Ways to release pent-up emotions

It is human nature to accumulate emotions. When too many emotions accumulate, they can spill out on others against the will of the person himself, irritability appears. As a result, relationships with others deteriorate, more often with loved ones (for some reason many people think that at work you need to be “good”, but at home you can lose your temper). If in this case emotions continue to accumulate, they turn into various diseases: headaches, insomnia, “lump in throat”, hypertension, etc.

There is an ancient tradition in Japan - in every house they kept a special object for beating. The Japanese are reserved people, they bow to each other and smile for any reason. And then they come home and throw out the accumulated emotions on a special object. As a result, they don’t spoil relationships with anyone and live a long time. In the modern version, at enterprises in special rooms they hang stuffed boss. The Japanese will listen to unpleasant words from the boss, bow with a respectful smile, and leave the office. Then he will go into a special room with a stuffed boss, close himself, take a stick in his hands and... with all his heart, so that not a single unnecessary emotion remains. And then comes home to his Japanese wife and Japanese children kind, affectionate and without a drop of irritation. What about us? They ran into me at work - I lost it at home.

Of course, you can’t stock up on a stuffed animal for every potential source of negative emotions. We have to resort to universal “stuffed animals”. One of the most common options is regular pillow, preferably stronger. You may have seen "Jumble" on this topic. Let me give you a real example.

Example #1:

I had a 25-year-old patient. She tried to be “correct,” that is, to restrain all emotions that did not correspond to her idea of ​​“correct behavior for a girl.” She especially “should” love her mother. And the mother, I must say, was very despotic. So, over 25 years, a lot of grievances have accumulated. Before the start of treatment, this girl was all tense, stiff, hunched over, and almost always looked at the floor. I told her about releasing pent-up emotions and recommended beating a pillow at home. The next day we meet, I see that some of her fingers are bandaged.

I ask:
- What's happened ?

And she:
- I came home yesterday. Mom went to visit. I took my mother’s pillow, remembered all the grievances that I had accumulated, burst into tears and began to beat this pillow with all my anger. I hit, roar, scream... And suddenly I noticed that the pillow had turned red. She looked at her hands, and the skin on her fingers was torn off. Apparently the emotions were so strong that I didn’t feel pain. And my soul felt very much better!

The treatment was completed after 1.5 - 2 months. By that time, her movements were free and easy, her posture was graceful, her gaze was forward, her nose was raised.

But most of all I remember the phrase:
- I suddenly noticed that the sky turned out to be blue and the trees were green. And the people around are beautiful. And before, behind my grievances, I saw the world only as gray and uninteresting.

Of course, I treated her not only by beating her with a pillow, but the release of accumulated emotions was of great importance.

The "pillow beating" method is effective, but not always applicable. Not everyone has the opportunity to regularly be alone with a pillow and be sure that no one will enter the room at that moment. And not everyone will be able to afford such an abstract method of releasing emotions. Some serious uncles and aunts, even when alone, strive to behave respectably and “correctly” (that is, to comply with the invented rules). For this case, there is another “stuffed animal” - a rug. Get yourself a rug, which you can easily take outside. Buy a carpet beater, preferably a metal one. And take action. Neighbors and family will admire your cleanliness (even if you beat the carpet three times a day). And no one will guess that in the image of a rug you represent him.

But there is one mandatory rule. The blows should not be mechanical. Don't forget that your goal is not to remove dust, but to discharge accumulated emotions. Respectively first you need to stir up all the resentments, anger, etc. within yourself. You have to hate the image of the attack. In this case, your blows will become a manifestation of emotions and their discharge. Remember the soul will relax only when the body is tired. Do not spare yourself, nor the mat, nor, especially, the image of the attack.

The classic “stuffed animal” is the punching bag.

Example #2:

I had to communicate with riot police. They said that after completing a task there is often a lot of unreacted aggressive emotions left. Some people go home with these emotions, some go to the sauna with a beer (or something stronger), and some go straight to the gym to hit a punching bag. Over time, the first ones begin to have problems in the family, some of the second ones become drunkards. The third ones turn out to be the most successful, and preserve their family and health.

There are other ways to discharge accumulated emotions: you can break dishes if you have a lot of extra money, you can chop wood if you live in a rural area. Some people tear newspapers to shreds, while others wring out the towel, as if strangling their enemy. Some young girls told how, after conflicts with their parents, the curtains in their room were torn off (given that the technique was used regularly, the curtains were hung so that they would not tear when torn off).

Example No. 3 (to myself):

When I lived in a dormitory, I hung a chipboard board on the door. If he felt extra aggressive emotions in himself, he attached a drawing of an abstract figure or someone’s portrait to the shield. Then he took kitchen knives and threw them with all his anger at this drawing.It helped very well.

Of course, if you don’t know how to throw knives, then every knife that doesn’t stick will only increase your irritation. In this case, I recommend the game Darst, arrows thrown from three meters stick in 99% of cases. Just choose a larger target.

By analogy, you can come up with your own original way discharge of emotions based on personal experience.

Example #4:

One of my friends got married out of great mutual love. But after 2 months he announced that the matter was heading towards divorce.

I was very surprised:
- How so, you love each other! What's happened ?

- It's all work's fault. From above, the bosses are demanding a plan; from below, the workers are indignant at the untimely payment of wages. All day long I smooth out conflicts, resolve problems, and calm everyone down. I have a hurricane in my soul, but I have to smile at everyone. I come home and at the slightest provocation I snap at my wife. Then I spend the whole evening apologizing, but she pouts and doesn’t talk. She doesn’t see how good I am at work. She only sees that at home I yell at her.

I told my friend about methods of defusing emotions, he promised to think about it.

We'll see you in a month. He:
- Can you imagine, my wife and I are on our second honeymoon!

- Congratulations. How did you solve the problem?

- As a child, I was a goalkeeper in a local team. To develop a reaction, I often threw a small ball at the wall of the house and caught it. After such training my soul felt lighter. I told my wife about everything and we agreed that when I come home from work, she immediately goes into the back room and leaves a tracksuit and a tennis ball in the hallway. I change my clothes right in the hallway, take the ball and with all my emotions throw it at the end of the neighboring house for about thirty minutes. And then, tired and calm, I return home. This is where my wife welcomes me with open arms.

Let me note that throwing an object is a very aggressive action. Our ancestors threw stones at mammoths and spears at each other for many hundreds of years.

One of the most aggressive sports is football. Not only is the ball kicked, but the whole point of the game is to hurt the opposing team. And other team games with the ball are not much less effective in releasing accumulated emotions. Play sports, ladies and gentlemen, and you will be healthy in body and soul.

But that's not all. Instead of sports, you can just as easily jump to your heart's content at a disco. You can “scream” as a fan at a stadium or at a rally. Good sex also helps many people.

Bloody computer games give a very moderate effect. Probably because they are not accompanied by physical activity, and from the point of view of nature it is unnatural.

I talked about methods for discharging accumulated emotions. There are also methods of restraining emotions (music, calming herbs or drugs, water treatments, walks, pets, etc.). All this is good, but holding back an emotion means putting it off for a while or turning it into a disease. Don't overuse the latter.

Diaries
Long-term negative emotions are detrimental to health. Therefore, it is very important not to “get hung up” on them, but to switch to something else, and not necessarily only joyful ones. Because, as it turned out, the habit of constantly convincing yourself that “everything is fine” can also have adverse consequences for the body. For example, psychologists from Edelphi University (New York) are convinced that the American custom of answering all questions about business, family, etc., with “OK!” is harmful to health. Emotional stress, feelings of dissatisfaction, and anger are part of normal human life.

Research has shown that people with a denial complex are more likely to suffer from heart disease, cancer and other illnesses. Scientists offer this way out: keep a diary. This is supported by the results of the following experiment.

Two groups of people worked under approximately the same conditions - intense rhythm, stressful situations. One group was asked to write down for several days what had recently traumatized them most at work, in family relationships, in other situations. People honestly recorded negative experiences in a diary for 15 to 20 minutes every day. The other group behaved as usual. And this is what it turned out: those who “poured out their souls” at least in private felt better than those who did not have such a habit.

According to many researchers, a diary helps relieve excessive excitement, improve academic performance educational institution and even... save your job.

According to University of Texas psychology professor James Pennebaker, self-analysis is not a panacea, and a person faced with the death of loved ones or the collapse of a family will not immediately feel better after he “throws out” his emotions on paper. At the same time, the scientist believes that keeping a diary “should be considered as an inexpensive and simple, although sometimes painful, means of maintaining your health.”

The effect of this kind of psychotherapy remains a mystery, but its beneficial effect not only on mood, but also on the entire body is obvious. Immediately after a person has “poured out his soul” in writing, his blood pressure and pulse rate drop, his skin becomes drier - he relaxes.

Long-term observations have shown that journaling improves the functioning of the immune system and produces positive results in the treatment of a wide range of diseases, ranging from colds and flu to mental disorders caused by post-traumatic shock. Moreover, regardless of age, nationality, or level of intellectual development. Interestingly, the technique has a greater positive effect on the stronger sex. It is likely that this is due to the fact that, unlike the fair half, men do not like to talk out loud about their feelings.

Present
It is believed that children are great lovers of sweets, especially chocolate. However, according to some statistics, adults eat just as much chocolate. Why do we love this product so much?

The legendary womanizer Casanova argued that chocolate arouses erotic feelings and therefore serves as an important component of love games. (Is this why gentlemen have long given chocolates to the ladies they liked and treated them to chocolates?) It is known that the Aztec ruler Montezuma drank several cups of a chocolate drink before heading to his harem.

Some experts claim that it's all about phenylethylamine. This substance, related to the hormone adrenaline, stimulates the nervous system, increasing blood pressure and heart rate. That is, in a certain sense, it imparts to the body at a biochemical level a state similar to falling in love. In addition, phenylethylamine is associated with endorphins - substances that excite positive emotions. And 100 grams of chocolate contains up to 660 milligrams of phenylethylamine.

Alas, this explanation cannot be considered exhaustive. In addition to chocolate, a lot of phenylethylamine is found in other foods, such as cheese and salami. However, in popularity they are much inferior to chocolate.

The “chemical” theory is also refuted by simple calculations. Thus, Dr. D. Paiomelli from the American National Institute of Mental Health points out that the substances that make up chocolate are partly similar to the components of marijuana. However, it is impossible to become addicted to chocolate. D. Paiomelli emphasizes: “To fall into a state of euphoria, akin to drug intoxication, a person of average weight (about 60 kg) must eat as much as 11 kilograms of chocolate in one sitting.”

But the English psychologist David Bus believes that the composition or physical properties chocolate are not as important as the conditioned reflex that has been brought up in everyone since childhood. Chocolate and chocolates usually given to children as a gift, encouragement, reward, or holiday treat. And for the rest of his life this connection remains in the consciousness (or rather, in the subconscious) of a person. Therefore, when adults buy tiles, they arrange a symbolic little holiday for themselves. Interestingly, according to British statistics, chocolate sales increase during economic downturns, when many people need at least a little consolation. Looking at the counters of our kiosks, strewn with chocolates from all over the world, you are convinced of the correctness of the psychological theory.

But more general conclusions can be drawn from these observations. A person needs positive stimulation, especially when he is depressed. Chocolate is one of many such stimuli. For some, a favorite song will help more, for others - meeting an old friend, for others - just a leisurely walk in the park. By giving ourselves small but pleasant gifts, we bring a glimmer of light into everyday life that seems hopeless. Such everyday psychotherapy helps many.

Laughter
American psychologist Norman Cousins ​​entered the history of medicine under the name of “the man who made death laugh.” About 30 years ago he was struck by a rare disease - collagenosis. The doctors left him with virtually no hope. And then Cousins ​​left the hospital, asked to be transported to a hotel and began to watch comedies one after another. After a few days of almost continuous laughter, he was no longer tormented by pain, and tests showed that tissue inflammation had subsided. He soon recovered enough from his illness that he was able to return to work. The “Cousins ​​case” forced doctors all over the world to take a “scientific” look at the healing nature of laughter, although the beneficial effects of positive emotions on the body have been known since ancient times.

Laughter is not just an outward manifestation of positive emotions. It has a beneficial effect on vital processes in the body. As soon as we laugh enough, our pulse quickens to 120 beats per minute. A smile gives rest to the muscles of the face: to make a sullen grimace, you need to tense 43 muscles, and in order to smile, only 17. In turn, this leads to cooling of the blood in the vessels of the brain. Substances are formed that stimulate the functioning of the left hemisphere - it is precisely this hemisphere that is responsible for ensuring that the body can feel positive emotions. The biochemical processes occurring at this time inhibit the formation of the “stress” hormones cortisol and adrenaline. Appears in saliva large number immunoglobulins, which increases the body’s protective functions. During a fit of laughter, endorphin appears in the blood, which can even soothe pain.

Laughing is good. This is a free medicine for asthma, migraines, back pain and some sexual disorders. Laughter is good for our skin, it strengthens the heart, stimulates blood circulation and lowers blood pressure, promotes normal digestion and sleep. One minute of laughter replaces 45 minutes of relaxation exercises and produces the same effect as an extra dose of vitamin C. It is not surprising that doctors are interested in these properties of laughter. True, the cases of its use as a medicine can still be counted on one hand. According to Stern magazine, a hospital in Birmingham is using laughter therapy to rehabilitate rape victims. Dermatologist Jan Sutorius in Amsterdam uses the “laughter meditation” method. “My theory is simple,” he says. Five minutes of stretching and making all sorts of faces, five minutes of laughing, five minutes of silence.” He teaches his patients to be friendly about their illnesses. "Happiness lies only in the person himself. If a person wants to extract his own happiness from someone else, it always ends badly. Everyone should accept himself as he is. You need to look at yourself in the mirror in the morning and say to your acne: hello , guys, here we are again together, we will spend a wonderful day with you. Pimples will not be offended if you laugh at them well, it is much healthier than incinerating them with hatred. A friendly attitude towards your defects will relax the body, and it is treated by relaxation.” . It’s no wonder that clowns can now be seen more and more often in Parisian hospitals. And one Swedish doctor has scientifically proven the healing effect of cartoons in the treatment of depression.

Temptations
Often, knowledge of the psychological mechanisms underlying our behavior allows us to get rid of many unpleasant experiences. Here illustrative example, which explains a lot about the worldview modern man, and for some, perhaps, it will make their attitude towards themselves and the world easier.

Half a century ago, a simple psychological experiment was carried out. Small children were left in a room containing a few unassuming toys (dolls with broken limbs, an incomplete set of bricks, an understaffed railway). Not paying attention to the imperfection of the game material, the children enthusiastically began to manipulate it and peacefully spent a long time at this activity.

Then the conditions changed. Left in the room open door, which, however, was blocked by a large grate. And through the bars a magnificent sight was revealed to the child - a whole scattering of luxurious toys. And what about the children? They immediately lost interest in those toys that were available to them and began to admire those that were not available. Then they frowned and became sad. I no longer wanted to return to the previous game. Tears appeared, quarrels broke out...

Isn't it very similar to what is happening to many of us today? Why are we so irritated and depressed? Many will answer: because we live poorly, poorly. But is it really that bad? Are we not like those kids who, seeing a bright temptation behind an insurmountable obstacle, fall into despondency? Just don’t think that life itself is conducting a cruel experiment on us. The beauty of life lies in the fact that there is a key to every lattice. Not everyone finds it. But the one who is frozen in a daze in front of the barrier runs the risk of never being found.

Good afternoon, friends and colleagues!

Happy New Year and all other wonderful holidays, may there be more goodness, joy and light in your life!

And to make troubles easier to avoid, today we will talk about how to free yourself from negative emotions. We are all alive, sometimes we get angry and offended, after which we want to somehow relieve the internal tension. How?

The discharge of aggression and the outburst of negative emotions should be treated with caution. IN psychological literature The following recommendation is often heard: “If you are angry and overwhelmed with aggression, do not suppress it in yourself, find a way to defuse it. Throw it out in words, throw it out in actions, and you will feel better. If you suppress your emotions, it will have a bad effect on your health.” How to react to this recommendation? Like a harmful myth, where half-truths are mixed with ignorance.

This myth has two sides. Firstly, it talks about the dangers of restraining (suppressing) negative emotions, and secondly, in order to effectively free oneself from aggression, it is recommended to throw it out. So: statements about the dangers of restraining aggression and negative emotions are ignorance, and the promise of benefits from the outburst of emotions is a dangerous half-truth. In this half-truth, the moment of truth is that Now from the splash to you more likely It will become easier, and it’s a big lie that you should accustom yourself to this dubious method.

Read more about this.

An outburst of emotions puts a person into an altered state, and against this background, any suggestions are much more powerful. If the psychotherapist authoritatively states that in order to free himself from aggression the client needs to throw out his emotions, introduces the client into an altered state of consciousness and gives suggestions “You have been left behind by resentment and anger,” the client is highly likely to feel improvement. At the same time, you need to understand that the result was given by the specialist’s suggestions, and not by the procedure of defusing aggression and splashing out feelings.

The release of aggression and the outburst of negative emotions are popularized, apparently, due to confusion: the outburst of emotions is confused with the opportunity to speak out one’s emotions. Or - relieve internal tension with physical pumping. These are all different things.

Shall we figure it out? For example, a daughter was angry with both her parents and herself, everything was seething inside her, the anger was boiling inside her. What should she do now? The first option is to speak out your feelings: “I’m very angry with myself and with you, I think I’m about to explode.” The second option is to go to your room, trample your inner tension with your feet, or dance to the music so that after that you just want to lie down and relax. The third option is to yell your feelings, throw out your anger in the most energetic expressions at yourself and at such and such (even more energetic) parents. So: speaking out your anger is good. Relieving stress through physical activity is great. Screaming and throwing out your anger is rather harmful, even if it doesn’t sound to your parents’ faces.

The first thing to consider is that this method quickly stops working. Even experts do not know that the outburst of emotions and the release of aggression seriously facilitates internal state only at first, while such a release is something new for a person, while this event distracts his attention. The more the discharge of aggression becomes a habit, the less screaming and even hitting help discharge it. The discharge method stops working, but the habit of yelling remains.

This is very similar to trying to relax with alcohol. It is known that a glass of vodka also makes men feel better. Is it necessary to make taking two hundred grams a daily habit, taking into account the fact that soon two hundred grams will no longer be enough?

The second thing to take into account is that this method often helps women and does not help men. Moreover, it often brings them trouble. If women’s screams spill out only internal tension without specific content, then the words of men mean exactly what they say, a man’s cry is meaningful and specific, it contains a clear desire to fulfill certain threats. By throwing out his anger, a man does not discharge himself, but winds it up and charges him, and the matter may end not in relief, but in a fight.

In summary: it is useful and normal to talk about your grievances (anger, dissatisfaction), it is useful to relieve tension with physical activity, but it is not worth throwing out your negative emotions by experiencing imaginary aggression.

As a method of reducing aggressiveness, defusing aggression and outburst of negative emotions are not effective. Moreover, imaginary aggression is more likely to increase the likelihood of real aggression being promoted.

"When my younger brother When he was angry about something, he started kicking the furniture. Our mother said that this way he “let off steam.” Now he's 32 years old, he still takes it out on furniture when he gets irritated. But in addition, he began to beat his wife, his children, his cat and destroy everything that came in his way,” this is how one reader responded to the psychologist’s recommendation to give the child a special “beating bag” to help him cope with outbursts of irritation.

If you still allow yourself to splash out your emotions, you absolutely cannot throw out your anger on those whom it may offend or charge. In any case, be careful that the discharge of aggression does not carry you away, drag you on and turn into emotional overwhelm.

The next article will tell you how to relieve anger and resentment intelligently and without problems, and how to effectively relieve tension.

Negative emotions, especially such as anger, aggression and irritation, take up a lot of mental strength, and therefore it is advisable to fall into such a state as little as possible, which seriously complicates entrepreneurial activity and, naturally, does not provide the opportunity to create a positive business image. In this regard, it makes sense to consider technical techniques and methods for their suspension.

1. Always separate the person and the problem. Focus on her. After all, she is more important. This will switch you from an emotional level to a rational one. Then it is simpler and easier to resolve the contradiction. In addition, such a switch frees one from affect, a violent emotional reaction, in which consciousness is switched off and the process of behavior is not controlled.

2. Imagine another person in your place. How would he behave in this situation? Play the role of this person. This will help you forget about yourself and cool down your anger.

3. You can imagine such a picture. There is a glass wall between you and your partner. You see his irritated gestures, but you don't hear what he says. There will be no need to respond with a “growl.” Select some detail in his wardrobe (a poorly sewn button, a tie that has gone to one side, etc.), look at it carefully, and say thoughtfully: “You will lose a button, but there are no such things on sale.” You will hear in response: “What the hell is a button!” Show: “This one.”

4. You are seething with anger, you are ready to express offensive words to your partner, but overcome yourself: calmly, you are confident in yourself, you control yourself. Smile or fake a muscular smile. Imagine how funny your smile is.

The following THREE SELF-CALMING METHODS are also very useful.

1. RATIONALIZATION OF ANGER. This method requires, first of all, to comprehend the reason that gave rise to anger and give it a different meaning. You were ruled by your emotions and your mind was asleep. Wake him up. Learn the lessons.

Look for anything positive about what happened. It's always there. Find it, and the situation will look a little different.

In anger, as a rule, a person achieves almost nothing. And you also achieved nothing by giving free rein to your emotions. Ask yourself: “Is what I haven’t achieved very important to me?” After such questions, you should feel funny if you have humor.

Analyze whether your partner had the motives and intentions that you think about? Did he really want to humiliate you with his words or actions?

Check yourself again and mentally ask yourself if you have done everything to prevent your partner from behaving rudely and offensively. Apparently, he was dissatisfied with your actions, to be honest. Tell yourself: “Yes, this guy must have tremendous restraint and great respect for me so as not to lose his temper.”

2. VISUALIZATION OF ANGER. His technique is aimed at experiencing an event that will cool down the anger. For example, some person offended you. You are angry with him. But if you could see this person in some humiliating situation, you would have a feeling of satisfaction (“Serves you right”), perhaps even pity for him. And your anger would most likely disappear.

The visualization technique teaches how to play out the entire conflict situation in the imagination, as if on an internal screen, and thereby extinguish anger. To visualize, you need to relax, focus on internal sensations and normalize your breathing. The following options for visualizing anger can be recommended:

1) reduce the height of the person who caused your anger. Let him be a dwarf, a gnome or a bug;

2) try to see this person in a funny way;

3) imagine anger in the form of a beam of energy that goes through you into the ground;

4) come up with a scene of imaginary revenge against your offender and enjoy revenge (only in your imagination, of course).

3. RELAXATION (strength of connection between the nervous and muscular systems). Her technique is based on relaxing the muscular system, followed by relaxation of the nervous system. Using this technique, you must act in the following sequence.

1) First, try to soften your anger and calm down your aggressiveness. Let them come out of you and don't hold them back. Take this time to do some physical work.

2) Then relax as much as possible, do a little auto-training and muscle a smile on your face. Let it look like a grimace at first. Look at yourself in the mirror. Your appearance will really make you smile, but not artificially, but real, but, admittedly, very ironic.

3) To calm down faster, do not walk quickly around the room. Better stop and focus on your inner feelings. Watch your breathing. Try to make it as deep as possible.

4) Do not rush to answer your, apparently also heated, partner. Pause as long as possible. Such a pause will allow you to calm down faster, concentrate better and choose a worthy answer. At the same time, do not seek to take revenge on your partner or hurt his pride with any word. Remember the need to “save face” both for yourself and for him.

As you know, negative emotions have a greater impact on our hearing. Therefore, in tense situations, you should focus your attention not on negative auditory sensations, but on visually perceived objects.

The opponent who annoys you keeps saying something that causes a negative emotion. To isolate yourself from the impact of his speech, try to see his face as clearly as possible, in all details, as if you were then going to draw his portrait from memory.

You should look silently, very carefully, but not “stare,” but look at it in order to see. During this deliberate pause, when you are silent, try to see as many details of the situation around your heated opponent as possible.

Whoever your opponent is - boss or subordinate, senior or junior - your sudden, unexpected silence will certainly cause him bewilderment: his emotional tension will begin to weaken.

Consciously maintained calm is always a manifestation of strength of spirit and therefore gives a huge advantage, having great power of influence. It is only necessary that your silence and examination are not perceived by your opponent as a manifestation of hostility and an ironic attitude towards him.

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