher:“Being friends with the former is absolutely normal. True, it’s hard if one continues to love and hope ... Another question is what love is. If this is not banal selfishness, then friendship is possible even in such a difficult situation.”

What do you say? Do you think it's possible to be friends with former lovers? Tell your stories.